The Disaster of Excuse Making

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”  Theodore Roosevelt

  It was one of those – Can you please repeat that again? – moments. Unfortunately, too many of us can relate to the experience of Rebecca Boyd of Adger, Alabama. Because her husband had recently been laid off, when Cinderella first came out, knowing their finances were going to be tight, she took her daughter as a last treat to see it. It was probably be the last movie she’d be able to take her daughter to for a while.

  Enter Kyesha Smith Wood. Kyesha believing that her children were more mature and better behaved than they actually were, dropped off her teenage daughter, step daughter, and son off to also see Cinderella. But throughout the movie the two girls giggled, talked loudly and were kicking Rebecca Boyd’s seat. When she turned around to ask them to stop, they just giggled at her and continued with the same behavior. Speaking to the girls after the movie, Boyd explained her situation and told the two girls that they needed to realize that their behavior affects others and they never know what other people around them are going through.

  After the movie, Kyesha Smith Wood’s son was a tattletale, a narc and a rat. I mean, can you believe that a kid would rat out someone for rude behavior? Unbelievable! Yet, isn’t that the message kids are given from toddlerhood on, “Don’t be a rat!” That needs to be qualified, with “Don’t be petty and share the trivial,” but when behavior and choices affect others, only a rat won’t do something to right a terrible wrong. When her son told his Mom how rude and obnoxious her daughters had been, she was very embarrassed. Then, she did something highly unusual, she was proactive. Kyesha used the power of Facebook for good. This is her post:

  “This is a long shot, but I'm looking for a woman that was at Tannehill Premier tonight seeing Cinderella at 7pm. I dropped my teenage daughter, step daughter, and son off at the movie. My son later told me, much to my humiliation and embarrassment, that my girls were rude and obnoxious during the movie. The woman I'm looking for addressed them and asked them to be quiet and they were disrespectful. After the movie she approached my girls and told them that her husband had been laid off and this was the last movie she would be able to take her daughter to for a while and my girls ruined that for her. If you are this woman, please message me. I can assure you that these girls are being strongly dealt with and appropriately punished. This rude, disrespectful, and awful behavior is unacceptable and they owe you an apology. My husband and I are having them write your apology letter tonight and we would like to pay for your next movie and snacks out of their allowance. Please message me if this is you. I apologize profusely for their disrespect.”

  The response from the victim, Rebecca Boyd, was just as wonderful: “The note from their mom brought me to tears and shows there is [sic] still good people in the world. I have no hard feelings towards them and I am proud of their parents. The girls are not bad...they are children. Glad they are learning a lesson. I hope if my teenagers are out and they act up...I hope someone says something to them.”

  Wow! What a breath of fresh air in our “everyone’s a victim” world. The typical parental response would have been something like, “Well, kids will be kids…” Or, “she should have known better than to sit near a bunch of kids…” “I wonder what she did to antagonize my little angels.” The end result is that no one is responsible for their behavior, and that’s deadly for society. Worse! It’s deadly for the gospel.

  It comes out early when a teacher corrects a child in school or a leader rebukes a child for the behavior in some group setting. In today’s world usually the parent/s attacks the leader who dared to correct their “angel.” They excuse or rationalize the bad behavior. If you have a “condition,” then essentially, you get a walk for anything and everything.

  Please understand, no one is saying that teachers and leaders are perfect and aren’t periodically going to make the wrong call. BUT if you attack those in authority during those early years of your child’s life, they’re going to have a tough time in their adulthood. It will handicap them in negotiating in the future with very imperfect employers who will just terminate them rather than put up with the hassle. Or, police officers who have no problem arresting them and throwing them in jail. It will affect their relationships with friends and future spouse. When nothing is their fault, they fail to learn to take personal responsibility and are unable to problem-solve which is essential to be able to have healthy relationships.

  One of the highest costs of this imbecilic victim mentality is that it makes you impotent. When it’s always someone else’s fault or powers outside of your control, then a victim mentality is empowered. What’s the point then of having ambition or seeking to achieve? Sadly, too many limp through life, emotional and social handicaps, failing to take personal responsibility.

  The greatest cost though is spiritually. If you don’t believe you’re responsible for your choices or behavior, then why would you need a Savior? You don’t need a Savior, you just need a better lawyer or therapist or even medications. You don’t need to repent of your evil behavior, you just need an environmental change. But the courts of heaven won’t give you a pass and neither will the courts of this earth.

  Even if you’re an addict, bipolar or some other condition, if you become violent and hurt someone, even if you hurt yourself, they’ll still incarcerate you. Now they may “incarcerate” in a mental health facility, but call it whatever you want, if it has locked doors and you can’t come and go as you please, it’s still “jail.”

  A victim mentality isn’t new. The first ones who copped a victim plea were Adam and Eve. They even tried to blame the Garden owner that they’d been set-up. It didn’t work for them and it won’t work for us.

  But even God can’t fix our sinful choices until we first take personal responsibility. That’s why Adam and Eve’s “Father” held them responsible for their choices. And a wise parent will follow His example and teach their children personal responsibility. Wonderfully, in the courts of heaven, 1 John 1:9 is a sure promise, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

  Failing to take personal responsibility always leads to enslavement. Yet, God wants us to be free. Liberty begins with owning it, confessing and repenting of our wrong choices. Then, God in His loving grace can fix it.