The Story of Us

 “Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant. ‘Till death do us part’ or ‘As long as we both shall live’ is a sacred covenant promise – the same kind Jesus made with His bride when He died for her.”  John Piper 

I never imagined on a hot summer day on July 2, 1983, that Jane and I would someday be married for forty years. Please understand. We meant our vows, “till death do us part,” yet when you’re in your twenties, imagining what life and marriage will be like in your sixties is a bit like dreaming about space travel.
  We don’t have a perfect marriage and have had our share of marital storms. We know full well that we’re both sinners and desperately in need of God’s grace and will be to our last breath. There are some things though that we’ve learned in four decades together. Maybe they will help you in your own marital journey.
  A healthy marriage has two hosts. Jane and I dated once in college and then found each other again after she had graduated and was teaching in the Chicago suburbs. I’d left college and was saving money to return and finish by doing commercial roofing…in Chicago. We reconnected and like most couples, we bent over backwards for each other. We were perfect hosts, working to continually please the other because that’s what a host does.
  But when you’re a guest at a hotel, you don’t make the bed or hang up wet towels. Marriages deteriorate when spouses become guests, not hosts. They expect to be served rather than to serve. Hosts even talk differently to guests than guests do to hosts. Don’t hate me…but I don’t like cats yet I wouldn’t talk to a stray cat the way that some spouses speak to each other.
  Opposites attract and that’s a blessing. Jane is from Michigan, I’m from Atlanta. She grew up in the country and had a mile-long driveway. I grew up in the city. Jane is an extrovert and loves meeting new people. I’m an introvert and can feel drained by being with people. Jane loves a very planned life and schedule. I’m spontaneous and am more of a “go with the flow” type. Jane is time oriented and rarely late. I’m event-oriented, which simply means that I don’t move on to the next thing until the present one is done. I think that the last time that I was early was for our wedding. Yet, rather than these becoming sources of irritation, they’ve become what Scripture calls “iron sharpening iron,” helping us both grow.
  What originally attracted you is still there. If most couples would take a step back, they’d find that what irritates them about their spouse is about five or ten percent of the marriage. 90% though is fantastic! But what do they focus on – that small percentage. And frequently what drives them crazy are the very things that originally attracted them. For example, one of the things that attracted me to Jane is that she is so kind. I’m embarrassed to admit that when I was in business, I was nicknamed “the butt kicker.” Yet I’m not sure I’ve seen Jane angry more than five times in forty years and none of them (amazingly so) were at me. Jane was originally attracted to my assertiveness but there were times that my assertiveness embarrassed her. Thankfully we’ve both grown in grace, yet those same traits are still there. Instead of being annoyances, they’ve become traits of gratitude.
  If you fight, keep it clean. Periodically, a couple will tell you that they never fight. Mark it down – they’re either lying, very boring, or highly medicated. Disagreements and fights help us grow. But in forty years the word “divorce” has never been used by either of us, even as a joke. My mentor, Dad Cummins, taught us that. Dad married us and did our pre-marital counseling. Most of us fight like our parents did instead of biblically. They were our greatest teachers of what marriage was like for the first years of life. My Dad was a rageaholic, interestingly, so was his Dad. Jane and I have learned to keep it toned down. It’s hard to get very angry when you talk softly. You must also avoid becoming “historical.” In the midst of the conflict, it’s tempting to bring up past grievances that have nothing to do with the present issue for extra ammo. Then, keeping it private is vital. Other than our children, very few know that we’ve had any disagreements. But some couples take pleasure in airing their dirty laundry, looking for allies. They do pay back when they have an audience to shame their mate. God’s Word commands us to not “let the sun go down on our anger” (Ephesians 4:26). A healthy marriage keeps it cleaned up. That means it’s wrong to hold grudges or pull off some ongoing silent treatment.
  Have a united front. Too often when a couple is having issues, they think that the solution is to have a baby. It’s not. Children are the great dividers. Because we tend to believe the way that we were raised is the best one, children learn early to play Mom and Dad against each other. Parents will disagree on parenting styles, just do it privately, not in front of your children. The same is true with marital disagreements, like in-laws or holidays. Stay united and keep disagreements private.  
  When you draw closer to the God of love, you’ll draw closer to each other. Do you know what the percentage of divorce is for a couple who prays together? Less than 10%. That’s one reason the Bible teaches that Christians must marry Christians. You can’t pray together if you don’t have the same Heavenly Father. A personal devotional life is essential to a healthy marriage. As we individually spend time in God’s Word and in prayer, we love God more. In love, He corrects us, which is often in how we’ve wronged someone, frequently our spouse. Think of it as a triangle with God at the peak and you and your spouse at the far angles. As you move closer to God, you’re moving closer to each other.
  There’s a lot more. The bottom line is that both Jane and I believe that based on Scripture believers should have the happiest and most fulfilled marriages. That’s because we have resources lost folk don’t have – the Holy Spirit indwelling us, God’s Word guiding us and a local church family encouraging us! Forty years ago we said, “till death do us part.” We meant it and we’d do it all over again, yet it’s all by God’s grace!!

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Re-Firing NOT Retiring

“Retiring? No! I’m re-firing…there’s no mention of retirement in the Bible, as far as I can tell. In fact, except for Jesus and David, nobody had much of an impact until they were at least sixty, and most of them were in their nineties before they did their best work.”             Zig Ziglar (at 78)

Vance Luke is my new hero! Though Home with the Lord now, he’s how I want to go out. Recently, I heard his story on a Christian news podcast.   He was born in Aberdeen, South Dakota on September 25, 1918, and grew up on a farm. Later, he served as a major in the Army Air Corps during World War II which later became the US Air Force. A mechanical engineer, he worked on the fuel system for the B-52 bomber. Following his military service, he went to work and eventually ended up as the Plant Manager at a Goodyear plant. He and his wife moved to Rome, Georgia where they “loved it and stayed.” He joined the First Presbyterian Church sang in the church choir and invested his life serving the Lord. When he retired, he used his hands and mind to build and repair nearly every building on God’s Farm, a ministry to troubled teens in West Georgia. 

Yet, Vance Luke’s greatest asset was unseen. He knew who he was in Jesus Christ and that was the guiding source of his life. 

Married 65 years before the death of his wife Mary Gay, the Lukes raised three children, Ginger, Vance Jr., and Kay. When he first began volunteering at God’s Farm, he only worked on Fridays so that he could care for his wife with Alzheimer’s Disease during the rest of the week. Following her death, he started going five days a week.

He was 93-years old when he went on his first work-missions trip to Africa. As his adult children were planning the trip, they asked, “Should we ask Dad? And Jr. said, “Well you better tell him that it’s a 25-hour flight and it’s rough terrain and high altitude.” Vance Luke’s response, “Yep I’m going.” They put him in charge of construction and he worked harder than any of them. The team built two classrooms, a kitchen, and a 350 chicken coop. They visited families, got shoes for kids that didn’t have shoes, started a lunch program for the five farms there. And Vance Luke was right in the middle of all of it. Actually, he was leading a lot of it because he knew a lot more than everyone else did.

Ultimately, they celebrated his 100th birthday in Africa on one of their mission trips. There’s a little restaurant in Kajabi. The restaurant knew the family was coming to celebrate his 100th birthday and there were a number of Kenyans who came pretending that they were having dinner. They wanted to see what dinner for a hundred-year-old was going to be like. 

He was a grandfather to six, great-grandfather to nine, and great-great-grandfather to three. On August 17, 2019 Luke had a one-car accident about 15 minutes into his hour-long drive home. He’d already picked figs and cut grass that morning. It’s believed that he had a heart attack or stroke. He was headed home after serving the Lord all day and met Jesus and really went Home.

32 years! Last Sunday Jane and I completed our 32nd year of serving Grace Church. I was only 28 when we pulled up with our full car and moving van. I still remember the shock on the faces of the crew unloading us that one person could own so many books. Our little family of 4 became 5 in 1990. This is where our children grew up. This is their home. This is our home. We fell in love with you, our church. We fell in love with this community. Though transplants from Michigan and Georgia, Jane and I know that our hearts are here in Grace Church and in this community.

Anniversaries are a time for thanksgiving and reflection. No one knows about tomorrow. “D.V.” is a vital Latin phrase for every believer. It stands for Deo Volente and means, “God willing.” James 4:15 says, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” Lord willing, I plan to serve at least one more decade at Grace. How do I picture the next ten years?

I want to be a Caleb. At 85 years young Caleb wanted to take more territory for the glory of God. Through the years the Lord has given me the privilege of leading many to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He’s allowed me to share His Word and help others learn that Jesus loved them and to love Jesus. I truly hope that I’ve only just begun. I don’t want to coast. I want to go for the next hill and mountain like Caleb did. The greatest victories are spiritual ones. They’re the ones that count for eternity.

I want to be a Noah. Noah was 500 years old when he built the ark. God has so richly blessed us with our new building. The land, the building – it’s all a miracle! It’s all by God’s grace and the generosity of His people – YOU! Yet, the task is far from complete. Because our other properties hadn’t sold and we wanted to be fiscally conservative, we set aside plans for an education wing. Yet, we need more space for our children ministries and the next generation. I’d love it if the Lord let me be part of that!

I want to be an Abraham. At the end of his life, Abraham planned wisely for the next generation. It’s tempting and wrong to settle for the status quo. Like Abraham, I want to invest in lives of those who are coming behind me. I want to prepare for their future so that they can be more fruitful and more effective in walking with the Lord and reaching this community with the gospel. I hope that they will be more effective than I have been.  

I want to be a Daniel. At the end of his life when his enemies were looking for something to accuse Daniel with, the only thing that they could find was that he was a man of prayer. When I first came to our church, I was far too program oriented. The Lord has taught me over and over again (I’m a slow learner) that it’s His ministry and more true ground is gained with prayer than programs. Yet, when it comes to prayer I feel so inadequate. Though I know that I have a long way to go, I am so thankful that the Lord Jesus has patiently brought me this far.

I want to be a Joshua. What a visionary! At the end of his life Joshua urged his people to stay faithful and not rest on their laurels. By God’s grace I want to help our church have a vision and passion for all that God can do through us for today and tomorrow if we surrender and trust Him.

I want to be a Moses. Some leaders stay too long. Moses was submissive when the Lord told him that his work was done and it was time to go. It was very hard for him, yet it was best for God’s work and the nation of Israel. There will come a time when I need to take my hand off the plow and quietly get out of the way so God’s work can continue to grow and bring glory to His Name! I want to be sensitive to His timing, not my own.

Jane and I are so thankful for the past 32 years! We love you so much and are so thankful for you! You truly are our family! And we’re excited about what the Lord has for Grace next! We are so blessed! Thank you for letting us serve the Lord by serving you these 32 years!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.