Hello! My Name is "Lonely."

“Loneliness is the ultimate poverty.”  Pauline Phillips

I met a girl named, “Lonely.” No, I’m not attempting to write a song. I really did. Recently, I was at Panera grabbing a breakfast sandwich and a coffee. The young lady’s name tag who waited on me, had for her name, “Lonely.” I asked about it and pointed out, how could she be lonely when she was surrounded by people, BUT the truth is, she could be.

  This coming week is Valentine’s Day and many couples and married folk will be celebrating it. One underlying and often acknowledged reason that they celebrate is – they’re not lonely. They believe that they have someone.

  I’m always staggered by that first statement in the Garden, when our Creator made the first negative statement in the midst of all of the wonder of creation – “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 3:18). Then, our loving God created Eve as the marriage partner for Adam. Our kind Creator gave to us what the Godhead already possessed – community. It’s what we know theologically as the Trinity. In the Trinity, God exists in three persons: God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. It wasn’t just God that created us; the Godhead created us. In Genesis 1:26, there’s a conversation within the Godhead, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” Do I understand the Trinity? Can I even adequately explain it, “No.” I’m a finite human being who will never fully comprehend an infinite God. There are many other things that I also don’t understand, like love or loneliness.

  It wasn’t a long conversation, so I don’t know if she was truly lonely, or if it was a joke. I do know that we are surrounded by lonely people. The Beatles hit a societal nerve with their mega-hit song, “All the lonely people.” Some lonely people are more obvious – a single person, divorcee, widow or widower can be lonely. So can a teen or college student, which is one reason that depression is epidemic among both.

  Yet, there are many other categories of loneliness we’re often oblivious to. For example, there’s the loneliness of suffering. Many around us carry great burdens that they carry alone. The suffering is painful and loneliness only adds to the weight of the burden. Perhaps it’s a disease or an emotional malady. My pastoral experience has been that it can often be the loneliness of a hurting marriage. From the outside (and posts on Facebook), they appear to be a Valentine couple, but they’re not.

  Or, sometimes it’s because of unresolved marital issues. One of the loneliest marriages to be in is where you know the Lord, yet your spouse is an unbeliever. You can’t share the greatest part of your life with them. You carry the heavy burden that the one you vowed to love “til death to us part,” is doomed, unless they come to Christ to a tragic eternal destination.

  As a church family, when we learn of someone in those circumstances, we need to partner with them, praying with them that their spouse comes to Christ. We must continually encourage the regenerate spouse, reminding them that they’re not alone and we’ve got their back. There are many on my prayer list from our church family that I continually pray for and that their spouse will accept God’s glorious gift of forgiveness and eternal life.

  The loneliness of suffering can be a wayward child. Many close friends,  many of my friends in ministry, have one. Sometimes it’s a child who has rejected Christ and the faith. It’s a heartache that’s nearly impossible to share. It can be a child who’s imprisoned or enslaved to addiction, or who despises Christianity. It’s the loneliness of suffering with a heavy heart.

  One that most never consider is the loneliness of leadership. Every pastor understands it. There are some burdens that you can only share with your Heavenly Father. Probably one of the loneliest individuals you know, yet probably don’t have a clue that they’re lonely is your manager or boss. I can assure you that the CEO of your company, in spite of all of the apparent trappings of success, struggles with loneliness. Because when you’re a “success,” you wonder who your true friends are. Are they your friends because you’re successful or truly your friends? Sometimes it’s only when life tumbles in that you learn who your real friends are.   

  What’s the cure to loneliness? I believe that it’s first a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. As a believer, I have promises that I’ve anchored my life to. The Lord promises every child of His, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5). Jesus’ last words were, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). Those are the promises that will carry you even when you walk through the valley of the shadow of the death after the loss of one dearest to you. It’s His promises that carried me when as a boy, I lost my mother in a tragic car accident. And if the Lord should take one of those dearest to me, they’ll carry me again.

  One of my favorite quotes about loneliness that’s encouraged me countless times over the decades is, “Loneliness becomes our friend when it forces us to enjoy the fellowship of God as much as we would the fellowship of others.” At periods of my life when I’ve felt so very alone. I am confident that I am not. The sweetness of my Heavenly Father’s love for me has so comforted me…and it will comfort you too.

  Personally, I have found that one of the best cures for loneliness is for me to care for and serve others. God designed us for relationships. When I care and reach out to someone else, my own soul is filled with joy.

  As believers, we must continually look outward to others. We’re commanded, “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). The most miserable people are those who think primarily about themselves. God designed us to be rivers through which His love flows, yet when we focus primarily on ourselves, we become cesspools.

  So choose to be God’s Valentine to those around you this week! Look for someone lonely that you can encourage. Let’s help downsize the number of all those lonely people so no one has to wear a name tag, “Lonely.”

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

The "Wonder" of loving the unloveable

“Compassion is the deep feeling of sharing in the suffering of another and the desire to relieve that suffering.”  Jerry Bridges

  Unusually tall and bearing a facial scar, a twelve-year-old girl from Denver was called “Gorilla Scarface” by classmates until she finally snapped and took her own life in the spring of 2014. A week before killing herself, she’d left the following message on Instagram: I’m just not Okay.

  Tragically, it’s not an unusual story. If you Google stories about bullying, have a box of Kleenexes nearby because it will break your heart.

  Recently, Jane and I watched the movie, Wonder. If you haven’t seen it, I’d encourage you to. It’s a powerful story that left us feeling highly moved. Wonder tells the incredibly inspiring and heartwarming story of Auggie (short for August) Pullman, a boy with horrible facial differences who enters fifth grade, attending a mainstream elementary school for the first time. Previously, his mother homeschooled him, to protect him from the taunts and bullying that he’d face because of his abnormal appearance in a school setting. But now his parents want him to attend fifth grade with other kids, so he begins attending Beecher Prep School. Auggie even has the kind of sense of humor that can win kids over—well, most of them anyway. While the Pullman family isn't particularly spiritual, his Mom (Isabel), does pray aloud, “Dear God, please make them be nice to him,” when dropping Auggie off at school one day.

  Both Dad and Mom are united in their love and commitment to their children. The principal at Auggie’s school is very concerned that Auggie be treated well and not bullied. His teachers care. One even has a daily character lesson. At first, all the children dodge Auggie but eventually, they’re won over and not only become Auggie’s friends but defend him against attacks from others. The movie is a transparent account of the burdens and feelings of others, even those without special needs.

  When we finished watching it, I Googled the movie and was disappointed to discover what I’d already suspected – it’s just a good story, a work of fiction. We know from hard experiences that the world rarely works like that. All of us remember the cruelty of school. It’s likely that you personally felt the sharp blades of cruelty pierce your own soul as classmates or a teacher said things to you that were thoughtless or cruel.  

  Yet, I think Wonder is popular because it’s what the world, even a lost one, truly desires. Though our world is cruel, most people don’t want it to be. They want it to be like Wonder, where the odd, strange, are accepted, appreciated and loved for who they are. Yet in spite of all the anti-bullying programs or talks about “being kind,” don’t expect it. It’s nearly impossible to work up that which you don’t already possess inside. This world has little time for those who are different. Love and patience are not the fare a lost world naturally serves up. Sadly, it’s a dog eat dog world that lives out the worldview continually taught, the evolutionary worldview of survival of the fittest.

  Yet, it occurred to me, as I watched Wonder, that it’s exactly what the we, the Church, must be. Scripture teaches that every person is a special creation, made in the image of God and designed by Him, (Psalms 139:13-16). We must not be content with being Pro-life; We must be Pro-living. We’re to be Jesus in a cold, harsh world. Our Lord cared for those who were outcasts or obnoxious. The demon-possessed who screamed for attention. Blind beggars who disrupted His sermon begging to be healed.

  The next time you’re in public and observe someone who is disabled, watch the responses of those around. Rarely is there compassion, but annoyance and impatience. Watch how people react to an elderly person with a walker or wheelchair. In a restaurant, you can almost feel the disdain for someone who is grossly obese.

  And what about children, particularly those with special needs? Then, what about those who’ve been overcome by sin? The immoral, the addict, the drunk, the pedophile, unwed mother, the recently paroled. Our world has “sanitized sins” that are socially acceptable. But violate those standards and you are a pariah. The “No Vacancy” sign is quickly posted.

  In the Church, that must not be us! No one was beyond Jesus’ love and care, not even those who rejected Him. Our Lord continually reached out to them again and again. As they crucified Him, He prayed for them and loved them, “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.”

  For several decades the Apostle Paul’s words from 1 Corinthians have echoed in my heart, both rebuking and encouraging me: “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (6:9-11). 

  We who have personally experienced God’s love and grace, do we really dare we say to another image bearer of God, “You’re not welcome here! You’re not our kind of people!”? While at Grace, because of the teaching of Scripture, we’re not an “affirming” church, yet we must be an accepting one – we accept any and all sinners who are just as guilty, just as loved and just as reachable by the Cross as we are. A church that truly shares the grace of God really is a Wonder and that’s not just a nice story! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Who can you trust?

“We must cease striving and trust God to provide what He thinks is best and in whatever time He chooses to make it available. But this kind of trusting doesn't come naturally. It's a spiritual crisis of the will in which we must choose to exercise faith.”  Charles Swindoll

  So who do you really trust? Be honest…who do you really, really trust?

  I’ve been mulling this over quite a bit recently. We’re in the midst of an election year (let the incessant political ads and robo calls begin). Each candidate seeks to garner support and ultimately our vote by convincing us to trust him or her...or, at least trust them more than we trust the other guy.

  But do we? Do we really believe the campaign promises? Do we really believe they have the best interests of the American people in mind? That they will really do what’s best for the country? Probably not. Most of us, even if it’s “our” candidate tend to be very skeptical.  

  What about your employer? Do you trust them? When they tell you something, do you believe it? If they have a pension set up for you, are you confident it will be there when you finally retire? Or, what about when you purchase something? Do you believe the salesperson? That the product will perform like they say it will? Or, that they’ll honor the warranty?  

  What about your friends? When you tell a friend a secret, something in confidence, do you have a settled sense in your heart they won’t share your secret? If you loaned them money, do you have confidence they’ll really repay it…when they promised they would or even at all?

  Do you trust your family? Do you have confidence in your parents, siblings, or children? Do you believe them when they tell you something? When they say they’re going to do something that it’s going to happen?

  Hopefully, you don’t have any questions about the integrity of your spouse. The foundation of a healthy marriage is built on trust. If you can’t trust your spouse, whether it be their words, judgement or faithfulness – then your marriage has some serious cracks in its foundation.

  What about someone in spiritual authority? A pastor, deacon or a small group leader? Do you trust him or her? Do you believe they’re a person of integrity? Of honesty and that they’ll tell you the truth?

  And that’s our problem. In each sphere of our lives, we approach every connection with a huge dose of skepticism. Much of it is because, sadly, integrity is increasingly rare. Anyone who blindly trusts a politician, an employer or salesperson tends to be on the gullible side. It doesn’t help when we hear about so many who fail. Most have experienced an integrity disappointment in a close relationship. Then, some know their own lack of integrity and project their failure on others, assuming others are like them.

  Adding to our internal skepticism pool is the percentage of us who born in a home with addiction or divorce with the usual denials that surround it, and we develop serious trust issues. Lies, secrets and broken promises accumulate to send a message to a child formulating a view of life that trusting can backfire on them. Many grow into adulthood with difficulty trusting anyone. It affects relationships (romantic, professional and spiritual) with others. They’ve been disappointed so often by an addicted parent that to really allow themselves fully trust is a major hurdle for them.

  The tragic result of our fallen world caused skepticism is it ultimately contaminates our relationship with the One who said, “I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life” (John 14:6). Or, as Numbers 23:19 says, “God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has he said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfill it?” Depending on what version you use, the Bible tells us to trust God some 200 times. The words translated trust in Scripture mean “a bold, confident, sure security or action based on that security.”

  Trusting means to believe the promises of God in all circumstances, even those where the evidence seems to be to the contrary. Hebrews 11 talks about faith, which is accepting and believing the truth that God reveals about Himself, supremely in the person of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. The practical outcome of faith in God is trust, which we prove by living out our full acceptance of God’s promises day by day. Wonderfully, it’s by this trust that we are promised true peace: “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3).

  Trusting God is a love relationship and parallels human love relationships. It’s easy to trust your spouse or a friend, when you’re in a spring season of life, when life is like a stroll in a beautiful garden with manicured lawns, a myriad of plants and flowers displaying a pallet of color. A gentle breeze blows. It’s like paradise. It’s easy to trust in that setting. But we will never receive the blessings and rewards of a life of trusting God until we learn to trust Him during the storms of suffering. In God’s Word and throughout Church History, the common link for those who have an intimate and deep relationship with God is that they trust Him in the midst of horrible suffering. It’s also what Hebrews 11 teaches us.

  For example, Brother Yun was a persecuted and later exiled Chinese pastor. After being imprisoned and weeks of torture, including electrocution, starvation, beatings, and having needles shoved under his fingernails, Brother Yun was thrown in a box which was four feet long, three feet wide and four feet high, where he’d be kept indefinitely. The day after he was put in this tiny cell, he began praying for a Bible — a ridiculous idea considering many people were in prison at that very moment for being in possession of such contraband. Yet he prayed anyway, and, inexplicably, the guards threw a Bible into his cell the next morning. He wrote: “I knelt down and wept, thanking the Lord for this great gift. I could scarcely believe my dream had come true! No prisoner was ever allowed to have a Bible or any Christian literature, yet, strangely, God provided a Bible for me! Through this incident the Lord showed me that regardless of men’s evil plans for me, he had not forgotten me and was in control of my life.”

  Is that how you would have reacted? Had I been tortured and thrown in a coffin-like cell, my reaction to receiving a Bible would have likely been more along the lines of, “Thanks for the Bible, Lord, but what I really need is to get out of this metal box!” I might have ignored Scripture and been upset at God because my “real” need and prayer request, the reduction of my physical suffering, went unanswered.

  We are too “this world” focused. Those who trust God know that suffering is not the worst evil — sin is. Yes, they’d prefer not to suffer. They pray for relief from suffering, but they prioritize it much lower than we do. They focus far more on not sinning than on not suffering. In Brother Yun’s case, he believed that in his answered prayer God was allowing him to grow spiritually and minister to his captors. His circumstances of suffering in an uncomfortable cell became almost irrelevant to him.

  That’s a spiritual reality we usually resist. I know I do. Yet, when we trust the Father in the storm; that He still loves us and we can trust Him and that passages like Romans 8:28-39 are true, it’s easier to trust Him in all of life. 

  Storms are inevitable. We may be unable to trust anyone else, we can always trust our Heavenly Father. Choose to trust Him when the wind and waves blow, then the rest of a life of trust in Him becomes smooth sailing. 

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