Dad, should your children follow you?

 

“Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice.”   Charles Kettering

 
Henry Bosch shares this story: As a schoolboy, I worked with my father during the summer months. Each morning we stopped to pick up the early edition of the newspaper at a small grocery store. One morning when we got to work, my father found that by mistake he had taken two newspapers instead of one. He first thought of paying the man the extra price the next morning, but then after a moment’s consideration he said, “I had better go back with this paper. I don’t want the man at the store to think I’m dishonest.” He got in his car, drove back to the store, and returned the paper. About a week later, someone stole money from the grocery store. When police pinpointed the time it occurred, the grocer remembered only two people being in the store at the time—and one was my father. The grocer immediately dismissed my father as a suspect, saying, ‘That man is really honest. He came all the way back here just to return a newspaper he took by mistake.’ The police then focused their investigation on the other man, who soon made a full confession. My father’s honesty made a big impression on that non-Christian storeowner, and on me.” Henry Bosch’s father lived out what it means to be a Christ-follower.
  Dads, what’s important to you? According to one recent Pew Research Survey, Dads place a high priority on their children becoming honest, ethical and hardworking adults. The majority of dads say it’s extremely or very important to them that their children be honest and ethical (93%), hardworking (87%) and ambitious (64%) as adults.
  What do you believe are the priorities to teach your children? Being honest and ethical is important and over the years I’ve had fathers tell me many different things. Most want their children to know how to work hard and to be good providers for their families. Some want their children to know how to play sports and be winners. Others want their children to get good grades, go to college, and have a good career.
  All of those are good things, yet in nearly forty years of ministry, I can’t remember a father ever sharing with me: “I want my children to know Jesus as their Savior and go to heaven.” I’m sure some believed it, yet I can’t remember a single Dad expressing that to me. Interestingly, though I’ve had mothers express that and even fret that they’re child had not yet committed his/her life to Christ.
  It’s tempting to put behavior before belief. One though can be very moral and not know Jesus. The Savior echoed that powerful sentiment with “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” Mark 8:36). If we focus on the wrong thing, even good things, we can raise our children to be successful failures.
  So, how do we teach our children what should be the top priority in life? Where do we start? We need to personally know what it means to be a believer. If heaven and God’s forgiveness is a “hope so,” we and our children are in real trouble. Would you want directions to some destination if the person sharing them said, “I think this is how you get there…”? No, we want someone who knows the way.
  Even better when you’re unsure of how to get somewhere is to have someone say to you, “I’m going there. Follow me.” Dad, do you know based on God’s Word that you’ve been forgiven and that you’re going to heaven when you die? If you don’t know how to go to heaven, you won’t be able to teach your children and that would be a tragic loss.
  Yet, heaven is so much more than having your ticket punched for eternal life. Our children will value what we value whether it’s caught or taught. My Dad was in retail for years and later invested in and sold commercial real estate. He also invested in the stock market. It’s not a surprise that one of my brothers became a stockbroker and the other began in retail and later ended up as an executive in the fashion industry.
  Hollywood dynasties, business dynasties and political dynasties are common. Children often follow in a father’s footsteps. They will have the same interests and values, spend their leisure time the way they saw modeled and even will have the same type of friends that their parents had. 
  Dad, what do you truly value? What do you love? What’s your focus? Where do you spend your time? If your children follow in your steps, what will their life be like? What will they teach your grandchildren to value?
  American educator, A.E. Winship, decided to trace the descendants of Jonathan Edwards almost 150 years after his death. His findings are remarkable, especially when compared to another man from the same time period known as Max Jukes.
  Jonathan Edwards’ legacy includes: 1 U.S. Vice-President, 1 Dean of a law school, 1 dean of a medical school, 3 U.S. Senators, 3 governors, 3 mayors, 13 college presidents, 30 judges, 60 doctors, 65 professors, 75 Military officers, 80 public office holders, 100 lawyers, 100 clergymen, and 285 college graduates. How is this explained? Jonathan Edwards was a Christ-follower who loved the Lord. As a result, he was also hard working, moral and ethical.
  Max Jukes’ legacy came to people’s attention when the family trees of 42 different men in the New York prison system were traced back to him. He lived in New York at about the same period as Edwards. The Jukes family originally was studied by sociologist Richard L. Dugdale in 1877. Jukes’ descendants included: 7 murderers, 60 thieves, 190 prostitutes, 150 other convicts, 310 paupers, and 440 who were physically wrecked by addiction to alcohol. Of the 1,200 descendants that were studied, 300 died prematurely.
  These two legacies provide an example of what’s called the five-generation rule. “How a parent raises their child — the love they give, the values they teach, the emotional environment they offer, the education they provide — influences not only their children but the four generations to follow, either for good or evil.” What a challenging thought!
  Dad, if someone studied your descendants four generations later, what would you want them to discover? Do you want an Edwards’ legacy or a Jukes’ one? Being a Christ-follower can determine where your children and grandchildren will spend eternity. The life you live today influences the legacy you leave tomorrow! So, where are you going and what are you leaving behind?

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

What is a man...a godly Man?

 

“Men are not born masculine, they need to learn it. Specifically, they learn it by examining the Scriptures, looking to the example of Jesus Christ and following the examples of other men.”  Randy Smith

 

  There’s been an ongoing cultural debate on “What is a woman?” Yet, a more vital question for the Church is: What is a godly man?
  One of most maligned positions today is that of a man. Too often the Church hasn’t helped. We’ve settled for mediocrity and failed to encourage men to be mature, godly examples. The outcome is what Dale Partridge describes as a “surplus of boys with beards.” We’ve accepted extended adolescence, machismo for maturity and a rationalization that addiction is normal whether it’s sports, video games, substance abuse or porn.
  In a culture lacking clarity and sanity about manhood, this is where God’s Word becomes our lifeline. The Bible is filled with examples of men of character. None were perfect but they were committed to a godly direction.
  The best example of biblical masculinity is Jesus Christ. What does a real man look like? Who should be our model for healthy manhood? The answer is the Lord Jesus. The Christ of the Bible is the perfect representation of true masculinity. Our world needs men who not only live by Christ’s teachings, but imitate the example of how He lived His life. That example can transform us individually, and our society as a whole!
  Godly men prepare themselves for manhood in their youth. Though the Bible provides few details about the childhood of Jesus, we do have enough details to know that the young Jesus was focused on His education and preparation for adulthood. Luke records, “Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men” (Luke 2:52). That didn’t just happen. A young Jesus studied and applied Himself. We see an example of this when He stayed behind in Jerusalem after Passover. His parents found Him “in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions” (Luke 2:46). Christ’s example for young men is to take preparation for adulthood seriously in your youth. Don’t fritter away your early years by playing video games or watching movies. Be focused on your future and preparation needed to achieve your goals.
  Godly men work. Christ’s life was an example of work and productivity. In His adult life He had two primary occupations—carpenter and teacher. His young adult years were spent working in the carpentry profession, learning the profession from Joseph (His stepfather) and probably working in a family business with His physical brothers. After about the age of 30, Jesus transitioned into a teacher and spent the rest of His physical life traveling across the area preaching, teaching, healing, training His disciples and working with individuals one-on-one. Jesus’ life was so active and productive that there wasn’t room in the Gospels to record all He did (John 21:25)! His example for men today is a strong work ethic. Godly men don’t linger in a childhood immaturity focused on entertainment, inactivity and laziness—they grow up and work. They work to support themselves (and eventually their families) and have a drive to be creative and productive.
  Godly men respect women. Jesus Christ lived in a society that had little regard for women. He stood out as a Man who treated women with honor and respect. He spoke to women publicly, even when it was taboo to do so in the culture of His day. He highlighted women’s actions as lessons for others to follow. Jesus showed concern for women who were suffering. He honored and respected His mother even when He was suffering and dying.
  A man living out biblical masculinity doesn’t use degrading language to describe women. His example for men today is to respect all women and treat them with honor. Many men—influenced by music, pornography and movies—view women as sex objects. Using derogatory words for women is common in contemporary music, media, and in some male-only conversations. Godly men have nothing to do with this but are committed instead to treating women as Imago Dei with dignity, honor and respect.
  Godly men love and care for children. Though Jesus had a busy schedule, He didn’t consider anyone a waste of His time—especially children! Parents brought children to Jesus for Him to bless. These parents knew that He loved children and would set aside time for them. In fact, Jesus rebuked those who interfered with that time! He frequently healed children of ailments and interacted with children with love and gentleness.
  Christ’s example for men today is not to ignore children, but to pay attention to them and protect them. A godly man doesn’t lustfully impregnate women only to abandon them to care for children alone. He chooses one woman to love and marry and then brings children into that solid, loving, committed family relationship.
  Godly men control themselves. Jesus Christ experienced temptations to sin just like we do, but resisted every time. He never sinned. Hebrews tells us that He “was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). He never allowed desire and lust to conceive in His mind (James 1:15). He resisted and denied sinful thoughts. Our Lord was Spirit-controlled and governed Himself by a moral code based on God’s Word and never deviated from it. He exercised perfect self-control, a fruit of God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:23). His example for men today shows that they shouldn’t be driven by urges, what feels good or is convenient. This world needs men who govern themselves by the same biblical truth Jesus had.
  Jesus is the perfect example of balanced and biblical masculinity. Everything written about Him in the New Testament is a model for men. Countless practical points can be derived from His life and teachings. For  biblical masculinity to be restored, Christian men must model their lives after His perfect example. Jesus Christ demonstrated the perfect balance of masculine strength with gentleness and care. He was a leader and also a servant. He was incredibly bold and also caringly gentle. He worked hard, loved all people and never deviated from His mission.
  Jesus Christ is the example we must strive to follow. He is the model of masculinity that Christian men need to pattern their lives after.

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

Faithful Men of God

 “Men of God are those who walk in the fear of the Lord.”  Matt Chandler

   I love to watch law enforcement TV shows. I particularly enjoy the FBI series. Yet, I find that I frequently have to mentally tune out producer Dick Wolf’s flagrant anti-Christian bias. It seems that he never wastes an opportunity to belittle the beliefs and values of Christians. For example, when the FBI: Most Wanted team entered a pedophile’s house in a recent episode, it was full of religious items, implying that it was his strict religious upbringing that turned him into a monster. What’s the point of portraying a pedophile as a God-fearing Christian with Bible verses except to sell an overused stereotype about evil hypocritical Christians? 

  Bashing Christians, particularly men, is the latest cultural fad. Dr. Anthea Butler, the chair of the University of Pennsylvania Department of Religious Studies says “a white evangelical man supports racism, sexism and violence.” This caricature is one reason that I believe we should abandon the term “evangelical” for something like “Christ-follower.”

  Some Christians react to such slurs with anger, returning tit for tat. That only plays into the hands of the Enemy. And none of this is new. The early church experienced it, too. It’s instead an opportunity for us to turn the other cheek (Matt. 5:39) and live out what Jesus has called us to, a Christian Counterculture. We don’t live to be popular, but to please an audience of One. Our confused world desperately needs godly men, whether single or married. What does it mean to be a godly man?

  You will never be a godly man unless you know Jesus personally. There are many men of character, but to be all that you can be, you can’t do it on your own. In a sense, as a pastor, I’m paid to be good…but without Jesus, I’m a mess. I’m not as kind, patient, forgiving or anything else that matters on my own. I need a power that I will never find in myself. It’s why we need a cross and a Savior. Every man who wants to make a difference and have his life count has the same need.

  Because of that relationship with Jesus, he is committed to being a person of character and conviction. It means like Daniel, you pray even though it may mean a lions’ den. You don’t bow to the rulers of this world like a Shadrach, Meshach or Abednego even if it means a fiery furnace. It may mean refusing to wear a symbol of a movement that violates your convictions even if it means being labeled “hateful” or a “bigot,” as five Tampa Bay Rays players did. Yet, in the midst of the verbal assaults, you still choose to be gracious and Christlike.

  He’s considerate of the disenfranchised. In a dog-eat-dog world driven by self-promotion, he proactively is kind, thoughtful, and helpful to those who can’t benefit him like children, the elderly, those with special needs, the poor…or just those who are different. He notices, serves, and cares for those often ignored, treated with condescension, or mistreated and abused.

  He has a strong work ethic. He takes personal responsibility. He doesn’t live off of the government or his parents. He knows that any talent, abilities, and intelligence that he has is a gift to be used for the glory of God and a stewardship entrusted to him by God. He’s not a workaholic yet has a biblical worldview of work, seeking to turn the curse back into a blessing.  

  He realizes that when we are faithful in our work, God supplies our needs. Scripture teaches that those willing to work God’s way will be blessed. God’s plan is not necessarily for us to amass great fortunes, but desires to meet our needs and wants us to share His blessings with those who are in need. A godly man sees his work as worship and trusts God to honor his faithfulness. Because of that, there is great satisfaction with diligent work and a job well done.

  He is a spiritual leader. He’s a man of the Word and prayer. He sets an example for his wife and children by keeping the main thing the main thing. While he may enjoy sports or hobbies, they’re secondary to his relationship with God and the needs of his family. He lives a balanced life.

  He is willing to be vulnerable. If he’s married, he’s a one-woman man, even with his eyes and thoughts. He loves his wife and she’s secure in his love and knows that he is faithful to her. He takes his vows seriously.

  If he’s a Dad, his children know that he loves them, yet he will hold them accountable and direct their paths. He’s more concerned about them succeeding in God’s eternal kingdom than being successful in this temporal world and making him look good. Because he’s a man of the Word, he is a source of wisdom and counsel not subjective opinions or pontificating. What can we do to cultivate more godly men?

  We must encourage them. Godly men are not highly valued today. Too often, they’re disdained and considered out of touch. Even though they struggle, even though they have not arrived, they need lots of encouragement. If we don’t give it to them, they’re not going to find it out in a lost world. It must come from their families and the family of God.

  We must let them know that they are respected. God wired men to need respect. Ask any man if they had to choose which would they choose – love or respect. The vast majority will choose respect, even over love. Yet, many men frequently don’t receive respect at their jobs or in our world. Instead, because they live by God’s plan they may be disdained or demeaned. There needs to be a place where they know they’re respected. That place, in God’s wise plan, should be the home and the local church.  

  Native Americans had a ritual for training young braves. On the night of a boy's 13th birthday, he was placed in a dense forest to spend the entire night alone. Until then he'd never been away from the security of his family and tribe. But on this night he was blindfolded and taken miles away. When he took off the blindfold he was in the middle of a deep forest. He was terrified! Every time a twig snapped, he visualized a wild animal ready to pounce. Every time an animal howled, he imagined a wolf leaping out of the darkness. Every time the wind blew, he wondered if a storm was coming. After what seemed like an eternity, the first rays of sunlight entered the interior of the forest. Looking around, the boy saw flowers, trees, and the outline of the path. Then, to his utter amazement, he saw the figure of a man standing a few feet away, armed with a bow and arrow. It was the boy's father who had been there all night long! 

  Men, you’re not alone. Your heavenly Father is standing right next to you, He’s the Dad you may have never had. As you trust and honor Him, He will bless you. When you fail, which you will, your Heavenly Father will pick you up, forgive you and give you the grace to carry on.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

 

  

You don’t have to be a Father to be a Dad in someone’s life

“Every dad, if he takes time out of his busy life to reflect upon his fatherhood, can learn ways to become an even better dad.” 

Jack Baker

19.7 million children, more than 1 in 4, live without a father in the home. Consequently, there is a missing father factor in nearly every social ill facing America today. Childhood isn’t easy. Having two loving, committed parents is one of the best gifts a child can receive.

  While my relationship with my father was very strained, my Heavenly Father richly blessed me with many other men who stepped into that role and more than filled what was missing. When it comes to a need for a Dad, God wonderfully fulfilled the promise of Philippians 4:19 for me, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Let me mention just a few.

  Bob Collins was one of my Sunday School teachers when I was a boy. We were typical boys – mischievous and unruly (we were pretty horrible). There may have been a dozen of us in his class. I’m not sure, but I don’t think that Bob ever had children of his own. Yet, he not only taught our class but he’d schedule activities for us outside of class. I’d never been bowling, yet Bob would take the whole lot of us and taught us how to bowl. He had a heart of gold and left his fingerprints on my life.

  Jim Penley was a leader at our church in a type of Christian Boy Scouts, “Boys Stockade.” Jim had a passion for the Lord and ministry. He also had a heart for influencing young lives. On Sundays, Jim would go to a housing project near our church and lead a Bible study for boys from that project. He helped me cut my teeth in ministry. Jim enlisted three or four of us to assist him. We’d go door to door at those apartments and invite young men from the project to come to Jim’s class and then help with the class.

  As maybe a nine-year-old, it was an early introduction to ministry, to reaching cross-culturally and seeing poverty firsthand. It left a lifelong impression on me. It was not a big surprise that Jim later packed up his wife and family to attend Bible college to prepare to be a pastor.

  Kent Richards was my youth pastor when I was a teen. I could fill chapters sharing about Kent Richards. He was from Decatur, Illinois, so I’m sure Atlanta was a culture shock for him. He was the first person that I ever met that drank Pepsi (Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola). Kent wasn’t flashy or “cool.” He was just solid and godly. He always had time for me.

  After the loss of my Mom and the ongoing issues of my Dad, I was a young man with a lot of pain, yet Kent would listen for hours. He helped keep me anchored. To say that I was a rascal is an understatement. Yet, Kent never cut me off. Later when he got married, he and his bride, Rita, were always willing to give me a ride to church and youth activities. I’m sure that they were on a limited salary, yet they’d often take me to dinner with them. I was a broken, hurting teen and Kent was God’s instrument to help put the pieces back together in my life.

  Bob Crain was a rock. Bob had been in the Navy during World War II and had at least one ship shot out from under him. His wife, Harriett, was my Mom’s best friend. A very successful businessman, yet they opened their home to college-age missionary kids whose parents were on the field.

   Back then it was too expensive for them to go “home” to a foreign field to be with their parents for the summer. So, Bob and Harriett helped them find summer jobs and gave them free room and board.

  Though Bob was kind, he was tough as nails. He was always there for you and would take a personal interest in your life, but if you screwed up, he’d let you know. He didn’t just smooth things over. He held you accountable. And you’ve never been reprimanded, until you’ve been chewed out by Bob Crain…and it was wonderful. Because you knew that he loved you and if you love someone, you’re willing to even say the tough stuff.

  Dr. David Capetz. I met him shortly after I arrived at Maranatha Academy. I was fifteen. I’d wanted to go away to school. I thought it was my best hope of freeing myself from a substance abuse background. But it was the first time that I’d been away from home. I’d never even attended camp but here I was nearly 1,000 miles away from everything that I’d ever known, in a dorm room with five other guys, all of them in college – and I hated it! I was ready to hop one of the trains that rumbled through the back of the campus. Somehow Dr. Capetz and I met, and by then, I was a very desperate kid.

  It was the first time that I remember sharing my story with anyone. I told him how much it hurt to lose my Mom, how I hated my Dad, and how bitter I was. He took me to Ephesians 4:31-32. It’s been an anchor passage for me ever since: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” He pointed out that since God had forgiven me for so much, it was wrong for me to not forgive my Dad…no matter what had happened, and for the first time in my life, I was free! Sure I had setbacks, but I’d tasted heart freedom and I could never go back.

  Frequently, I’d drop by his office and he’d take the time to listen, counsel me, take me to God’s Word, and pray with me.

  One more, though there are many others, Leigh Crockett. We were both from the Atlanta area so we had a lot in common. He was such a part of our lives that our youngest son, Aaron’s middle name is “Leigh” and named after him.

  Leigh headed up the Speech Department at Maranatha. He was one of the most loved professors and we became lifelong friends. In fact, he had a tremendous influence on both Jane and me (Jane was a Speech Minor, too).  He had a personality that was bigger than life and was unforgettable.

  Years ago Leigh was diagnosed with cancer. Wonderfully, the Lord healed him and gave him a reprieve. Later it came back and took him Home. Yet, even as he was dying, he was a faithful testimony for his Lord.

  25% of children live in fatherless homes. The percentage jumps off the page if you add those who have a Dad in the home, yet is virtually uninvolved with his children.  

  Men, if we will be sensitive to God’s leading, He’ll open our eyes to see young lives that we can minister to for His glory. We can make a huge difference just by being attentive and available. Most of the time it won’t be a huge investment. It’s amazing with young people how a little goes a long way. It starts with knowing their name, just noticing them. It might be that ornery neighbor kid or a young person here at church. I know it’s true! I’m where I am today because men invested in my life. Many of you have similar stories. Young people are our future. Please take the time and give of yourselves to invest in a life.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Being a godly Dad is a Top Priority!

“Things which matter most must never be

at the mercy of things which matter least.”  Goethe  

  E.M. Gray spent his life searching for the one trait all successful people share. His essay entitled, “The Common Denominator of Success” revealed successful people’s common characteristic wasn’t hard work or wise human relations, though those traits were important. The one factor that seemed to surpass all the rest was the habit of simply putting first things first. He observed, “The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do. They don't like doing them either, necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose.”

  Over the years I’ve read many books on what makes a great father. If you Google Fathers or what makes a godly one, you’ll be overwhelmed with all the advice available. While I’m at the second phase of fathering, seeking to have a godly influence on my now adult children, I’m still working on being a godly Dad. One trait that I’ve observed that I believe makes a major difference is having the right priorities.

  Stephen R. Covey in his bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote: “As a longtime student of this fascinating field [of life and time management], I am personally persuaded that the essence of the best thinking in the area of time management can be captured in a single phrase: Organize and execute around priorities.” Setting the right priorities is vital for success in anything. It’s indispensable for spiritual success. Scripture tells us that it’s critical to put our priorities in the right order and then carefully cultivate each one with zeal and enthusiasm.

  Yet, we struggle with “the tyranny of the urgent” and are easily distracted from what’s most important. For example, each week I have an 800 lb. gorilla that I must deal with – next Sunday’s sermon. You may have heard me share one of my favorite quotes on preaching by Jan Karon from her book, At Home in Mitford. She writes that preaching is “like having a baby on Sunday and finding out that you’re pregnant on Monday.” Preparing a sermon each week is similar to having a term paper due every Sunday. If I don’t prioritize, it won’t happen. And it would be a sin, failing in my calling from God and stealing from our church if I grabbed some “Saturday night special” off the Internet. It means I must make preparation a priority. It takes me between 15-20 hours each week to be adequately prepared for each Sunday. But did you like doing term papers when you were in school? Neither did I. While I love and am so thankful that God has called me into the ministry, I have to discipline myself each week and prioritize.

  The same is true of anything vital. If you’re going to be successful. Prioritizing is critical. For example, you always know who makes their landscaping a priority. Their yards are weed free, flowers and landscaping are immaculate. The grass is green and looks like a carpet. But you can’t order a beautiful yard on the Internet (Trust me on this. I searched Amazon). In the same way, to be a godly father you must make it a priority to first know God the Father. God the Father is our model. For those of us who didn’t have a model in our own earthly Dad, this is such a blessing.

  While there’s no shortcut to knowing God, it’s simple. You must make time with the Lord in reading His Word and prayer a top priority every day. Everything else will clamor for your attention. Spending time with your Heavenly Father each day will help make you a better husband, father, employee, neighbor, etc. It will help you be a wiser manager of your finances and time. I’m so confident this is true that I’d challenge you to try it for 30 days. You’ll find for yourself the phenomenal difference it makes.  

  Everyone you talk to bemoans how busy they are. Yet, being chronically overly busy isn’t God’s plan for us. You can’t do everything. It’s why priorities are vital. As you spend time at your daily “staff meeting” with your Heavenly Father, He’ll give you the wisdom to know what’s the most important for you to focus on and to base your decisions on those priorities.

  It’s a well-known anecdote, yet so accurate of an instructor at a time-management seminar. He asked the group a foundational question, as he reached under the table and pulled out a wide-mouthed gallon jar and set it on the table. Next to the jar were a number of fist-sized rocks. “How many of these rocks do you think we can get inside this jar?” Participants guessed, so the instructor said, “Let's find out.” One by one he began putting as many fist-sized rocks as he could into the jar until they filled the jar. Then, he asked, “Is the jar full?” The participants looked at the jar filled with rocks and said it was. Then he reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar. The gravel filled the spaces between the big rocks. He grinned and asked again, “Is the jar full?” The group was catching on and said that the jar probably wasn’t full. He nodded and said, “You’re catching on.” Next he took out a bucket of sand and poured it in. Slowly the sand filled the gaps between the rocks and gravel. After the sand settled, the instructor again asked, “Now, is the jar full?” The audience roared, “No!” Next he poured a pitcher of water into the jar. At this point he stopped and asked the group, “What's the point of all of this?” Somebody said, “There are always gaps. If you work at it, you can always fit more into your life.” But the instructor replied, “No, the point is this: If I hadn't put in those big rocks first, I never would have gotten them in at all.”

  Every Dad needs to ask, “What are my big rocks?” When you begin with God the Father and make Him your first priority, you’ll be amazed at the difference and how in balance the rest of your life becomes.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

A few good (but not perfect) men...

"A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be." Frank A. Clark 

  More times than I like to think about, I’ve felt that my “Daddy Permit” ought to be revoked. Any Dad who’s honest, I believe, probably feels the same way. What an encouragement the Bible is when it comes to fathers. God’s Word challenges us with Dads in real time, yet paints them as they truly were. It doesn’t sanitize them, creating some unrealistic, idealistic Super Dad, but as real Dads who loved their children, loved God yet still struggled with their own sin nature and shortcomings. It drives me back to the Cross and the Gospel, and the only Father who is perfect.

  One of my favorite quotes that gives me so much hope for my children is from Thomas Fuller, an English churchman and historian. Thomas Fuller was a prolific author, as well as the chaplain to Oliver Cromwell. His powerful insight encourages my heart, that my children will walk closer to the Lord and be more faithful to Him than I have been. He wrote: “Lord, I find the genealogy of my Savior strangely checkered with four remarkable changes in four immediate generations. (1) Rehoboam begat Abijah; that is, a bad father begat a bad son. (2) Abijah begat Asa; that is, a bad father begat a good son. (3) Asa begat Jehoshaphat; that is, a good father a good son. (4) Jehoshaphat begat Joram; that is, a good father a bad son. I see, Lord, from hence that my father's piety cannot be entailed; that is bad news for me. But I see also that actual impiety is not always hereditary; that is good news for my son.”

  Perusing the pages of Scripture, I find some wonderful models of godly fatherhood. Caleb, was a Dad with a vision for the next generation. When nearly everyone else doubted God and were shaking in their sandals, Caleb joined Joshua, in that wonderful do it – “we can do it, we can do it!” Many men are great, yet fail in encouraging greatness in the next generation. Toward the end of his life, Caleb is still claiming new territory and challenging others to do the same, to take great risks and step out on faith. His daughter follows in his steps, claiming unconquered ground in the Promised Land for the glory of God. Too often, we seek to protect our children, essentially handing them their future on a silver platter rather than challenging them to trust God and step out on faith on their own.

  While David was such a disappointment in so many ways, yet when God turned down his holy desire to build a great house for God, David did the next best thing. Though he wasn’t going to be allowed to build a house for the Lord, he prepared the way for his son, Solomon, to honor God. Later when, with all the political intrigue and coups of a Games of Thrones court, a plan was hatched to circumvent Solomon from assuming Israel’s throne after David’s death, David immediately vacated the throne, having Solomon anointed king. He also cleaned up his own messes so that a young Solomon wouldn’t have to deal with the debris from his failures. While we must not fight our children’s battles, we should seek to remove needless impediments out of their way that might dissuade them from following God’s will, and guide them in ways that encourage them to trust Him. 

  Sacrifice, particularly for one’s children seemingly grows rarer among today’s Dads. Weekends are theirs for their hobbies. After work is for “me time.” Though it might put at risk their children’s future, rarely will they slow down their career climb, even if longer hours or a relocation will potentially be a detriment to their child’s spiritual health. Often pastors are the worst violators of this, snatching children out of schools and away from friends who encourage them spiritually, just so that they can take a bigger ministry. Scripture only gives us the briefest glances of Joseph, Jesus’ adopted father. The little that we know of him causes me to admire him. As soon as he knew Jesus was in danger, he doesn’t just get out of town, he leaves the country. He left a new business and friends in the middle of the night for what must have been an unpleasant trek down into Egypt. Even when he returns, rather than going back where it might be easier to start over, he chooses the less ideal town of Nazareth to re-establish himself. A Dad who sacrifices, particularly economically, because it’s in the best interest of his children, is far too rare even in the Church.

  Probably, this one is closer to my heart than others, the Apostle Paul was a man who looked outside of his own blood descendants to make a difference in someone else’s life. Though busy with ministry, Paul invested in the young man, Timothy, adopting him as his own son in the faith. Think how much richer the Church is because of Paul’s love for the Lord that he poured out into Timothy. Many godly men, particularly after their own children are grown, shut their eyes in our fatherless and poor fathering world to have a godly influence on a young man. Yet, such an investment can pay off in huge spiritual dividends. We know too that Paul was single and may have never been married. Yet, this single, very busy man poured his life into a young life for the glory of God. May there be many more in our churches who will follow his example!

  Abraham struggled with fear most of his life, yet was called the “friend of God.” His spiritual priorities challenge me. He wouldn’t even let his long awaited and promised son, Isaac, to come between him and the Lord. He obeyed God, even if meant the sacrifice of his own son. That staggers me. I have to wonder, “Would I do that?” I hope so. I hope that I wouldn’t even let those that I love the most in this world, that I would gladly give my life for, that I wouldn’t even let them come between me and my God. Yet, many a man has become bitter and turned his back on God because he felt God had asked too much when God asked him to “have no other idols before God,” particularly when that idol was his own family. What we think is too great of a sacrifice costs too much when we choose to not trust and obey God. Too often what we think we can’t afford to lose, we lose in a greater way – we lose spiritually, losing that intimate relationship with the Father and our faith, just because we don’t understand God’s plan. 

  No, the Dads in Scripture aren’t perfect and neither are we. Many of them have left a righteous path for us to follow as they followed their Heavenly Father and sought to please Him. They were fathers who were examples for us and we would do well to follow their steps. 

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Feeling Fatherless on Father's Day?

“It is easier for a father to have children than for children

to have a real father.”

  Do you hate having to buy an obligatory gift? What about obligatory cards? For years, one of my most difficult tasks was buying the obligatory Father’s Day card. Most cards for most occasions, I can find with very little difficulty in just moments. Every year though I’d struggle to find an appropriate, (and honest), Father’s Day card. I couldn’t send one that said you’re the greatest Father in the world or that growing up was wonderful. It wasn’t true and my Dad knew that I didn’t believe that.

  My Dad and I never did connect. Sadly, we were never close. After I left home, I’d try to call him to see how he was doing. Five minutes was a long conversation. After I left home at fifteen, in that forty year period before he died, I don’t believe that he ever called me more than five times. I’d have to initiate the phone call if it was going to happen. He never saw the high school, college or seminary I graduated from. He didn’t attend my wedding and didn’t meet Jane until several months after we’d been married.

  There was just a gap that we never seemed to be able to overcome. I’m not sure why. When I was younger, he was everything that I didn’t want to be. But then, God began to work on my heart. Even though my Dad wasn’t all I wanted him to be. Even though we never really had a relationship, I began to see how God used him in my life and even his many admirable qualities.

  There’s an overlooked verse in Matthew, where Jesus acknowledges the limitations of fathers (really all parents), “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:11).

  You and I have no choice in our Dad or Mom. God not only chose where we were going to be born, He chose who we were going to be born to. We may not understand what God’s plan is BUT we know He has one and will use even what’s difficult or seems unfair for our good and His glory. Perhaps your experience is like mine. It may have been far worse. God though has taught me some valuable lessons even from a difficult father/child relationship. They’ve helped me. I hope that the Lord uses them to help you.

  Look at where they’ve come from, not just how far they need to go. I loved my grandfather (my Dad’s Dad). He was a wonderful man…to me. But he wasn’t to my Dad. When my Dad was growing up during the Depression, his father, though a hard worker, was the local drunk. On one occasion when he was intoxicated at church (of all places), he pulled a pistol on the sheriff who came to arrest him. He ended up doing time on the chain gang. He was mean, brutal and violent.

  When I was just a child, I remember visiting my Grandmother at her sister’s home, not her home where we normally went. My Grandfather was committing adultery and had moved this woman into their home. He was in his seventies when that happened. I doubt it was the first or only time. It would explain too why my Dad was so close and so protective of his mother, yet looked down with disdain on his father.

  Kids are brutal. My Dad would often mention how he’d been ridiculed as a child because they were so poor and his father was a drunk. My heart went out to him. I can’t imagine the shame that he dealt with as a child.

  Look for the good intent even behind bad behavior. With that background, my Dad didn’t know anything about marriage or parenting. Back then, a biblical worldview of marriage and family wasn’t talked about or taught…even in the Church. Because of the shame of his formative years, my Dad was obsessed with success. He wanted my four siblings and I to have it better than he’d had it, though he didn’t know how to really give us what we really needed. We had some of the best education that money could buy at the time. I attended some of the best schools in the Atlanta area and never went to a public school. My Dad felt that their education level didn’t meet the standards.

  We lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Five bedrooms back then was a huge house. My Dad was a hard worker and a shrewd businessman. He saved enough money so that he could pay cash for it. He wanted to make sure we were taken care of and didn’t have to go without, as he had.

  Seek to use the traits that you inherited or learned for godliness. My Dad never met a stranger. When I was a youngster, he was so outgoing, he’d often embarrass me. He didn’t have a shy bone in his body. He was one of those individuals who could have sold icicles to Eskimos. I’m not naturally outgoing (that surprises many people), yet I learned from him how to build bridges with people I don’t know. He modeled how to have a conversation even with a complete stranger. By God’s grace, I hope and pray that I’ve used that for the Gospel.

  Thank God for the Dad and Mom that He gave you. One of my favorite passages is Genesis 50:19-20, where Joseph, after suffering horribly at the hands of his brothers, forgave them and said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” What freedom! To know that every detail, even who my parents are, was planned by my loving Heavenly Father! And if I trust Him and submit to Him, He can even use the worst parents or family situation for His glory and my good.

  I truly have no regrets that my Dad was who he was or that I lost my mother in a car accident when I was ten. Do I miss her? Do I wish that my relationship with my Dad could have been different? Absolutely! Knowing though that my Heavenly Father who loves me beyond whatever I can ever fathom planned all of this changes my whole perspective. Rather than it being a source of regret or bitterness, it’s a sense of rest in God’s loving care…even when I don’t understand.

  My three children are now adults. I’m sure they wish that I’d done many things differently, and so do I. On my part, I need to take responsibility where I’ve sinned or blown it. Yet, I hope too that they’ll allow God to use my innumerable blunders in their lives for their good and His glory.