Christmas: Better Than A Hallmark Christmas Movie

 

“I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas, 

but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox…”   Unknown

 
Doesn’t that sound like a line from some Hallmark Christmas movie? One of the most popular movie genres this time of year – one that you probably either love or hate – is Hallmark Christmas movies. Initially associated with the Hallmark Channel, the genre now spans multiple networks and streaming services. To say these movies are successful is an understatement, considering some 50 million people have watched at least one Christmas movie on the Hallmark network.
  It’s an all too familiar script: a reluctant young woman travels back to her hometown; sworn enemies fall in love; towns are named after favorite Christmas treats. There will be an initial conflict, but it will be overcome because Christmas is a time of love…even miracles. We see just enough of our own lives reflected in these conflicts—a sick parent, a heartbreak, a jealous ex—that we can see ourselves as the protagonist. But unlike real life, there’s always a happy ending.
  While I have some Christmas movies that I love to watch each year, the Hallmark ones are a bit too cheesy for me. Jane and I tried to watch one recently. At the halfway point I’d had enough. Everything was just a little too perfect. Maybe that’s my problem. I know that no matter what Hollywood or Hallmark churns out, Christmas is not about perfect.
  And even the Hallmark Christmas movies have a vital unanswered question: What happens after the perfect, cheery holidays? We want to believe that they’re fairy tale endings – “they lived happily ever after.” But most of these movies end at Christmas. What about after Christmas? What does life look like when the magic of Christmas is gone? Or what if the magic of Christmas was never there?
  For some this will be the first Christmas with an empty place at the table. Others have gone through a terrible divorce. It’s the first Christmas after the death of a marriage. Some serve our country in the far reaches of the world. Others must work on Christmas. Many go “home” but family relationships are like walking through a minefield. The atmosphere is fraught with tension and unresolved conflict. Hallmark Christmas movies give us a happy ending in a time for some that feels anything but “merry.”
  With the beauty of Christmas, the decorations, gifts, singing and parties and sanitized manger scenes, we easily forget that Christmas happened because this world was a disaster. Christmas happened, because we’re all a hot mess. God the Father in love sent His only Son into our trainwreck to clean it up, to give us hope.
  Jesus was the first Christmas gift, yet it doesn’t end with a smiling infant in a manger. It ends with a Savior on a cross. While you and I were born to live; Jesus was born to die.
  In his book, Every Good Endeavor, Tim Keller explains the three elements of a story. He points out that a story begins when something knocks life out of balance and things are obviously not as they should be. Then it progresses, or the plot “thickens,” as the protagonists in the story struggle to restore the balance of peace while antagonistic forces work to thwart their efforts. Finally, the story ends as the struggle results in either the restoration of balance or the failure to recover it.
  One of the reasons we love the stories that fill our Christmas traditions is that they inevitably end in the restoration of peace and the perpetuation of the Christmas Spirit. They’re so familiar that we don’t need a spoiler alert.
  Remember that when the Grinch stole Christmas, he gave it back. In Christmas Story Ralphie gets the Red Ryder BB Gun. In Christmas Carol that old curmudgeon Ebenezer Scrooge embraces generosity. Even in Home Alone, Kevin’s family makes it home for Christmas, the bandits are hauled off to jail, and a lonely old man reunites with his family.
  We cherish those Christmas stories because they reflect the hope that’s associated with Christmas. An association we make because of the real Christmas Story, when the protagonist, Jesus Christ, came to light the way to peace and reconciliation with God and us, and us with each other.
  Our story going back to the Garden begins when something knocks life with God out of sync. Sin entered the world and things were no longer as they were supposed to be. You and I, and the whole human race, were originally designed to walk in peace with God. Because of sin, we lost the connection. In biblical terms when sin entered the world, the lights went out and we couldn’t see His way. From that point forward, the world is filled with darkness, and everyone is on a hopeless quest for peace. We either sought to work our way to God through religion, or sought peace in other things—money, drugs, power, prestige, or people. None of it works. It’s why Jesus had to come!
  Christ-followers are reminded every Christmas that Christmas isn’t the ultimate end—it’s the beginning. At Christmas, we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the One sent to save us from our sins and the fulfillment of God’s promise. The first promise of a coming Savior is found in the first pages of Genesis in Genesis 3:15. That miracle—a baby born to save us all—is the promise that can get us through the worst days. God created a home for us in Heaven, a home where there will be no more tears, no more pain, no more death. It’s a home where we’ll be reunited forever with our brothers and sisters, all who have accepted the One who came to be our Savior.
  Christ-followers get to live this truth each year, celebrating the miracle of new beginnings. For us there really is a happy ending, one that’s out of this world forever! Because of God’s great love and great Christ’s sacrifice, we will live with Him in heaven forever.
  So, what’s home? It can be many things. It can be a mom or dad, or grandparents. Maybe it’s the aroma of Christmas dinner. Our one true Home is because of faith in a loving God and His promises. When we commit our lives to Him, when Christ lives within us, our hearts yearn for “peace on earth” that begins in our hearts. There really is no place like Home and the one our Heavenly Father is preparing for us. And Hallmark ain’t got nothing on that. It will be a happy ending that lasts forever!

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

The Compounding of Grief

 “There is no downside for me leaving. 

Not in the slightest.” Tim Keller

 A little over a week ago, on May 19^th, pastor and author, Tim Keller died after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. The Church around the world mourned. I know that I did. What a testimony some of his last words were: “There is no downside for me leaving. Not in the slightest.”
  Keller wasn’t just a pastor, he was also a gifted theologian and author. He had a burden for the city and the lostness of our great urban communities. He was the founding pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian in New York City and the author of several bestselling books. His books always stretched me. I particularly loved his book on marriage and his deep love for his wife, Kathy, along with his transparency about his own marital weaknesses.
  A little over a week ago in our own community a 16-year-old boy bypassed the emergency warning system at a railroad crossing and was struck by an oncoming train. It was heartbreaking. As I was called to the scene as the police chaplain, I felt totally inadequate. In the face of such a horrific tragedy, there are no words.
  Unless you understand how compound interest works, you’ll be puzzled by grief. When it comes to financial wealth. There are at least two ways to grow wealthy. You could have an inheritance or a lump sum dropped on you. You're poor one day, and have millions in the bank the next day. You’re rich! Or you learn to take advantage of compound interest. For instance, you put $1,000 in the bank when you're a teenager, then you deposit $100 every week for a few decades. By the time you’re fifty, even though there hasn’t been any huge sum dropped, the interest of those small consistent deposits has made you rich in wealth.
  Grief works in a similar way. You might lose a loved one (a huge lump sum payment). Or you grow up in a broken family with chronic bickering. Maybe there is a divorce. Maybe a parent is an addict. You never feel safe. Those small traumatic deposits of hurt are so regular that by the time you’re middle-aged, you find yourself very rich in grief. Grief’s buildup isn’t about lump sum payments of catastrophe as much as it is small painful deposits that are consistent as sundown.
  In 1991 Gerald Sittser, his wife, Lydia, and their children were driving through Iowa when a drunk driver hit them at 85 mph. Gerald lost his mother, his wife, and a four-year-old child in an instant. He sat beside an isolated highway and watched them die. Eventually, he authored a book entitled A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss:
  “Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same…It is not true that we become less through our loss – unless we allow the loss to make us less, grinding our soul down until there is nothing left. Loss can also make us more. I did not get over my loved ones; rather, I absorbed the loss into my life until it became part of who I am. Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul and enlarged it…One learns the pain of others by suffering one’s own pain, by turning inside oneself, by finding one’s own soul…The soul is elastic, like a balloon. It can grow larger through suffering.
  Life is characterized by loss. If you’ve not yet faced a significant loss, you will. It usually starts with a grandparent or an elderly relative. Eventually, it will be a spouse. It could be your child.
  For the believer, the losses that threaten to overwhelm can enlarge us, deepen us, offer us something unforeseen. Unexpected blessings can follow loss. Hope follows grief. Character follows the furnace in which character was forged. Our Heavenly Father is in control and has blessings for us even in loss. We do not grieve “as others who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13).
  These are not wasted times for the child of God. It’s like a compost pile. As we throw scraps on the pile, we see the broken husks of things that were once full of life but are now empty shells. It seems as if their story is over. But give it time – from that which was dead will spring new life.
  God is able to salvage the broken parts of this world and our lives. Romans 8:28 promises, “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” It’s the story of the Bible. God uses these painful situations so that we’ll be “conformed to the image of His Son.” How can grief conform us to the likeness of Christ?
  Compassion. It’s called redemptive pain. It’s the highest and best use of your pain. “[God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT).
  Maturity. It makes us very cognizant of the fragility and temporariness of this life. It opens our eyes to realize that this world is not our Home, people matter more than things, time is precious and that the truly good things in life are not found in money, or health, or entertainment, or fame.
  Mystery. The Bible never explains why God allows us loss in a particular instance. There are broader principles: free will, a sin-filled world, God’s glory, and our spiritual growth. But our specific pain may not be known until after the fact, maybe not until we’re finally Home and can see reality clearly. Yet we do know that if you trust Christ for your salvation, you’ll spend eternity in heaven with God. It’s that hope that sustains you even through the valley of the shadow of death and terrible loss.
  Community. Loss is one of the greatest opportunities for the church to be the church. Suffering enables us to more fully “bear another’s burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). As we pass on the comfort of God, we in turn are comforted. We gain an appreciation for the community of the broken, journeying together toward a resurrection. We recognize the importance of the moment. We take risks we might not have taken because we know life is a vapor. Some things must be done now or they might not be done at all. We reach out and look up more than ever.
  Heaven. God comforts us with His promise of a place with no more pain and no more tears. Heaven will be a reunion beyond anything experienced in this world. No wonder Paul writes, “Do not lose heart for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding glory that outweighs them all…” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
  Believers never say, “goodbye.” We say, “Good night…I’ll see you in the morning” and what a glorious morning that will be!

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

 

 

Your Famous Last Words

"The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life, but rather a legacy of character and faith."  Billy Graham

  Most people, when they know they’re going to have a baby begin making plans. They choose a doctor, learn about the hospital, birthing rooms, etc. They prepare the room for their new arrival, purchase a car seat, stroller and a myriad of items to prepare for their new baby.

  Most people do that for weddings. It’s a rare couple who goes to the Justice of the Peace. They plan and prepare for months from wedding attire to the location of the wedding to the reception. They plan for the minister (just a sidebar, please talk to the minister before you choose your date J), ceremony, flowers, invitations, the ever exasperating guest list, etc.

  It seems that the only major life event most fail to prepare for is our own death and funeral. Unfortunately, too many are plagued by the wrong critical question, whether we’re young or old. The question is not “if” we die, but “when” we die. There’s a macabre blitheness about the two certainties of life—death and taxes. Some manage to evade taxes. The only way anyone can possibly avoid death is to be a believer and remain alive until the return of Jesus Christ.

  Most ask the wrong question about death. We wonder where we will die, or when we will die. Our primary concern, from God’s perspective, should be how we will die. It’s the question that determines our eternal destiny and the Bible has a lot to say about how we die. From a biblical standpoint, there are only two possible ways of dying. Scripture skips over the various causes of death. It matters little how you die, whether from cancer, a heart attack, car accident, murder or from a host of other mortal causes. Though the cause of one’s biological death absorbs our attention, it’s not a concern in Scripture. When the Bible talks about the how of death, the focus is on the spiritual state of the person at the time of his or her death. The “how” of death is reduced to just two options: We either die in faith or die in our sins. Jesus warned, “I told you that you would die in your sins, for unless you believe that I am He you will die in your sins” (John 8:24).

  We foolishly think the worst thing that can happen to someone is to die. That’s wrong! It’s not the message of the Bible or Jesus. The worst thing that can happen to any of us is to die in our sins. God sent Jesus so that we could instead die in faith, forgiven because we have trusted in His sacrifice for us on the Cross. That’s the continual theme of Scripture and the message encapsulated in John 3:16.

  If we have the assurance based on God’s Word that we are dying “in faith,” we should want our death to be our last opportunity to share with those we love, how they too can die “in faith.” Like the birth of a baby or a wedding, it requires planning. Because we don’t have a “due date,” we tend to procrastinate. While I know this and I know that death can come unexpectedly, I realized that Jane and I needed to do this, too.

  So after answering the most important question, are you “in faith,” another vital question is what you will leave behind? What kind of legacy are you leaving? If you don’t plan and leave some instructions about your wishes, your last message may be very far from what you would have wanted. If you’re a believer, this is the last opportunity you’ll have to share your faith and speak “from the grave.” Too often, even those who know that they’re dying of a terminal disease, fail to plan and share their wishes. Their loved ones are left to guess, often with great amounts of angst and guilt. Let me share some suggestions of how to handle this in a better way.

  First, be careful that you’re not glib about your true desires. Because the cost of a funeral can be high, many will joke, “Just throw me in a hole” or “have me cremated.” Because they never took the time to spell out their true wishes, the family doesn’t want to dishonor them but is not sure on whether they were serious or not.

  Second, write out your own testimony and salvation experience. These are your last words. It’s your last time to share with your loved ones how you know that you’re forgiven by God and have eternal life. While it could be read at your funeral, I’d suggest having it printed in the funeral bulletin. Many friends will come for the visitation but because of work or other conflicts will be unable to attend your funeral.

  Third, if you have favorite songs or a passage of Scripture, write it out. Take some time and pre-plan your own memorial service. This will be a real blessing for your loved ones. If there’s friction and division, having your wishes spelled out helps your Homegoing not be a source of further division. Then, with I-pods and technology, while it may not be possible to have a live musician perform it, your favorite music can still be shared. Over the years, I’ve seen many families of believers struggling with what music would honor their loved one.

  Fourth, be wise. While you may be glib about your death, you’re loved ones will grieve. This is your last opportunity to share hope and comfort them even from the grave.

  Because most of us have never worked through this or even given it much thought, you’ll find a couple of forms on the back table today on funerals and eulogies that will hopefully give you some guidance.

  One last concern that’s related to remembering and honoring those we love. Last week the Burlington Rotary Club honored one of our hometown heroes, Jack Berry, with their annual Humanitarian Award. I was so pleased that they honored him and shared their appreciation!

  Over the years at funerals it’s greatly troubled me that too often the one who should be hearing all of those kind words is no longer there. If you have a loved one or friend who’s touched your life, please tell them now how much you appreciate them and how they’ve touched your life. Also, without going to great expense, particularly with those up in years, why not have a “memorial service” for them while they’re still here. A milestone birthday or anniversary is a great occasion for that. It doesn’t have to be big production, yet giving friends and family the opportunity to write out or publically share memories is a wonderful way to honor someone.

  In my opinion, we would all do well for our own hearts and for those we love if we would make it a point to share our gratitude and honor them this side of eternity. What an opportunity, too, for our children and grandchildren to learn of the legacy that has been entrusted to them. 

Walking with someone through the Valley of the Shadow of Death

 

“Man, when he does not grieve, hardly exists.”  Antonio Porchia

  The average American experiences a personal loss of someone in their immediate family only every 15 to 20 years. Think back on anything else that you experienced just once in a fifteen years period. Now add trauma, hurt, shock, pain, tears…a level of grief nearly beyond words. Anyone who thinks they’re ready for the pain of loss is deluded. The waves of various emotions that transpire in one's own heart are nearly impossible to voice.  

  Yet, for some reason, particularly when it comes to grief, Americans have often bought into a “just get over it” or “let the healing begin” mentality. Perhaps it's because we have a pill or program for nearly everything. When it comes to grief, there is no magic pill or transforming program. Grief is like major surgery. The best healer is time and it usually takes lots of it. With a healthy approach to grief, pain lessens over time but I don't think it's ever quite gone. And would we really want it to be? I lost my Mom over forty years ago and I still miss her. I'm not depressed about it, but I miss her and so look forward to seeing her again. Perhaps, that's one reason the Bible tells us that in heaven, God will wipe away all of our tears.

  Yet, it seems today that there are complications previous generations didn't typically have to deal with. Because of the fragmentation and frequently, the disintegration of the family, at least of a traditional family with a Dad and Mom married to the same partner for life. Add to that, there are often siblings or even half-siblings who the parents have sometimes sought and sometimes not, to cobble together into some sense of a "family." Prior to the loss, there’s often anger, hurt, bitterness and other unresolved issues. Add in substance abuse, cohabitation…a divorce or two and it's a potential recipe for an unmitigated disaster.

  So how is a Christian to be a Christian in the midst of the changing morass of complicated family relationships, yet also dealing with the tragedy of loss and grief? I don't believe that there are black and white answers, nor do I feel like I am an expert. Yet, I believe there are some valuable and general principles to help each of us be Jesus in a hurting world and act Christ-like as we navigate these unchartered waters.

  First, just go. Sometimes that's impossible. Yet, if at all possible, go to the visitation, go to the funeral. Just your presence will have a healing effect. It may be a fog for the ones most hurting, yet they will often remember you came. Our culture moves at a frenetic pace but you can’t touch someone who’s hurting in a hurry. There may be jagged feelings. Perhaps, you’re not only dealing with your own sense of loss, you find that you feel tense…even a pit in your stomach at the thought of interacting where has been personal pain or unresolved issues. Still go. There’s something about loss though that heals old wounds and draws us together.

  Fewer words are usually better. Just because you’re there, doesn’t mean that you have to say "just the right thing." Some of us can't handle silence. It makes us uncomfortable, yet, it's usually better to say less than more in times of grief. What the one most hurting needs is your presence. Just the fact you are there and that you care speaks volumes.

  Be proactive. Grief shocks us. We find we’re unable to think, concentrate, even function. Those who are normally competent and problem-solvers may feel paralyzed. This can be a time to offer to help with the basics, simple things like washing dishes, making a meal, or picking up groceries.

  I've found being a channel of communication is always appreciated. The one who’s feeling the greatest sense of loss often has difficulty making those dreaded yet necessary phone calls. They find they have little control over their emotions and each repetition of the loss can feel like they’re going through heart surgery again and again. It's better too if someone learns of the death of a friend or loved one more than once, rather than assuming they must surely know. It's amazing that with our countless means of communication there are so many glitches in our communication.

  If you know someone is close, personal communication is best, not e-mail or Facebook. Tragic news needs to shared tenderly, clearly and carefully. It's also unwise to conjecture or hypothesize. Stick with what you know are facts. If you’re on the receiving end, be careful about asking unnecessary questions. With the recent loss of my brother, someone who was at best a distant friend, asked very pointedly, "How did he die?" What did it matter?

  Add to that, there’s often a sense of false guilt. It may be with a loss like my brother's, something to the effect, "He said he wasn't feeling good, I should have insisted that he go to the doctor." But my brother was nearly seventy and was fully capable of either taking himself to the doctor or insisting that someone take him.

  Be a peace-maker. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peace-makers” (Matt. 5:9). If there are broken relationships you’re aware of, seek to be a bridge builder. Remember and help others to remember the good. Seek to carefully bring people together. The person is gone. Most hurts and unresolved issues need to go with them. It's a time to remember the good and best, not drag up the worst.

  Finally, be prepared yourself. Sudden, tragic death is a reality. Would your loved ones know your wishes? If unsaved family members will be making your final arrangements, be very clear. Your funeral will be your last opportunity to share the Gospel. Do they know where important papers are? Is your life insurance, will, etc. up to date? The recent loss of my brother was a warning for Jane and I that we need to take care of a few important items.

  If you have a terminal illness, don't wait until you’re too weak or medicated to have those important conversations and make important decisions. Solve potential issues of conflict while you’re alive, rather than leaving your loved ones to guess or worse, squabble when you’re gone. If there’s tension between your loved ones now, it will only devolve when you’re no longer around to umpire. So please make those important decisions now so there aren’t potential landmines later.  

  The Bible continually warns us to be prepared for inevitable death. Are you? Is there someone you can reach out to that is going through these stages of grief? Let's be Jesus to each other.