Family Secrets

“There are secrets in all families.”  Jane Austen 

  Did you know that the woman actor Jack Nicholson thought was his sister for over three decades was really his mother? Jack was the illegitimate child of 17-year-old June Nicholson and didn’t learn until he was 37-years-old that June was his biological mother. He thought that she was his sister, and his maternal grandmother, Ethel May, was his mother. Even on their deathbeds, neither June nor Ethel May admitted the truth. Then, Woody Harrelson’s father, Charles, was a convicted hitman. Popular mystery author, Anne Perry, as a girl, was involved in the murder of her friend’s mother. The movie Heavenly Creatures is based on the killing. Most families have at least a few “family secrets.” 

  Maybe you heard about the man who shared with a friend that he’d just spent $25,000.00 digging up his family’s history. His friend was shocked, “$25,000.00! That’s outrageous!” To which his friend confessed, “Well, it only cost $5,000.00 to dig it up but it cost $20,000.00 to bury it again.”

  Family get-togethers like Easter have a way of digging up the buried secrets. For example, there may be a reason Grandpa starts out so cantankerous yet is so happy by the end of the day. Grandpa is a closet alcoholic who takes a nip periodically to get through family events.

  A more common family secret is a family member with some form of addiction. Hiding living with an addict is very stressful. To cope, family members and the family system develop defense mechanisms allowing them to function and avoid exposure. This avoidance though creates a pattern of secret-keeping that only compounds the stress and anxiety.

  The energy it takes to keep an addiction a secret and the isolation it promotes affect the family in many negative ways. If the secret is being kept from the children, they may become confused and frustrated. They know something is wrong yet don’t know what it is. Children can become resentful that their parents don’t trust them with the truth and may develop a lack of trust in themselves and others.

  Extended family may also be confused as to why the addicted loved one skips family functions. The entire family may stop attending those events to avoid uncomfortable questions, further isolating them from needed support. Secret-keeping perpetuates the denial in the individual and family that something is terribly wrong and needs to be addressed.

  Often there is a spouse or a parent who enables. They make excuses to cover for the addict. Family members will keep outsiders at a distance. They don’t want to get too close to someone for fear the truth will be exposed. Outsiders are rarely allowed in the home. Most conversations tend to be surface ones. Those living with family secrets are careful to not share true feelings for fear of exposure. And an almost sure way to become the black sheep of the family is to expose the secret, pulling back the curtains for others to see. Not only will the one with the secret despise the honest family member, but often other family members will turn on them.  

  God’s Word encourages truth. The Bible is a real book with real people and real sinners. One of the key indicators that the Bible is God’s Word is how it exposes the sins and failures of its heroes. Though the Bible is not salacious in the details, there is no cover-up. God knows all of the secrets.

  What should we do if we live or grew up in a family with secrets? First, know that Grace Church is a safe place. We’re just a bunch of messed-up sinners serving a magnificent Savior. We want to extend God’s love, grace, mercy, and healing to you wherever you are at!

  In the Bible though one of the best models on resolving family secrets is found in the life of the patriarch Joseph. You’ll find his powerful life story in Genesis 37-50. Here are some truths we learn from his life.

  God will use every aspect of our lives, even the horrible and painful things that don’t seem to fit to bring about His plan. During his time in slavery in Egypt, Joseph was arrested for a crime he didn’t commit. So, not only was he sold into slavery, but he found himself in an Egyptian prison. Nothing was working out according to plan…or so he thought.

  Sometimes things happen in our lives that seem out of place. We find ourselves thinking, “How could God possibly use this circumstance or difficulty in my life?” The events of Joseph’s life were no accident. God had him right where He needed him to be to fulfill his destiny.

  Even if you find yourself in “prison,” don’t lose hope in God’s promises. What do you suppose was going through Joseph’s head during all of this? Did he lose hope? Feel forgotten by God? Yet God was working all things together for His good (Rom. 8:28). He’d use Joseph’s imprisonment to ultimately shape his life as well as the nation of Israel.  God was with Joseph in that prison and gave him favor with the chief jailer. Joseph was actually put in charge of all the other prisoners!

  Forgiveness is always a part of God’s plan. By the time Joseph encountered his brothers again, he was second in command of Egypt but they didn’t recognize him. It would have been the ideal opportunity for revenge but Joseph did no such thing. He did test them to be sure they’d changed but forgiveness was always in his heart. (Genesis 42-45) Even though they had sold their young brother into slavery (a horrible crime that was little more than a living death), Joseph chose to forgive. He welcomed his entire family back into his life with open arms, and they would move to Egypt to be with him.

  God is always in control, even in the worst parts of our lives. Study Joseph’s life for yourself and you’ll clearly see this. But not only in the life of Joseph. Throughout the pages of Scripture God’s choicest servants – Moses, David, Ruth, Esther, and countless others were those who suffered horribly. God used it and because they had been tested in the fires of life, they were ultimately wonderfully used by Him. Their lives demonstrate God’s ability to transform sorrow into joy and to breathe life into a seemingly dead situation.

  Though it may not look like it, God may be doing that in your life. I know He did it with mine. As someone who grew up in a family of addiction and family secrets, Genesis 50:20 has been an anchor verse in my life. In that verse Joseph is responding to his brothers who’d treated him so horribly, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” Even when it appears horrible, our loving God always means it for good! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

FORGIVENESS!

 

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable
because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you”  C.S. Lewis 

  It was the slap heard around the world. What was to be another self-congratulatory Academy Awards Ceremony went viral after Will Smith slapped Chris Rock in the midst of the ceremony. Social media and pundits debated “should he?” or “shouldn’t he?” on whether Smith should have reacted or if Rock overstepped boundaries with his cruel joke. Yet, what was missed by many was something that distinguishes Christians and the Church from every other segment in society – FORGIVENESS. 

  Denzel Washington did something increasingly rare these days. He sought redemption for someone who’d made a serious mistake. After the incident, Washington and actor/director Tyler Perry reportedly put their arms around Smith and prayed with him during a commercial break. Why? During an interview, Washington said, “But for the grace of God go any of us. Who are we to condemn?”

  It appeared that most of the rest of Hollywood, after at first giving Smith a standing ovation when he won “Best Actor” for his role in the film “King Richard,” quickly turned on him and condemned his behavior. Smith apologized to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and later apologized to Rock. But the Academy has banned Smith from attending a ceremony for ten years and he’s now resigned from the Academy.

  The Academy doesn’t understand God’s forgiveness. God’s desire is redemption. It’s what’s wrong with our world today. Relationships from marriages to parent-child ones to work ones to even our penal system know nothing of forgiveness, repentance, redemption, and restoration.

  Condemnation is the norm in our politics and culture these days. Condemnation only leaves people condemned. It never gives hope or produces life change. Instead, it has the effect of hardening hearts, both of the one who condemns and the one on the receiving end.

  The message of the Cross, Easter’s message is that there’s a better way. It’s what we celebrate today! It’s what believers celebrate every Sunday.

  In her book, Hope Has Its Reasons, Rebecca Pippert, shares of counseling a woman that could not forgive herself for aborting her unborn child. 

  The woman told Pippert, “I cannot forgive myself! I have confessed this sin a thousand times, and I still feel such shame and sorrow. The thought that haunts me the most is how could I murder an innocent life?”

  Pippert took a deep breath and said what she’d been thinking. “I do not know why you are so surprised. This is not the first time your sin has led to death; it is the second.”

  The woman looked at her in utter amazement. Pippert continued, “When you look at the cross, all of us show up as crucifiers. Religious or non-religious, good or bad, aborters or nonaborters-all of us are responsible for the death of the only innocent One who ever lived. Jesus died for all of our sins-past, present, and future. Do you think there are any sins of yours that Jesus did not have to die for? It does not matter that you were not there two thousand years ago. We all sent Him there. So if you have done it before, then why could you not do it again?”

  The woman stopped crying. She looked Pippert straight in the eyes and said, “You are absolutely right. I have done something even worse than killing my baby. My sin is what drove Jesus to the cross. It does not matter that I was not there pounding in the nails, I am still responsible for his death. Do you realize the significance of what you are telling me? I came to you saying I had done the worst thing imaginable. And you tell me I have done something even worse than that.”

  Pippert comments, “I grimace because I knew this was true.” Then the woman said, “If the cross shows me that I am far worse than I had ever imagined, it also shows me that my evil has been absorbed and forgiven. If the worst thing any human can do is to kill God’s Son, and that can be forgiven, then how can anything else-even my abortion-not be forgiven?”

  Pippert concludes: “I will never forget the look in her eyes as she sat back in awe and quietly said, ‘Talk about amazing grace.’ This time she wept not out of sorrow but from relief and gratitude. I saw a woman literally transformed by a proper understanding of the Cross.”

  Smith’s slap is a minor misdemeanor compared to Deicide, the murdering of God. If we’re honest, we can all relate to the Apostle Paul’s confession of 1 Timothy 1:15: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—and I was the greatest of them all” (Living Bible). I too am the worst sinner that I know. I am responsible for murdering God and so are you. The reason that we can forgive is that we have been forgiven of so much. There is nothing that Christ’s death on the Cross didn’t pay for.

  A constant theme of the New Testament is that Christians, the forgiven, are the forgivers. We’re following Jesus’ example who from the Cross said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

  Ephesians 4:32 commands us, “ forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” The first Church martyr, Stephen, prayed for the forgiveness of the ones hurling stones at him. The history of the Church is a constant thread of forgivers. One of the greatest indications that one is truly a Christ-follower is that one has not only been forgiven but is also a forgiver.

  It’s the only way you can explain the wives and children of the five missionaries killed by the Auca Indians in Ecuador who returned to share the gospel of forgiveness with the ones who’d murdered their husbands and fathers. Other than the power of the gospel and God’s forgiveness how else do we explain the response of the families of those slaughtered by White Supremacist Dylann Roof? Roof murdered nine people during a Bible study at Emanuel African Methodist Church in Charleston. He was convicted and sentenced to death, but the survivors and relatives of the victims extended grace and forgiveness to him, his wife and his children, shocking the nation!

  Easter reminds us that two things distinguish Christians from a hateful, vengeful world. We’ve been forgiven and we forgive! That’s real power! That’s the gospel! Have you met the One who can truly transform your life? Have you met Jesus, the One who died in your place? Have you been forgiven? Are you a forgiver?

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

  

Lucky or Puddles?

 

“Wake up every morning being thankful for the gift of life 

with the thought that something wonderful is about to happen.” 

  When Robin Hughes read a book about the weather to her kindergartners, she noticed that they looked confused when the children in the story started to sled, make snow angels, and participate in other fun snow day activities. And that’s when it hit her: How many of these Floridian children had even seen snow? Curious, she asked them just that…and only two kids raised their hands. 

  “I was shocked that they had not seen snow. It’s hard for kids to understand the concept because they don’t have the relevant knowledge,” said Robin. That’s when she began to think outside the box. With family still living in Kentucky, she texted her sister a very important request that started with a classic question: “Do you want to build a snowman?” She then explained that, should it ever snow enough in Kentucky, she wanted her to try to overnight a snowman through UPS to her school. 

  When January 8^th rolled around, her sister’s city had an impressive 10” of snow — enough to build a small snowman. After a bit of planning, she carefully secured the snowman in foil and then surrounded it with ice packs and Styrofoam. The sisters paid $75 to have him overnighted to Florida…and then it arrived! It was a moment of truth: Had the snowman survived the trip? Robin and another teacher gathered the students together for the big reveal, explaining beforehand that if their snowman friend arrived intact, he’d be named Lucky. If not, he’d be called Puddles. Thankfully, as soon as Robin opened up the box, she excitedly let everyone know that Lucky had made it all the way from Kentucky without a scratch!

  “I was so excited because he made it and just the pure joy [the kids] had seeing this snowman,” Robin said. “They wanted to touch him. ‘Is he coming to life?’ [they asked].” Since that day, the children have yet to get over their love of Lucky. Currently, he’s being kept in the school cafeteria’s freezer. But at least twice a day, he’s taken out on a silver platter for them to touch, admire, and ask questions. As is the case with all snowmen, Lucky won’t stay like this forever. The school devised a great plan for where he’ll go next. When spring rolls around a melted Lucky will help water the newly-planted garden near the kindergartners’ class.

  When I heard about Lucky the Snowman, “I thought what a great story, and then I thought, what a great teacher!” What a fantastic way to celebrate and enjoy the little things in life and bring joy over something that most of us take for granted – snow! Too many of us miss out on day-to-day blessings and enjoyments.

  If you hang around some Christians, you’d conclude that believers are to be miserable. Years ago I remember entering a local restaurant for a pastors’ meeting. As I walked in the hostess asked, “Are you here for the pastors’ meeting?” and I quipped, “No, I’ve been sick.” Too many pastors and Christians have faces that look like they chronically imbibe sour milk.

  One of the continued themes of Scripture and particularly the book of Ecclesiastes is that God wants us to enjoy life. God created Eden which was beautiful and perfect. It included everything our first parents could ever imagine enjoying. God wanted them (and us) to enjoy His creation. He wants us as His children to enjoy life.

 That begins with enjoying the Giver, yet our thoughtful Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy His innumerable gifts in the here and now. Too often we’re spinning like hamsters on a wheel and miss out on enjoying His countless good gifts. God wants us to enjoy this life.

  It means that we have to slow down. I’m looking forward to warm weather. There’s nothing like a walk in the warm spring air, smelling flowers in bloom, hearing birds singing, or listening to the wind in the trees. I love to sit on a bench in our front yard and read, and enjoy God’s wonderful creation right in front of me. 

  The Bible talks a lot about enjoying your marriage and your family. It seems that the longer we’re married the little annoyances become big and traits in our spouse we appreciate shrink. As I’ve done marital counseling over the years, I’ve often found that the annoyances that are “big” usually add up to about 5 or 10% of the relationship. Yet, what’s overlooked is the 90% we appreciate about our spouse. It’s a matter of focus. 

  Then, far too many parents miss out on enjoying their children being children. Each stage is a new adventure. It’s never boring. Parents tend to love the early years but allow the teen years to become irritations and even battlefields. That transition from childhood to adulthood is exciting. We’re to give our children roots and wings. As they begin to move into adulthood, we see the character and spiritual seeds we sowed during those formative years bearing fruit. It can be very fulfilling! 

  We must learn to enjoy the little things. We’ve been fed a lie that enjoyment is only in the big things like a super vacation or an extravagant meal. What’s lost is the day-to-day and moment-by-moment enjoyment that God has given us. The “little things” become big when they’re missing.

  For example, most of us give little thought to a warm shower but if the hot water heater goes out, all of sudden what was small becomes huge. Our chocolate lab, Ernie, is aging. It won’t be long before he won’t greet me at the door anymore. It will be a tough day. There’s just something special about a soft bed with clean sheets where you can smell the freshness. Or how about homemade bread or a tomato fresh from the garden? 

  As we learn to stop and take the time to enjoy the “little things,” each day becomes a new adventure. This week take time to enjoy God’s wonderful creation, even if it’s a snowman delivered by UPS. 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Elections Have Consequences

“Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither Liberty nor safety.” Benjamin Franklin  

  Like you, I’m thankful things are opening up across the country from the pandemic. Yet, I’m cautiously optimistic. If you follow politics, then you know that politicians are driven by pragmatism and a desire to stay in power.  

  Most Americans have wearied of the mandates. With mid-term elections approaching, those who put in place many of the draconian mandates know voters have short memories. Elections have consequences. If Christians do not vote for those who understand the vital importance of religious liberty, if power-hungry leaders are re-elected, once November is past or if there’s another virus blip, it’s not unimaginable that those same leaders will again use their power to re-issue draconian mandates that impact the Church.

  It’s noteworthy that those most opposed to the beliefs of Christians consistently sought to shut down church assemblies. They’re very cognizant of the power of assembled believers. While they have little problem with Christians worshiping in the privacy of their own homes, they fear gathered assemblies and are opposed to the public expression of faith and religious freedom.

  Here are a few examples: A church in Nevada had to seek relief in federal court from the Governor’s executive order subjecting churches in the state to strict numerical limits on congregants at religious services while allowing casinos to operate at 50% capacity. Across the country, marijuana dispensaries, liquor stores, and abortion clinics were deemed essential while churches were not. These closures infringed on the 1^st Amendment as enumerated in the Bill of Rights, our right to the free exercise of religion.

  Ideology became very clear when the same politicians encouraged demonstrators and rioters to assemble with no social distancing and spotty mask-wearing. Using the pandemic as an excuse, officials threatened to permanently shut down synagogues, banned drive-in church services (even where worshippers remained in their own cars), and forbade singing or chanting in religious services, while decreeing that massive protests with screaming and singing were allowed. Ideology drove the double standard by which some rights were protected and others were not.

  Historically, religion and its adherents have been often oppressed by government. America has been singular in its dedication to preserving the freedom of its people to expect and experience religious freedom. Tragically, that’s rapidly changing, yet too many of us are unfamiliar with our history and the high price our ancestors paid to secure religious liberty.

  If one goes back to incidents such as the great flu pandemic in 1918 and 1919, lessons were learned and Christians took time to work through these things. Three important principles developed from that crisis.

  First, actions undertaken by the government should be temporary. Second, the actions should be rational. And third, they should be generally applicable.

  Yet, in the COVID pandemic, one by one, most governments violated one or more of those principles. In other words, a restriction handed down by the government in the name of something like a pandemic must be temporary, rational, and generally applicable.

  Generally applicable, in that it applies to everyone equally. It’s not targeted. It’s not targeted toward Jews or Baptists. It’s not targeted toward bakers or mechanics. There may be differences because of the particular circumstances but the law is to be generally applicable.

  Those were continually violated. Restrictions were put in place that put religious congregations at a distinct disadvantage when it came to gathering together. Over time, that very issue of a restriction of necessity being justified by it being generally applicable was violated repeatedly. But it’s the principle of such a restriction being temporary that perhaps has been most egregiously violated.

  Add to that the toxic comments of leading media outlets recklessly blaming religious groups for the spread of COVID, further polarizing people of faith from those who do not value faith or religious freedom or are anti-religious. Elites know that fear of things like Covid is a powerful motivation to manipulate public opinion toward a targeted group that they want to cancel out the influence of.

  This is vital! If we lose our religious freedoms in America, we are not the only ones to lose. If America loses its enthusiasm for defending religious liberty, what are the implications for religious believers now being horribly persecuted all over the world?

  Already diabolical harassment and murder of Christians are taking place in Iraq, Syria, Nigeria, and China and it only increased during the pandemic. One factor unites all these stories and all the suffering endured by Christians persecuted for their faith across the globe — an almost total media silence in the mainstream media. Shockingly, that silence extends to the plight of the Uighurs in China. It’s beyond question that members of this Muslim ethnic group are being herded by Beijing into “reeducation” camps that employ torture and other grotesque methods to pressure Uighurs to abandon their religion and culture. 

  Too many Christians vote economically or along party lines or even for personal benefit. It’s time for Christians and the Church to vote first for Kingdom values. It’s a crucial moment for believers across the country to understand what’s at stake and shore up religious freedom at home and abroad. If America’s desperately important policy of defending religious freedom around the world is brushed aside, it’s great news for dictators, torturers, and sinister specialists in religious “re-education” everywhere. Yet, whether the Church will step into the breach is an open question.

  It’s time for the Church to be the Church, even in the voting booth. Elections have consequences. We must vote for those who understand the importance of religious freedom whether they’re evangelical, Jewish, Hindu or Muslim. Houses of worship must never again be indefinitely closed. Indefinite restrictions on religious freedom contradict the ideals on which our great country was founded. We must vote for and support those who understand our basic rights that God has blessed us with in America. 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.