Do you need a Social Media Diet?

“Social Media demands a lot of us on top of our already demanding lives. There’s a difference between interest and commitment. So let’s connect as we need to and renew our interest and ourselves.”    Simon Mainwaring

Pastor Jay Y. Kim in his book, Analog Church, shares of an experience at a local restaurant after being convicted about the overuse of his own smartphone at home, keeping him from being present with his family:

  “I was having lunch alone. The restaurant was near a local high school which has an open campus policy, so shortly after I sat down to eat, several students began to file in together for a quick bite before heading back to class. Once again, I’d been on my phone—this time actually checking email. But when I saw the students walk in, I decided to people watch for a while, paying special attention to how they would interact while sharing a meal. What I saw saddened me but did not surprise me. In total, fourteen students ate at that restaurant during the lunch hour, all of them sitting in friend groups, not a single one of them alone. And in total, thirteen of them had a phone in their hands for the vast majority of the time, occasionally looking up to chat with one another, but for the money ost part, losing themselves to their digital content, all while sitting so tantalizingly close to other actual human beings. They were, in the words of Sherry Turkle’s aptly titled book, “alone together.” Entranced by the endless sea of digital possibilities, these kids were missing out on the very unique gift of analog presence surrounding them. While they were busy communicating with the digital world (many of them sending texts and Snapchat messages), they were squandering the opportunity to commune with the real people in their midst. This is what community often looks like in the digital age. Lonely individuals falling prey, over and over again, to the great masquerade of digital technology—the ability to lull us into a state of isolation via the illusion of digital connection.”

  Smartphones are ubiquitous and if we’re honest, they’re very addictive.  Imagine for a moment though if you went to your refrigerator to find all of the  same things that you look at your phone for. Along with food stored there, you opened the door for a friend’s contact information, your stereo system, to post a picture, etc. Would you be very tempted to overeat?

  Part of the victory over poor eating is not having those options readily available. Our smartphones are filled with lots of “junk food” that’s filling us up, taking the place of true life. It’s very easy to overindulge on social media. Like continually grabbing junk food, it becomes a bad habit. Some suggest a complete social media fast. For most that’s too drastic. Yet, I think a “social media diet” is a healthy choice for most of us.

  Personally, I’ve found that social media and media, in general, is often too toxic for me. I seek to limit how much I ingest. I want my phone to be MY tool and not be its slave. Here are some benefits of a media/social media diet.

  More time for what’s really important. By limiting social media, you’ll be amazed at how much time is freed up. It’s impossible to have a quality conversation with those that we truly care about if we’re scanning our phones. In the U.S. (aside from work usage), the average person spends a little over 7 hours a day watching TV or looking at their mobile device.

  The Bible says that we’re to be “making the best use of the time, because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:16). We’re not promised tomorrow and neither are those that we care about. A “diet” gives us time for what has lasting value. With a bit of a media diet think of the free time for more social interaction with others, reading books and material that redirects our focus on our eternal Heavenly Father, not this temporal world.

  You’ll have a clearer mind. Most notice almost immediately by dramatically limiting media that they feel more clear-minded. Being in front of a computer or phone screen for an extended period of time can even cause physical issues such as headaches, dry eyes, and eye irritation.

  Most find it easier then to focus on what is going on where they are in the present and less on what everyone else is doing. While it’s important to engage with friends and family, constant posts and scrolling through news feeds can make your mind feel jumbled and distracted.

  It enables you to experience life in the moment. Stepping away from media allows us to be more in the present moment and utilize our minds with intention and purpose as God intends for us. Media is very distracting. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone with the TV on, or when they’re scanning their phone? It’s nearly impossible.

  A media diet enables you to enjoy life’s moments and relationships with more intent. It opens our hours to be filled with the time God has given us and helps us to better see His working in our lives.

  It can help you sleep better. Studies show that the use of a screen prior to bed can cause a great disruption of sleep. The longer you’re on them prior to attempting to sleep, the longer it will take to actually fall asleep. You’ll probably find that a media diet helps you feel more rested. The effects our screens have on our quality of living are more than most of us realize. And a good night’s rest is a great starting point for a new day!

  It will help you have stronger relationships. Loneliness has become an epidemic. While we’re interacting with people via our phones hundreds of times a day, most of us have very few meaningful interactions with people on a daily basis. You’ll find that this frees up time and you won’t feel so rushed, leaving more time to relax and spend quality time in conversation.

  We were created for relationship with our Heavenly Father and with each other, limiting media is an awesome way to get away from faux relationships and back to the real thing!

  It will help you have a stronger relationship with your Heavenly Father.

Even for those of us who live kingdom-minded lives, it’s so easy to become distracted. When we slip out of focus with God, we see it in our lives and so does the world. We become more easily agitated, we feel busy and anxious. All of these things are not only detrimental to us, but also to our relationships and our testimony for the Lord Jesus.

  As we mature in our faith we begin to see that any focus that is not fully on the Christ is out of focus. We need to be in the Word, growing and maturing so we can better serve His Kingdom and better enjoy this abundant life that Jesus died to give us. If you’re not regularly in God’s Word or find your time rushed, a media diet will free up time to help you know better the Father who loves you so much that He gave His Son for you and has a wonderful plan for each day. That time and communication is essential for your spiritual health and for your life to have significance.

  The best time to start a new healthy habit is today. Try it! Let me know the wonderful changes that God gives you from a media diet.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Yelping for His Glory!

“Technology and social media have brought power back to the people."   Mark McKinnon

  Are you travelling this summer? Going on vacation? When you’re on the road, how do you determine where you’ll stay or where you’ll eat?

  Jane and I will hardly step foot into a new place without first checking it out on either Tripadvisor or Yelp. TripAdvisor has become the most commonly accessed travel review website today with up to 50 million users every month and is the most widely recognized, used, and trusted travel website. Among 3,641 users surveyed by PhoCusWright, 69% found TripAdvisor reviews to be “highly or extremely accurate;” 92% agreed with the statement that TripAdvisor hotel reviews “help me pick the right hotel for my travel needs;” and 83% usually or always take a look at TripAdvisor reviews before selecting a hotel. Social media officially took over travel in 2010—or so the scientists say. That’s the year, according to a Cornell study, that “guest experience mentioned in customer reviews” became the factor most frequently cited by consumers in surveys about the process of choosing a hotel. While most of us still look at a hotel’s web page, what has more credibility though aren’t those pristine professional hotel pictures, but the average person’s review of the hotel. The hotel is a paid salesman whereas the reviewer is a satisfied (or dissatisfied) customer.

  Most churches have web pages and Facebook pages. For an outsider, those fall into the category of “paid sales people.” While they have some merit, they don’t have the powerful influence a satisfied church attendee has. And it has even more potency when the post isn’t on an “official” church website or social media outlet. 

  Can I encourage you to prayerfully consider using social media for Kingdom purposes? How can we do that? Let me offer some suggestions.

  Pray and think before you post. Social media has replaced talking with our tongue to talking with our fingers. All of us regret saying something that was poorly timed, said in haste, was hurtful or even sinful. The same is true when we’re talking with our fingers. God has promised to give us wisdom (James 1:5). As we know that the Lord Jesus hears what we say, He sees what we post. Words on a page lack the added clarification of tone or facial expression. Most of us hear written words at a much louder volume than they’re often intended. Obviously, if you wouldn’t say it to the person if they were right in front of you, you shouldn’t post it.

  Use social media to build bridges, not walls. Social media has redefined communication. It’s replaced personal interaction, phone calls and e-mails. People are relaying their most private and important information in semi-public status updates. The very nature of authenticity and identity is being challenged. With the push of a button, one can transform themselves into whoever they want to be. Facts about myself can be added or deleted. “Friends” are casually collected and I can transform myself into the very person I wished I were back in high school.

  Yet, with all of our “friends,” a sad outcome of social media is increasing isolation and loneliness among users. You may have lots of people you consider friends, yet not have any confidants with which you can discuss deep personal matters. Facebook allows people to connect, but users lack the meaningful bond that results from intimate conversation and contact.

  As part of a church family, the Bible commands us to encourage community, “one anotherness.” As a Christian, my priority must first be “us-ies,” not “selfies.” It’s one reason that when we’re with other believers, we should let those outside the family know it, and not just when we attend a worship service. Lost people aren’t surprised when a Christian attends church (hopefully, they’re surprised when we skip). Just as most of us post pictures when we’re with our biological family, when we post pictures and comments when we’re with our spiritual family, it sends a message of supernatural family and our love for God and each other to a lost and lonely world.

  Use social media to direct the focus toward a victorious returning King, not a deteriorating, dying world. This world is a big mess and everyone knows it. So is it something that a Christian needs to continually draw attention to or obsessively post about? So why do we?

  For most of us, the problem doesn’t begin with our posting, it begins with our thinking. Zig Ziglar used to call it “stinkin’ thinkin.” When we’re secularized by the negativity of a lost world, we fail to obey Scripture and think like a believer. Philippians 4:8 is a command, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

  Yes, we must deal with sin and negative things. But if we truly believe that Jesus is King and that He really is in control, and that one day soon the Judge of all the earth (Genesis 18:25) will bring justice and right every wrong, then all that’s currently wrong shouldn’t be our habitual mental diet. A Christian should be the most encouraging, positive, grateful person that most of their friends know. That should come forth from words whether verbal or in a post. When our thinking is spiritual, it will overflow with the fruits of the Spirit. When we are living out our mission as the “salt of the earth,” a thirsty lost world wants what we have.

  Obviously, we need to be discerning. Yet, if others can post when they’re blitzed, should a believer be ashamed to post how the Lord answered a prayer, or something they read in their devotions that touched their life, or a special song that encourages them, or how the message during worship moved them? When the Lord stretches your soul, it helps advance His Kingdom to let others know it. Even when you’re on vacation and visiting a church, think how you might encourage that family of believers by sharing how God used their ministry to be a blessing to you. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if every believer had a non-official “Tripadvisor” account where we faithfully posted how the Lord always walks with us, guides us, blesses us and shapes our trip on our journey through this life? It’s not that everything is perfect yet even in the mess of this world, we’re never alone. Maybe it would encourage our friends who don’t yet know Him to check out having our Savior as their “Tripadvisor,” too? 

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The Disaster of Excuse Making

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”  Theodore Roosevelt

  It was one of those – Can you please repeat that again? – moments. Unfortunately, too many of us can relate to the experience of Rebecca Boyd of Adger, Alabama. Because her husband had recently been laid off, when Cinderella first came out, knowing their finances were going to be tight, she took her daughter as a last treat to see it. It was probably be the last movie she’d be able to take her daughter to for a while.

  Enter Kyesha Smith Wood. Kyesha believing that her children were more mature and better behaved than they actually were, dropped off her teenage daughter, step daughter, and son off to also see Cinderella. But throughout the movie the two girls giggled, talked loudly and were kicking Rebecca Boyd’s seat. When she turned around to ask them to stop, they just giggled at her and continued with the same behavior. Speaking to the girls after the movie, Boyd explained her situation and told the two girls that they needed to realize that their behavior affects others and they never know what other people around them are going through.

  After the movie, Kyesha Smith Wood’s son was a tattletale, a narc and a rat. I mean, can you believe that a kid would rat out someone for rude behavior? Unbelievable! Yet, isn’t that the message kids are given from toddlerhood on, “Don’t be a rat!” That needs to be qualified, with “Don’t be petty and share the trivial,” but when behavior and choices affect others, only a rat won’t do something to right a terrible wrong. When her son told his Mom how rude and obnoxious her daughters had been, she was very embarrassed. Then, she did something highly unusual, she was proactive. Kyesha used the power of Facebook for good. This is her post:

  “This is a long shot, but I'm looking for a woman that was at Tannehill Premier tonight seeing Cinderella at 7pm. I dropped my teenage daughter, step daughter, and son off at the movie. My son later told me, much to my humiliation and embarrassment, that my girls were rude and obnoxious during the movie. The woman I'm looking for addressed them and asked them to be quiet and they were disrespectful. After the movie she approached my girls and told them that her husband had been laid off and this was the last movie she would be able to take her daughter to for a while and my girls ruined that for her. If you are this woman, please message me. I can assure you that these girls are being strongly dealt with and appropriately punished. This rude, disrespectful, and awful behavior is unacceptable and they owe you an apology. My husband and I are having them write your apology letter tonight and we would like to pay for your next movie and snacks out of their allowance. Please message me if this is you. I apologize profusely for their disrespect.”

  The response from the victim, Rebecca Boyd, was just as wonderful: “The note from their mom brought me to tears and shows there is [sic] still good people in the world. I have no hard feelings towards them and I am proud of their parents. The girls are not bad...they are children. Glad they are learning a lesson. I hope if my teenagers are out and they act up...I hope someone says something to them.”

  Wow! What a breath of fresh air in our “everyone’s a victim” world. The typical parental response would have been something like, “Well, kids will be kids…” Or, “she should have known better than to sit near a bunch of kids…” “I wonder what she did to antagonize my little angels.” The end result is that no one is responsible for their behavior, and that’s deadly for society. Worse! It’s deadly for the gospel.

  It comes out early when a teacher corrects a child in school or a leader rebukes a child for the behavior in some group setting. In today’s world usually the parent/s attacks the leader who dared to correct their “angel.” They excuse or rationalize the bad behavior. If you have a “condition,” then essentially, you get a walk for anything and everything.

  Please understand, no one is saying that teachers and leaders are perfect and aren’t periodically going to make the wrong call. BUT if you attack those in authority during those early years of your child’s life, they’re going to have a tough time in their adulthood. It will handicap them in negotiating in the future with very imperfect employers who will just terminate them rather than put up with the hassle. Or, police officers who have no problem arresting them and throwing them in jail. It will affect their relationships with friends and future spouse. When nothing is their fault, they fail to learn to take personal responsibility and are unable to problem-solve which is essential to be able to have healthy relationships.

  One of the highest costs of this imbecilic victim mentality is that it makes you impotent. When it’s always someone else’s fault or powers outside of your control, then a victim mentality is empowered. What’s the point then of having ambition or seeking to achieve? Sadly, too many limp through life, emotional and social handicaps, failing to take personal responsibility.

  The greatest cost though is spiritually. If you don’t believe you’re responsible for your choices or behavior, then why would you need a Savior? You don’t need a Savior, you just need a better lawyer or therapist or even medications. You don’t need to repent of your evil behavior, you just need an environmental change. But the courts of heaven won’t give you a pass and neither will the courts of this earth.

  Even if you’re an addict, bipolar or some other condition, if you become violent and hurt someone, even if you hurt yourself, they’ll still incarcerate you. Now they may “incarcerate” in a mental health facility, but call it whatever you want, if it has locked doors and you can’t come and go as you please, it’s still “jail.”

  A victim mentality isn’t new. The first ones who copped a victim plea were Adam and Eve. They even tried to blame the Garden owner that they’d been set-up. It didn’t work for them and it won’t work for us.

  But even God can’t fix our sinful choices until we first take personal responsibility. That’s why Adam and Eve’s “Father” held them responsible for their choices. And a wise parent will follow His example and teach their children personal responsibility. Wonderfully, in the courts of heaven, 1 John 1:9 is a sure promise, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

  Failing to take personal responsibility always leads to enslavement. Yet, God wants us to be free. Liberty begins with owning it, confessing and repenting of our wrong choices. Then, God in His loving grace can fix it. 

If this is the Communication Age...whatever happened to the communication?

“Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”  Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Recently, Jane and I bought a new dish. Okay, it’s not really ours. And while it’s something you use, you can’t eat off of it…though you can eat in front of it, or at least you can eat in front of what it serves up to you.

  For some time, we’d had the most basic cable plan. But as Time Warner began to lose more and more stations, and kept raising our monthly bill higher and higher, we finally decided to switch. (And yes, I know that I’m a pastor and should only be reading my Bible and praying 24/7 BUT I really do like NCIS. Does it get me off the hook if I also watch the Packers periodically? :) ).

  But all of a sudden, for less money, we went from 20 channels to 120. We now have at least two jewelry stations, a horse racing channel and even the Weather Channel (I’ll be glued to that one come January). To make certain that the one eyed monster increases my spirituality, there are several religious channels as well…even a Prayer Channel. I figured it out. I can watch every channel in a 24 hour period, but only for 12 minutes a channel.

  Do you remember in the movie, You’ve Got Mail, how excited Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan would get when they received an email? Well, the excitement is long over. Do you find yourself ignoring more emails these days? When you do open one, do you find you skim, only to discover later that you missed some vital information? How many times though do you check your email a day? Compare that to how many times we receive “snail mail.” Can you imagine someone going out to their mailbox every hour to see if some new piece of mail might have arrived? Yet, many of us check our email several times an hour.

  Does it bother you when you see people that are “over connected”? They’re ranks are growing. They’re everywhere. I notice it most when I go out to eat. I’ll be sitting at my table and I’ll look over and see what is obviously a couple. One or both of them is texting away on their phones, having a conversation with someone possibly hundreds of miles away, yet ignoring the person sitting right across from them at the table. Sometimes they are even so gauche as to actually talk on their phone to someone miles away while ignoring the person that they’re sharing a meal with.

  When the Blackberry came out, they were referred to as the “Crackberry,” because owners were addicted to their little screens. But the infection has spread so that now someone who doesn’t have a smartphone is considered a caveman. There’s even smartphone envy where you find yourself coveting the more up to date one with the latest features.

  The truth is that Communication Age is aging us…at the very least, it’s stressing us out. And I haven’t even mentioned Facebook, Twitter, Instant Messaging or the thousands of radio stations we have available. Is it any wonder that there is an epidemic of IOF (Information Overload Fatigue)?

  My two favorite words are “Honey” and “Dad.” When I’m referred to by either of those two names, I try to listen up. Yet, I find that often I can be so overwhelmed with all of the other communication channels that I miss out on my two favorite “channels.” I’ve had to take some proactive steps. I try to put my phone or laptop away. Turn off the TV (muting it doesn’t work for me…too many eye candy distractions). But I know that I’m suffering from IOF when Jane or one of my kids says, “But I told you about…” and I’d totally missed it.

  All of us deal with IOF. We’re bombarded with communication from countless sources. That poses a big challenge for us here at church, particularly right now.

  We’ve come to one of the most important moments in the history of our church. There’s a lot of information that we’re seeking to communicate clearly and in a very timely manner. So we need you, as part of the church family, to listen very carefully and to process this information.

  Because we know the cultural struggle that we have with IOF, we’ll be repeating, working through, defining and explaining much of the information again and again. We want to make certain that everyone hears and understands what we’re seeking to do and where we’re seeking to go.

  Please understand, this is NOT about us. We truly believe that if we’re going to be and do what God has called us to do; we must take these next spiritual steps forward. We are at a historical crossroads in our ministry. We have a both a tremendous opportunity and an awesome responsibility.

  So what can you do? Listen. It’s that simple. Yet, none of us want you to just listen just to us. The most important voice that you must listen to is the still, small voice of the Spirit of God in your own heart (Psalm 46:10; 1 Kings 19:11-13). I’m confident that if each of us will do that, and if we’ll come humbly and obediently before the Lord, we’ll move forward with this next step for our church.

  I know that God wants us to be more effective in making disciples of Jesus Christ. We’ve been limping for a long time. We’ve been attempting to use a 1955 tool of a building that greatly handicaps us.

  All around us are lost individuals looking for answers, reason, hope, love, forgiveness. Most don’t even know what they’re looking for. They just know that what they have is leaving them empty.

  We have the living water that satisfies thirsty souls (John 4:13-14). We have a Great Commission given to us by King Jesus to share that living water with everyone, whenever and wherever we can. That’s what this is all about, that’s what Building Changed Lives Together is about. It’s about reaching our community, our loved ones, our friends and neighbors for Christ. It’s about pleasing King Jesus and hearing Him say, “Well, done, good and faithful servants.”