Common Courtesy can make an Uncommon Difference

"Courtesy is the one coin you can never have too much of or be stingy with." John Wanamaker

  There’s probably nothing that I enjoy more than a good coffee shop. Some years back Burlington had a fantastic coffee shop called the Daily Brew. It wasn’t the coffee really or even the ambiance – it wasn’t the what, it was really the who. The owner, Sue Unbehaun, was one of the friendliest, most conscientious individuals that I’ve ever met. Yes, the coffee and homemade baked goods were fantastic. But that’s not why I went there regularly – it was Sue. For me and many others, it was a very sad when she sold it and moved on to other ventures.

  When Jane and I vacation in Tennessee, there’s a little family restaurant, the Tennessee Barbeque in Livingston that we go back to every time we're in the area. The food is fantastic but that’s not the main reason that we go there. It’s the service! The first time that we found this little place, it was in the middle of a thunderstorm, a total deluge. They were so concerned that we were okay, that we weren’t sopping wet. They treated us like family…and we’ve never forgotten it.

  If you step back and observe, you’ll discover that most marriages and most families that are healthy pay attention to what are called “common courtesies.” It’s not the big things that make the big difference. It’s the little things. Too often we’ve been sold a bill of goods in this society that it’s the big stuff – it’s not.

  For example, we think that with our kids that it’s stuff like taking them to Disney World or Six Flags that makes for a wonderful and close family…some big, expensive adventure. That it’s attending every game or purchasing the newest toy or gadget for them. But it’s not. In our marriages, it’s not a periodic romantic getaway or night on the town that make a difference. It’s the day in and day out kindness, the little things.

  For example, it’s very rare for me to leave the house without Jane giving me a kiss first. I rarely head home for the night without calling and seeing if she needs me to pick up something. Recently, I found out that because one of our kids has a different work schedule, that the stairwell lights can wake them up when they have to go to bed early. I work really hard to not turn the lights on. Common courtesies make an uncommon difference.

  Yet, it’s easy in a marriage or family to let the little things slip. We become so familiar that we start taking those closest to us for granted. That happens in a church, too. So can we talk?

  An area of common courtesy that we’ve let slip at Grace is returning phone calls or e-mails. We’re all busy. Let me repeat that, we’re all busy. So how do you feel when you’ve called the doctor’s office and they forget to call you back and you have to call them again? What if you have to call them three or four times? Would you feel that maybe you weren’t important, that they didn’t care, that maybe they didn’t like you? When one of your brothers or sisters in Christ calls, e-mails you, or texts you, please show some common courtesy and respond. If nothing else, let them know that you’re currently swamped but you’ll get back to them when you can focus more on the conversation.

  If you did a survey, I think that you’d find that there’s nothing that our ministry leaders at Grace find more discouraging or that can take the wind out of our sails, than having to hunt someone down because they don’t reply. It communicates a message of disdain, even disrespect.

  Say “thank you!” a lot. I love this quote, “Volunteers are not paid, not because they are worthless, but because they are priceless.” Did you know that nearly everything at Grace is done by volunteers? From the coffee to the AV to the worship to the greeting to the ushering to the nursery to the teaching to our midweek ministries. It’s all done by volunteers who faithfully serve the Lord by serving at Grace week after week. So when was the last time that you said, “Thank you! I appreciate your service for the Lord!” Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Sometimes I fear our volunteers are starving for an encouraging word.

  Be thoughtful. Have you ever gone into a store and there’s trash in an aisle? It may have just happened, but you don’t know that. Years ago I was taught to leave a campsite in better shape than you found it. When you leave after a worship service, can you please make sure that papers are picked up and chairs are straight? If you see something out of place, make yourself a committee of one, and take care of it. If you see trash on the lawn or sidewalk outside, please pick it up. In the winter, if there’s a slick spot on the sidewalk, put some salt on it…or at least make sure it’s taken care of.

  Be “Yes” person. Most of us have full plates. Too many of us continually try to cram 10 lbs. of life into a 5 lb. bag. At Grace, we’re committed to not burning people out, to not overuse (or abuse) the same committed people. But sadly, sometimes we do – that’s because there are some things that have to be done yet there are others who won’t step up. Please know too that we believe that if no one is available to staff a ministry, then maybe the Lord is telling us to let that particular ministry die.   

  Volunteer. Perhaps you have a passion for a certain area or ministry. Maybe God has given you a particular gift. Yet, unless you tell someone and make yourself available, how would they ever know? Maybe you’re ministry won’t work right now. Perhaps it won’t work in our current situation. Yet, unless you share it, no one would ever know.

  All of us have different burdens and passions. To be very candid, we’d never have had a motorcycle, quilting or Tweens ministry, if it had been dependent on my vision or passion. Someone else had a burden and an interest, and the rest is history. Grace Church is a family. That’s a biblical model of ministry. We must be committed to treating each other like loving brothers and sisters. By His grace let’s make Colossians 3:12 real at our church, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.”

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Kids are some of the best teachers!

"Adults are just outdated children" Dr. Seuss

  Okay, I’ll confess. I’m a “kid’s guy.” There’s something about working with kids that I find so fulfilling. Fortunately, I married a “kid’s gal.” My wife, Jane, loves working with kids, too. You’ll rarely see either of us so animated and full of energy than when we’re working with kids. Kids have taught me so many lessons over the years, lessons I hope I never forget.

  Stephen. I think that was his name. I’m not sure but I can still see him in my mind’s eye some forty years later. He was about eight. It was the summer of 1977. I was a counselor at a Camp in New York, in the Tri-State area where New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania come together. The Camp was called, (no, I’m not making this up) Camp Robin Hood. It focused on ministering to kids from the New York City area. Many of whom had no church background and had never been in the great outdoors.  

  The camp was very rustic. It was built during the presidency of Teddy Roosevelt. None of the cabins had electricity or plumbing. The bathroom was up a fairly steep hill, some two hundred feet away from the cabins. Camp lasted for twelve days, so you really got to know your campers. Each cabin had seven or eight kids per counselor and Stephen was horrible. Whatever I asked him to do, he did the opposite. If I was sharing devotions, he was horsing around. If I told the kids to go one place, he started heading the other. I was one of the lifeguards. Yet, even around the water, Stephen didn’t listen and it really scared me. I was only seventeen. It was my first ministry and my first camp experience – and I yelled, all the time. I found myself yelling and yelling at Stephen but it didn’t do any good. I was walking by the Camp Director’s cabin one night. I’d just been yelling at Stephen again and Tim, the Camp Director, gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever heard for working with kids. He gently told me, “Scott, these kids tuned out yelling when they were about two years old. They’re always being yelled at. They’ve been yelled at so much, they don’t hear it anymore.” Right there, I stopped yelling. It’s rare for me to raise my voice. In a loud world, a quiet approach goes a lot further, especially with kids.

  Leroy. Leroy taught me about how bad a bad family can be on a child. Leroy was also in that first group of boys I had in my cabin. He was nearly angelic. I never had a problem with him. He was quiet, non-assuming, though he always looked just a little sad. Until about the last day or so before the kids were to go home, Leroy was nearly perfect but then he became one of my worst campers. I couldn’t believe it. I finally asked him what was going on and he said, “I don’t want to go home.” Later, I found out Leroy had four or five siblings, all with a different Dad. Home life was so horrible that he’d rather stay at a camp with “camp food,” no electricity or indoor plumbing than go “home.”

  Hanna and Joey. Those two taught me how resilient kids are. This was back when many church’s had bus routes and would go out to pick up kids, and bring them to Sunday School. Our church bus picked them up every week. In the winter, their coats were threadbare and Mom sent them out in a t-shirt or with a light dress. It was her chance to sleep in from a night of partying. Lots of different men moved in and out of their apartment in the two years I was in charge of having them picked up on my bus. Looking back, it must have been pretty horrible, yet they were two of the sweetest kids. Mom shoved them out the door and went back to bed. They probably were abused, yet other than the signs of poverty, you never would have known it. In spite of all that was wrong, they both loved their Mom. 

  Marty Wright. I’ll never forget Marty and probably neither will any of the other kids in his youth group. Yet, I really didn’t know Marty. We were on a winter retreat, playing Capture the Flag in the snow and thirteen year-old Marty had a heart attack and died. My first real encounter with Marty was bending over him in the snow, trying to remember how to give CPR. There had been no heart history. It just happened and Marty was gone. It took me a long time to get over it. There’s something about someone’s life, particularly someone so young, seeping out right in front of you. Marty taught me the unforgettable lesson about the fragility of life.

  Lisa, Jeff, Tammy, Tina, Paul, Camille, Darlene and Diane. There were others in that youth group in Detroit, those eight though, will always stick out in my mind. They taught me a powerful lesson – never underestimate teenagers. We worked through the book of Philippians. I was about as green as freshly mowed grass. But they dug in. They wanted to grow. They loved the Lord and wanted to really know Him. Amazingly, over three decades later, though their lives haven’t been a cake walk, though some of them have gone through some very deep waters, seven of them today are still seeking to serve the Lord. They still love Him and want to do the right thing. Tina though had another appointment, one Thanksgiving weekend. None of us saw it coming. Her car slid out of control on an icy road, and that young mother of four went Home to be with Jesus. She was so vibrant, full of life, truly one of a kind, faithful to Christ. We still dearly miss her.

  There have been so many others. Many of them right here at Grace. I love to hear that they still love Jesus, that they’re still growing in grace. It’s exciting to watch them become parents, even grandparents.

  But there’s one more that was like an adopted son to Jane and I, Rick. This young man lived with his Mom and two sisters. He didn’t have a Dad in his life or really any masculine influence. Those of you who know how unhandy I am will probably find this funny. Because even with my limited resources, I taught Rick how to mow a lawn and how to fish. The reality of being a positive influence is that you don’t have to know a lot, you just maybe have to know a little more than the person you’re mentoring. Thirty years later, the kid who should have been a statistic is now a man who loves Jesus and is still serving Him. They love him at his church in Danville. It’s so fulfilling for Jane and I to see how God is using Rick all these years later.

  I don’t know about you but I’m a kid person. There’s just something about shaping a life for the Lord, working with wet cement. Many of you are doing the same. For some, it’s your children. For others, it’s your grandchildren. For many, it’s just because you care about young lives and see ministering to them as your way to honor the Lord! Only eternity will fully reveal the difference you’ve made and all of the lives you’ve touched! “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven’” (Matthew 19:14).

Looking for quality used Christian books and other types of books at prices lower than even Amazon. Check out our family's online used bookstore at resurrectedreads.com.

Burnout is normal!?!

 “Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you've been going through the motions your soul has departed; you're a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker. False optimism is like administrating stimulants to an exhausted nervous system.”   Sam Keen

 

Currently, Jane and I are on vacation in Tennessee. It’s our third year at a wonderful cabin in an out of the way place called Muddy Pond. With a name like that, you know it’s a bit off the beaten path. So it’s some two weeks of being basically unplugged and technology free in natural quietness. Our neighbors are the bullfrogs who serenade us each night, a blue heron who periodically drops in, and more catfish than I can count. I buy a big bag of dog food and feed them. It’s like having underwater pets.

  But there’s one hurdle I’ll struggle with nearly every day. Unfortunately, it’s not just when I’m on vacation. Like many of you, I wrestle with this monster nearly every day, particularly on a day off. His name is GUILT.

  The work of a pastor, like that of a farmer (maybe that’s why the Bible calls us shepherds) or the mother of young children, is never done. There’s always one more person you should call, one more letter you should write, one more sermon to prepare. Where’s the line? When is enough time spent in prayer or Bible study? What about evangelism or encouragement? Papers to file start piling up, books that should be read, another meeting to attend. Somehow you’re supposed to be a good husband, available parent, friendly neighbor, keep up with house chores, yard work and car repairs. Many of you feel the same pressure. In our day of economic cutbacks where employers are seeking to stay competitive, they continually ask less people to produce more and more.

  Often I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, remembering things I need to do or some forgotten detail that I overlooked. Then, as much as I try, sleep seems to allude me.

  Busyness, burn out, fatigue are so much a part of our lives that tragically, we’ve accepted them as normative. It’s why many fall asleep in front of the TV or looking at a screen. It’s why we don’t read. The quietness of stopping, just sitting down is difficult for us. And when we do, we fall asleep, so we give up. It’s why too many of us are on the brink of burn out.

  What are some of the signs of burnout? A biblical example of burn out is the Old Testament prophet, Elijah. I’d encourage you to take time to read his story this week. You’ll find the account of Elijah on the verge of a major breakdown in 1 Kings 19. As a high fever can be a sign of serious illness, these are some of the symptoms of burn out.  

  We depreciate our life and worth. Your life is filled with negative self-talk. Dark tapes play over and over in your mind like a broken record: “I’m a nobody. My life doesn’t matter. I don’t count. I have no value.” We compare ourselves with others and their accomplishments: “I’m not doing enough.” We compare our problems with the seemingly easy life others have. We compare our talents or gifts, and think how meager they are compared to the super star quality of the person next door or in the next office. But the worst thing we do is when we compare our expectations with the way life has really turned out. Failures then become final. When we begin to look at the way life turned out compared to the way we expected it would, we set ourselves up for anger, bitterness and burnout.

  We take on responsibility that’s not legitimately ours. You can’t make your kids do the right thing. A preacher can’t get people to respond in the right way to God’s Word. You can’t make an addict quit. But we still try, we up the ante on our inner control freak. Then, we blame ourselves for things we can’t control and that aren’t our fault. We develop a superhero syndrome, attempting to be general manager of the universe.

  We exaggerate what’s wrong and our problems. We overemphasize all that’s wrong in our lives, yet overlook God’s blessings. We consistently focus on the negative whether it’s in our life or in the world around us. We become critical, negaholics…and it often shows on our faces. When you’re drained, fatigued or exhausted, you have difficulty seeing life accurately.

  We pay too much attention to our feelings. Ours is an emotionally driven world. When we focus on how we feel instead of what’s true, it discourages us. Our emotions continually deceive us. Just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean it’s real. Ask any professional athlete and he’ll tell how discouraged he can feel after a great performance. He’s drained emotionally, so it’s easy to distort reality. He may have done a great job, but that’s not the message he hears from his emotions. Sometimes we must ignore our feelings. Feelings are highly unreliable. So what’s the cure?

  Rest, both physically and spiritually. When we feel overwhelmed, most cut back on the one area that helps us deal with being overwhelmed – rest. We need to go to bed at a decent time. Sometimes taking a ten minute nap helps us recharge in the middle of the day. God understands your body better than you do. Psalm 127:2 (Living Bible) “God wants His loved ones to get their proper rest.” Sometimes in life the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed. When you’re tired, you can’t handle a whole lot. Often a good night’s rest will radically change your perspective, literally overnight.

  If you’ve set aside (or never started) the habit of spending time in God’s Word and prayer, restart. Physical exercise is helpful; spiritual exercise is the best. Resist the tyranny of the urgent. Instead, renew a fresh awareness of God’s power and presence in your life. Learn to pray for others, too.

  Grow in gratitude. I’ve found that if I’ll take the time to write notes of gratitude, it lifts up my spirit and recharges me. We must learn to thank God for even the “little” blessings and work at turning our focus from the negative to the positive. It’s easy to let negative things dominate our time and thoughts. When we stop letting them control us, when we start spending more time with positive/grateful people, our emotional state dramatically improves. Serving others does the same thing, getting our mind off ourselves. There’s something very powerful about serving others. It’s regenerating. Depressed individuals are self-absorbed, yet serving others is medicine to our souls. 

  Learn to have fun. There’s a world of difference between taking life seriously and taking myself too seriously. Most of us need to learn to lighten up, to laugh more, to do something unplanned, even spontaneous. When we do, we find ourselves rejoicing in the Lord more.

  Remember the famous entertainer, Frank Sinatra? He was known for his song, I Did It My Way. Sadly, his last words before he died were, “I’m losing it.” Even Frank Sinatra didn’t have power over life and death. He wasn’t God and couldn’t control the timing of his own death. If you’re a believer, God is your Father and He has it all under control. We can trust Him. As we do, we learn to rest in Him more and more. 

Looking for quality used Christian books and other types of books at prices lower than even Amazon. Check out our family's online used bookstore at resurrectedreads.com.

Repentance: Without it "Christian" is just a nice meaningless word

True repentance starts with the recognition of the holiness of our God. We cannot rightly perceive the greatness of His goodness without apprehending the puniness of our own. Such a realization causes us to fall down in humility before God.”   Bryan Chappell

One of the great tragedies that a pastor periodically must deal with is spouse abuse. Can you imagine a man coming to his pastor for counseling because he periodically smacks his wife around? In their conversation, his pastor asks him, “How often does this happen?” The husband shamefacedly replies, “Every Friday night. I get home from a long week of work. I’m beginning to decompress, yet I look for something to pick a fight about. Before the night is over, I’ve lost my temper and smacked her around.” And the pastor responds, “Well, it’s obvious that this has become a habit. Everyone knows habits are hard to break. Why don’t you work at cutting back and only smack her around once a month?”

  Or a woman is committing adultery. Her lover is her neighbor and every day, as soon as her husband is off to work, her neighbor comes over and they have sex. She begins to feel guilty and goes to see a Christian counselor about it. And her therapist counsel her, “Well, it’s obvious that this has become a habit. Everyone knows habits are hard to break. Why don’t you work at cutting back and only commit adultery once a week?”

  By now (hopefully) you’re thinking that’s nuts! It’s repugnant that survey after survey reveal that there is little difference in the moral and ethical behavior between those who profess to know Christ and those who don’t. So what’s the problem? Repentance. We have bought into a Satanic and pernicious lie that someone can come to Christ and simply add Christ to his/her life, but not subtract sin. It is a change in belief without a change in behavior. Yet, the Bible is clear, that if there is salvation, if there is new life in Christ, there is repentance.

  So what is repentance?  According to renowned theologian, Dr. J. I. Packer, “The New Testament word for repentance means changing one’s mind so that one’s views, values, goals and ways are changed and one’s whole life is lived differently. The change is radical, both inwardly and outwardly; mind and judgment, will and affections, behavior and life style, motives and purposes, are all involved. Repenting means starting to live a new life.” Though the Bible continually commands repentance, as Acts 3:19 says, “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out.” Repentance is not optional, it’s an indispensable part of salvation. Yet, the vital word of repentance is one of the least used words in the Church today. Add to that, ours is a world that won’t tolerate the mention of sin. Even in churches sin is frequently defined only in psychological or sociological terms. As a result, the biblical teaching on repentance has inevitably been ignored. Yet, as Spurgeon wisely stated, “We shall not adjust our Bible to the age, but the age to the Bible.”

  Knowing what repentance is, and actually repenting, are essential to true Christianity. Jesus Christ Himself said that if we do not repent, we will perish! It’s vital for us to know and study what the Bible has to say about repentance. Our salvation and eternal destiny hangs in the balance. We risk being wrong about repentance at the cost of our eternal souls.

  As we study Scripture, we discover that in true Biblical repentance, there will be three spiritual actions that occur as repentance takes place and God does a work of grace in the sinner’s heart.

  Conviction. We admit our sin. Each lost person must see themselves as a lost, ruined, guilty, desperately wicked sinner without hope or help, in danger of eternal hell. In repentance, a lost sinner not only sees himself as a sinner, but recognizes the fact that he has sinned against a righteous and holy God. The message that Paul preached was: “repentance toward God, and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ” (Acts 20:21). In repentance, there will always be confession of sin to God (Psa. 32:5; 51:1-4).

  Contrition. Our sin is looked upon with disgust, even hatred. When we see ourselves as we appear before God, we’re brought to a place where there is godly sorrow for our sin and we despise it. “I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin” (Psalm 38:18); “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret…” (2 Corinthians 7:10).

  We must hate sin if we are going to love God. Can you imagine someone saying, “I’m Nazi who’s pro-Israel.” It’s one or the other. When there is true repentance, there’s not only the desire to escape the consequences of sin, but to be rid of sin itself as a thing displeasing to God. It’s detested like a foul bandage filled with disease.

  Conversion. When repentance takes place sin is abandoned. It’s like someone who has been committing adultery. For the marriage to be restored, there must be the abandoning of the partner in adultery and committing to one’s spouse anew. As Isaiah 55:7 says, “Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.” Repentance is not only a heart broken for sin, but also from sin. We must forsake what we want God to forgive. But it’s not enough just to turn away from sin; we must also turn to God for salvation. “To open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins…that they should repent and turn to God…” (Acts 26:18 & 20).

  When there is true repentance, there is conviction, contrition, and conversion as one turns from sin to the Jesus Christ for salvation. Salvation is deliverance from our sin, not merely from a sinful environment.

  Wabush, a town in a remote portion of Labrador, Canada, that was completely isolated for some time. Recently a road was cut through the wilderness to reach it. So Wabush now has one road leading into it, and thus, only on one road leading out. If someone would travel the unpaved road for six to eight hours to get into Wabush, there is only way he or she could leave—by completely turning around. Each of us, by birth, arrives in a town called Sin. As in Wabush, there is only one way out—a road built by God himself. But in order to take that road, one must first turn around. That complete about face is what the Bible calls repentance, and without it, there's no way out of town and there is no salvation.  

Looking for quality used Christian books and other types of books at prices lower than even Amazon. Check out our family's online used bookstore at resurrectedreads.com.