Ministering to Single Moms in a Post Roe v. Wade World

 “Biblical orthodoxy without compassion 

is surely the ugliest thing in the world. ”  Francis Schaeffer

 
  Friday, June 24, 2022, will be a date long remembered as the nearly 50-year precedent of upholding abortion as a constitutional right in the United States was overturned. 50 years. That’s a long time. It was so long that most of us who are pro-life doubted that it would ever change.
  Christ-followers have gotten what we prayed and worked for, but we will fail if this is the end. God has called us to so much more. Now we must walk the talk and show the love of Christ to those whom we claimed that we loved and cared about. The world is watching. Will we prove it now?
  It is and never has been enough to be opposed to abortion. While it is vital to save a life, it’s more important to see a soul saved and come to Christ. The greatest need of everyone in this world is to trust the gospel and to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
  Yet, 67% of single mothers do not go to a church of any kind. Sometimes they feel judged or inadequate. Either they became pregnant outside of marriage or are divorced. Many have a sense of shame and don't feel like they deserve or even want to be in church. Some are young and have no interaction with Christ-followers. Some have a distorted caricature of what a Christ-follower is of someone hateful, mean, bigoted, and out of touch. Sadly, some who profess to know Christ are like that.
  67% is a heartbreaking number! Not  only does that mean those moms aren’t being exposed to the gospel or mentored, but neither are their children. Single mothers are one of the most unrecognized, hurting groups in our culture. The vast majority have been thrust into a role they never intended to be in and often feel trapped in it. Frequently, they feel judged by Christians, the very ones who should be bringing God’s love, hope, and grace to them. So what can we do?
  Be their friend. How many single moms do you know? There are nearly 16 million families in America headed up by a single mom. 57% of the babies born to Millennials are being born to unmarried mothers.
  Single Moms face the same issues that households with two parents face but do it alone – a house that needs to be cleaned, meals made, groceries bought, homework checked, birthdays celebrated, sick kids to care for, etc.
  Often they’re economically challenged and must come up with creative ways to cover all of the expenses of a family but on one income. Most parents know what it is to feel exhausted but imagine that same weariness doubled by having to work full-time, and care for kids, only to put them in bed and realize that the house is a disaster.
  A sick child for a single Mom isn’t an inconvenience, it’s a crisis. While most employers will seek to be understanding, if there is a long-term or chronic illness, care for a child can cost them their job.
  While most of them do not live in your neighborhood, particularly if you live in a subdivision where people own their own homes, their children attend school with your children. Often the simplest bridge into their lives is by opening your home and life to their children. Perhaps offer a ride if you see a need. If your children are involved in youth sports, their children may be the ones dropped off by a grandparent because Mom has to work.  
  If you engage with individuals in your day-to-day life, they’re often your server or bartender. They may be that clerk where you buy gas. Maybe they cut your hair or do your nails. This is why it’s so important to see every transaction as a gospel opportunity.
  As Christians, we don’t believe in accidents. We must see life as a series of continual divine appointments. So, learn names. Ask questions. Go out of your way to greet and engage them even if it’s for a few moments. Be encouraging and affirming. Every person we meet is Imago Dei. They’re designed by God, He loves them and has a plan for their lives.
  Include them and their children. At Grace, without making someone feel weird, we don’t want anyone to sit alone. Please include single parents in your social circles. Learn their children’s names. Go out of your way to make them feel comfortable. Most young parents feel some level of anxiety about their child’s behavior with those they don’t know. Help those parents feel at ease. Let’s let children be children. Single Moms need to feel that our church has dozens of aunts, uncles, and grandparents for their children and that we accept where they’re at. We want to be Jesus to them!
  Include them on holidays. Think about it. Who prepares Mother’s Day for moms? Their spouses, usually not their children. When a single mom has young children and doesn’t have a spouse, she’s often forgotten on Mother’s Day. For a mom working double-time, it can be a heartbreaking moment. So how much work is it for us to include a few extra at our home on Mother’s Day or Labor Day, Thanksgiving or Christmas? And what is relatively small for us, can be huge for a single Mom and her children.
  It can be something as simple as going out for lunch after church or for ice cream. Small pleasures that most of us take for granted can be enormous for a single Mom with limited discretionary money.
   Be her companion if she has to go to Court. For most single moms, going to court is an unavoidable reality. Being in court with their child’s other parent can be one of the scariest and loneliest times in a single mom’s journey and most spend it completely alone. So offer to go to court with her. If additional people are not allowed in the courtroom, offer to wait for her outside and meet her for coffee afterward.
  Godly men can step in the gap. You want to be appropriate and wise, yet many single Moms don’t have a godly man in their lives. They can be taken advantage of by a mechanic or a repairman. Simple maintenance like a leaky faucet or changing the oil in a car can be huge for them.
  Their children need to see godly men who don’t see their Mom as sex objects. A godly man can teach a child how to fish or throw and catch a ball. Having a man pray for the food at a meal can speak volumes in a child’s heart who has never seen a man who loves the Lord and loves children.
  A cruel world needs to see the Church being the Church. They need to see Jesus in us. Jesus loved and cared for children and parents, and so must we! Being pro-life means being Jesus to those who most need His care! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Who's coming to your funeral?

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

Helen Keller

  Who’s coming to your funeral? Maybe you’re thinking, “That’s a morbid thought…” Yet, it’s a real one. As relatives are planning out a funeral, one of the big questions is: How many do we expect to attend?

  The answer – probably not as many as you’d think. It depends a lot on the age and circumstances of the loved one’s death. A young or tragic death will have a much larger funeral. An older, “normal” death usually means a smaller one. Add long age to that and the number drops more.

  Why? Because as we age, our circle of friends shrinks, but it doesn’t have to. Friendships, like a beautiful garden, demand constant cultivation.

  In our young adult years, friendships are relatively easy. We have many commonalities which open up doors for friendships: marriage, babies, children. We continually interact with the same people at school and sporting events. Often our children are in the same school or swim class. During those times of sitting on the sidelines for a game, we talk and make friends. At work, there are individuals that we have a closer affinity to.

  As we become empty nesters, those common events dwindle and friendships often wane. The same is true with work or neighborhood friendships. Switch jobs, retire, move – and those friendships begin to grow cold. Some try to compensate by joining a group of other empty nesters that have a common link; music, a sport or some other mutual interest. Yet, because there are less commonalities, the friendships are usually weaker.

  Most find that those with the same status: age, marital situation, economic level, geographical location, political values, religious affiliation, sports team, etc., are easiest to befriend. When one or more of those things change – for example, a divorce, loss of a spouse or the loss of a job – the friendship changes or even dies.

  A local church is to be unique when it comes to relationships. Our common bond is Christ and He never changes (Hebrews 13:8). Church friendships should be the opposite of our other friendships, in that they’re built on diversity, not sameness. And relationships are stronger in diversity.

  While we’re attracted to those like us, those relationships frequently result in spiritual atrophy. For most, the only ones in our social circle different from us are relatives. Family relationships are a place to learn overlook annoyances that come with those differences. Yet, often a conversation ensues when “they” are absent about, “Why are they so different?” 

  Mark it down! You limit your spiritual growth and moving forward in your sanctification as God desires for you, if you primarily surround yourself with those “just” like you. Spiritual growth comes through friction.

  Do you want to grow healthy friendships? Please look for those who are different from you in age, values, history or economic situation, spiritual walk. Look for what you can give, not what you can get; what you can learn, not what you can teach. Jim Rohn wisely observes that, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you primarily spend time with those like you, then you only become more like you. But that’s not God’s plan. He wants us to become more like Jesus Christ. 

  Foundational to Christian friendship is the fact that “only Jesus can bring satisfaction to your soul.” A friend can help carry your burdens or share your joy. They can never meet our need for soul satisfaction.

  Here are some friends that I believe that every Christian needs.

  You need a friend who is more spiritually mature than you. We all lack godliness and need growth in certain aspects of our lives. We have spiritual weaknesses or sins that easily throw us. Thus, we need to develop friendships with those who have a deeper walk with the Lord, who have strengths where we have weaknesses. As we surround ourselves with spiritually-minded friends, it encourages us to be more spiritually minded.

  You need a friend who is less spiritually mature than you. That’s what Jesus did. The disciples were a work in progress. The Apostles learned from Jesus and did the same. Peter poured his life into John Mark. Barnabus poured his life into Paul. Paul poured his life into Timothy and Titus. It’s unbiblical and selfish to only look for friends that we can “get” something from. No matter where you are spiritually, there is someone that you can help grow in their spiritual walk. 

  You need a friend who doesn’t know Jesus. Jesus was “the friend of sinners” (Matthew 11:19). Most Christians are hardly acquaintances with those outside the Church and who don’t know the Lord. There’s a fear of being overly influenced. While we need to be wise and cautious. Too often we forget the power of the Spirit and that “truth does not fear scrutiny.”

  We need those who challenge our beliefs and values. If what we believe is true, it will hold up like a rock. If it crumbles, it wasn’t true. As our world becomes more secular, the number of those who share our convictions, or are even open to listening and having a dialogue will continue to dwindle.

  While we do not need social acceptance, how can we win a lost world if we are not first their friends? God loves the world and we’re to love them, too. One qualification for a spiritual leader is that you “must be well thought of by outsiders” (1 Timothy 3:7). Our mission is that we want to be part of seeing outsiders becoming insiders. We represent Jesus to a lost world. We’re here to serve, not be pampered. To love, not be applauded.

  Jesus is our model of being a friend. He reached out to those that others ignored or even considered pariah. Though He was denied and forsaken by those closest to Him, He never wrote them off and ultimately restored them. He shows us that friendship first means being sacrificial. 

  Who’s coming to your funeral? How are your friendships? If you’re like most of us, your friendships and limited circles, are something you need to give attention to. Do you want friends? Be more and more like Jesus! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Friends...more than an old TV show

“The only way to have a friend is to be one."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Last weekend Jane and I returned to our old stomping grounds – Detroit. I mean, if you’re going to look for a wonderful getaway spot, what better place than Detroit…right? Okay, I’ll confess…the truth is that there was a huge book sale taking place. Over a 100,000 books is worth making a drive for if you’re a bibliophile. On top of that, we were able to use it as an opportunity to spend some time with my nephew, Bryce Pegram, and his wife, Chelsea, along with visiting some other old friends. We had a great time! It was just nice to have a brief getaway.

  One of the highpoints was being able to spend some time with our old friends, Gary and Sally Papp. Jane and I have known Gary and Sally for some four decades. Yet, though we knew Gary and Sally in college, we didn’t really know Gary and Sally until we all attended the same church in the suburbs of Detroit. It was then that we began spending time together.

  When our son, Ben, was born, we were at their home before he entered the world. Sally would often watch our kids. Gary helped us move. In fact, when we moved to Burlington, Gary drove the moving truck from Detroit to Burlington. And though separated by hundreds of miles, we’ve stayed in touch. They’ve stayed in our home and we’ve stayed in theirs. We try to get together when we can. And it all goes back to becoming friends when we all attended the same church some thirty years ago.

  As you read the Bible, you discover that close and lifelong friends are made in the local church. It’s true that people make friends other places like their job or neighborhood. Yet, when you change jobs or move, frequently those friendships wane and die of extinction. That’s not the case with friendships within a local church – why? Because biblically speaking there should be an added depth of connection – we are also brothers and sisters in Christ. We are literally blood brothers and sisters because of the shed blood of Christ. A healthy church must be a place of growing friendships.

  On top of that, this is a very lonely world. Biblically, a church must be a place where healthy friendships are made. Sadly, there are often barriers to that which can begin devolving the church from a growing church family to little more than a closed social club. Let me share some of them.

  Longevity can be deadly to growing friendships. The longer you’re in a church, the easier it is to become entrenched in your friendships. You have history and familiarity. It’s just comfortable. And that’s great if you’re on the inside track and part of the clique. You find that you essentially talk to the same people each week. You even tend to sit by or near the same ones. If you do something outside of church, it’s with the same ones over and over and over again. Sadly, though it’s a clique that’s unwelcoming to others, yet those on the inside don’t even realize it. Our friends Gary and Sally already had lots of friends in their church. They didn’t need any more friends, yet they went out of their way to include us.

  Busyness can be deadly to growing friendships. We’re all busy. We all have lots of things going on. Personally, I go to bed feeling some level of guilt nearly every night because I didn’t get more done. Most of us suffer from the tyranny of the urgent and find ourselves absorbed with that which screams for attention. Then, we’re selfish…okay, at least I am. I like “me time.” I want to spend time with my wife, read a book or watch a show.

  When we get Home, I think that those of us in the American church are going to be very embarrassed that Jesus really is not impressed with our completed “To Do” lists. Read the gospels and you’ll find that our Lord was supremely relational. Yet, if anyone had too much to do, it was Jesus but He always found time for others…often “others” that most would want little to do with. That means that if you want to touch lives, you have to make it a priority. It has to be valuable to you and you have to schedule it. Let’s be honest. Most of us know we should build bridges with others but it’s just an idea that somehow never finds its way onto our schedule. The end result is that it rarely if ever happens. But Gary and Sally were extremely busy, too. As I recall, at the time, Gary was working something like 60 hours a week. Yet, they made time for us and invested in our lives.

  We become so focused on our biological family that we neglect our spiritual family. Gary and Sally lived in the same area that Gary had grown up in, so they had lots of family in the area. In fact, Gary’s parents lived just down the street from them. They also had two children who had full schedules. They had a lot of family obligations, yet somehow they balanced out their biological family with their spiritual one. And they’re still doing it today. They’re faithful grandparents, seeking to influence the next generation. Their daughter, Michelle, just had her sixth child so she now has six under six. Add to that, her husband is in the military and must often be gone, so they help out probably more than most grandparents. But they made time for us last weekend and were talking about interacting with other believers later that week. In fact, Gary even carved out time for a mission trip to Russia.

  One of my favorite shows is Bluebloods. I appreciate that included in each episode is the weekly family multi-generational Sunday dinner. In our anti-family culture, it’s refreshing. Yet, most of us tend to be extremists rather than balanced. We’re so determined sometimes to be family oriented that we become family obsessed.

  One of the greatest needs is for lost people and for new believers to see a normal Christian family in real time. Too many have no idea what a normal family is like. Normal may be eating in front of the TV, everyone yelling at one another, someone getting intoxicated. So to see a Christian family that’s not perfect yet seeking to faithfully live out God’s grace in spite of their redeemed sinfulness is a powerful message.

  So why are you here? The Christian life is not about me, it’s about Him, it’s about others. We grow in grace as others, new as well as “old” others, find significant time and a place in our lives. We must continually grow in selflessness and a spirit of sacrifice. It’s what Jesus has called us to. Each of us needs to be on the lookout for those who may be new, engaging them in conversation and looking for ways to build bridges with them outside of a worship service. With the warm weather and more outside activities, this is a great time to take some spiritual steps forward in ministering to others.

  Will you take some of those steps? It will help you grow and be more like Jesus who consistently loved and reached out to others.   

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