A Problem or a Person?

 

“You’re a person to love, not a problem to solve.” 
                                                        Jen Wilkins

 Be honest. Who is a hassle for you? In what situations do you find that you are most frequently impatient?  
  Did you know that the Bible refers to patience 74 times in 66 verses across both the Old and New Testaments? Repeatedly, Scripture reminds us that God is patient and longsuffering with us. The patience of God is one of His attributes, yet it’s frequently overlooked. In the Old Testament, whenever the name and attributes of the Lord are declared, Scripture continually highlights the fact that God is “slow to anger.”

  Do you find that you get frustrated with hassles? Do what seem like needless problems cause your temperature to rise? I’ve got a long way to go but God has done such a great work in my own heart and spiritual growth. When I look back on when Jane and I were first married, I had such a quick trigger.

  Recently, I read a blog by Christian author, Jen Wilkins, that really touched my heart. She writes about her experience with her elderly mother. Many of us have been there with an elderly parent.

   “I’m so sorry you have to take me to this appointment.” I looked over at my diminutive 79-year-old mother, perched in the passenger seat, eyes apologetic, fretting with her purse. Like many in her generation, my mom found it difficult to accept even help that was easy to supply. “You are a person to love, not a problem to solve” had become my mantra to her each time she expressed dismay at having interrupted my life in any way.

  Before you begin to assume that my mother and I had an enviable relationship, let me say we did not—but through much hard work, we found a real sweetness together in her final years. In December of 2021, her kids and grandkids moved her into an apartment five minutes from my home. We set up her antique furniture, hung her favorite pictures, and put out her favorite vase, the one with wisteria around the rim. I was excited to be able to drop in or run errands for her so easily.

  I planned a family dinner for her 80^th birthday that January. Three days before it, she texted that she had a stomach bug and wasn’t sure she would make it. She assured me she was fine. Please don’t come over. But she was sicker than she thought. Her birthday passed in the ICU, and a week later she was placed on palliative care, coming home to my house for hospice.  No more beeping monitors and sterile overhead lights. No more masks and visitor restrictions. Instead, a room flooded with sunshine, warm with color, and filled with loved ones.

  She was, at this point, no longer communicative. But I knew if she could have spoken, she would have repeated the words she had strained to say again and again during her brief hospital stay: “I’m so sorry to be a burden.”…On the second day, the hospice nurse told me, “You know, you can coach her. Give her encouragement. Tell her she’s doing well.” I played her favorite hymns. I held her hand. I helped keep her clean and comfortable. I whispered a thousand times, “I’m so glad you’re home. You’re a person to love, not a problem to solve.” At last, she reached the end of her travail. A final deep exhale, a crashing silence.”

  Jen Wilkin’s words have been echoing in my heart over the last month. When I face a situation or a problem…even at church, it’s become my prayer – You’re a person to love, not a problem to solve. Because that’s what you and I are for our patient heavenly Father. And worse, I wasn’t just a person. Before the cross, I was an enemy of God but amazingly, He still loved me. (It’s going to take me all eternity to figure out why.)

  Let’s be honest, it’s easier to love the person across town or across the world, than across the room or in the next cubicle or even in the next row at church. Yet, love isn’t truly love when it’s at a distance. It’s little more than just a theory.

  At this point in our marriage Jane and I rarely ever have a disagreement. Nearly 42 years has a way of melting away some of the silly sinful marital dross that can cause disagreements. That hasn’t always been the case and believe me, it wasn’t Jane that was either irritated or irritating. Those words though, you’re a person to love, not a problem to solve, are a wonderful approach to a healthy marriage.

  Parents can easily become frustrated with children, whether young or old. If you have multiple children, usually Satan will use one to get under your skin and send your internal thermostat into the danger zone. Often it is the one that is most like you. Instead of letting your child be a source of frustration and exasperation, change your approach to You’re a person to love, not a problem to solve.

  Typically, there’s one neighbor or co-worker that can grate on our nerves. Just hearing their voice or seeing their face can give us a small knot in our stomach. Personally, I don’t believe in accidents. I believe the Lord brings certain individuals across my path to, as Jesus shared in John 15, to prune away some of the carnal branches in my heart. Hopefully, He hasn’t put me into someone’s life (though He probably has) to prune away some of their carnal branches.

  Jesus commanded us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-48; Luke 6:27, 35) not just our friends. Romans 12 commands us to bless them. Love though is a choice, not a feeling. Most of us wrongly associate love with warm feelings. I love beach sunsets, peanut butter cookies, and labrador retrievers. Yet, what do I mean when I toss love around these dissimilar objects? I love how sunsets look, cookies taste, and dogs make me feel.

  Biblical love isn’t about my tastes or how someone makes me feel. Godly love seeks a person’s eternal best. Biblical love is shown through our actions. Praying for the offender is one way that we can show love. An honest prayer can include asking God to grant the person repentance from their hurtful ways and bring them into a saving relationship with Himself.

  Think about it, the same God who knows you and loves you (even though we all are truly a hot mess) will pour His love through us, if we’ll let Him.

  Why is this so vital? Because God has a person who needs to grow and change – YOU (and me)! As I am for Him a person to love, not a  problem to solve, so I want to see others the way that He sees them. Don’t you?

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.