To Tell The Truth

 

“When regard for truth has been broken down or even slightly weakened, all things will remain doubtful.” Augustine

 
A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for a while, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.” Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, “Of course we’ll have some soon. We placed an order last week.”
  Then, the manager drew the clerk aside. “Never,” he snarled, “Never, never, never say we’re out of anything- say we’ve got it on order and it’s coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway?” The clerk said, “Rain!”
  Ours is a dishonest world. Honesty is sacrificed…often for greed. It seems that in election years, the lies are more plentiful and flagrant. But God’s Word repeatedly reminds us that God is the God of truth, and His people are commanded to be people of truth. A healthy church—a body of believers that follows Jesus as the head must be a place of truth. It’s where we love each other enough to be honest and admonish each other truthfully when needed. It’s a place where we’re lovingly truthful about the sins that cause us to stumble because sin has such damaging consequences.
  One University of Massachusetts study found “that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies.” The study also found lies told by men and women differ in content, but not in quantity: “Women were more likely to lie to make the person they were talking to feel good, while men lied most often to make themselves look better.”

  In Ephesians 4:15-16 Paul writes: “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” Apparently, the church in Ephesus had a truth problem. They’d gotten to the point where they preferred hearing stuff that made them feel good rather than what was true.

  One of the benefits of connecting with other believers is their ability to see sin in us that we’re blind to. We need this aspect of body life because part of the damage sin causes is blindness. We can see the speck of sin in another person’s eye but may be blind to the 2 x 4 plank that’s in our own.
  In God’s Word of truth, we’re reminded of how sin does this. 1 John 1:8 talks about Christians who deceive themselves by thinking they’re without sin. “If we claim we are without sin, we deceive ourselves—and the truth is not in us.” Here are a few more. Obadiah 1:3, “The pride of your heart has deceived you.” Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.” Our sin blinds and deceives us. Author Michael Novak put it this way: “Our capacity for self-deception has no known limits.” We deceive ourselves all the time into thinking we’re better than we are. One of the biggest lies is that most of us think we’re basically good. We’re not.
  Remember that famous scene from the movie, A Few Good Men? Jack Nicholson is on the witness stand and Tom Cruise says, “I just want the truth.”  Nicholson screams, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” He has a point. The fact is the truth we need to hear can be very hard to handle. It’s hard to honestly admit our failures and flaws.
  Yet there’s a vital part of truth that’s life giving and sustaining. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free” (John 8:31). So, the truth about the truth is this – it will set you free, but first it can make you miserable. Some pain and misery are necessary for spiritual growth.
  We need to see our own sin—we have to face it—we have to handle it—if we’re going to move forward on toward spiritual maturity. A Christian who can’t admit that he or she is wrong is not growing toward Christlikeness. Remember God opposes the proud. He only gives grace to the humble.
  That’s why we need body life, close spiritual friendships and small groups. It’s where the power of connecting with other Christians comes in. Those who know us, really know us, will see things about us that we miss.
  Did you know we can only see about 60% of our body without a mirror or a reflective surface of some sort? Its why wives ask their husbands that dangerous question: “How do I look?” All kidding aside, others can see things about us that we’re blind to. If those who really know us truly love us, they’ll tell us when we are walking around with a two by four in our eye. They’ll tell us the truth, the truth we need to hear. They’ll tell us when we’ve got a sin problem and don’t look or act so good.
  In June of 1938, J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, wrote a letter to his editor Stanley Unwin explaining why he was behind schedule finishing the final draft for The Hobbit. Tolkien told Unwin that instead of drafting more material, he had decided to start over and rewrite the first three chapters.
  What motivated Tolkien to go back and start the whole thing over again? It was the loving criticism he had received from his friend, C. S. Lewis. Apparently, Lewis read chapters, liked the story, and encouraged Tolkien, but he also took the time to critique it and make specific suggestions for its improvement. For instance, Lewis told Tolkien that there was too much dialogue, too much chatter, too much “silly hobbit talk.” According to Lewis, all this dialogue was dragging down the story line. 
  Tolkien grumbled in response to Lewis, “The trouble is that ‘hobbit talk’ amuses me—more than adventures.”
  Yet he still accepted the advice. Also, in the first draft of The Lord of the Rings, the story centers on a hobbit named Bingo, who sets out with two companions, Odo Took and Frodo Took. As Tolkien does revisions, Bingo becomes Frodo, and is joined by his friends Sam and Pippin. I wonder, would The Lord of the Rings have been nearly so popular if the main character had been called Bingo? But more than just names have been transformed. Tolkien’s revised version is shorter and much clearer, too.
  When J.R.R. Tolkien rewrote the material, he cut nearly half of the dialogue.  On page after page, he deleted long conversations and picked up the action. As a fan of those books, I don’t think I would have enjoyed them as much without Lewis’ input.
  Each of us needs a C.S. Lewis in our lives. We need someone to encourage us on toward God’s best. Are you open to one in your life? Are you a Lewis in someone else’s life? We will never be the mature Christians God desires us to be or the church that glorifies Him until we learn to “speak the truth in love.”

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

Who's coming to your funeral?

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

Helen Keller

  Who’s coming to your funeral? Maybe you’re thinking, “That’s a morbid thought…” Yet, it’s a real one. As relatives are planning out a funeral, one of the big questions is: How many do we expect to attend?

  The answer – probably not as many as you’d think. It depends a lot on the age and circumstances of the loved one’s death. A young or tragic death will have a much larger funeral. An older, “normal” death usually means a smaller one. Add long age to that and the number drops more.

  Why? Because as we age, our circle of friends shrinks, but it doesn’t have to. Friendships, like a beautiful garden, demand constant cultivation.

  In our young adult years, friendships are relatively easy. We have many commonalities which open up doors for friendships: marriage, babies, children. We continually interact with the same people at school and sporting events. Often our children are in the same school or swim class. During those times of sitting on the sidelines for a game, we talk and make friends. At work, there are individuals that we have a closer affinity to.

  As we become empty nesters, those common events dwindle and friendships often wane. The same is true with work or neighborhood friendships. Switch jobs, retire, move – and those friendships begin to grow cold. Some try to compensate by joining a group of other empty nesters that have a common link; music, a sport or some other mutual interest. Yet, because there are less commonalities, the friendships are usually weaker.

  Most find that those with the same status: age, marital situation, economic level, geographical location, political values, religious affiliation, sports team, etc., are easiest to befriend. When one or more of those things change – for example, a divorce, loss of a spouse or the loss of a job – the friendship changes or even dies.

  A local church is to be unique when it comes to relationships. Our common bond is Christ and He never changes (Hebrews 13:8). Church friendships should be the opposite of our other friendships, in that they’re built on diversity, not sameness. And relationships are stronger in diversity.

  While we’re attracted to those like us, those relationships frequently result in spiritual atrophy. For most, the only ones in our social circle different from us are relatives. Family relationships are a place to learn overlook annoyances that come with those differences. Yet, often a conversation ensues when “they” are absent about, “Why are they so different?” 

  Mark it down! You limit your spiritual growth and moving forward in your sanctification as God desires for you, if you primarily surround yourself with those “just” like you. Spiritual growth comes through friction.

  Do you want to grow healthy friendships? Please look for those who are different from you in age, values, history or economic situation, spiritual walk. Look for what you can give, not what you can get; what you can learn, not what you can teach. Jim Rohn wisely observes that, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you primarily spend time with those like you, then you only become more like you. But that’s not God’s plan. He wants us to become more like Jesus Christ. 

  Foundational to Christian friendship is the fact that “only Jesus can bring satisfaction to your soul.” A friend can help carry your burdens or share your joy. They can never meet our need for soul satisfaction.

  Here are some friends that I believe that every Christian needs.

  You need a friend who is more spiritually mature than you. We all lack godliness and need growth in certain aspects of our lives. We have spiritual weaknesses or sins that easily throw us. Thus, we need to develop friendships with those who have a deeper walk with the Lord, who have strengths where we have weaknesses. As we surround ourselves with spiritually-minded friends, it encourages us to be more spiritually minded.

  You need a friend who is less spiritually mature than you. That’s what Jesus did. The disciples were a work in progress. The Apostles learned from Jesus and did the same. Peter poured his life into John Mark. Barnabus poured his life into Paul. Paul poured his life into Timothy and Titus. It’s unbiblical and selfish to only look for friends that we can “get” something from. No matter where you are spiritually, there is someone that you can help grow in their spiritual walk. 

  You need a friend who doesn’t know Jesus. Jesus was “the friend of sinners” (Matthew 11:19). Most Christians are hardly acquaintances with those outside the Church and who don’t know the Lord. There’s a fear of being overly influenced. While we need to be wise and cautious. Too often we forget the power of the Spirit and that “truth does not fear scrutiny.”

  We need those who challenge our beliefs and values. If what we believe is true, it will hold up like a rock. If it crumbles, it wasn’t true. As our world becomes more secular, the number of those who share our convictions, or are even open to listening and having a dialogue will continue to dwindle.

  While we do not need social acceptance, how can we win a lost world if we are not first their friends? God loves the world and we’re to love them, too. One qualification for a spiritual leader is that you “must be well thought of by outsiders” (1 Timothy 3:7). Our mission is that we want to be part of seeing outsiders becoming insiders. We represent Jesus to a lost world. We’re here to serve, not be pampered. To love, not be applauded.

  Jesus is our model of being a friend. He reached out to those that others ignored or even considered pariah. Though He was denied and forsaken by those closest to Him, He never wrote them off and ultimately restored them. He shows us that friendship first means being sacrificial. 

  Who’s coming to your funeral? How are your friendships? If you’re like most of us, your friendships and limited circles, are something you need to give attention to. Do you want friends? Be more and more like Jesus! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Friends...more than an old TV show

“The only way to have a friend is to be one."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Last weekend Jane and I returned to our old stomping grounds – Detroit. I mean, if you’re going to look for a wonderful getaway spot, what better place than Detroit…right? Okay, I’ll confess…the truth is that there was a huge book sale taking place. Over a 100,000 books is worth making a drive for if you’re a bibliophile. On top of that, we were able to use it as an opportunity to spend some time with my nephew, Bryce Pegram, and his wife, Chelsea, along with visiting some other old friends. We had a great time! It was just nice to have a brief getaway.

  One of the highpoints was being able to spend some time with our old friends, Gary and Sally Papp. Jane and I have known Gary and Sally for some four decades. Yet, though we knew Gary and Sally in college, we didn’t really know Gary and Sally until we all attended the same church in the suburbs of Detroit. It was then that we began spending time together.

  When our son, Ben, was born, we were at their home before he entered the world. Sally would often watch our kids. Gary helped us move. In fact, when we moved to Burlington, Gary drove the moving truck from Detroit to Burlington. And though separated by hundreds of miles, we’ve stayed in touch. They’ve stayed in our home and we’ve stayed in theirs. We try to get together when we can. And it all goes back to becoming friends when we all attended the same church some thirty years ago.

  As you read the Bible, you discover that close and lifelong friends are made in the local church. It’s true that people make friends other places like their job or neighborhood. Yet, when you change jobs or move, frequently those friendships wane and die of extinction. That’s not the case with friendships within a local church – why? Because biblically speaking there should be an added depth of connection – we are also brothers and sisters in Christ. We are literally blood brothers and sisters because of the shed blood of Christ. A healthy church must be a place of growing friendships.

  On top of that, this is a very lonely world. Biblically, a church must be a place where healthy friendships are made. Sadly, there are often barriers to that which can begin devolving the church from a growing church family to little more than a closed social club. Let me share some of them.

  Longevity can be deadly to growing friendships. The longer you’re in a church, the easier it is to become entrenched in your friendships. You have history and familiarity. It’s just comfortable. And that’s great if you’re on the inside track and part of the clique. You find that you essentially talk to the same people each week. You even tend to sit by or near the same ones. If you do something outside of church, it’s with the same ones over and over and over again. Sadly, though it’s a clique that’s unwelcoming to others, yet those on the inside don’t even realize it. Our friends Gary and Sally already had lots of friends in their church. They didn’t need any more friends, yet they went out of their way to include us.

  Busyness can be deadly to growing friendships. We’re all busy. We all have lots of things going on. Personally, I go to bed feeling some level of guilt nearly every night because I didn’t get more done. Most of us suffer from the tyranny of the urgent and find ourselves absorbed with that which screams for attention. Then, we’re selfish…okay, at least I am. I like “me time.” I want to spend time with my wife, read a book or watch a show.

  When we get Home, I think that those of us in the American church are going to be very embarrassed that Jesus really is not impressed with our completed “To Do” lists. Read the gospels and you’ll find that our Lord was supremely relational. Yet, if anyone had too much to do, it was Jesus but He always found time for others…often “others” that most would want little to do with. That means that if you want to touch lives, you have to make it a priority. It has to be valuable to you and you have to schedule it. Let’s be honest. Most of us know we should build bridges with others but it’s just an idea that somehow never finds its way onto our schedule. The end result is that it rarely if ever happens. But Gary and Sally were extremely busy, too. As I recall, at the time, Gary was working something like 60 hours a week. Yet, they made time for us and invested in our lives.

  We become so focused on our biological family that we neglect our spiritual family. Gary and Sally lived in the same area that Gary had grown up in, so they had lots of family in the area. In fact, Gary’s parents lived just down the street from them. They also had two children who had full schedules. They had a lot of family obligations, yet somehow they balanced out their biological family with their spiritual one. And they’re still doing it today. They’re faithful grandparents, seeking to influence the next generation. Their daughter, Michelle, just had her sixth child so she now has six under six. Add to that, her husband is in the military and must often be gone, so they help out probably more than most grandparents. But they made time for us last weekend and were talking about interacting with other believers later that week. In fact, Gary even carved out time for a mission trip to Russia.

  One of my favorite shows is Bluebloods. I appreciate that included in each episode is the weekly family multi-generational Sunday dinner. In our anti-family culture, it’s refreshing. Yet, most of us tend to be extremists rather than balanced. We’re so determined sometimes to be family oriented that we become family obsessed.

  One of the greatest needs is for lost people and for new believers to see a normal Christian family in real time. Too many have no idea what a normal family is like. Normal may be eating in front of the TV, everyone yelling at one another, someone getting intoxicated. So to see a Christian family that’s not perfect yet seeking to faithfully live out God’s grace in spite of their redeemed sinfulness is a powerful message.

  So why are you here? The Christian life is not about me, it’s about Him, it’s about others. We grow in grace as others, new as well as “old” others, find significant time and a place in our lives. We must continually grow in selflessness and a spirit of sacrifice. It’s what Jesus has called us to. Each of us needs to be on the lookout for those who may be new, engaging them in conversation and looking for ways to build bridges with them outside of a worship service. With the warm weather and more outside activities, this is a great time to take some spiritual steps forward in ministering to others.

  Will you take some of those steps? It will help you grow and be more like Jesus who consistently loved and reached out to others.   

Looking for quality Christian books (and lots of other books) at very low prices. Check out our bookstore at resurrectedreads.com.