Does anyone really know what time it is?

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins…Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.”  Henry Cloud

 Years ago one of my favorite music groups, Chicago, had a hit song: Does anybody really know what time it is? Apparently not. Particularly if you’re part of the United States government. That’s because recently the Department of Transportation discovered that the U.S. has no official map marking out where one time zone begins and another ends. Officials are now at work creating a map of the nation’s time zone boundaries. 

  A clear map of time zones is important. Think of how much of our lives are oriented by time. As time zone boundaries are important, so are boundaries in life.

  Many of our problems in life and in our relationships are boundary problems. God knows that we need boundaries. It’s why so much of God’s Word sets clear ones. The most familiar set of commands in the Bible, the Ten Commandments, are God’s boundaries.

  A boundary is a “dividing line.” In geography, a boundary marks the end of one property and the beginning of another. In interpersonal relationships, a boundary is what divides one individual from another, so that each can have separate identities, responsibilities, and privileges. Boundaries create necessary “space” between individuals. Healthy boundaries define expectations and show respect for others.

  Personal boundaries help to limit our sinful and selfish inclination to control or manipulate others. They protect us from those who have little or no self-control and wish to control us. A person with clear, healthy boundaries communicates to others what is and is not permissible, saying, in effect, “This is my line. Please respect it and do not step over it.”

  Boundaries can be used in healthy ways or sinful ways. The way to know which boundaries are godly is to examine your motives. Are you protecting yourself or someone weaker from potential harm, either emotional or physical? If so, you’re setting healthy boundaries. Yet, if you’re maintaining distance because you desire to exclude someone, that’s sinful. Boundaries that maintain cliques or limit ministry opportunities are wrong.

  Boundaries keep us secure.  When we go outside of the boundaries God has established and pursue sinful things of this world, we run the risk of impairing our relationship with God and the consequences that come from doing so. There’s a price if we fail to maintain good boundaries.

  Boundaries keep us strong. Not overextending ourselves, making sure we have time and energy to care for ourselves, and needs like rest, exercise, and proper nutrition, help us maintain our health. It enables us to have the strength to serve the Lord in our own space when we aren’t overstepping and invading the spaces of others or allowing them to invade ours.  

  Boundaries keep us sane. When we overextend, say for example, financially, we will suffer from anxiety and stress. And that’s just one area. There’s a price if we don’t maintain healthy boundaries.

  Too often relationships are contaminated and fraught with frustration because of a lack of boundaries. While the Bible teaches that we’re to be loving and kind, God doesn’t want us to be a doormat. Giving yourself permission and having a sense of personal boundaries are vital for spiritual, mental, emotional and relational health. Healthy boundaries are needed in every area of life. Yet, as enter into the holiday season, let me touch on a few that all of us will need to work through during the next few months.

  We must find and maintain the needed boundaries of marriage. When God created marriage, He set up clear boundaries. Genesis 2:25 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” But what father and mother? Adam and Eve were the first couple and didn’t have parents. They were created by God. God though was laying out a boundary for future marriages and homes, one that’s so important it’s repeated three other times in Scripture (Matthew 19:3; Mark 10:7; Ephesians 5:31). Without clear boundaries for a marriage, a couple will suffer from outside contaminants.  

  For example, you can’t go to every party or event that you’re invited to or every family gathering. Sadly, some in-laws use “emotional blackmail” – “But we’ve always done Christmas Eve at our home.” You are now a new family and need to do what is best for your marriage and family, not what gives an overzealous in-law some warm Hallmark Christmas feeling.

  We must respect the needed boundaries of our children. Children need roots and wings. Boundaries are vital in parenting. Setting healthy limits for children protect them, yet unhealthy ones can be controlling and selfish. Boundaries should guide a child to become the individual God created him or her to be. They allow them to develop an identity separate from their parents within the safety of their family. Without a clear identity, people “vanish” into other people or expect them not to have any differences.

  And adult children must be treated as adults or they will continue to act childish. Adults make their own decisions.. work a job, and pay their bills. If they make a decision that has consequences, they need to face the consequences. Sometimes a parent can assist yet not rescue.

  If a parent continually rescues their adult child or enables poor choices, they’re not helping them mature into adulthood. Boundaries teach them to turn to their Heavenly Father who knows their true needs rather than rescuing, overzealous parents.

  These lines are not always clear. It’s why parents need God’s wisdom (James 1:5), yet that needs to be the goal as parents.

  As the U.S. needs clear time zones, each of us needs healthy boundaries. God holds us accountable for our lives. We must learn now to take responsibility for our own life and allow others to live theirs.

  Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. As we see our need for self-control, we’ll take responsibility for our own actions and not encroach on others. We’ll seek the Lord’s help for growth in this vital character trait. Boundaries are an outcome of submitting to God’s will and He will enable us to make godly choices. 

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Breaking free from technology addiction

“Technology is best when it brings people together.”

Matt Mullenweg

  Danish philosopher and theologian, Søren Kierkegaard, told a parable of a rich man riding in a lighted carriage driven by a peasant who sat behind the horse in the cold and dark outside. Unfortunately, because he sat near the artificial light inside the lit carriage, the rich man missed the panorama of beautiful stars outside, a view that was gloriously manifest to the peasant.

  Technology, even something as simple as carriage lights, can rob us of the beauty of reality. Ours is a culture that thinks that it has everything, yet often misses so much. One of the joys of going someplace out of the way, even desolate, is that you can see things you wouldn’t normally see though they were there all along. What’s missing is perspective, being distracted, even blinded by technology.  

  Some years ago our family was vacationing in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I was out on a boat fishing in the middle of the lake late at night with a friend. As we looked up into the sky, I’d never seen so many stars. It was truly glorious! With the glare though of city lights of even small towns, those same stars are virtually invisible. 

  Like the rich man in the carriage, technology often blinds us to true beauty. Please understand, I’m not a Luddite. I’m very thankful for modern conveniences. Yet, I know that those same conveniences often blind me to real beauty. Technology is attractive…even addictive (at least it can be for me). I find that I have to discipline myself to not check my phone and focus on what’s going on around me.

  In the past, when I was out with family or friends for a meal, I’d put my phone on the table. A friend pointed out that when the phone is on the table, the phone has priority over everyone and everything else. Since then, when I can, I try to remember to put it on silent and keep it in my pocket.

  Yet, it’s very alluring to be connected on my phone with things that are thousands of miles away and miss what’s going on right in front of me. It’s tempting when a question comes up to immediately Google the answer on the computer that we can hold in our hand. It doesn’t help that with clocks on our phones, many no longer wear watches. While we plan to just check the time, the enticement of other eye-candy can be overly enticing. Without really thinking, we find that we’re also checking email, Facebook or Twitter. Before we know it, huge chunks of time are gone, we’re a million miles away, seduced by technology from what was the true priority.

  Many of us miss out on life’s most precious moments because we’re so busy trying to capture them on our phones. 40% admit that they’ve not truly experienced moments, such as a child’s first steps or a graduation, because technology got in the way. The average adult says 16 hours is the longest he or she can be parted from their cell phone before feeling “miserable.” It’s not a big surprise that another 35% confess they spend too much on their cell, laptop or Ipad. If more of us were candidly honest, the percentage would no doubt be much higher.

  Technology addiction can be a source of great humor or embarrassment. One woman who regularly went to sleep while using her iPad woke up one morning to find it at the bottom of the bed. Somehow it’d triggered camera mode and accidentally shot a sequence of blurred pictures that no one should ever see. Another man went on vacation in the country with his family and twisted his ankle after walking into a cow while texting. One in five has bumped into someone because they were so preoccupied with their hand-held device. One in ten has tripped or fallen while texting or walked into a pole or wall. Countless others regularly violate social etiquette by texting in the theater during a movie (24%), during a wedding (16%), and even in church (12%...just know our ushers are on alert 😊). 74% admit that their phone is never more than three feet away from them.

  Now I’m not suggesting we all join a worldwide 12-step. For the believer, it begins with “Be still, and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). A spirit of quietness and being unplugged is a needed starting point. As we see God and look at life from His perspective, all of the pieces begin to come together. Some other practical steps would be…

  The rule of 3. Rather than jumping at the sound of every electronic notification, designate 3 times a day to check email and social media and limit the time you spend responding. It will give you uninterrupted blocks of time where you’re not disturbed by meaningless distractions.

  Start your day technology free. Starting with your phone the first thing in the morning immediately flips you into work mode. Instead start your day with a quiet word of prayer and other things that are fulfilling like savoring coffee, reading the paper, cuddling with your child or spouse.

  Set expectations by responding to texts or voicemails during reasonable hours. If you respond after 9:00 pm or on Saturday morning, others will believe you’re available anytime, 24/7, and will sabotage your downtime.

  Give your phone a home to enforce healthy work/life boundaries. When you walk in the door, place your devices in a designated spot rather than carrying it into the dining room or bedroom or even having it tethered to your side. If it’s important for someone to get in touch with you, they’ll leave a text or voicemail that you can respond to at a more convenient time.

  Make a point to do something non-tech related each day. Read a book. Walk outside. Play an instrument or even create something with your hands. Making it a habit to step away from technology and work, even for a few minutes, provides perspective and restoration.

  God designed a need for rest into our very being. Ask any athlete and they’ll tell you that rest is essential for physical training. Rest is essential for soul rest and spiritual growth. If we don’t technologically untether ourselves and schedule rest into our lives, we’ll miss out on the vast panorama of beauty that our Heavenly Father has created for us to enjoy.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.