Did you really lose an hour?

 

“If there is no God, then there is no real significance to our lives, time simply becomes something to be filled and got through.” Melvin Tinker

 
For the next few days some will be complaining that they lost an hour with daylight savings time and the time change. Yet, if one doesn’t have a theistic worldview – so what? What does it matter if you “lost” an hour?
  Worldview makes all the difference when it comes to time. If there is no God (or if you live like there’s not one), then life has no ultimate meaning. If this short life is all there is, then it’s nothing more than what’s described in 1 Corinthians 15:32: “If the dead are not raised, ‘Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die’.” If all that ultimately awaits us is death, then hedonism makes sense – have fun, party, have all the pleasure that you can.
  But it’s not. Often, we foolishly think this is “the land of the living” and when you die, you go to “the land of the dying.” The Bible teaches the opposite. This world is “the land of the dying” yet for those who have trusted Christ as their Savior, they will live for eternity and are headed to “the land of the living.” The Bible also teaches that those who reject Christ are destined to eternal death or “the second death” (Revelation 20:11-15).
  Because this life is short, we need more of the intensity of a Dr. William Dodd. In 1777, Dodd, a well-known London pastor, was condemned to be hanged for forgery (the penalties were a bit more severe back then!). When his last sermon, delivered in prison, was published, a friend commented to famed English writer, Samuel Johnson, that the effort was far better than he had thought the man capable of. Dr. Johnson’s reply was so insightful: “Depend upon it, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.”
  None of us have a certainty of tomorrow. It’s why we must be wise with the time that we have today. Ephesians 5:15-16, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Yet so often we waste time. I know that I do. Here are some of the more common ways.
  We waste time through procrastination. When there’s a task to be done, stalling wastes time. For example, you don’t need to check your social media accounts before you begin a task. Instead, you can take short breaks to reward yourself with social media interaction after you complete a task.
  We waste time through perfectionism. Some important jobs merit careful, mistake-free work, but often, “good enough” will get the job done. Unless it’s surgery or the formula for a nuclear bomb, 80% is usually sufficient. It’s okay to let the little things go and not be obsessed with perfection in everything you do. It’s also okay to delegate things to others if you have too much on your plate.
  We waste time overanalyzing. Spending excessive amounts of time deliberating over inconsequential decisions fritters away time. For example, does it really matter what you have for lunch or what route you take on your next trip? If you struggle with overanalyzing, ask a couple of trusted friends or family members to help you arrive at a reasonable choice.
  We waste time overindulging. It’s not wrong to spend time shopping, watching TV, checking social media, or reading news stories. But these activities can crowd out more important pursuits. Ask God to help you discern what’s vital and should be your priorities. Then, recognize the feelings underneath your desire to overindulge and open your heart to receive His leading, encouragement and comfort instead. For any of us to be wiser time managers though, three things are necessary…
  We must know our purpose. For Christ-followers, our purpose is fairly simple – we’re to glorify our Heavenly Father (1 Corinthians 10:31). Our purpose is to become mature in Christ. After receiving His free gift of salvation, we seek to be useful in His service, and by the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, become more and more Christ-like in character.
  Spiritual maturity can’t be hurried. It takes time. In fact, it will take a lifetime. As Bruce Wilkinson, said, “God doesn’t want you to do more for Him. He wants you to be more for Him.”
  We must know our priorities. Once we know our purpose, we can evaluate our priorities. Prioritizing just means knowing which things are more important and which are less. Have you heard the story of Charles Schwab and Ivy Lee? Schwab was president of Bethlehem Steel. Lee, a consultant, was given an unusual challenge: “Show me a way to get more things done with my time.” Schwab agreed to pay him “anything within reason” if Lee’s suggestion worked. Lee handed Schwab a sheet of paper with this plan written on it:
  “Write down the most important tasks you have to do tomorrow. Number them in order of importance. When you arrive in the morning, begin at once on No. 1 and stay on it until it is completed. Recheck your priorities. Then begin with No. 2…then No. 3. Make this a habit every working day. Pass it on to those under you. Try it as long as you like. Then send me your check for what you think it’s worth.”
  That one idea turned Bethlehem Steel into the largest independent steel producer in the world within five years. How much did Schwab pay for that idea? He sent Lee a check for $25,000, with a note attached saying that this was the most profitable lesson he’d ever learned.
  If our priorities aren’t clear, we attempt more things than we should and don’t do any well, which causes stress. Setting priorities is tough because we must make hard choices and say no to some things. Often, we must say no to good things so we can say yes to the best. There’s never enough time for everything, but there’s enough time for the most important things.
  We must plan. That’s what Paul advises in Ephesians 5, “Be very careful, then, how you live…” We need to plan good habits like going to bed, getting up, spending time with the Lord, spending time with those we love, exercising, etc. Then, list out the tasks that are important for the day and week. If you can, plug them into a reasonable schedule (that’s difficult for mothers with young children or those whose priorities are set by their work superior), but it works well for the rest of us. If we fail to set some time boundaries, we tend to give a task more time than it requires.
  Each day is a gift from God. When we know our purpose, we can prioritize and plug those into a daily plan. In the end we can be confident that our Heavenly Father knows the last chapter of our earthly story and will bring us safely Home. As Philippians 1:6 says, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

Christmas: Better Than A Hallmark Christmas Movie

 

“I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas, 

but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox…”   Unknown

 
Doesn’t that sound like a line from some Hallmark Christmas movie? One of the most popular movie genres this time of year – one that you probably either love or hate – is Hallmark Christmas movies. Initially associated with the Hallmark Channel, the genre now spans multiple networks and streaming services. To say these movies are successful is an understatement, considering some 50 million people have watched at least one Christmas movie on the Hallmark network.
  It’s an all too familiar script: a reluctant young woman travels back to her hometown; sworn enemies fall in love; towns are named after favorite Christmas treats. There will be an initial conflict, but it will be overcome because Christmas is a time of love…even miracles. We see just enough of our own lives reflected in these conflicts—a sick parent, a heartbreak, a jealous ex—that we can see ourselves as the protagonist. But unlike real life, there’s always a happy ending.
  While I have some Christmas movies that I love to watch each year, the Hallmark ones are a bit too cheesy for me. Jane and I tried to watch one recently. At the halfway point I’d had enough. Everything was just a little too perfect. Maybe that’s my problem. I know that no matter what Hollywood or Hallmark churns out, Christmas is not about perfect.
  And even the Hallmark Christmas movies have a vital unanswered question: What happens after the perfect, cheery holidays? We want to believe that they’re fairy tale endings – “they lived happily ever after.” But most of these movies end at Christmas. What about after Christmas? What does life look like when the magic of Christmas is gone? Or what if the magic of Christmas was never there?
  For some this will be the first Christmas with an empty place at the table. Others have gone through a terrible divorce. It’s the first Christmas after the death of a marriage. Some serve our country in the far reaches of the world. Others must work on Christmas. Many go “home” but family relationships are like walking through a minefield. The atmosphere is fraught with tension and unresolved conflict. Hallmark Christmas movies give us a happy ending in a time for some that feels anything but “merry.”
  With the beauty of Christmas, the decorations, gifts, singing and parties and sanitized manger scenes, we easily forget that Christmas happened because this world was a disaster. Christmas happened, because we’re all a hot mess. God the Father in love sent His only Son into our trainwreck to clean it up, to give us hope.
  Jesus was the first Christmas gift, yet it doesn’t end with a smiling infant in a manger. It ends with a Savior on a cross. While you and I were born to live; Jesus was born to die.
  In his book, Every Good Endeavor, Tim Keller explains the three elements of a story. He points out that a story begins when something knocks life out of balance and things are obviously not as they should be. Then it progresses, or the plot “thickens,” as the protagonists in the story struggle to restore the balance of peace while antagonistic forces work to thwart their efforts. Finally, the story ends as the struggle results in either the restoration of balance or the failure to recover it.
  One of the reasons we love the stories that fill our Christmas traditions is that they inevitably end in the restoration of peace and the perpetuation of the Christmas Spirit. They’re so familiar that we don’t need a spoiler alert.
  Remember that when the Grinch stole Christmas, he gave it back. In Christmas Story Ralphie gets the Red Ryder BB Gun. In Christmas Carol that old curmudgeon Ebenezer Scrooge embraces generosity. Even in Home Alone, Kevin’s family makes it home for Christmas, the bandits are hauled off to jail, and a lonely old man reunites with his family.
  We cherish those Christmas stories because they reflect the hope that’s associated with Christmas. An association we make because of the real Christmas Story, when the protagonist, Jesus Christ, came to light the way to peace and reconciliation with God and us, and us with each other.
  Our story going back to the Garden begins when something knocks life with God out of sync. Sin entered the world and things were no longer as they were supposed to be. You and I, and the whole human race, were originally designed to walk in peace with God. Because of sin, we lost the connection. In biblical terms when sin entered the world, the lights went out and we couldn’t see His way. From that point forward, the world is filled with darkness, and everyone is on a hopeless quest for peace. We either sought to work our way to God through religion, or sought peace in other things—money, drugs, power, prestige, or people. None of it works. It’s why Jesus had to come!
  Christ-followers are reminded every Christmas that Christmas isn’t the ultimate end—it’s the beginning. At Christmas, we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the One sent to save us from our sins and the fulfillment of God’s promise. The first promise of a coming Savior is found in the first pages of Genesis in Genesis 3:15. That miracle—a baby born to save us all—is the promise that can get us through the worst days. God created a home for us in Heaven, a home where there will be no more tears, no more pain, no more death. It’s a home where we’ll be reunited forever with our brothers and sisters, all who have accepted the One who came to be our Savior.
  Christ-followers get to live this truth each year, celebrating the miracle of new beginnings. For us there really is a happy ending, one that’s out of this world forever! Because of God’s great love and great Christ’s sacrifice, we will live with Him in heaven forever.
  So, what’s home? It can be many things. It can be a mom or dad, or grandparents. Maybe it’s the aroma of Christmas dinner. Our one true Home is because of faith in a loving God and His promises. When we commit our lives to Him, when Christ lives within us, our hearts yearn for “peace on earth” that begins in our hearts. There really is no place like Home and the one our Heavenly Father is preparing for us. And Hallmark ain’t got nothing on that. It will be a happy ending that lasts forever!

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

The Compounding of Grief

 “There is no downside for me leaving. 

Not in the slightest.” Tim Keller

 A little over a week ago, on May 19^th, pastor and author, Tim Keller died after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. The Church around the world mourned. I know that I did. What a testimony some of his last words were: “There is no downside for me leaving. Not in the slightest.”
  Keller wasn’t just a pastor, he was also a gifted theologian and author. He had a burden for the city and the lostness of our great urban communities. He was the founding pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian in New York City and the author of several bestselling books. His books always stretched me. I particularly loved his book on marriage and his deep love for his wife, Kathy, along with his transparency about his own marital weaknesses.
  A little over a week ago in our own community a 16-year-old boy bypassed the emergency warning system at a railroad crossing and was struck by an oncoming train. It was heartbreaking. As I was called to the scene as the police chaplain, I felt totally inadequate. In the face of such a horrific tragedy, there are no words.
  Unless you understand how compound interest works, you’ll be puzzled by grief. When it comes to financial wealth. There are at least two ways to grow wealthy. You could have an inheritance or a lump sum dropped on you. You're poor one day, and have millions in the bank the next day. You’re rich! Or you learn to take advantage of compound interest. For instance, you put $1,000 in the bank when you're a teenager, then you deposit $100 every week for a few decades. By the time you’re fifty, even though there hasn’t been any huge sum dropped, the interest of those small consistent deposits has made you rich in wealth.
  Grief works in a similar way. You might lose a loved one (a huge lump sum payment). Or you grow up in a broken family with chronic bickering. Maybe there is a divorce. Maybe a parent is an addict. You never feel safe. Those small traumatic deposits of hurt are so regular that by the time you’re middle-aged, you find yourself very rich in grief. Grief’s buildup isn’t about lump sum payments of catastrophe as much as it is small painful deposits that are consistent as sundown.
  In 1991 Gerald Sittser, his wife, Lydia, and their children were driving through Iowa when a drunk driver hit them at 85 mph. Gerald lost his mother, his wife, and a four-year-old child in an instant. He sat beside an isolated highway and watched them die. Eventually, he authored a book entitled A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss:
  “Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same…It is not true that we become less through our loss – unless we allow the loss to make us less, grinding our soul down until there is nothing left. Loss can also make us more. I did not get over my loved ones; rather, I absorbed the loss into my life until it became part of who I am. Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul and enlarged it…One learns the pain of others by suffering one’s own pain, by turning inside oneself, by finding one’s own soul…The soul is elastic, like a balloon. It can grow larger through suffering.
  Life is characterized by loss. If you’ve not yet faced a significant loss, you will. It usually starts with a grandparent or an elderly relative. Eventually, it will be a spouse. It could be your child.
  For the believer, the losses that threaten to overwhelm can enlarge us, deepen us, offer us something unforeseen. Unexpected blessings can follow loss. Hope follows grief. Character follows the furnace in which character was forged. Our Heavenly Father is in control and has blessings for us even in loss. We do not grieve “as others who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13).
  These are not wasted times for the child of God. It’s like a compost pile. As we throw scraps on the pile, we see the broken husks of things that were once full of life but are now empty shells. It seems as if their story is over. But give it time – from that which was dead will spring new life.
  God is able to salvage the broken parts of this world and our lives. Romans 8:28 promises, “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” It’s the story of the Bible. God uses these painful situations so that we’ll be “conformed to the image of His Son.” How can grief conform us to the likeness of Christ?
  Compassion. It’s called redemptive pain. It’s the highest and best use of your pain. “[God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT).
  Maturity. It makes us very cognizant of the fragility and temporariness of this life. It opens our eyes to realize that this world is not our Home, people matter more than things, time is precious and that the truly good things in life are not found in money, or health, or entertainment, or fame.
  Mystery. The Bible never explains why God allows us loss in a particular instance. There are broader principles: free will, a sin-filled world, God’s glory, and our spiritual growth. But our specific pain may not be known until after the fact, maybe not until we’re finally Home and can see reality clearly. Yet we do know that if you trust Christ for your salvation, you’ll spend eternity in heaven with God. It’s that hope that sustains you even through the valley of the shadow of death and terrible loss.
  Community. Loss is one of the greatest opportunities for the church to be the church. Suffering enables us to more fully “bear another’s burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). As we pass on the comfort of God, we in turn are comforted. We gain an appreciation for the community of the broken, journeying together toward a resurrection. We recognize the importance of the moment. We take risks we might not have taken because we know life is a vapor. Some things must be done now or they might not be done at all. We reach out and look up more than ever.
  Heaven. God comforts us with His promise of a place with no more pain and no more tears. Heaven will be a reunion beyond anything experienced in this world. No wonder Paul writes, “Do not lose heart for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding glory that outweighs them all…” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
  Believers never say, “goodbye.” We say, “Good night…I’ll see you in the morning” and what a glorious morning that will be!

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

 

 

Walking with someone through the Valley of the Shadow of Death

 

“Man, when he does not grieve, hardly exists.”  Antonio Porchia

  The average American experiences a personal loss of someone in their immediate family only every 15 to 20 years. Think back on anything else that you experienced just once in a fifteen years period. Now add trauma, hurt, shock, pain, tears…a level of grief nearly beyond words. Anyone who thinks they’re ready for the pain of loss is deluded. The waves of various emotions that transpire in one's own heart are nearly impossible to voice.  

  Yet, for some reason, particularly when it comes to grief, Americans have often bought into a “just get over it” or “let the healing begin” mentality. Perhaps it's because we have a pill or program for nearly everything. When it comes to grief, there is no magic pill or transforming program. Grief is like major surgery. The best healer is time and it usually takes lots of it. With a healthy approach to grief, pain lessens over time but I don't think it's ever quite gone. And would we really want it to be? I lost my Mom over forty years ago and I still miss her. I'm not depressed about it, but I miss her and so look forward to seeing her again. Perhaps, that's one reason the Bible tells us that in heaven, God will wipe away all of our tears.

  Yet, it seems today that there are complications previous generations didn't typically have to deal with. Because of the fragmentation and frequently, the disintegration of the family, at least of a traditional family with a Dad and Mom married to the same partner for life. Add to that, there are often siblings or even half-siblings who the parents have sometimes sought and sometimes not, to cobble together into some sense of a "family." Prior to the loss, there’s often anger, hurt, bitterness and other unresolved issues. Add in substance abuse, cohabitation…a divorce or two and it's a potential recipe for an unmitigated disaster.

  So how is a Christian to be a Christian in the midst of the changing morass of complicated family relationships, yet also dealing with the tragedy of loss and grief? I don't believe that there are black and white answers, nor do I feel like I am an expert. Yet, I believe there are some valuable and general principles to help each of us be Jesus in a hurting world and act Christ-like as we navigate these unchartered waters.

  First, just go. Sometimes that's impossible. Yet, if at all possible, go to the visitation, go to the funeral. Just your presence will have a healing effect. It may be a fog for the ones most hurting, yet they will often remember you came. Our culture moves at a frenetic pace but you can’t touch someone who’s hurting in a hurry. There may be jagged feelings. Perhaps, you’re not only dealing with your own sense of loss, you find that you feel tense…even a pit in your stomach at the thought of interacting where has been personal pain or unresolved issues. Still go. There’s something about loss though that heals old wounds and draws us together.

  Fewer words are usually better. Just because you’re there, doesn’t mean that you have to say "just the right thing." Some of us can't handle silence. It makes us uncomfortable, yet, it's usually better to say less than more in times of grief. What the one most hurting needs is your presence. Just the fact you are there and that you care speaks volumes.

  Be proactive. Grief shocks us. We find we’re unable to think, concentrate, even function. Those who are normally competent and problem-solvers may feel paralyzed. This can be a time to offer to help with the basics, simple things like washing dishes, making a meal, or picking up groceries.

  I've found being a channel of communication is always appreciated. The one who’s feeling the greatest sense of loss often has difficulty making those dreaded yet necessary phone calls. They find they have little control over their emotions and each repetition of the loss can feel like they’re going through heart surgery again and again. It's better too if someone learns of the death of a friend or loved one more than once, rather than assuming they must surely know. It's amazing that with our countless means of communication there are so many glitches in our communication.

  If you know someone is close, personal communication is best, not e-mail or Facebook. Tragic news needs to shared tenderly, clearly and carefully. It's also unwise to conjecture or hypothesize. Stick with what you know are facts. If you’re on the receiving end, be careful about asking unnecessary questions. With the recent loss of my brother, someone who was at best a distant friend, asked very pointedly, "How did he die?" What did it matter?

  Add to that, there’s often a sense of false guilt. It may be with a loss like my brother's, something to the effect, "He said he wasn't feeling good, I should have insisted that he go to the doctor." But my brother was nearly seventy and was fully capable of either taking himself to the doctor or insisting that someone take him.

  Be a peace-maker. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peace-makers” (Matt. 5:9). If there are broken relationships you’re aware of, seek to be a bridge builder. Remember and help others to remember the good. Seek to carefully bring people together. The person is gone. Most hurts and unresolved issues need to go with them. It's a time to remember the good and best, not drag up the worst.

  Finally, be prepared yourself. Sudden, tragic death is a reality. Would your loved ones know your wishes? If unsaved family members will be making your final arrangements, be very clear. Your funeral will be your last opportunity to share the Gospel. Do they know where important papers are? Is your life insurance, will, etc. up to date? The recent loss of my brother was a warning for Jane and I that we need to take care of a few important items.

  If you have a terminal illness, don't wait until you’re too weak or medicated to have those important conversations and make important decisions. Solve potential issues of conflict while you’re alive, rather than leaving your loved ones to guess or worse, squabble when you’re gone. If there’s tension between your loved ones now, it will only devolve when you’re no longer around to umpire. So please make those important decisions now so there aren’t potential landmines later.  

  The Bible continually warns us to be prepared for inevitable death. Are you? Is there someone you can reach out to that is going through these stages of grief? Let's be Jesus to each other.