Helping without Hurting

“Understand the difference between helping and enabling. 

Don’t participate in someone else’s misbehavior.”

  It’s a lot easier to discuss the difference between helping and enabling, than it is to define or do it. Like many of you, I love to give! I love to help people. Scripture is clear that giving and generosity are the DNA of what it means to be a Christian. A professing Christian who is a Scrooge either isn’t truly a Christian or has hardened their heart to the Spirit and Scripture.

  If you’re like me then, when someone approaches you for money, it’s very hard to turn them down. Yet, while I want to help and be generous, at the same time, I don’t want to enable a detrimental or sinful lifestyle. But I’m not always sure where the lines are…Are you?

  Recently, I was at a Starbucks in Milwaukee. A couple was standing outside. As I walked in, the man asked me if I could help them out. I turned him down. He then went in and asked the manager for financial help. It really bothered me that I’d turned him down and then the thought occurred to me that I could at least buy them coffee or a sandwich. As this was her store, I quietly asked the manager if I should help them. She was very kind about it, but resoundingly told me, “No, they’re lying to people.”

  Are you like me? I feel guilty either way. Jane and I have some neighbors who perpetually seem to be in need financially, and we’ve helped them. Finally, we had to draw a line with one and told her it was a loan for “gas money,” but we wanted to see a receipt for the gas. It’s been several weeks and she still hasn’t returned with the receipt or for more money.

  Recently, I was discussing with a friend this dilemma of giving money to someone who may use it to feed an addiction, He suggested that instead of money, give a panhandler a granola bar. It’s something that’s nutritious and won’t be as easily swapped for something illicit. They can also store it in a backpack…so I now have a bunch of granola bars in my car.

  The Bible speaks to both issues – helping the poor yet not enabling. Effective ministry among the needy begins with understanding the Bible’s definition of poverty. Poverty is first a fallen world issue. It’s produced by various factors and includes everything from disability, mental illness or economic downturns, to discrimination or injustice, unwise choices or addictions and personal sins like indolence.

  Americans tend to be simplistic to an issue that’s frequently very complicated. We love quick fixes with minimum involvement. Many times we criticize government programs that merely help the poor manage their poverty, rather than escape it. Yet, many church programs virtually do the same thing. It takes more than a band-aid to cure poverty. It requires involvement and major “surgery.” Yet, before doing surgery, a doctor asks a lot of questions. We must do the same with those who are in “poverty.”

  For example, recently a homeless man asked me for help (he was living in his truck). When I suggested a place where he could rent a room by the week, he responded that the place was “too dirty.” To which I responded, “I think it’s cleaner than your truck.” He was homeless by choice.

  What many consider poverty in America is inconvenience. Food is a necessity. Adequate and warm clothing is a necessity. Other things, like cigarettes and WiFi are not. The Census Bureau reports that over 30 million Americans live in “poverty.” Yet, a poor household, as defined by the government, often has a car, air conditioning, two color TVs, cable or satellite TV, and a DVD player. Rarely, are they hungry or are unable to obtain medical care when needed. In fact, the typical poor American has more living space in his home than an average (non-poor) European. Compared to much of the world, we know little of true poverty in America.

  The biblical pattern and focus in both the Old and New Testaments is to assist the working poor. The book of Ruth is a powerful example of this. In 2 Thessalonians 3 it says, “Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness…If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies.”  

  Enabling can be a barrier to the gospel or God working in someone’s life. Most of us can look back in our lives and see how God used tough times (sometimes financial but not necessarily) to bring us to Himself. It’s noteworthy that where Socialism is the dominant political system, it’s often a gospel resistant culture. Rather than turning to God for rescue, government has been deified, but government is always a poor savior. As Vance Havner said of enabling, using the Prodigal Son as an example, that today “somebody would have given him a bed and a sandwich and he never would have gone home.”

  What does all this mean for us? First, we must ask questions rather than jump in with solutions. Second, we must realize that our first responsibility is to our own biological family. That means too that the first ones who should intervene for the needy are the biological family (1 Tim. 5:4, 8), not the government or church. Third, we must minister to fellow believers and those in our spiritual family before those on the outside (Gal. 6:10).

  Christianity is relational. It’s far easier to help the poor than to invest in getting to really know them. Many church ministries to the poor focus on commodities, i.e., giving food, clothing or money. The greater need is a relationship. Help should spring from relationships, not be a substitute for them. Moving from commodity-based benevolence to relational ministry is a process. God, though, has called us to be about people, not about programs. We have a relationship with Him. He commands us to be relational with others. In other words, He’d rather us have someone in for a meal than to hand them a food basket. 

  There are no easy answers or magic wands when it comes to poverty. And grace is messy! God sent His Son into the mess of this world for us. He’s called us to go out into a messy world for Him. When possible, the best place to begin helping the poor is to personally know them and then introduce them to the One who can meet their greatest need.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.