Friends...more than an old TV show

“The only way to have a friend is to be one."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Last weekend Jane and I returned to our old stomping grounds – Detroit. I mean, if you’re going to look for a wonderful getaway spot, what better place than Detroit…right? Okay, I’ll confess…the truth is that there was a huge book sale taking place. Over a 100,000 books is worth making a drive for if you’re a bibliophile. On top of that, we were able to use it as an opportunity to spend some time with my nephew, Bryce Pegram, and his wife, Chelsea, along with visiting some other old friends. We had a great time! It was just nice to have a brief getaway.

  One of the highpoints was being able to spend some time with our old friends, Gary and Sally Papp. Jane and I have known Gary and Sally for some four decades. Yet, though we knew Gary and Sally in college, we didn’t really know Gary and Sally until we all attended the same church in the suburbs of Detroit. It was then that we began spending time together.

  When our son, Ben, was born, we were at their home before he entered the world. Sally would often watch our kids. Gary helped us move. In fact, when we moved to Burlington, Gary drove the moving truck from Detroit to Burlington. And though separated by hundreds of miles, we’ve stayed in touch. They’ve stayed in our home and we’ve stayed in theirs. We try to get together when we can. And it all goes back to becoming friends when we all attended the same church some thirty years ago.

  As you read the Bible, you discover that close and lifelong friends are made in the local church. It’s true that people make friends other places like their job or neighborhood. Yet, when you change jobs or move, frequently those friendships wane and die of extinction. That’s not the case with friendships within a local church – why? Because biblically speaking there should be an added depth of connection – we are also brothers and sisters in Christ. We are literally blood brothers and sisters because of the shed blood of Christ. A healthy church must be a place of growing friendships.

  On top of that, this is a very lonely world. Biblically, a church must be a place where healthy friendships are made. Sadly, there are often barriers to that which can begin devolving the church from a growing church family to little more than a closed social club. Let me share some of them.

  Longevity can be deadly to growing friendships. The longer you’re in a church, the easier it is to become entrenched in your friendships. You have history and familiarity. It’s just comfortable. And that’s great if you’re on the inside track and part of the clique. You find that you essentially talk to the same people each week. You even tend to sit by or near the same ones. If you do something outside of church, it’s with the same ones over and over and over again. Sadly, though it’s a clique that’s unwelcoming to others, yet those on the inside don’t even realize it. Our friends Gary and Sally already had lots of friends in their church. They didn’t need any more friends, yet they went out of their way to include us.

  Busyness can be deadly to growing friendships. We’re all busy. We all have lots of things going on. Personally, I go to bed feeling some level of guilt nearly every night because I didn’t get more done. Most of us suffer from the tyranny of the urgent and find ourselves absorbed with that which screams for attention. Then, we’re selfish…okay, at least I am. I like “me time.” I want to spend time with my wife, read a book or watch a show.

  When we get Home, I think that those of us in the American church are going to be very embarrassed that Jesus really is not impressed with our completed “To Do” lists. Read the gospels and you’ll find that our Lord was supremely relational. Yet, if anyone had too much to do, it was Jesus but He always found time for others…often “others” that most would want little to do with. That means that if you want to touch lives, you have to make it a priority. It has to be valuable to you and you have to schedule it. Let’s be honest. Most of us know we should build bridges with others but it’s just an idea that somehow never finds its way onto our schedule. The end result is that it rarely if ever happens. But Gary and Sally were extremely busy, too. As I recall, at the time, Gary was working something like 60 hours a week. Yet, they made time for us and invested in our lives.

  We become so focused on our biological family that we neglect our spiritual family. Gary and Sally lived in the same area that Gary had grown up in, so they had lots of family in the area. In fact, Gary’s parents lived just down the street from them. They also had two children who had full schedules. They had a lot of family obligations, yet somehow they balanced out their biological family with their spiritual one. And they’re still doing it today. They’re faithful grandparents, seeking to influence the next generation. Their daughter, Michelle, just had her sixth child so she now has six under six. Add to that, her husband is in the military and must often be gone, so they help out probably more than most grandparents. But they made time for us last weekend and were talking about interacting with other believers later that week. In fact, Gary even carved out time for a mission trip to Russia.

  One of my favorite shows is Bluebloods. I appreciate that included in each episode is the weekly family multi-generational Sunday dinner. In our anti-family culture, it’s refreshing. Yet, most of us tend to be extremists rather than balanced. We’re so determined sometimes to be family oriented that we become family obsessed.

  One of the greatest needs is for lost people and for new believers to see a normal Christian family in real time. Too many have no idea what a normal family is like. Normal may be eating in front of the TV, everyone yelling at one another, someone getting intoxicated. So to see a Christian family that’s not perfect yet seeking to faithfully live out God’s grace in spite of their redeemed sinfulness is a powerful message.

  So why are you here? The Christian life is not about me, it’s about Him, it’s about others. We grow in grace as others, new as well as “old” others, find significant time and a place in our lives. We must continually grow in selflessness and a spirit of sacrifice. It’s what Jesus has called us to. Each of us needs to be on the lookout for those who may be new, engaging them in conversation and looking for ways to build bridges with them outside of a worship service. With the warm weather and more outside activities, this is a great time to take some spiritual steps forward in ministering to others.

  Will you take some of those steps? It will help you grow and be more like Jesus who consistently loved and reached out to others.   

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