Who wants to be Jack Nicholson? Not me!

“Experts on romance say for a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition for friendship.” Marilyn Monroe

  Those aren’t words you’d expect from one of Hollywood’s glamour girls, are they? But I think that Marilyn Monroe was on to something.

  Okay, so name one? How many Hollywood couples have been married more than five years? Ten? Twenty-five? Want to see that small number drop more? Name a Rock Star that’s been married more than ten years?

  Who you marry is one of the most important decisions someone will ever make, so let’s put that in context. Would you want your child to have an Algebra teacher who couldn’t add? A mechanic who has to take a cab to work because his car doesn’t run? A doctor on the payroll of the local funeral home because he keeps them well-stocked with “customers”?

  Yet, where do most of us learn about love and romance? Either from the movies or from music. Even today, for many of us decades later, our “love” song comes on the radio and for the next few minutes we step back in time, singing along with a musician who taught us about “love” but unfortunately, often doesn’t know a thing about it. Many of us have a favorite romance movie (I’ll fess up, I like While You Were Sleeping). But usually those who sing or act out love, in their personal lives, have never experienced it and know little of commitment. The Love Gurus of our culture are frequently the most ignorant of real life experience in the school of love. Yet, they continually foist one of the greatest lies on a naïve public – that love and fulfillment is about romance and sex. It’s not! And we all innately know it, but the silly siren voices are so loud that we foolishly tune out what we know is true.

  All of us admire that elderly couple who are still happily married after forty or fifty years of marriage. Things aren’t perfect. Every day is not a chick flick. There may have been some deep waters. But they still love each other. Sometimes the glue that held them together was that they take very seriously a vow made years ago before God, “til death do us part.”

  The book of Proverbs continually moves the focus from the present and immediate to “the end zone” (Proverbs 14:12; 16:25; 20:21). Most people don’t consider the high price, “the end zone,” of sex without marital commitment. That sad fact was brought home recently by one of Hollywood’s most famous, yet aging leading men. Now in his seventies, Jack Nicholson is a very lonely man.

  He once said he used to feel irresistible to women. His impressive list of lovers suggests he had a point. Today though, Jack Nicholson, admits he fears dying alone because he can no longer captivates the ladies like he did in his younger years. The 77-year-old says women don’t trust him anymore thanks to his reputation as “Jack the Jumper,” a reference to his well-known philandering. 

  In comments recently published by the magazine Closer, Nicholson said that he would love “one last romance” but said he was “not very realistic” about that happening. He’s very afraid of dying alone but he probably will. His life consists of usually sleeping until 1 pm, drinking milk to soothe his stomach, playing golf and then he goes next door to the property that contains his art collection – alone.

  Even a pagan, debauched world gets it but doesn’t even know that it gets it. Think of the derogatory terms, often animal terms, it uses for a man or woman who will not commit to one woman or man for life. One of Jack Nicholson’s most famous roles was when he played a libertine Devil and was despised even by witches in the end.

  The Bible does allow divorce. Rarely though, do even Christians divorce for biblical reasons. They divorce because they “have to find themselves” or “they’re not in love anymore.” God’s love for us clearly reveals that love is always a choice. Infatuation is a feeling. And sadly, many who don’t go through the process of divorce, are still emotionally divorced, living separate lives. They don’t have the fulfilling, Christ-honoring marriage that God designed and desires us to have.

  Can I share a simple yet difficult behavioral decision that will add zest and fulfillment to your marriage? It’s very biblical. If you choose to do this, it will honor God and bring His blessing on your life. It will also radically change you and your attitude toward your spouse. It’s gratitude!

  You know you better than anyone else. Please look in the mirror, not just at the external stuff…but at your heart. Who you really are is not exactly a prized possession but God chose to love you. And you can choose to love your spouse. One thing that will dramatically help you is every day, think of something about them that you’re thankful for. Go another step and you’ll get even more bang for your buck – tell them. Even better write them a note, thanking them. That’s what Philippians 4:8 teaches: “If there be any virtue, any praise…any good….think on these things.” About 99.999% of the time, the best way to have a fulfilling marriage is to work on the one that you already have.

  Even popular musicians get it. That’s powerfully illustrated by Rupert Holmes hit of the early 80’s, Escape. The song tells of a man who’s bored with his current relationship because it’s become routine and he desires some variety. One night, he reads the personal ads and spots an ad that catches his attention: a woman who is seeking a man who, among other little things, must like Pina Coladas. Intrigued, he writes back and arranges to meet her, only to find upon meeting her that the woman is actually his wife. The song ends on an upbeat note, showing that these lovers realized they have more in common than they’d suspected. They don’t have to look any further than each other for what they seek in a relationship.

  Sadly, Jack Nicholson is still looking and probably won’t ever find real love. But if you’re married, don’t settle for a mediocre marriage. By God’s grace and the Spirit’s power, invest the time, do the hard work in your marriage, and be who God wants you to be whether your spouse is who they should be or not. God will always bless that and the fulfillment that you have in your soul will make it well worth it! 

One strange herd

“Anyone who is to find Christ must first find the church. How could anyone know where Christ is and what faith is in Him unless he knew where His believers are?” Martin Luther

In the animated movie, Ice Age, when saber-tooth tigers attack a tribe of nomads, a mother and her baby attempt to outrun the man-eating beasts but they’re cornered at a raging waterfall. The little boy is discovered by a wooly mammoth named Manfred, a sloth name Sid, and a saber-tooth tiger named Diego. These three unlikely companions unite on a common mission to return the baby to his father. As the trio treks through a mountainous terrain of ice and snow carrying the baby, at one point the mammoth, sloth, and tiger realize they’re on an erupting volcano. The heat of the lava melts the glacier bridges atop the ice fields, separating Diego from the others. Isolated on a quickly melting island of ice, Diego jumps to reach the others, but falls short. Dangling from the edge of the ice field, his grip falters, and he falls. Manfred, unwilling to let Diego perish, leaps into a chasm after him and tosses the tiger upwards to safety. Diego, realizing the danger involved in the rescue, is moved by Manfred's compassion, courage, and sacrifice.

  “Why did you do that?” he asks. “You could have died trying to save me.” Humbly, the mammoth responds, “That's what you do when you’re part of a herd. You look after each other.” Amazed at the convergence of circumstances that has brought these three together, Sid finally muses aloud. “I don't know about you guys, but we are one strange herd.”

  One strange herd! That’s a pretty accurate description of a healthy local church. It is, or at least it should be, a description of us. A mix of individuals with different personalities, backgrounds, ideas and perspectives sometimes, who might never hang out together— except for the one thing that we have in common: we have been rescued from sin and death! We have the same Savior. We’re regenerate and we love Jesus. In one way or another, we’ve been transformed by the power of the Holy Spirt and God’s amazing love and mercy. And because of that, we hang out together. But even more than that, as the film illustrates in a cute way, as a “herd” of Christ followers, we look after each other—even if we might look a little strange at times.

  When our church, when any local church is what it should be, it becomes a place where our old nature and our old instincts begin to die. We begin thinking completely different about ourselves and the other believers around us. People who we might never have associated with before, or people who we never would have thought we’d speak to, must less befriend, suddenly become our brothers and sisters. And we find ourselves wanting to bring in more and more of those who might not belong anywhere else—we find a place for them. Our herd, our community, becomes a place of love, grace and service; a place where people experience the transforming power of Jesus at work in their lives.

  Something we don’t understand, even in a church family, is that we have very limited power and influence, as long as we function as individuals. The power of the Spirit flows and is so much more potent when we’re a community. There’s unity in the Godhead (Father, Son and Spirit) and God has designed us, as a redeemed people, to have that same unity.

  The very first thing that Satan did was divide the first couple. He attacked and continually attacks the local church to cause that same division. It was not Peter or Paul that God used to turn that 1^st century world upside down, it was the church – a community of committed believers. God’s plan hasn’t changed. Jesus loves the Church. Jesus died for the Church. It’s in the Church that His greatest power is displayed and that is first seen locally.

  The greatest unity most of us know today is that of a marriage or a family. Yet, God wants so much more for us. That’s why during the next five weeks we’re going to take a break from our series on Luke’s Gospel and focus on unity and community in the Grace Church family, Me to We: The Relationship Series. Spiritual community is our focus for 2015 because if we don’t first love one another, how will we ever share Christ’s love with a lost world.

  And I need to warn you. This will stretch you. It’s going make us uncomfortable. We like the status quo. But Jesus didn’t die so we could play “church” and have our souls periodically warmed. He calls us to come and die. If we will commit to obeying Scripture and submitting to the Spirit, God can do a great work both in us and through us that will count for eternity.  

  Part of the power of local church community begins so basically. We must first know one another. For example, we’re commanded to pray for each other. I’m sure God knows who we’re talking about when we pray for that tall guy who drives the Chevy BUT God wants so much more for us.  How can we pray for one another? How can we love each other? How can we encourage each other? When we don’t really even know each other?

  To be what God wants us to be is going to demand that we crucify ourselves. It’s going to mean that we die to our own agendas, schedules, desires and plans. It means that we must spend time with one another. It means that we have to be willing to be stretched. It means that we must see that person in the seat in front of us as Jesus does.

  For many, it’s going to mean joining a Sunday Morning Live class or small group. It’s going to mean that we don’t rush in at the last minute and then rush out on the last “Amen.” It’s going to mean having a meal with people where we hardly know their name. It’s going to mean stepping out of our comfort zones and stretching, actually spending time with people who aren’t just like us. Because Jesus didn’t die for clones. He loves and died for one strange herd! It’s His will that we love that same strange herd! But how can you obey and love people that you don’t even know?

  Can you imagine having someone tell you, “I love you but I can’t stand your kids”? Jesus loves the Church, so much that He died for it. We’re to love His Church too. It starts here. Because if we don’t love the Church, we really don’t love Jesus. It’s His Body, His Bride. If you love Him, you have to love His Church. Over the next few weeks we want to grow in our love for His Church and begin moving by His grace from Me to We. Yes, it will stretch us, yet it will be so fulfilling because we’re obeying, doing His will and then, because we are, experiencing His blessing! 

I lost my phone but it's okay

“Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three – and paradise is when you have none.”   Doug Larson

I’m not sure when Doug Larson wrote that. I am sure that when he did he never pictured our day when nearly everyone has their own personal phone that they carry with them in their pocket or purse. 90% of Americans own a cell phone. The average age when you now receive your first cell phone has dropped to 12 or 13. 67% of cell owners check their phone for messages, alerts, or calls — even when they don’t notice their phone ringing or vibrating. 44% have slept with their phone next to their bed because they wanted to make sure they didn’t miss any calls, text messages, or other updates during the night. And 29% of cell phone owners describe their cell phone as “something they can’t imagine living without.”

Recently, I’ve entered a brand new phase in my phone history. For the first time in my life, there is no landline in our home. Jane and I found that the vast majority of those who called our landline were telemarketers or robo-calls around election time. They were calls that we decided that we didn’t need. While it’s not a huge savings to be landline free, it adds up.  

I think we’re through the withdrawals, though I may still have to join a 12-step group. The morning after we pulled the plug, I was wondering if we’d made a mistake. I was attempting to call home about a timely matter, but couldn’t connect with anyone via their cell phones. I was ready to drive back home, when Jane got my message and returned my call.  

When I was a child, our home had two separate phone lines – one for the house and then a business line that was rarely used. They were both rotary phones (some of you may need to Google that). This was eons before call waiting or automatic redial. As I kid, I found having two lines handy for winning radio contests (“The winner will be caller number 8”). It increased my odds dramatically.

My favorite phone though was a party line. When my grandparents finally got a phone, I think my Dad may have even paid for it, it was a party line that they shared with someone else. I absolutely loved calling my Grandmother! I can still hear her voice echoing down the corridors of my memory though she’s been gone for over three decades. I don’t remember MaMa ever saying an unkind word to anyone. When I’d call, though it was difficult for her to walk to the phone, I was the most important person in the world. God used her to touch my life so many times.

January 29th was the one year anniversary of the loss of my brother, Mike. I miss talking to him on the phone. I can still hear his big voice and laugh. Mike was a night owl. Sometimes when I’d be driving home late or when we were driving through the night toward a vacation destination, I’d call Mike. I might have been starting to nod off; talking to Mike would jolt me back into alertness. He never minded the call. I can’t remember him ever telling me it was a bad time to call.

One of those drive through the nights brings back one of my favorite memories of Dad Cummins. Dad loved to use the phone. Because we were driving from Wisconsin to Alabama, and going to arrive in the middle of the night at his home, he had a hard time sleeping. Periodically, he’d call to check on our status. Dad Cummins faithfully used his phone as a ministry tool, probably better that anyone else I know. He was often on the road during his later years and had a list of folk that he’d call, many of them elderly and shut-ins. He’d call to touch base, just to encourage and minister to them. It was his “phone ministry.” He was truly one of a kind!

Probably, my children have taught me the most about using a phone wisely. If I was irritated or upset with them, I might leave them a voice mail on their cell, expressing my displeasure. I learned very quickly that it would weigh very heavily on them and ruin their day. The Lord used them to break me of that. To hear the hurt in their voice as we problem-solved it later, was too much for me to bear. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially those that I love so much.

This past week, I was reading Colossians in my time with the Lord. I love Colossians 4:6. Most of us should memorize it. Maybe it should be taped on the keypad of our phones. I’m not big on tattoos, yet this would be a great verse to have tattooed on the back of your hand or someplace else where you’d continually see it, where it would be a constant reminder of how to have godly speech: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

Think how many verbal wounds you wouldn’t leave on others, if you followed the prescription. Think how many fights you wouldn’t have with your spouse or how many harsh things you wouldn’t say to your children if that verse was a bridle on your tongue.

Yet, think of how encouraging your words would be, if they were consistently gracious. Salt adds taste, yet it’s to be sprinkled, not poured. Personally, I find that when my words come “pouring” out, they have more potential of being sinful. If you’re like me, there are very few times when I regret things that I didn’t say.

There are folk that I love to talk to. Some of them are here at Grace. They’re consistently encouraging and affirming. Rarely, do they criticize or complain. If they do, they weigh their words. It tends to be constructive and edifying. My conversations with them seem to end too quickly. They refresh my soul.

I want to be like that, don’t you? I want God to so use my words that when I’m done talking, people leave refreshed, encouraged, perhaps even challenged. I want to be used of God to lighten loads, not increase burdens.

That means that I need to unplug my old flesh and let the Spirit control what comes out of my mouth. He wants to do that, yet I must first choose to surrender the control to Him. Colossians 4:6 gives a whole new wonderful meaning to salty speech, doesn’t it?