“I can’t think of a better way to use my abilities than in service to my children.” Lynda Sittser
She’s a former fashion model, one of America’s
most famous actresses, and part of a Hollywood Dynasty. She’s been in some 54
movies and is the recipient of two Academy Awards, two British Academy Film
Awards, seven Golden Globe Awards, a Primetime Emmy away, the AFI Life Achievement
Award, and the Cecil B. DeMille Award. Her first exercise video was the highest-selling
of all time. She’s worth over $200,000,000.00. From our culture’s perspective, she
is the epitome of success. Yet, in an interview earlier this year with Chris
Wallace, Jane Fonda shared that the biggest regret in her life was not knowing
how to be a better parent. “I was not the kind of mother that I wish that I
had been to my children.”
You have to appreciate her vulnerability and candor. The mothers who should frighten us are the ones who think they’ve arrived and have it all together. Any honest Mom and really every parent would acknowledge that they’ve made a lot of mistakes. How could they not – there are no perfect mothers and there has only been one perfect child – Jesus. Even His Mom made some big blunders.
So on this year’s Mother’s Day, let me share some advice on how to potentially cut down on some of those regrets for the future. (This goes for Dad too and grandparents). Keep the main thing the main thing. In other words, you can’t have it all, so focus on what’s truly important.
Periodically, I’ll hear someone bemoan that they think they have ADHD. Though there are some who are diagnosed with ADHD and we don’t want to disparage that. Yet, stop and observe the world around you and I think you’ll find that we essentially have an ADHD culture.
Most of us carry what is essentially a toddler having a tantrum. They’re in our pockets and purses. Smartphones can make us stupid. Those rings, chirps, and vibrations can distract us from what’s truly important.
In 2015, Brandie Johnson, a mother of young twin boys decided to conduct a little experiment: She took an hour one morning to unplug and simply watch her boys play. She also decided to keep score. When her boys looked over to see if she was watching them, she’d make a mark on a piece of paper. She ended up with 28 marks. She wrote:
“As I sat quietly in the corner of the room I tallied how many times they looked at me for various reasons: to see if I saw their cool tricks, to seek approval or disapproval for what they were doing, and to watch my reactions. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was on some sort of technology what message would I have been sending? 28 times my angels would have wondered if the World Wide Web was more important than them.” Brandie that it was more important to be there for her boys than to be connected somewhere else.
While work is important, relationships are more important. Most Moms are in the workplace today. There’s increasing pressure to move up the ladder and/or work longer hours. Few employers value the bottom line of your family. Then, in our consumer-driven culture, it’s tempting to overextend ourselves so our children don’t have to “do without.”
Because it’s so much a part of our world, we fail to stop and ask “Do without what?” Toys, gadgets, bigger and better vacations? Larger houses and better cars? We feel the squeeze. As believers, as those who know all of this world is temporary, periodically we need to stop and evaluate what we’re investing in, how we’re spending our time, and what we’re living for?
Jesus asked, “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36). If we have all the “stuff,” this world says is important and only provide for our children the temporal, but fail to direct them to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and living for the eternal and what truly matters, what have we accomplished?
You can’t have it all. Each of us must choose and the earlier we choose the better. If you wait until the teen years to begin investing eternal truth and values in your child’s heart, it may be too late.
It’s not easy though. The cultural peer pressure is relentless. Frequently, Christian parents are concerned about the ideology and worldview being taught in their child’s school, yet missing the values and worldview they’re teaching by example in their own lives and focus. They’re pressured by parental peers to have their child involved in nearly everything…because that’s what good parents do. Yet what your child needs is not another activity, they need YOU – time with you, learning from you, and talking to you. They need to know your Lord and Savior. Very few voices are going to share eternal values with them. No one is as vested as you are in their spiritual future. You are the best hope that they have of knowing and living for what has true significance.
A prime quality every mother and parent needs is a sincere faith (2 Timothy 1:5). The word “sincere” means, literally, “not hypocritical.” Phony faith is a mask put on in front of church members or out in public but set aside in the home. The parents may be fighting as they drive to church, but when they drive in the parking lot, they act as if everything is just wonderful. Kids smell that kind of phoniness a mile away.
G. Campbell Morgan was a gifted preacher of another generation. He had four sons who all became preachers. Someone once asked when all of the family was there, “Who is the greatest preacher in your family?” Though there was great admiration for their preacher-Dad, the answer without a moment’s hesitation was: “Mother.”
Jane Fonda may have blown it but she got one thing right – she owned it. Every mom, every parent will look back with some regret. The only perfect parent is God the Father. Yet, let’s seek to limit regret by being focused on Him, depending on His grace, and prioritizing what has eternal significance. When we fail, confess it (1 John 1:9) and ask for God’s grace both in your life and in the life of your children.
You have to appreciate her vulnerability and candor. The mothers who should frighten us are the ones who think they’ve arrived and have it all together. Any honest Mom and really every parent would acknowledge that they’ve made a lot of mistakes. How could they not – there are no perfect mothers and there has only been one perfect child – Jesus. Even His Mom made some big blunders.
So on this year’s Mother’s Day, let me share some advice on how to potentially cut down on some of those regrets for the future. (This goes for Dad too and grandparents). Keep the main thing the main thing. In other words, you can’t have it all, so focus on what’s truly important.
Periodically, I’ll hear someone bemoan that they think they have ADHD. Though there are some who are diagnosed with ADHD and we don’t want to disparage that. Yet, stop and observe the world around you and I think you’ll find that we essentially have an ADHD culture.
Most of us carry what is essentially a toddler having a tantrum. They’re in our pockets and purses. Smartphones can make us stupid. Those rings, chirps, and vibrations can distract us from what’s truly important.
In 2015, Brandie Johnson, a mother of young twin boys decided to conduct a little experiment: She took an hour one morning to unplug and simply watch her boys play. She also decided to keep score. When her boys looked over to see if she was watching them, she’d make a mark on a piece of paper. She ended up with 28 marks. She wrote:
“As I sat quietly in the corner of the room I tallied how many times they looked at me for various reasons: to see if I saw their cool tricks, to seek approval or disapproval for what they were doing, and to watch my reactions. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was on some sort of technology what message would I have been sending? 28 times my angels would have wondered if the World Wide Web was more important than them.” Brandie that it was more important to be there for her boys than to be connected somewhere else.
While work is important, relationships are more important. Most Moms are in the workplace today. There’s increasing pressure to move up the ladder and/or work longer hours. Few employers value the bottom line of your family. Then, in our consumer-driven culture, it’s tempting to overextend ourselves so our children don’t have to “do without.”
Because it’s so much a part of our world, we fail to stop and ask “Do without what?” Toys, gadgets, bigger and better vacations? Larger houses and better cars? We feel the squeeze. As believers, as those who know all of this world is temporary, periodically we need to stop and evaluate what we’re investing in, how we’re spending our time, and what we’re living for?
Jesus asked, “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36). If we have all the “stuff,” this world says is important and only provide for our children the temporal, but fail to direct them to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and living for the eternal and what truly matters, what have we accomplished?
You can’t have it all. Each of us must choose and the earlier we choose the better. If you wait until the teen years to begin investing eternal truth and values in your child’s heart, it may be too late.
It’s not easy though. The cultural peer pressure is relentless. Frequently, Christian parents are concerned about the ideology and worldview being taught in their child’s school, yet missing the values and worldview they’re teaching by example in their own lives and focus. They’re pressured by parental peers to have their child involved in nearly everything…because that’s what good parents do. Yet what your child needs is not another activity, they need YOU – time with you, learning from you, and talking to you. They need to know your Lord and Savior. Very few voices are going to share eternal values with them. No one is as vested as you are in their spiritual future. You are the best hope that they have of knowing and living for what has true significance.
A prime quality every mother and parent needs is a sincere faith (2 Timothy 1:5). The word “sincere” means, literally, “not hypocritical.” Phony faith is a mask put on in front of church members or out in public but set aside in the home. The parents may be fighting as they drive to church, but when they drive in the parking lot, they act as if everything is just wonderful. Kids smell that kind of phoniness a mile away.
G. Campbell Morgan was a gifted preacher of another generation. He had four sons who all became preachers. Someone once asked when all of the family was there, “Who is the greatest preacher in your family?” Though there was great admiration for their preacher-Dad, the answer without a moment’s hesitation was: “Mother.”
Jane Fonda may have blown it but she got one thing right – she owned it. Every mom, every parent will look back with some regret. The only perfect parent is God the Father. Yet, let’s seek to limit regret by being focused on Him, depending on His grace, and prioritizing what has eternal significance. When we fail, confess it (1 John 1:9) and ask for God’s grace both in your life and in the life of your children.
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we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web
page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more
about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus
changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org
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