Homesick for Mom

“We need to be homesick for heaven. Though we have never been there, we still have something God has built within us that gives us a certain homesickness, a desire to be there.” Greg Laurie

 
Every spring a I get a little homesick. Though Wisconsin is my home and has been for over forty years, I still miss Atlanta where I grew up. I find that I particularly miss the blooming of the dogwood trees in the spring. There are so many in Atlanta that they have a “Dogwood Festival” every year. My favorite has to be the pink dogwood.
  Mother’s Day also makes me homesick, yet not for my past home but for my future Home. It’s hard to believe that my Mom has been in Heaven for nearly 55 years. The last time I saw her, she and my two sisters were on their way to a wedding on a rainy Friday night of the Memorial Day weekend. The next time I saw her, it was just her body…really her arm from the open car door where rescue personnel had checked her pulse at the bottom of a steep embankment. From the top of the highway, I recognized the watch on her wrist and knew that it was my Mom.  
  Hebrews 12:1-2a says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.”
  That “cloud of witnesses” are believers, specifically ones from the Old Testament, who looked forward in faith. Every Christ-follower is surrounded by the saints of the past in a unique way. It’s not that the faithful who have gone before us are actual spectators of the race we run. Rather, it’s a figurative representation and means that we ought to act as if they were in sight and cheering us on to the same victory in the life of faith that they obtained. We’re to be inspired by the godly examples these saints set during their lives. These are those whose past lives of faith encourage others to live that way, too. That the cloud is referred to as “great” indicates that millions, hopefully billions, of believers have gone before us, each bearing witness to the life of faith we now live.
  Though I went through some deep waters and had times of running from God and even bitterness at Him, the Lord has used my Mom’s example to both encourage and inspire all of these years. My Mom came to Christ when I was about four years old and though I don’t remember much of her pre-conversion life, her conversion life is indelibly printed on my heart.  
  My Mom spent time with the Lord every morning. In can still see her sitting at the kitchen table, Bible open, lime green coffee cup on the table beside it. It was an example for me. It’s very rare for me to begin any day without time in the Word. It changes me and prepares me for the day.
  My Mom was consistently patient. It probably happened more yet I only remember my Mom becoming angry one time…and if anyone could make you angry, I could. I was a bit of a rascal as a kid (think Denis the Menace). Though my two older brothers were nearly adults and essentially out of the home, I had two older sisters and there are two years between us. Ina was nearly five years older, and Suellen is two years older than me. We fought and scrapped and fussed a lot as siblings often do.
  Though she didn’t have the support of my Dad, my Mom would seek to have devotions with the three of us. We weren’t overly cooperative, but she persevered. She tried and I still remember it.
  She wasn’t perfect, yet to my knowledge, she truly didn’t have any enemies. She had a friend who’d been struck with ALS that we’d go visit. Another was limited financially but my Mom would reach out to her. Though her own mother had died when she was in her twenties, she loved my Dad’s folks and tried to be a blessing and help his parents out.
  My Mom persevered even when she was consistently mistreated. My Dad was driven to succeed. His family when he was growing up had been one of the poorest in their county with his Dad a drunk and a moonshiner. My Dad was determined that was never going to happen to him, so he cut ethical corners. To cope with the pressure he became addicted to prescription drugs. Though he was a charmer outside our home, he would take out his stress and anger on my Mom. There’s no good way to say it…he was mean. It was common after my Mom had made dinner for our family for him to so pick at her during the meal that she’d leave the table in tears. There were a few times when he actually physically abused her.
  She wasn’t a doormat yet for his cruelty, she returned kindness. She didn’t gripe at church or with her Christian friends about what a horrible person he was or how bad their marriage was. She did have a close group of godly friends who she’d pray with and that she could ask for spiritual support. Looking back, I think it was only to keep her unsettled, but he’d often threaten to divorce her. For some reason, he was just cruel.
  The night she was killed in a car wreck, I remember her at the top of the stairs with my Dad downstairs watching TV. She lovingly said good-bye to him, but he retorted back with some angry reply. Her Christlike spirit in the face of hatefulness is a model that I seek to emulate yet so often fail.
  My Mom prayed for me. After she was gone, I learned that she continually prayed for me and my four siblings. I know that I am where I am today in answer to her prayers. Yet, like so many mothers, she never saw her prayers answered in this world, but she prayed in faith. 
  There’s a lot of pressure on moms today to be Super Moms. Many have had to exchange being homemakers for the workplace, which has increased fatigue and pressure. The truth is that there are no Super Moms. Yet, every Mom can be a saintly Mom. It means like Mary; you need to regularly sit at the feet of Jesus (Luke 10:38-42). You’ll never have the influence on your children without His influence on you. There’s pressure to help your children be successful in this world. Real success and what they’ll eternally thank you for is helping them be successful in the real world, God’s world.   
  Heaven is sweeter for me because it will be the first time since childhood that I’ll see my Mom again. It’s why I’m a little Homesick. So, Moms, this Mother’s Day, renew again your commitment to knowing Jesus and influencing your children for a life of worth that’s successful for eternity!

 

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Mom, please don't be Jane Fonda

 

“I can’t think of a better way to use my abilities than in service to my children.” Lynda Sittser 

  She’s a former fashion model, one of America’s most famous actresses, and part of a Hollywood Dynasty. She’s been in some 54 movies and is the recipient of two Academy Awards, two British Academy Film Awards, seven Golden Globe Awards, a Primetime Emmy away, the AFI Life Achievement Award, and the Cecil B. DeMille Award. Her first exercise video was the highest-selling of all time. She’s worth over $200,000,000.00. From our culture’s perspective, she is the epitome of success. Yet, in an interview earlier this year with Chris Wallace, Jane Fonda shared that the biggest regret in her life was not knowing how to be a better parent. “I was not the kind of mother that I wish that I had been to my children.”
  You have to appreciate her vulnerability and candor. The mothers who should frighten us are the ones who think they’ve arrived and have it all together. Any honest Mom and really every parent would acknowledge that they’ve made a lot of mistakes. How could they not – there are no perfect mothers and there has only been one perfect child – Jesus. Even His Mom made some big blunders.
  So on this year’s Mother’s Day, let me share some advice on how to potentially cut down on some of those regrets for the future. (This goes for Dad too and grandparents).  Keep the main thing the main thing. In other words, you can’t have it all, so focus on what’s truly important.
  Periodically, I’ll hear someone bemoan that they think they have ADHD. Though there are some who are diagnosed with ADHD and we don’t want to disparage that. Yet, stop and observe the world around you and I think you’ll find that we essentially have an ADHD culture.
  Most of us carry what is essentially a toddler having a tantrum. They’re in our pockets and purses. Smartphones can make us stupid. Those rings, chirps, and vibrations can distract us from what’s truly important.  
  In 2015, Brandie Johnson, a mother of young twin boys decided to conduct a little experiment: She took an hour one morning to unplug and simply watch her boys play. She also decided to keep score. When her boys looked over to see if she was watching them, she’d make a mark on a piece of paper. She ended up with 28 marks. She wrote:
  “As I sat quietly in the corner of the room I tallied how many times they looked at me for various reasons: to see if I saw their cool tricks, to seek approval or disapproval for what they were doing, and to watch my reactions. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was on some sort of technology what message would I have been sending? 28 times my angels would have wondered if the World Wide Web was more important than them.” Brandie that it was more important to be there for her boys than to be connected somewhere else.
  While work is important, relationships are more important. Most Moms are in the workplace today. There’s increasing pressure to move up the ladder and/or work longer hours. Few employers value the bottom line of your family. Then, in our consumer-driven culture, it’s tempting to overextend ourselves so our children don’t have to “do without.”
  Because it’s so much a part of our world, we fail to stop and ask “Do without what?” Toys, gadgets, bigger and better vacations? Larger houses and better cars? We feel the squeeze. As believers, as those who know all of this world is temporary, periodically we need to stop and evaluate what we’re investing in, how we’re spending our time, and what we’re living for?
  Jesus asked, “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36). If we have all the “stuff,” this world says is important and only provide for our children the temporal, but fail to direct them to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and living for the eternal and what truly matters, what have we accomplished?
  You can’t have it all. Each of us must choose and the earlier we choose the better. If you wait until the teen years to begin investing eternal truth and values in your child’s heart, it may be too late.
  It’s not easy though. The cultural peer pressure is relentless. Frequently, Christian parents are concerned about the ideology and worldview being taught in their child’s school, yet missing the values and worldview they’re teaching by example in their own lives and focus. They’re pressured by parental peers to have their child involved in nearly everything…because that’s what good parents do. Yet what your child needs is not another activity, they need YOU – time with you, learning from you, and talking to you. They need to know your Lord and Savior. Very few voices are going to share eternal values with them. No one is as vested as you are in their spiritual future. You are the best hope that they have of knowing and living for what has true significance.
  A prime quality every mother and parent needs is a sincere faith (2 Timothy 1:5). The word “sincere” means, literally, “not hypocritical.” Phony faith is a mask put on in front of church members or out in public but set aside in the home. The parents may be fighting as they drive to church, but when they drive in the parking lot, they act as if everything is just wonderful. Kids smell that kind of phoniness a mile away.
  G. Campbell Morgan was a gifted preacher of another generation. He had four sons who all became preachers. Someone once asked when all of the family was there, “Who is the greatest preacher in your family?” Though there was great admiration for their preacher-Dad, the answer without a moment’s hesitation was: “Mother.”
  Jane Fonda may have blown it but she got one thing right – she owned it. Every mom, every parent will look back with some regret. The only perfect parent is God the Father. Yet, let’s seek to limit regret by being focused on Him, depending on His grace, and prioritizing what has eternal significance. When we fail, confess it (1 John 1:9) and ask for God’s grace both in your life and in the life of your children. 

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Bad Moms of the Bible

“But there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begins.” Mitch Albom

  There are no perfect mothers. You didn’t have one. If you’re a mom, you won’t be one. Since Eve first handed the forbidden fruit to Adam, we’ve all been contaminated by sin. Our family tree is a big mess, but so was Jesus’. 

  Most of us when we read the Bible tend to skip through the genealogies. The Jews of the first century would be quite surprised by our attitude. For them, the genealogy was an absolutely essential setting for the story of Jesus’ birth. They paid very close attention to questions of genealogy. For instance, whenever land was bought or sold, the genealogical records were consulted to insure that land belonging to one tribe was not sold to members of another tribe, thus destroying the integrity of the ancient tribal boundaries. You couldn’t just put the money down and take the deed. You also had to prove that your ancestors came from the same tribe.

  The most wonderful genealogy in the Bible is found in Matthew 1. The genealogy in Matthew 1 establishes Jesus as part of the royal family of David. It’s the same principle we see in the British royal family. The rulers of England must come from the house of Windsor and those rulers are determined strictly by genealogy. The same is true for Jesus Christ. His right to the throne is determined by His genealogy, which establishes beyond question that Jesus is indeed a literal descendant of King David.

  What anyone who has studied the Matthew 1 genealogy loves are the mothers listed out. It’s a chronicle of the grace of God. If you study these names in detail, it’s almost as if God pulled together a list of the worst Moms of the year. It’s not a list of plaster saints.

  It was unusual for a Jewish genealogy to include women. Family trees traced from father to son, but Jesus came to save men and women. And these were not nice women. At least three of them were exceptionally bad. These women wonderfully download for us the gospel.

  Tamar. You’ll find her sordid story in Genesis 38. She was the daughter-in-law of Judah who was the son of Jacob, grandson of Abraham. Tamar found herself husbandless and childless. She was impatient and unwilling to wait for God to take care of things so she hatched a scheme to trick her father-in-law Judah into sleeping with her. Her plan was simple – dressing up as a shrine prostitute, she seduced Judah into sleeping with her, whereupon she became pregnant and gave birth to twin boys—Perez and Zerah. What she did was evil and immoral. But Jesus didn’t come to save good people. He came for people like Tamar and Judah, and people like you and me.

  Rahab. Most of us know more about her. Whenever her name is mentioned in the Bible it has a phrase attached to it, Rahab the harlot. She was also a Canaanite, the hated enemies of Israel. Her most exemplary act was the telling of a lie. But her story is tied in with the larger story of Joshua’s conquest of the walled city of Jericho. When Joshua sent spies into the city, Rahab hid them in her house. In exchange for safe passage out of the city, they promised to spare her and her family when the invasion took place. All she had to do was to hang a scarlet cord from her window so the Israelites could identify her house. The spies hid in her house because people were accustomed to seeing strangers come and go at all hours of the night. But Rahab was a woman of faith. Hebrews 11:31 says, “By faith Rahab …” She was a believer! You can’t be saved without faith.   

  Ruth. She was from the country of Moab. a cursed people who were birthed from the incestuous relationship between Lot and his daughter (Genesis 19). Jews hated Moabites. But the book which bears her name tells of the romance that blossomed between Ruth the Moabitess and Boaz the Israelite. They were a very unlikely couple but in God’s providence, they were brought together in marriage. Boaz “redeemed” Ruth. Like everyone who comes to Christ for salvation, it’s the “romance of redemption.” They had a son named Obed who had a son named Jesse who had a son named David, making Ruth King David’s great-grandmother. It’s how a woman from a despised nation entered the line of the Messiah.

  Bathsheba. The last mother is not mentioned by name. She’s identified as the woman “who had been Uriah’s wife.” The account of Bathsheba’s adultery with King David is well-known. But adultery was only the beginning. Before the scandal was over it included lying, a royal cover-up, and ultimately murder. As a result, the child conceived that night died soon after birth and David’s family and empire began to crumble. Eventually, David married Bathsheba and they had another son—Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived. Quite a result for a union that began in adultery. There’s dirt all over this episode. But the main point is that Bathsheba made the list. Her name isn’t there but she’s still mentioned. Personally, I believe that she reminds us that even those who of us are the people of God and know what is right, like King David, are capable of the most horrible evil, like adultery and murder.

  Why these Moms? God did it so that His grace might be richly displayed. Can a prostitute go to heaven? What about an adulterer, a murderer or a liar? Absolutely! The stories of these four mothers and all of the men on the list remind us not to focus on the sin, but on God’s grace. The hero of the genealogy story is God. His grace shines through the darkest pit of human sin as He chooses flawed men and women and places them in Jesus’ family tree. This genealogy is in the Bible to let us know that Jesus had a background a lot like ours. He called Himself “the friend of sinners” and said that He didn’t come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

  Do you want to be a great Mom (or Dad)? You have to know Jesus. We’re all one big mess. But no matter what you’ve done, Jesus can save you. The Moms in Jesus’ family tree remind us that no matter what your past looks like, or what your present feels like, no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, God’s grace is enough. He can forgive you and give you a fresh start. He wants to make you a trophy of His grace!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mother's Day: A Time to Rejoice...A Time to Weep

 

“Motherhood is difficult…and…rewarding.” Gloria Estefan

 

  I’m not sure what happened to Gloria Estefan for her to make such a statement that “motherhood is difficult and rewarding,” yet I think most Moms can relate. Mother’s Day should be celebrated in that all of us have a Mom and your Mom with her attributes and foibles will be the only one you’ll ever have. More importantly, we believe in God’s sovereignty – God in His perfect plan gave you that Mom. It’s a principle that’s echoed throughout the pages of Scripture. 

  Yet, Mother’s Day can be a source of pain for many among us either as a parent or an adult child. It’s why at Grace we seek to approach Mother’s Day with wisdom and sensitivity. Romans 12:15 is a wonderful guide as we seek to love, encourage and minister to those around us. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” 

  The priority of rejoicing before mourning with someone is significant. It's more difficult to rejoice with those who rejoice than mourn with those who mourn. If someone has angelic children or successful adult ones, or if someone has a Proverbs 31 Mom – well, it’s a little hard to have happiness for such people that are not tinged with a little envy, even bitterness. Our default is contaminated by self-orientation and selfishness. Whatever our measure of success and happiness, we long for and can struggle with resentment when others gain what we desire or seemingly missed out on. 

  Rejoicing with them is the greater challenge and so Scripture puts it in the first place. Self-pity is enticing. We must be continually reminded that when “You see a friend rejoicing at some good fortune, you’re to rejoice with them.” It’s a spiritual challenge. They’ve received something we’re missing and yearn to have. It needs to drive us to be dependent on the Spirit’s power because it makes great demands of unselfishness. 

  It’s far easier to mourn with those who mourn. It’s almost natural. Dr. D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones observed, “It is a most exceptional person who is not touched by the sight of someone else weeping. By nature, by constitution, the natural man or women, however bad, feels some kind of response when someone is weeping…there is something in us all that tends to respond to weeping and we are ready, as it were, to weep as well.” 

  We must commit to weeping with those who weep. In every church, there are those with a wayward child. Perhaps the child is incarcerated or enslaved by addiction. Parents did the best they knew how to raise them in a godly way but in adulthood, they spurned it. Others buried a child. Still, others struggle with infertility. For some, there’s the grief and guilt of abortion. 

  A mother-child relationship may be strained. Either there will be no Mother’s Day celebration or it’s fraught with tension. On the other side, some were raised by an abusive, absent, or addicted Mom. Mother’s Day brings back a thousand nightmares they’d rather never revisit. All of that, and much more, is why we weep with those who weep. God has called us to be compassionate, as He has shown compassion to us. 

  British financier Cecil Rhodes, whose vast fortune was used to endow the famous Rhodes Scholarships, was a stickler for proper dress, yet apparently not at the expense of someone else’s feelings. A young man invited to dine with Rhodes arrived by train and had to go directly to Rhodes’s home in his travel-stained clothes. Once there he was embarrassed to find the other guests already gathered, wearing full evening dress. After what seemed a long time Rhodes appeared, in a shabby old blue suit. Later this young man learned his host had been dressed in evening clothes, yet excused himself to put on the old suit when he heard of his guest’s dilemma. Rhodes understood what it was to weep with those who weep. 

  We must rejoice with those who rejoice. Rejoicing with those who rejoice perhaps like no other act shows we’re resting in God’s providence. One of God’s greatest blessings is the gift of a child. The birth of a child is a gift from God (Psalm 127:3). Each milestone from Kindergarten graduation to high school and perhaps college is something to be celebrated. For a Christian, our greatest joy is for that child to accept Jesus into their heart. 

  Believers have great joy seeing a young person with a desire to walk with God. Scripture brims with accounts of those with a heart for the Lord from an early age; Samuel, David, Esther, and the Lord Jesus. A beautiful child, a smart child, a talented child is diminished in comparison to a young person who passionately loves Jesus and focuses on that with eternal significance. 

  We have a responsibility to our brothers and sisters in the faith. Because every believer is a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor. 12) and partakes together of the life of our Savior, we must care for each other. There’s great power in “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it” (1 Cor. 12:26). It’s a metaphor of Christian relationships. For example, a family in a church might have a child who is dangerously ill. The entire church family grieves. We all ask how the treatment is going and partner with them in prayer. Yet, we rejoice together when we see a young person growing in their love for the Lord and others. It’s seen in their kindness to the disenfranchised or their testimony to their classmates in the local high school. They’re known for standing for their faith. It’s a cause of mutual rejoicing. 

  We have a responsibility to a world without Christ. When Jesus came into this world He pitched His tent in a place where a dictator had sent his soldiers to kill every baby boy in a village, where religious men dragged a woman caught in adultery into His presence, asking Him to confirm their right to stone her to death. That’s the society the Son of God came into. 

  Here He went along, to join in the joys of a wedding. He even saved the day by miraculously making more wine when the supply ran out. Jesus rejoiced with those who rejoiced. Yet He also wept with those who weep. Salty tears ran down his cheeks. A family He loved to visit lost their brother, Lazarus to death. When Jesus saw the sisters weeping, He cried too. Most of those grieving weren’t His disciples, yet He wept with them. 

  What a powerful command - “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” This Mother’s Day celebrate your Mom or your children! Celebrate with others! Yet, please remember to also look around for those grieving and be Jesus to them by joining them in their heartache.  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

You Only Have One Mom!

“Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.”

Dorothy Canfield Fisher

You only have one Mom! Through the years I’ve been reminded of that many times as I’ve walked a family through the death of their mother. This Pandemic has brought us face to face with the fragility of life. Normally, we work to push the reality of death out to the edges of our mind, but it won’t stay there. Death is inevitable and always comes too soon. Many of those bodies in faraway places like Italy, New York City, and China are someone’s mother.  Good-byes are often unexpected and unplanned.

  I’ve lost track of how many funerals I’ve done over the decades. One trait that nearly all have in common – the person who could most benefit from the love, kind words and gratitude being expressed is no longer there to experience it. That always makes me very sad.

  Our Creator is a God of love and designed us to be loved. An unloved individual is a miserable one.

  In Les Miserables, Victor Hugo tells the stirring story of an escaped convict who is transformed by the compassion of a French bishop who forgives him for stealing his silver candlesticks. The transformation leads this convict to lead a life of love and success, eventually causing him to forgive himself and save the life of the prison guard who stalks him down in an effort to return him to prison. In that literary classic Hugo writes that “the supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.”

  On this Mother’s Day may we remember that our Mom’s greatest need is not a new dress, a remodeled kitchen, breakfast in bed, fresh flowers, or another card. What your Mom needs most of all is to know that she is loved! Everything else is meaningless without love. So how can you show your Mom that you love her?

  Just say it. Say it often, repeat it and say it again and again. One of the most foolish things that I periodically hear is, “Well, they know that I love them.” Do you really believe your mother is psychic? It’s a very rare Mom who feels that she measures up (most of them have very low self-esteem, particularly when it comes to being a Mom). She needs to hear that you love her again and again. You never know when it might be the last time that you’ll be able to say it.

  Sadly, I speak from experience. It’s hard for me to believe that at the end of this month, it will be fifty years since my Mom was taken Home. She was driving to a wedding, her car went over a seventy-five-foot embankment and my Mom was gone. What I wouldn’t give to tell her “I love you” one more time.

  Touch her. When’s the last time you gave your Mom a big hug without her asking for it first? Think about this – your mother is the very first person who ever touched you. She wrapped you up in her womb for months and then you arrived. Her first priority was to hold you. She cuddled you, stroked your head, rubbed your feet, held your little cheeks against her, gave you a finger to grasp. In love, she did all those things.

  She changed your diapers, potty trained you, and held a tissue for you to blow your nose. She wiped food off of your face years longer than she should have had to. Your Mom constantly touched you! 

  Our largest organ is our skin. God designed us for touch. There are much worse things than dying from a virus. One is dying without human touch. Please find a way. Bathe yourself in a sanitizer if you have to. Your Mom needs your touch. She should never have to give that up completely!

  Love her patiently. Too many times I’ve had to bite my tongue. As your mother ages, she’ll forget things. The roles often reverse where you become the parent and she becomes the child. It’s almost more than I can bear to watch an adult child scold an aged parent. To me, it’s just cruel. An elderly person is no longer able to improve, grow or change. The scolding has nothing do with behavioral growth or modification. It’s just venting.

  In spite of all your Mom does for you, too many become impatient with her. She’s taken for granted and what she gives is expected. Just because she’s tender to your needs that’s no reason to take advantage of her. No, it’s the reason instead to be patient, grateful and to love her all the more!

  Love her generously. You’ll never be able to repay her, but it wouldn’t hurt to die trying. Most mothers rarely spend on themselves first unless all their children’s needs are met first.

  This will shock you. Please understand, there is never an excuse for abuse. Yet, there is a rationale for why so many Moms take it. It’s not for them. A mother will rationalize that she can take a few pokes, a black-eye every now and then, as long as her children have food on the table and a roof over their head. No, it’s not right, but Moms are willing to lay it all on the line for their children, to even sacrifice themselves and bodily harm.

  Moms give generously for their children over and over again. Your mother wasn’t perfect, but she did the best that she could.

  Are you familiar with Mom Math? State your answer as a fraction:  If there’s 10 at the table and one apple pie, how much does each one get?  Here’s the answer, “One ninth!” “But don’t you know your fractions?” “Do you know my mother? If there’s that many at the table and only one pie, she’ll decide that she’s really not that hungry and doesn’t want a piece.”

  Love her with respect. Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” Maybe you’re thinking, “You don’t know my mother…she was an addict. She was abusive.” It may be true that I don’t know your mother, but I do know God. The Bible says nothing about being worthy of respect. It just gives us the command. Scripture only has one qualification, “Is she your mother?”

  The police officer who pulls you over may be a scoundrel but Scripture still command us to show that law enforcement officer respect (Romans 13:1-7). Notice too, this the only one of the Ten Commandments which includes a built-in promise of blessing.

  In the end it’s not about whether your Mom has done the right thing. It’s about you honoring the Lord and doing the right thing. Why? Because it’s always the right thing to do. Not only will it bless her, but it will also cause things to go well with you and result in a long and happy life for you. So, please never be too busy or preoccupied to let your Mom know you love her.

  Even as Jesus was dying on the cross, He made sure that His mother knew that He loved her and that she was provided for. Your mother doesn’t need all the extras associated with this holiday. Please give her what she needs the most – YOUR LOVE! Give it to her today because tomorrow might just be too late!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Mom, can we talk?

“The influence of a Mother in the lives

of her children is beyond calculation.” James E. Faust

  Recently, I asked some friends for their input: If you could tell a Mom one thing, what would you tell her? I laughed at the response of one friend who’s recently retired as a counselor, “Don’t kill ‘em.” Sometimes, that’s not that far from the truth. So, this Mother’s Day can we grab a cup of coffee and chat for a moment about being a Mom…  

  God is seeking to develop you. There are no accidents with God’s plan. When God gave you your child, He knew that your child needed you and He also knew that you needed your child. Our Heavenly Father is in the masterpiece making business. Personal happiness is not a priority in masterpiece making. Spiritual growth and holiness are. What your Father wants to develop in you is; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). It takes pruning, heat and friction to produce a masterpiece. Wonderfully, the very traits that He wants to produce in you are the exact things that your child needs most. Masterpiece building is frequently exhausting. That’s because your Father knows you don’t have it in you and will need to depend on Him and His grace. Wonderfully, as you model those traits, your children will often follow your example. They may also copy you if you fail to model them.

  Determine to be a Mom of truthfulness. God is a God of truth. Jesus said, “I am the way…the truth” (John 14:6). Because children are so trusting, it’s tempting and simple to lie to them. It’s can be little things, yet they carry big consequences. For example, a child hates onions and has a fit over them…but the recipe tastes better with onions. They see you mixing it together and ask the inevitable question, “Are there onions in it?” What do you do? You must tell the truth. Pleasing God is not about avoiding hassles, even with your children.

  Learn to be flexible. Our culture encourages us to be human doings. God created us to be human beings. Yet, we feel a sense of accomplishment when we accomplish more and wear how busy we are as a badge of honor. Both you and your child will be exasperated if you continually rush them. Relationship building takes time and nurture, even one with your child.

  Grow in gratitude for the small things. “And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward” (Matt. 10:42). In other words, stop and smell the roses. Learn to enjoy the little things. Too often we approach parenting like a black dot on a white sheet of paper. We’re so focused on the dot, we miss all of the whiteness. Children are like a new flower. Growth must be encouraged, but ours is a weed whacking world. Be a person of gratitude and encouragement. It begins with being a grateful person, learning to savor and enjoy cups of cold water.

  Plan for the long game. Most of us plan for nearly everything but parenting. Parenting is supposed to just “happen.” Planning always begins with prayer. It starts with trust and submission to the One who gave them to you. Pray for your child’s future, what their life’s vocation will be, if they’ll marry, who they’ll marry, what choices they’ll make, etc. Healthy parents give their children roots and wings. Ten or twenty years from today what kind of adult do you want them to be? That trajectory begins today. They will usually value what you value. If you value a temporal world, they will value a temporal world. Too many times we wait until adolescence to attempt to re-direct our child. It’s far too late. Patterns and values are already ingrained. The time for directing toward adulthood is during babyhood. It’s easy to plop a small child in front of a screen and have a digital babysitter. Is it any wonder that we have millennials who are obsessed with screens? They were taught to value them before they cut their teeth. Even most Christian parents are more concerned about their child’s education than their final destination. Spiritual values (Bible reading, prayer, community of believers, service, giving) are haphazard. There’s a reason so many young adults want little to do with eternal values. They weren’t valued during those formative years, but everything else was.

  Live out the Golden Rule. Matthew 7:12, “Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.” Do you want your children to speak kindly to you? Then, speak kindly to them. Do you want them to be patient? Be patient with them. Do you want them to respect your privacy? Respect theirs. Do you want them to cover your faults in public? Then, cover theirs. Most adults carry wounds from being shamed as a child. With social media, it’s easier perhaps than ever before to share a tidbit that shames your child. It’s tempting to use it to vent but venting isn’t a biblical behavior. We’re to seek to instead problem-solve. So before you post, think through how your child might feel if they knew about that post.

  Model biblical problem-solving. It begins with your own marriage. Little eyes are watching and learning how to resolve conflict. If they have siblings, they’re going to disagree and squabble. Teach them how to do that in a biblical, proactive way. Meltdowns won’t be tolerated in school or in the workplace, why tolerate them in the home? Many parents tune out squabbling, rationalizing “it’s just the way kids are.” Kids become adults. Squabbling in adulthood jeopardizes employment and can result in serious long term relational problems.  

  Trust the only objective reliable resource. There’s not enough time to go through the mountains of parenting books that have been written. Then, many of them offer contradictory advice (e.g., pick up your baby when she cries vs. don't pick up your baby when she cries). Add to these resources all of the blogs and websites that offer parenting tips and one can see why many parents feel overwhelmed. We are designed by God, thus His Word is our blueprint. Amazingly, the Bible has general principles yet few specifics. That’s because of the uniqueness of each parent, child and family. The main thing you’ll learn from the Bible is how to change YOU. As you grow and become more Christlike, that will do more for your parenting and children than anything else.  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.