Stop lying to your kids!

“Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.”

Robert Anthony

  A donkey named Oliver recently joined therapy dogs offering stress relief during finals week at Montana State University. The 8-year-old donkey stood inside the entrance of the university library. Students petted Oliver, hugged him and took selfies. In another part of the library, students sat on the floor and played with dogs provided by Intermountain Therapy Animals. The report failed to report whether it helped the students do better on their finals, but isn’t doing well on your finals the goal? 

  Unlike much of the world, particularly the 3^rd World, America’s youth is on the side of wimpy. For various reasons, helicopter parenting, a warm and fuzzy mentality, the strict regulation of what children can or can’t say/do – we often have an unprepared generation for adulthood. Life, marriage or the workplace aren’t going to provide therapy donkeys.

  A new report from the Educational Testing Service (ETS), America’s Skills Challenge: Millennials and the Future, dares to asks how much longer we can thrive as a nation when a vast segment of our society (Americans between 16 and 34), “lack the skills required for higher-level employment and meaningful engagement in our democracy. Despite having the highest levels of educational attainment of any previous American generation.”

  Even the Church and Christian parents often succumb to a secular worldview, failing to prepare our children with a biblical worldview, yet accepting several societal lies. Sometimes it’s because we so want our youth to believe something, to feel better, overcome challenges, or work through pain that we’ll say nearly anything in an attempt to help. Sometimes it’s because we’re foolish, naïve about the high cost to their future. Here are some of the more common lies we’ve been telling our kids.

  You can do and be anything. Except for all the things you aren’t good at or aren’t wired for. Everyone can do something well, usually lots of things, but no one can do everything, much less master it. We do the next generation a disservice when we encourage them to pursue things they’ll never succeed at. Failure is a vital part of maturity and we must be willing to let our kids fail.

  It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Yes, it does. The intent is to give children a sense of confidence. But it does matter…it matters what parents, teachers, employers, law enforcement and a host of others think. What people think does matter…ultimately, it matters what God thinks. It doesn’t change their value or worth. But it matters because it hurts or helps.    

  All you need to do is make good grades. We all know educated idiots. Faith and character matter much more than academic success. Yet our attitude toward grades reveals our true values. We communicate that a report card is their validation by rewarding grades but neglecting the effort, overlooking the sweat and tears that can go into a C-minus. We fail to prepare them for college or a first job where they’re going to totally bomb sometimes. We devalue non-academic talents or soft skills (skills which serve them far better than algebra) in pursuing honor-roll parent status.

  It just matters that you tried. That’s not true. Results matter a lot. They matter in life and that’s what we’re preparing them for. No one wants a heart surgeon who just tried hard. Yes, there are times to comfort a crestfallen child with encouragement about how hard they tried, but they also need to be encouraged with successes. We need to praise improvement and results – learning an instrument, giving a speech, shooting a basket, driving a car, and getting a B-minus. Effort absolutely counts and generally it leads to good results. It’s usually not enough to just try hard.

  Everyone gets a trophy. Young people need affirmation, but over-affirming basic standards of behavior or worse, poor behavior, pushes them toward an insatiable need for praise for stuff that deserves none. You don’t get pats on the back for showing up. Even when you do a good job, it may go unnoticed…because that’s what you’re supposed to do. When we praise the mundane, our praise is cheapened. You do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, not because anyone notices. It’s called character. 
  It will be okay. Not always. Life is painful. It’s not always going to be okay. It’s a sin contaminated world filled with suffering, death and dying. Some things will never be fixed on this side of heaven. Tomorrow is not just another day. It might be worse. We can’t promise it’s going to be ok.

  From a biblical worldview, we have hope and know it will be ok because God promised it will be. He didn’t promise we’d feel better or stop hurting. Job never understood why he suffered. Oftentimes we just have to trust God…and that’s enough. Sometimes life is terrible. It hurts beyond words but God is still good. We need to help turn their eyes to something bigger, to something beyond this world, to Someone who will never fail them.

  I will always be here for you. No, we won’t. We’ll do our best but we’re sinners who needed dying for. One of the greatest pains our child will ever face we will be the source of – our own death. As much as we’d love to heal the pain and comfort them, we can’t. Life’s clock is ticking, as it did for our parents and grandparents. The best we can do is turn their focus to the God who will always be there, the God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3-5). 
  Life is tough. Death is worse. Praise God, Jesus has conquered death! There is hope! Our children need God’s grace, need to trust and depend on Him, need lots of perseverance to start, and more importantly, to end well.  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.