To Tell The Truth

 

“When regard for truth has been broken down or even slightly weakened, all things will remain doubtful.” Augustine

 
A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for a while, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.” Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, “Of course we’ll have some soon. We placed an order last week.”
  Then, the manager drew the clerk aside. “Never,” he snarled, “Never, never, never say we’re out of anything- say we’ve got it on order and it’s coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway?” The clerk said, “Rain!”
  Ours is a dishonest world. Honesty is sacrificed…often for greed. It seems that in election years, the lies are more plentiful and flagrant. But God’s Word repeatedly reminds us that God is the God of truth, and His people are commanded to be people of truth. A healthy church—a body of believers that follows Jesus as the head must be a place of truth. It’s where we love each other enough to be honest and admonish each other truthfully when needed. It’s a place where we’re lovingly truthful about the sins that cause us to stumble because sin has such damaging consequences.
  One University of Massachusetts study found “that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.” The study also found lies told by men and women differ in content, but not in quantity: “Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better.”

  In Ephesians 4:15-16 Paul writes: “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” Apparently, the church in Ephesus had a truth problem. They’d gotten to the point where they preferred hearing stuff that made them feel good rather than what was true.

  One of the benefits of connecting with other believers is their ability to see sin in us that we’re blind to. We need this aspect of body life because part of the damage sin causes is blindness. We can see the speck of sin in another person’s eye but may be blind to the 2 x 4 plank that’s in our own.
  In God’s Word of truth, we’re reminded of how sin does this. 1 John 1:8 talks about Christians who deceive themselves by thinking they’re without sin. “If we claim we are without sin, we deceive ourselves—and the truth is not in us.” Here are a few more. Obadiah 1:3, “The pride of your heart has deceived you.” Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” Our sin blinds and deceives us. Author Michael Novak put it this way: “Our capacity for self-deception has no known limits.” We deceive ourselves all the time into thinking we’re better than we are. One of the biggest lies is that most of us think we’re basically good. We’re not.
  Remember that famous scene from the movie, A Few Good Men? Jack Nicholson is on the witness stand and Tom Cruise says, “I just want the truth.”  Nicholson screams, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” He has a point. The fact is the truth we need to hear can be very hard to handle. It’s hard to honestly admit our failures and flaws.
  Yet there’s a vital part of truth that’s life giving and sustaining. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free” (John 8:31). So, the truth about the truth is this – it will set you free, but first it can make you miserable. Some pain and misery are necessary for spiritual growth.
  We need to see our own sin—we have to face it—we have to handle it—if we’re going to move forward on toward spiritual maturity. A Christian who can’t admit that he or she is wrong is not growing toward Christlikeness. Remember God opposes the proud. He only gives grace to the humble.
  That’s why we need body life, close spiritual friendships and small groups. It’s where the power of connecting with other Christians comes in. Those who know us, really know us, will see things about us that we miss.
  Did you know we can only see about 60% of our body without a mirror or a reflective surface of some sort? Its why wives ask their husbands that dangerous question: “How do I look?” All kidding aside, others can see things about us that we’re blind to. If those who really know us truly love us, they’ll tell us when we are walking around with a two by four in our eye. They’ll tell us the truth, the truth we need to hear. They’ll tell us when we’ve got a sin problem and don’t look or act so good.
  In June of 1938, J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, wrote a letter to his editor Stanley Unwin explaining why he was behind schedule finishing the final draft for The Hobbit. Tolkien told Unwin that instead of drafting more material, he had decided to start over and rewrite the first three chapters.
  What motivated Tolkien to go back and start the whole thing over again? It was the loving criticism he had received from his friend, C. S. Lewis. Apparently, Lewis read chapters, liked the story, and encouraged Tolkien, but he also took the time to critique it and make specific suggestions for its improvement. For instance, Lewis told Tolkien that there was too much dialogue, too much chatter, too much “silly hobbit talk.” According to Lewis, all this dialogue was dragging down the story line. 
  Tolkien grumbled in response to Lewis, “The trouble is that ‘hobbit talk’ amuses me—more than adventures.”
  Yet he still accepted the advice. Also, in the first draft of The Lord of the Rings, the story centers on a hobbit named Bingo, who sets out with two companions, Odo Took and Frodo Took. As Tolkien does revisions, Bingo becomes Frodo, and is joined by his friends Sam and Pippin. I wonder, would The Lord of the Rings have been nearly so popular if the main character had been called Bingo? But more than just names have been transformed. Tolkien’s revised version is shorter and much clearer, too.
  When J.R.R. Tolkien rewrote the material, he cut nearly half of the dialogue.  On page after page, he deleted long conversations and picked up the action. As a fan of those books, I don’t think I would have enjoyed them as much without Lewis’ input.
  Each of us needs a C.S. Lewis in our lives. We need someone to encourage us on toward God’s best. Are you open to one in your life? Are you a Lewis in someone else’s life? We will never be the mature Christians God desires us to be or the church that glorifies Him until we learn to “speak the truth in love.”

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

Basics on Toxics

 

“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. 

Try not to take it personally.”  Kamand Kojouri

 
This morning we’re beginning a several week series, “Dealing with Toxic People.” The dictionary defines Toxic as: “containing or being poisonous material especially when capable of causing death or serious debilitation.” Applying our spiritual nature to this definition gives us the reality that toxic people are those who are capable of causing mental and emotional injury and death, or serious debilitation, to both their lives and ours.
  We all have toxic people in our lives. Because of sin, at some level, we’re all toxic. For some reason, memes about toxic people, narcissism and broken relationships have exploded on social media. Yet, toxic people have always been around. Probably the acrimonious cultural divisions we’ve seen in recent years have heightened our awareness of toxic relationships.
  Genesis 4 is one of the first toxic relationships. Cain’s anger at God erupted with his murdering his brother, Abel, who’d done nothing to antagonize Cain. Abel was simply seeking to please God, but his commitment to God enraged Cain and Abel ended up as the first victim of rage and cold-blooded murder. Like Abel, sometimes you don’t have to do anything other than exist to find yourself the target of someone’s toxicity.  
  As I’ve watched the obsession with toxic people on social media, the thought occurred to me that “if your best strategy in dealing with toxic people is memes, you’re in big trouble.” Add to that, we tend to throw around terms and use a broad brush. Do those using these terms even know what they mean? That line by Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride seems apropos. “You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.” Before we label someone, we should be certain of our own understanding of the label and what the term actually means.
  For example, someone may be labeled a “narcissist.” The dictionary defines it, “A person full of egoism. One who shows extreme love and admiration for himself or herself. Someone in love with themselves.” Have you ever met someone who isn’t full of pride at some level and loves and admires themselves? We’re all guilty. Now someone who is truly a narcissist takes that to extremes. Yet, traits of toxicity that so bother us in the lives of others are frequently ones that we also are guilty of. Toxicness is true of all of us at some level according to Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Be aware that as we work through this series, there are some themes that we’ll return to each week.  
  When it comes to a toxic trait, first suspect the sinner you know best. Stop for a moment and answer this question. Who is the worst sinner that you know? Chances are that you know hundreds, even thousands of people. Think of all those people and ponder: Who is the worst sinner of all?
  Perhaps you thought of a parent who did great damage to you as a child. Maybe a co-worker who delights in her own vileness, or a friend who is imprisoned for what he has done. If you were honest though, you admitted that you know someone who is a far greater sinner than any of these – YOU. When I stop and think about the greatest sinner I know, I must admit that it’s me. I’m the greatest sinner I know…and you’re the greatest sinner you know. There is seemingly no end to the depravity of my own heart. As William Law said, “Self is the root, the tree, and the branches of all the evils of our fallen state.” So, as we work through these toxic traits, please first look in the mirror of your soul. Frequently, we have blind spots and would be wise to ask those closest to us: How do you experience me?
  Then, be warned. Because of our own toxicity, we can project what we are onto others. King Ahab did that to Elijah, accusing God’s prophet of being the source of Israel’s trouble. For example, if someone is a habitual liar, they assume that all others are liars. The same is true of someone who is manipulative or has an anger issue. We assume others think like us.
  If you are in a toxic relationship whether in your marriage, family, workplace or wherever – God put you there. Read the first two chapters of the book of Job. Who allowed Job to go through all that misery? God. One of the most toxic families in the Bible is that of the patriarch, Joseph. Yet, God used that dysfunctionality to “send” Joseph to Egypt to preserve the nation of Israel (Psalm 105:17).
  As much we may hate it, God uses fire to melt away our own sinful habits and traits to make us trophies of His grace. I know that’s true in my life. I doubt that I’d be in the ministry today and love the Lord, if I had not grown up in the family that I grew up in. As Job observed, “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come out as gold” (Job 23:10).
  I love those words of Joseph at the end of Genesis as his brothers were terrified that Joseph would execute justice and take revenge on them for the evil that they’d done to him. “But Joseph said to them, ‘Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today’” (Genesis 50:19-20).
  There is always hope! There are times when the best decision is to walk away or at least limit the toxic individual’s influence in your life. Yet, the tendency in our culture is to bail too soon. We know little of what the Bible calls longsuffering and perseverance.
  Living in the heat of a toxic relationship must drive us to prayer. While it’s appropriate to pray for deliverance. Yet, God never wastes our pain, so we should also pray that God will, as He did in the life of Joseph and many others, use the pain to produce spiritual fruit in our own lives.  
  Then, if there is no relief, we’re confident that the very worst toxic situation for the Christ-follower is temporary. The Apostle Paul endured terrible fiery trials. Notice the contrast in his words between temporal trials and life in eternity. “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

In a world of lies, We must be people of truth

 

“A lie is a snowball; the further you roll it, the bigger it becomes.” Martin Luther

   It was like a real-life scene out of George Orwell’s classic, 1984. The Department of Homeland Security launched a new initiative called the Disinformation Governance Board. This board's stated function was to protect national security by combating “misinformation, malinformation, and disinformation.” It’s not enough that Facebook tells us what’s true and untrue, now we’re to trust the government to do that because we all know politicians and the government never lie. 

  Just during the last century, Joseph Goebbels headed the Nazi propaganda effort. He’s credited with coining the term “The Big Lie” which means that if you tell a lie often enough, people will believe it’s true. 

  Japan blasted propaganda at American forces through several women called “Tokyo Rose.” Their messages were aimed at demoralizing troops by claiming they were losing the war. Most soldiers who listened on their radios treated it as entertainment. 

  Stalin employed newspapers, Pravda and Izvestia, and TV “news” shows to lie to his citizens. He and his successors used jamming devices to block signals from Voice of America, Radio Free Europe, and Radio Liberty. Soviet leaders didn’t want the truth to reach Russian ears.

  But why would anyone believe the U.S. government—or any government—could be an arbiter of what is true and what is false? A brief trip down recent memory lane should dispel such misplaced faith.

  Eisenhower lied about U-2 flights over Russia. Kennedy lied about a “missile gap” between the United States and the U.S.S.R. Johnson lied about the Gulf of Tonkin incident that got us more deeply into Vietnam. Nixon lied about Watergate. Reagan lied about aid to the Contras in Nicaragua. George H.W. Bush lied about not raising taxes. Clinton lied about his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. Obama lied when he said, “if you like your doctor you can keep your doctor.” The Washington Post calculated Trump made more than 30,000 false or misleading claims over four years! They can’t all be “fake news.” And now we have President Biden, who lies about how well the economy is doing and whose Secretary of Homeland Security lies about the southern border being secure.

  While government and unbelievers may be able to rationalize lying, Christ-followers cannot. Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 8:44). The 9^th commandment is, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”

  Because our Lord is the God of truth, a command that saturates Scripture is that Christ-followers are to be committed to truth. “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another” (Eph. 4:25). “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices” (Col. 3:9). Yet, lying is so enticing and tempting. Here are the spheres in which we most commonly lie.

  We lie to ourselves. It goes all the way back to the Garden. Rather than taking personal responsibility Adam lied and blamed both God and Eve. Eve blamed the serpent…and self-deception was born.

  Some become very good at lying to themselves. In fact, there is no one who is better at deceiving you than you. It often begins by convincing ourselves that we’re victims. We wouldn’t do ____ if we’d had better parents, or a better environment. A lost world and much of pop psychology have taught us to live in a state of perpetual victimhood because if we’re victims, then we’re not responsible, yet the Bible teaches personal responsibility (Romans 14:12).

  Self-deception becomes part of our daily dialogue with simple statements like, “I’m irritable because I had bad a day at work.” That’s a lie.

  First, it means that temptation is irresistible. Second, it means that God’s grace is not sufficient. Third, it means our behavioral choices are uncontrollable when we encounter adversarial circumstances.

  We lie to our spouses. Foundational to a healthy marriage is trust. There cannot be trust if there is not honesty. If you’re mate believes that they need a “fact-checker,” your marriage is in trouble.

  We’re most tempted to lie when we’re afraid. For example, a wife may lie about how much money she spent or how she truly feels because she fears her husband’s reaction. Husbands may lie about sexual temptation or to avoid conflict.

  While it is acceptable to ask for time to process and share the truth, there is never an excuse for lying. For example, when someone just gets home from work and is tired, that’s not usually a good time for a candid conversation but that conversation still needs to happen.

  We lie to our children. It’s not a sin to not tell everything that you know yet it is always a sin to lie. For example, a parent with a child facing surgery doesn’t have to go into all of the details of what the surgery will entail or the pain that comes with recovery.

  There are times that we withhold truth from our children because of their age. Corrie ten Boom shares a wonderful story of how her father handled the sex questions that illustrates this.

  “So the line had stuck in my head. “Sex,” I was pretty sure, meant whether you were a boy or girl, and “sin” made Tante Jans very angry, but what the two together meant I could not imagine. And so, seated next to Father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, “Father, what is sex sin?” He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. “Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?” he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. “It’s too heavy,” I said. “Yes,” he said. “And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.” Too often by being “honest,” we ask children to carry loads far too heavy for them.

  While the government may get away with a “department of disinformation,” Christ-followers must be committed to truth. Are we those others can trust? Are we honest in all of our dealings? Does our walk match our talk? Do we keep our promises? Are we those whose word is our bond? It’s what God has called us to be. Will you be that person?

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Will YOU stop lying?

“Honesty may not always be the best policy, as a policy, but dishonesty is always a miserable policy, even when it succeeds.”   Iain Duguid

  You just can’t make this stuff up. In a recent debate between New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and his opponent, actress Cynthia Nixon, it became very heated as they battled for the Democratic primary nomination in the gubernatorial election. In one more contentious moments Cuomo demanded Nixon stop interrupting him, whereupon she said she would do so if he stopped lying. “Excuse me, can you stop interrupting?” Cuomo exclaimed. To which Nixon retorted, “Can you stop lying?” “Yeah, as soon as you do,” Cuomo responded as laughter erupted from the audience.

  Are you like me? When I hear promises or see accusations about a political opponent, I’m very skeptical. Please don’t get me wrong. There are some elected officials with integrity and a true commitment to honesty. It’s just that they seem to be very rare. Usually, I find them more often on the local level, rather than the national one.

  Much of it, I’m sure, is because I’m an adult child of an addict, but I have very little tolerance for lying. We survivors of an addicted parent were lied to so much in our formative years that it’s left a deep scar.

  Then, our culture has lost any value for honesty or truth. We’ve developed a litany of terms to soften lying: White lies. Fibs. Exaggerations. Ideology trumps truth. Yet, they’re still lies. In a court of law, it’s called perjury. They are falsehoods, fabrications and deceptions.

  As much as try, as much as we detest it – all of us have been guilty of lying. Lying is probably the most frequently committed sin. While we may put “degrees” on lying, it’s still a lie. We rationalize that “a little white lie” to save someone’s feelings isn’t that bad. After all, we’re just trying to make them feel good, right?

  Parents lie to children, thinking little of it, “No, this doesn’t have onions in it.” We lie to cover failure, “I’d have been here on time but the traffic was terrible.” As innocent as a lie may seem, with a holy God, there are no degrees of lying. ALL lies are sinful and violate His standard of truth.

  What many don’t realize is that lying is Satan’s native language. You and I are never more like the devil than when we lie. All that he does is lie. That should cause you to gasp! I know it does me. In John 8:44, Jesus is talking about Satan and states, “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

  The first time Satan speaks in the Bible, he lies to Eve. When we lie, we intentionally deceive. There’s usually a conscious decision made each time we do it. Because God is truth, when we lie, we’re in direct opposition to His will. Just as it cost our first parents so much, lying has a high price tag.

  Lying destroys relationships. After you’ve been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to trust that person again. You can’t help but wonder why a friend or family member would treat you so poorly. When you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you’ll create a chasm of hurt in your relationship. If the other person finds out about your lie, as they frequently do, it’s very difficult to regain trust. No one wants a relationship based on lies. Truth and trust are foundational to healthy relationships.

  Lying destroys YOU. It throws you into a vicious cycle that’s extremely difficult to break free of. Once you lie, often you’ll lie again to cover up the first lie. Then, you feel worse. Lies are like weeds. They grow, rarely standing alone. If you don’t kill the first lie, it mutates, reproducing and becoming hard to stop. Lying is addictive. You so habitually lie, you have difficulty knowing what’s actually true as you begin to lie to yourself.

  Liars become trapped in a cycle of lying controlled by fear. They’re anxious of not only being found out as a liar, but also being exposed and having the truth uncovered about themselves. And it always comes with a high price. Lying destroys lives. Relationships crumble. Others refuse to trust you. Ultimately, the one most hurt by lying is you.

  Tragically, because lying is socially acceptable and even encouraged, it’s only through God’s grace, the God of truth, that we can be consistently honest. How can we be people of honesty and integrity?

  Honesty must become a godly discipline, a spiritual habit. Each morning I pray that the Lord will give me wisdom for that day. Wisdom always includes honesty. As God gives me wisdom, I speak (and post) the truth.

  When you lie, deal with it immediately. It’s embarrassing, yet a noxious weed is easier to kill while it’s small. More than once, I’ve had to call up a friend and apologize that I’d exaggerated or not been completely forthright.  Healthy shame helps me in the future be more cautious with my words.

  Be committed to speaking the truth in love. That’s the biblical command and control we find in Ephesians 4:15. Friends sometimes must say the tough things. Some speak the truth, yet wield it like a baseball bat. Others speak with love, yet love void of truth is worthless sentimentality. Like the Lord Jesus, we must commit to speaking both truth and love.

  Please know that honesty will probably cost you. It certainly cost professional golfer, Brian Davis…perhaps up to $2 million. In 2010 at the Verizon Heritage Classic, Davis thought that he’d inadvertently ticked a reed in his backswing, so he called over rules officials to review the video. He had. It cost him the Masters and countless endorsement bonuses. 

  You can’t be a Christian and be a liar (Revelation 21:8). Jesus said, “I am the Truth.” To follow Him, we must live by His standard of truth telling.

  In our culture tolerance is the norm. “Truth” is subjective. It’s purported that there are no absolutes. Being sincere is what really matters.

  That’s all a lie. As the people of the God of absolute truth, we know truth is the norm. There is a right and there is a wrong. There are absolutes. One can be sincere and sincerely wrong. Truth is always truth, always has been and always will be. Truth never changes. As Christ-followers, we must commit to being people of truth, no matter what!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.