The Blessing of Pain

 

“Pain isn’t the enemy. The inability or unwillingness to face pain is a far greater danger.”  Samuel Chand 

To be honest, I haven’t been through much physical pain in my life, at least not nearly as much as many friends that I know, even many of you at church. Some of you know that last Sunday after church I had Jane drive me to Urgent Care. For some reason I’d been in excruciating back pain that would come and go during the previous week. On Sunday morning it hit with a vengeance. Praise the Lord! He gave me the strength and grace to preach in both services. I can’t remember being in such pain. On a scale of 1 to 10 I’d put it at a 15. It turns out that I have a kidney stone. 

 There are many kinds of pain: physical, emotional, relational, even spiritual pain. I know that I’ve faced most of them with the loss of my mom and through the years, bouts with depression. Yet, I believe that Sam Chand pegged us right, at least he’s pegged me: In his book, Leadership Pain: God’s Classroom for Growth, he writes: Christians often have more difficulty handling personal pain than unbelievers. They look at the promises of God and conclude that God should fill their lives with joy, love, support and success. That’s reading the Bible selectively. The Scriptures state – clearly and often – that enduring pain is one of the ways, perhaps the main way, God works His grace deeply into our lives.”

  November is the Thanksgiving month. Too often we forget, I know that I do, The Blessing of Pain. As Christ-followers, we have something that those who don’t know Jesus can’t have. Instead of escaping pain, in Christ we can actually embrace pain. Let me suggest why.  Pain helps us grow. Read the pages of Scripture, you will be pressed to find anyone that God didn’t greatly use that He also didn’t greatly wound – from Joseph the Patriarch to the Apostle Paul.

  Some years ago, my dear friend and Jane’s brother in-law, Fred Froman, shared with me that when he’s going through pain he prays, “Lord, help me to learn the lessons that you want me to learn from this.” That’s been my prayer ever since. Over the last few years our family has gone through a valley of relational pain. I’ve found myself continually praying that prayer because I know God is good and I want to trust Him. That’s a prayer that I’m sure the early church frequently prayed as they suffered so much.

  Someone wonderfully wrote: “As Christians we would never learn how to forgive if we did not know the pain of mistreatment. We would never learn how to be kind if we have not experienced unkindness. We never ‘grow’ in treating people fairly if we have not experienced the pain of being treated unfairly. We would never grow in giving if we have not been taken advantage of. We would never grow in prayer if painful circumstances didn’t drive us to our knees. We would never appreciate joy if we didn’t know the pain of sorrow. We would never experience the Lord’s comfort if we didn’t know grief. We learn what is involved in being in a good relationship by having been in a bad one. A tree grows stronger as the winds bend it back and forth, and in like manner we grow stronger to face life as the winds of pain buffet us. In Christ we learn the winds of adversity may bend us, but they will not break us. So, there can be no growth in our lives if we never experience any pain.”

  Pain helps us evaluate what’s truly important in life. When we only experience pleasure and happiness, we easily lose sight of what’s truly important. Too often we place material possessions at the top of the heap of our priorities, yet a knock at the door delivering bad news or a call from the doctor, informing you that you or a family member has cancer stops us in our tracks and motivates us to inventory our priorities. It’s in time of pain that we realize that our most valuable possessions are the relationships we have with others, the love we share with family and friends, and our relationship with Jesus Christ. Pain causes us to realize that laughter, love, a greater awareness of the frailty of life, the coo of a baby, a sunrise and sunset are more valuable than a full bank account.

  It’s through pain that we learn our own frailty and dependence upon the power of God. When pain comes it drives us beyond ourselves. There are some things in life we can’t handle on our own. Pain brings us to the end of ourselves. What do we do during times of pain? Where do we turn?

  Paul points us to our source when we face our own fragility. He prayed in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 three times to the Lord to remove a “thorn in the flesh” that he was experiencing. He records the Lord’s answer and his response to the Lord, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Paul learned that God’s power was sufficient for his weakness, but he’d have never known that if not for his pain. As Christians, we possess the Holy Spirit who indwells us that enables us to be strong even when the pain of life makes us weak.

  Pain reminds us that this life is temporary, and we have an eternal Home in heaven as our ultimate destination. My earth suit is wearing out, but I have a perfect, glorified, painless one waiting for me.  And I have so many family members and friends waiting for me in Heaven. It will be a reunion beyond words. When we lose someone that we love, pain pierces our hearts. We weep much because we loved much. It reminds us that death is only a heartbeat away for all of us. Our Savior though is “the resurrection and the life.” While pain can temporarily fill our eyes with tears, Jesus promised to one day dry all tears in a Land where there will no longer be any suffering or pain.

  While our first inclination is that all pain is to be avoided, the Bible teaches that’s not the case. Our Lord sees the end result as the most important aspect of what we experience. As Christians, let’s be thankful that even in the midst of our pain we serve a Savior who wept through human eyes and has the power to weave both the good and bad into a masterpiece so that when it’s all said and done, it will amaze us.

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Family Secrets

“There are secrets in all families.”  Jane Austen 

  Did you know that the woman actor Jack Nicholson thought was his sister for over three decades was really his mother? Jack was the illegitimate child of 17-year-old June Nicholson and didn’t learn until he was 37-years-old that June was his biological mother. He thought that she was his sister, and his maternal grandmother, Ethel May, was his mother. Even on their deathbeds, neither June nor Ethel May admitted the truth. Then, Woody Harrelson’s father, Charles, was a convicted hitman. Popular mystery author, Anne Perry, as a girl, was involved in the murder of her friend’s mother. The movie Heavenly Creatures is based on the killing. Most families have at least a few “family secrets.” 

  Maybe you heard about the man who shared with a friend that he’d just spent $25,000.00 digging up his family’s history. His friend was shocked, “$25,000.00! That’s outrageous!” To which his friend confessed, “Well, it only cost $5,000.00 to dig it up but it cost $20,000.00 to bury it again.”

  Family get-togethers like Easter have a way of digging up the buried secrets. For example, there may be a reason Grandpa starts out so cantankerous yet is so happy by the end of the day. Grandpa is a closet alcoholic who takes a nip periodically to get through family events.

  A more common family secret is a family member with some form of addiction. Hiding living with an addict is very stressful. To cope, family members and the family system develop defense mechanisms allowing them to function and avoid exposure. This avoidance though creates a pattern of secret-keeping that only compounds the stress and anxiety.

  The energy it takes to keep an addiction a secret and the isolation it promotes affect the family in many negative ways. If the secret is being kept from the children, they may become confused and frustrated. They know something is wrong yet don’t know what it is. Children can become resentful that their parents don’t trust them with the truth and may develop a lack of trust in themselves and others.

  Extended family may also be confused as to why the addicted loved one skips family functions. The entire family may stop attending those events to avoid uncomfortable questions, further isolating them from needed support. Secret-keeping perpetuates the denial in the individual and family that something is terribly wrong and needs to be addressed.

  Often there is a spouse or a parent who enables. They make excuses to cover for the addict. Family members will keep outsiders at a distance. They don’t want to get too close to someone for fear the truth will be exposed. Outsiders are rarely allowed in the home. Most conversations tend to be surface ones. Those living with family secrets are careful to not share true feelings for fear of exposure. And an almost sure way to become the black sheep of the family is to expose the secret, pulling back the curtains for others to see. Not only will the one with the secret despise the honest family member, but often other family members will turn on them.  

  God’s Word encourages truth. The Bible is a real book with real people and real sinners. One of the key indicators that the Bible is God’s Word is how it exposes the sins and failures of its heroes. Though the Bible is not salacious in the details, there is no cover-up. God knows all of the secrets.

  What should we do if we live or grew up in a family with secrets? First, know that Grace Church is a safe place. We’re just a bunch of messed-up sinners serving a magnificent Savior. We want to extend God’s love, grace, mercy, and healing to you wherever you are at!

  In the Bible though one of the best models on resolving family secrets is found in the life of the patriarch Joseph. You’ll find his powerful life story in Genesis 37-50. Here are some truths we learn from his life.

  God will use every aspect of our lives, even the horrible and painful things that don’t seem to fit to bring about His plan. During his time in slavery in Egypt, Joseph was arrested for a crime he didn’t commit. So, not only was he sold into slavery, but he found himself in an Egyptian prison. Nothing was working out according to plan…or so he thought.

  Sometimes things happen in our lives that seem out of place. We find ourselves thinking, “How could God possibly use this circumstance or difficulty in my life?” The events of Joseph’s life were no accident. God had him right where He needed him to be to fulfill his destiny.

  Even if you find yourself in “prison,” don’t lose hope in God’s promises. What do you suppose was going through Joseph’s head during all of this? Did he lose hope? Feel forgotten by God? Yet God was working all things together for His good (Rom. 8:28). He’d use Joseph’s imprisonment to ultimately shape his life as well as the nation of Israel.  God was with Joseph in that prison and gave him favor with the chief jailer. Joseph was actually put in charge of all the other prisoners!

  Forgiveness is always a part of God’s plan. By the time Joseph encountered his brothers again, he was second in command of Egypt but they didn’t recognize him. It would have been the ideal opportunity for revenge but Joseph did no such thing. He did test them to be sure they’d changed but forgiveness was always in his heart. (Genesis 42-45) Even though they had sold their young brother into slavery (a horrible crime that was little more than a living death), Joseph chose to forgive. He welcomed his entire family back into his life with open arms, and they would move to Egypt to be with him.

  God is always in control, even in the worst parts of our lives. Study Joseph’s life for yourself and you’ll clearly see this. But not only in the life of Joseph. Throughout the pages of Scripture God’s choicest servants – Moses, David, Ruth, Esther, and countless others were those who suffered horribly. God used it and because they had been tested in the fires of life, they were ultimately wonderfully used by Him. Their lives demonstrate God’s ability to transform sorrow into joy and to breathe life into a seemingly dead situation.

  Though it may not look like it, God may be doing that in your life. I know He did it with mine. As someone who grew up in a family of addiction and family secrets, Genesis 50:20 has been an anchor verse in my life. In that verse Joseph is responding to his brothers who’d treated him so horribly, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” Even when it appears horrible, our loving God always means it for good! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.