A Christ-follower with a limp: March 2019

Sunday, March 31, 2019

Thank You Volunteers!

“Volunteers do not necessarily have the time: they have the heart.”

Elizabeth Andrew

Today is our Volunteer Appreciation Day! What a privilege it is to honor them! Oftentimes we don’t realize the importance of something until it’s gone. That’s the way it is with volunteers.

Every healthy community has an army of frequently unacknowledged, unseen volunteers often silently working behind the scenes. A healthy society is made up of individuals who are involved in their community and take personal responsibility and investment seriously. Volunteers and those who willingly invest their time and talent are essential to a healthy culture. Some of our greatest heroes from history understood this.

Though known primarily for his role as one of our country’s Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin, was instrumental in creating the very first volunteer fire department. You’ve likely heard his famous quote, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” it was Franklin who brought together a group of thirty men in 1736 to form the Union Fire Company to prevent massive fires in Philadelphia.

Though more famous as an internationally known author and mystery writer (she authored 72 books), Agatha Christie, became a nurse in the Voluntary Aid Detachment of the Red Cross Hospital in Torquay when her husband, Archie, was fighting in World War I. From 1914 to 1917 she worked as a volunteer nurse and then dispensed medicines for the hospital for another year.

While most famous for being an astronaut and the first American woman in space in 1983, Sally Ride, was a role model to innumerable young girls. On top of that, she was a huge supporter of the Girl Scouts and co-founded the Girl Scouts’ Camp CEO, which paired minority girls with professional women. She even founded her own organization, Sally Ride Science.

Known best for his role as “Superman,” Christopher Reeve, became a super volunteer. After an accident left him paralyzed, the late actor became an advocate for those suffering from spinal cord injuries. He acted as Chairman of the American Paralysis Association and was Vice Chairman of the National Organization on Disability. He co-founded the Reeve-Irvine Research Center and created the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation, a foundation that funds research to develop treatments and cures for paralysis caused by spinal cord injuries and works to improve the quality of life for people living with disabilities. Christopher Reeve turned a terrible tragedy into an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. Where some would recluse themselves wallowing in self-pity, he used his tragedy to invest in a greater good, demonstrating that even disability isn’t an excuse to fail to make a difference in the lives of others.

What does it take to volunteer and to make a difference? The most needed trait is selflessness. It’s what volunteering is all about. Giving of yourself, your time and talent to a cause you believe in in order to help others in the process. The whole experience can be both very rewarding and addictive! A little selflessness goes a long way. You’ll often find that you get much more out of it than what you put into it.

Volunteers live longer, are happier and healthier than non-volunteers. Studies show that those who volunteer remain physically functional longer, have more robust psychological well-being, and even live longer. Making volunteering part of your lifestyle doesn’t have to be delayed until you retire. The elderly who volunteer are almost always those who volunteered earlier in life. Health and longevity gains from volunteering come from establishing meaningful volunteer roles long before you retire and continuing to volunteer once you arrive in your retirement years.

Volunteering is more often taught than caught. No one needs to be taught to be selfish. It comes all too naturally. Adults who love to volunteer were frequently taught to volunteer by their parents or some other mentor. Even a young child can volunteer and thrive as a volunteer. It’s important for the spiritual and emotional health of your child’s future to make volunteering a family affair. According to Jeannie Fino, an early childhood consultant with The Guidance Center of Westchester, NY, children have “a natural tendency to enjoy giving to others, which starts with empathy and compassion.” As parents, Fino says, it’s up to us to foster these feelings, to “provide opportunities for kids to give to others and to be grateful for what’s been given to them.” Serving others widens our worldview and increases our own sense of gratitude.

Volunteering strengthens our relationships. It focuses us on something greater than ourselves strengthening our relationships. It’s no accident that as the percentage of those volunteering decreases, loneliness and depression increase. Working alongside others who feel as strongly as we do about a particular cause creates strong relationships with them. It’s not just for making new friendships. volunteering alongside those in your own family strengthens family bonds based in “doing” your values together.

Should Christians volunteer outside the church? Absolutely! Yes, our first responsibility is our spiritual family (Gal. 6:10), yet we’re commanded to be salt and light in our world (Matt. 5:13-16). How can we be salt in our world if the salt stays in the saltshaker? How can we be light if we fail to shine outside the church walls? Please serve in your church family and find a place where you can make a difference in our community. God has designed us to serve others. Please find a place to volunteer and serve!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Utilitarianism, Lori Loughlin and Parental Snowplows

“Create all of the happiness you are able to create; remove all the misery you are able to remove.” Jeremy Bentham

Unless you had a college philosophy class, you may have never heard of Utilitarianism, yet you see it demonstrated every day. Utilitarianism simply believes that “the end justifies the means.”

Many are aghast at what’s been dubbed “Operation Varsity Blues,” where rich parents paid megabucks to get a child into an elite college like Yale, Stanford and Georgetown…to name a few. Some big name celebrities like Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman were netted in the conspiracy.

While I don’t want to make light of this, it’s obviously unethical and, in this case, criminal. Yet, other than the large financial sums, it’s not unusual. All of the handwringing borders on hypocritical hysteria. For example, expressing outrage over the scandal, Senator Elizabeth Warren, said, “This is just stunning. To me this is just one more example of how the rich and powerful know how to take care of their own.”

Other than the financial ingredient, over the top parental involvement happens all of the time. Personally, I don’t see how it’s different from some of these same colleges giving athletes a free pass on academics, not requiring class attendance or academia application as long as the athlete enables the school to win games. Is it all that different from parents pressuring a coach to give their child more playing time? Do we really believe that who starts on a team or gets the part in a drama production has nothing to do with who the family is? Is it different from manipulating a teacher to give a child better grades or asking the school to put their kid in another class if their child isn’t doing well or doesn’t like the teacher?

It even happens in churches where parents pressure a church to promote their child to another program because they don’t like it or to even design a program that meets the specific needs of their child. Many parents have left a church because it doesn’t have the programs they want for their child…or have threatened to leave. Employers are pressured to hang on to an indolent employee because of who their parents are. Law enforcement or the D.A. receive requests to lessen a charge or to drop it altogether because the parent of the criminal is connected. So, while there may not be a financial bribe, it’s not unusual to observe emotional or social ones.

But let me ask some questions: Are these parents really doing their child any favors? Are they helping them prepare for adulthood? Or, for a life when the parent is no longer in the picture. Absolutely not!

Most are familiar with the term helicopter parent. Yet, we’ve degenerated culturally to a new phenomenon – lawnmower or snowplow parents.

Helicopter parenting is the practice of hovering anxiously near one’s children, monitoring every activity. Yet, many are more like snowplows: chugging ahead, clearing any obstacles in their child’s path to success, so they won’t have to encounter failure, frustration or lost opportunities. What’s missed is that pain brings about growth. A mighty oak tree has withstood years of storms; a squash just gets squashed. And over the years I’ve met many of these coddled adults. It’s not pretty, particularly when the parent is no longer available.

God’s Word teaches that children are a gift from God (Psalms 127:3). As believers then, we honor the Lord and do what’s best for our child when we raise them in a way that pleases our Heavenly Father. How do we do that? We give them roots and wings. We raise them to stand alone depending on God alone. All of the heroes in Scripture were individuals of character able to stand alone: Joseph, Ruth, David, Esther, John the Baptist and Jesus. Are you preparing your child to stand alone for God?

Most coddling is motivated by parental love, yet it’s a misdirected love. It does more for the parent’s happiness than the child’s adulthood and future. Two core problems with a utilitarian approach to parenting are:

It focuses on feeling good as opposed to what is truly good. Pleasure is very subjective. Yet, according the Bible, God is the definition of good (Psalm 86:5). Since God does not change (James 1:17), the definition of good is objective and also does not change. It doesn’t fluctuate with culture or human desire. Yet, by equating good with pleasure, we define good as little more than the satisfaction of our own desires, often sinful ones. Mature adults do what’s right because it’s right. Childishness is driven by feelings. If you don’t feel like going to work, don’t. If you don’t feel like being kind, you’re not. Pleasure is like a drug. The more one indulges it, the less satisfying it becomes, and then more indulging is needed to achieve the same level of pleasure. It’s the law of diminishing returns.

It focuses on the avoidance of pain. Is all pain bad? No. While pain may not be good in and of itself, pain often results in good. Spiritual growth comes from learning from mistakes. Failure can be one of our best teachers. I’m not suggesting that we should actively seek pain. You don’t have to. Pain is innocuous. We’re not demonstrating love to our children though when we seek to make their lives pain free. Scripture is clear – God is more interested in our holiness than our happiness. His continual exhortation to us is that we are to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:15-16).

Scripture says something that’s radical in today’s pleasure seeking culture, “count it all joy when we face trials of all kinds” (James 1:2-4). It’s not because trials are joyful, but that they have a maturing effect. They lead us to greater perseverance, faithfulness and fruitfulness.

As a parent, I’d encourage you to prayerfully seek wisdom and ask the Lord, “Is the trajectory I’m directing my child toward going to bring glory to You?” Ask a wise godly friend for an outside perspective. Be willing to let the Lord turn the heat up in your child’s life without you trying to grab the controls. Gold only becomes valuable once the dross is burned away.

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Praying to be #2

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

C.S. Lewis

Do you ever pray difficult prayers? Most of us don’t. I know that I don’t pray them very often. I’m a bit cautious about praying for patience or humility. The answer to those prayers often include going through the “fire” to melt away dross in my life, but I don’t enjoy the heat. Yet I know that if I’m going to grow spiritually and have the fullness of life that my Heavenly Father desires for me to have, both must be part of my life.

One of the most amazing statements that I believe was ever made in Scripture was by John the Baptist. It’s found in John 3:30, where speaking of Jesus, John the Baptist said, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” Now that’s a big prayer! It’s a bit like a sports team jumping up and down with two fingers screaming, “We’re #2! We’re #2! We’re #2!” Who wants to be #2? Can you imagine a coach, giving a pep talk at the beginning of the year, “Okay, this year…we’re going to be #2.”

Yet, if we want God’s best, you and I must learn to sincerely pray: Lord, You increase in my life and let me decrease. It’s praying to be #2. It’s hard. It goes against our pride and selfish sin nature. It goes against everything we’re taught in our culture. Yet, though Jesus is our model, two virtues that aren’t valued even in the Church are selflessness and humility.

If anyone easily could have fallen into the trap of pride, it would have been John the Baptist. Who else in human history (apart from Jesus) could claim to have been filled with the Holy Spirit while still in his mother’s womb (Luke 1:15). No one else in all of human history had the important role of being the forerunner of the Messiah. John the Baptist enjoyed immediate popular success, as crowds from Jerusalem, Judea and the surrounding areas were going out to hear him in the wilderness to confess their sins and be baptized. Even the Lord Jesus testified of John that he was the greatest man in human history (Matt. 11:11). All these things could have fed the pride of this young prophet, just barely in his thirties. His announcement is astounding: “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

Recently, I found myself feeling irritated (sadly, that happens more than I want to admit). Yet, as the Spirit worked in my sinful heart, I recognized that it was a pride problem. I wasn’t being treated the way that I deserved to be treated. Pride, possibly more than any other sin, hurts our relationship with the Lord Jesus.

Pride is the source of most of our unhappiness. If we’re honest with ourselves, which is hard because as Scripture warns us, our hearts are deceitful, (Jere. 17:9), pride is the source of much of our internal discomfort. What causes me to get irritated? I’m not being taken care of the way that I believe I should be. Impatience is the result of someone impeding my progress or getting in my way. Depression can be caused by pride as others don’t care or think about me as I think that they should.

Pride is the source of most marital conflict. When was the last time that you had a fight with your spouse because you thought that they were being too kind or selfless toward us? No, we want our way. And if our spouse was really smart, they’d think, see the things and do things that we want. We get irritated because we’re not getting enough attention. Or our spouse is thoughtless because they’re not thinking of us.

Pride is the source of most family conflict. Even in the most harmonious and loving family, jealousy lurks around the corner. Dad does more for you than me. Mom likes you better. Isn’t pride the cause of every fight to sit by the window? Unfortunately, childish jealousy doesn’t die in adulthood. Many siblings, even in their sunset years still squabble over the old battles from childhood. They never grew up and learned to set aside pride.

Pride is the source of most church conflict. Naively, we often think of the early church as the ideal. It wasn’t. Personally, I wouldn’t have wanted to have been the pastor of the Corinthian church. The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 1:11, “For it has been reported to me by Chloe's people that there is quarreling among you.” It is very, very rare, as in almost never, for there to be a church conflict or problem over a doctrinal issue. Most are caused by a pride issue.

Leslie Flynn penned a thought-provoking book, Great Church Fights. In it he chronicled the way people in churches would go after each other – all in the name of Jesus. He shares that one day a young father heard a commotion out in the backyard, looked outside and saw his daughter and several playmates in a heated quarrel. When he intervened, his daughter called back, “Dad, we’re just playing church!”

Pride is arguably the most deadly and evil of all sins because it’s at the root of all other sins. Whenever I sin, I’m arrogantly asserting that I know better than God knows what’s best for me. As Christians, we must constantly battle pride and grow in humility. If you think you’ve attained any measure of humility, you need to be on guard against being proud of your humility!

John the Baptist had the solution. The more that I think about Jesus and what pleases Him…how I can serve and honor Him, then the more of Christ’s peace that I will know.

Please don’t misunderstand this. We’re not called to be Christian doormats. I’m not to think of myself less or little of myself. Rather, it’s being so absorbed and focused on the Lord Jesus, that I don’t think of myself at all.

On one occasion, a group came to Philip, one of Jesus’ disciples and made this request: “Sir, we wish to see Jesus” (John 12:21). That’s always what those around us need to see. It comes from praying and surrendering, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” Is Jesus increasing in your life?

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Unfinished Business

“I’m afraid we’ll always be a book with the end pages ripped out.”

Madisen Kuhn

At age 99, Leo Plass received his college diploma from Eastern Oregon University. He’d stopped working on his teaching degree during the 1930s when he left college to earn an income in the logging industry. Seventy-nine years later, he completed the three credits necessary to graduate and resolve this important unfinished business in his life. Many of us can relate to Leo. Most of us have unfinished business. I know that I do.

Are you like me? I feel like I can mark a day off in the “win column,” if my “to do” list is down to single digits. I don’t know what I’d do if it was totally cleared. No doubt that’s why Europeans have a saying they use to compare themselves to Americans: “We work to live but Americans live to work.” That describes many of us in a culture that values workaholism.

Some unfinished business is inconsequential. Other unfinished business is very important. If left undone, it will leave a lingering sense of regret. We all have them.

Forty years later I still remember that two weeks before my Mom was killed in a car accident, I’d told her that “I hated her!” Sadly, I never apologized. After she was killed, those were the words that came back to haunt me. Yet, it was too late to ever say I was sorry. While I know that I’m forgiven by God (it’s why Jesus died…to clean up all of our sin messes). And I know that my Mom would not hold it against me. She was one of the most gracious, forgiving individuals I’ve ever known. Yet, it would have been freeing for me to know there was no unfinished business.

It’s one reason that Scripture gives this warning about anger that we’d all be wise to heed: Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph. 4:26). Like most couples, Jane and I periodically fight. Yet, we’ve worked very hard in our 35-year marriage to not go to bed angry or to leave each other’s company with harsh words. Life is fragile. None us knows when it will be the last time that we see that person alive.

If you have unresolved issues with those you love, I’d encourage you, if possible, to resolve any unfinished business. We need to keep short accounts with God when we sin and we need to also keep short accounts with each other when there have been angry words or actions.

Most of us focus on the wrong list of unfinished business. Sometimes it’s referred to as a “bucket list.” Do you really think that anyone comes to the end of life and are so thankful that they visited Disney World? While it might be nice to see the world, I doubt that they’ll show pictures of you in front of the pyramids or the Colosseum when they put together your last slide show. The next time you’re at a funeral, you’ll find a common theme in all of the pictures – people, lots of people, mostly family and loved ones.

All of us will have unfinished business. The Bible acknowledges that and gives very valuable instructions that we’d do well to heed when we leave our unfinished business: Prepare for the next generation.

One of my heroes in Scripture is Joseph. Though Joseph had been a prime minister in Egypt and could have had a pyramid built in his honor. Yet, as he was on his deathbed, he looked forward in faith and instructed that when the Israelites went home to the Promised Land, that they’d take his bones with them. 430 years later when they left Egypt, they did.

As much as you can, complete business that will help those who follow you to know Christ and have a relationship with Him. That’s what Joseph did. His bones reminded them that God had promised to give them a land, that Egypt was not their home. This world is also not our home. God has a “land” waiting for us. Let’s prepare for the next generation by doing all we can to help them be fixed on and live for the real world.

Then, as much as we can, we must seek to resolve the unfinished business of broken relationships. Recently, the Lord answered one of my prayers. I had a broken relationship with someone and I wasn’t sure how to go about mending it, but the Lord wonderfully took care of it. It was so fulfilling!

Some broken relationships aren’t mendable. Scripture acknowledges that. The Bible instructs us though that we’re responsible for taking care of our side of the jagged relationship. Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

Too many times I’ve met individuals with the unfinished business of bitterness. It’s impossible to be bitter and be a healthy Christian. Sometimes bitterness is an indicator that the individual does not truly have a relationship with Christ. That’s the point of the parable of the unforgiving servant found in Matthew 18 and repeated succinctly in Ephesians 4:31-32.

When one has been forgiven of so much in the Courts of Heaven as every born-again Christian has, how can we rationalize being unforgiving for the wrongs done against us in this life, no matter how heinous they may be?

We’re all going to leave this life with unfinished business. It’s inevitable. Please though, as much as you possibly can, make sure that there’s no unfinished business in your relationships. Bitterness always takes its greatest toll on the one who carries it.

Most of all though, please make sure that you have no unfinished business between you and God. God the Father sent His Son to die for us so that the broken relationship between us caused by our sin could be resolved.

Salvation and God’s forgiveness are a free gift (John 3:16) that God wants to give every person. He wants our business with Him to be finished so He can forgive us and welcome us Home. If you have unresolved business between you and God, please come to Christ’s cross and let God heal your unfinished business with Him once for all. Do it today. None of us assurance of tomorrow.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Thank you ACLU!

“It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.”

Roy E. Disney

I never thought that I would ever be thankful for the ACLU, but I am. It was one of those, “what in the world were they thinking?” situations.

Recently, the ACLU sent a letter to the Kenosha Unified School District demanding action after the district allegedly failed to adequately act against sexual harassment of cheerleaders at Tremper High School. The ACLU got involved after parents raised concerns regarding an annual cheerleader awards banquet in March 2018 during which coaches reportedly gave out awards “naming” girls. The names were so repugnant, I’ll just share one, “Big Booty Judy.” The awards were given for being more sexually endowed than their peers. I found myself agreeing with the statement made by the ACLU Wisconsin staff attorney, Asma Kadri-Keeler: “Gender stereotypes and objectification of women and girls start from an early age and follow girls and women throughout their entire lives.”

Fortunately, the Kenosha School District, after the situation was brought to their attention, quickly remedied it, issuing this statement: “A clear expectation has been set that awards of this nature are not acceptable and are not to be given at Tremper cheerleading banquets going forward.”

There’s a message though for the Church – you produce what you honor and cultivate. In a world enamored with temporal values, Christians must be different and focus on those traits which have lasting and eternal value.

When the nation of Israel was looking for a new king, the Prophet Samuel was impressed with temporal qualities. The Lord checked him with this powerful, yet profound warning, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Our world is enamored with that which is given and temporal, not eternal and cultivated. For example…

Our world is enamored with appearance. In American culture, those who are considered beautiful or handsome, are considered more valuable. Think of who we place on magazine covers or on media screens. Add to that, our culture is overly sexualized and eroticized. Our obsession with appearance often results in eating disorders on those who feel they don’t measure up.

Please understand, I’m not suggesting we ignore our physical appearance. There’s no value in being unkempt or appearing dowdy. We must though realize that physical appearance is given by our Creator. It’s also culturally subjective and continually fluctuates. For example, a generation ago a man with a shaved head was repugnant to most. Yet, today male shaved heads are in style. Proverbs 31 warns us that beauty is transitory. In spite of our best efforts, all of us age and begin to fall apart. While physical appearance always fades, often vanity always stays. God is the Master Designer of each one of us (Psalms 139:13-16). When we disdain someone because of their appearance, we’re disdaining the Creator who designed that person.

Our world is enamored with talent. Personally, I’m appalled when professional athletes, actors or musicians are paid exorbitantly simply because they can throw a ball, act or sing. I wouldn’t pay $300 for a Taylor Swift concert (I’m not sure that I’d pay $3, but I’m cheap). I don’t believe Aaron Rodgers is worth $33 million a year or Ryan Braun is worth $21 million. Yes, they have ability and have developed that ability. But again, it is a God-given ability…and God can take it away as easily as He gave it.

Our world is enamored with IQ. Have you ever heard a parent bragging that their child is a C+ student? No, yet what if that’s all the intellectual ability that their child has. Put a Doctor in front of someone’s name or garb them in a white coat, and we somehow reason that they have more value simply because they have “this world” intelligence. Richard Dawkins may be a genius, yet Scripture teaches that he’s fool (Ps. 14:1). He even suggests that parents who know that their unborn child has special needs, take “the survival of the fittest into their own hands.” History has demonstrated that one can be a genius and also be a moral monster.

God’s people must value what God values. While there is nothing wrong with telling your child that they look “pretty” or “handsome,” we’d be wiser to affirm then when they are selfless or kind. In a “Me Too” world, we must be cautious about commenting on someone’s, particularly someone of the opposite gender’s, appearance. We’re wiser in the Church to commend and encourage the fruits of the Spirit and the application of biblical truth in one’s life, rather than physical and temporal attributes.

Even outside of our Christian subculture, God has commanded us to be salt and light. We fulfill that when we commend thoughtfulness, generosity, work ethic, integrity and character. And think about how much our belligerent public discourse might change if just professing Christians were more guarded in their words and habitually encouraged civility. It’s true that there are times when we must speak out against evil, yet we can do that without using words that are also wrong or evil. 2 Corinthians 10:4 reminds us that “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.”

It’s humbling when the ACLU has to correct an evil. Surely, there were Christians parents and churches in Kenosha who could have made this an issue and resolved it before the ACLU was ever enlisted. We, too, can make a difference if we will value and loudly applaud what our Heavenly Father values – that which is godly and has eternal merit.