The Compounding of Grief

 “There is no downside for me leaving. 

Not in the slightest.” Tim Keller

 A little over a week ago, on May 19^th, pastor and author, Tim Keller died after a long battle with pancreatic cancer. The Church around the world mourned. I know that I did. What a testimony some of his last words were: “There is no downside for me leaving. Not in the slightest.”
  Keller wasn’t just a pastor, he was also a gifted theologian and author. He had a burden for the city and the lostness of our great urban communities. He was the founding pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian in New York City and the author of several bestselling books. His books always stretched me. I particularly loved his book on marriage and his deep love for his wife, Kathy, along with his transparency about his own marital weaknesses.
  A little over a week ago in our own community a 16-year-old boy bypassed the emergency warning system at a railroad crossing and was struck by an oncoming train. It was heartbreaking. As I was called to the scene as the police chaplain, I felt totally inadequate. In the face of such a horrific tragedy, there are no words.
  Unless you understand how compound interest works, you’ll be puzzled by grief. When it comes to financial wealth. There are at least two ways to grow wealthy. You could have an inheritance or a lump sum dropped on you. You're poor one day, and have millions in the bank the next day. You’re rich! Or you learn to take advantage of compound interest. For instance, you put $1,000 in the bank when you're a teenager, then you deposit $100 every week for a few decades. By the time you’re fifty, even though there hasn’t been any huge sum dropped, the interest of those small consistent deposits has made you rich in wealth.
  Grief works in a similar way. You might lose a loved one (a huge lump sum payment). Or you grow up in a broken family with chronic bickering. Maybe there is a divorce. Maybe a parent is an addict. You never feel safe. Those small traumatic deposits of hurt are so regular that by the time you’re middle-aged, you find yourself very rich in grief. Grief’s buildup isn’t about lump sum payments of catastrophe as much as it is small painful deposits that are consistent as sundown.
  In 1991 Gerald Sittser, his wife, Lydia, and their children were driving through Iowa when a drunk driver hit them at 85 mph. Gerald lost his mother, his wife, and a four-year-old child in an instant. He sat beside an isolated highway and watched them die. Eventually, he authored a book entitled A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss:
  “Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same…It is not true that we become less through our loss – unless we allow the loss to make us less, grinding our soul down until there is nothing left. Loss can also make us more. I did not get over my loved ones; rather, I absorbed the loss into my life until it became part of who I am. Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul and enlarged it…One learns the pain of others by suffering one’s own pain, by turning inside oneself, by finding one’s own soul…The soul is elastic, like a balloon. It can grow larger through suffering.
  Life is characterized by loss. If you’ve not yet faced a significant loss, you will. It usually starts with a grandparent or an elderly relative. Eventually, it will be a spouse. It could be your child.
  For the believer, the losses that threaten to overwhelm can enlarge us, deepen us, offer us something unforeseen. Unexpected blessings can follow loss. Hope follows grief. Character follows the furnace in which character was forged. Our Heavenly Father is in control and has blessings for us even in loss. We do not grieve “as others who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13).
  These are not wasted times for the child of God. It’s like a compost pile. As we throw scraps on the pile, we see the broken husks of things that were once full of life but are now empty shells. It seems as if their story is over. But give it time – from that which was dead will spring new life.
  God is able to salvage the broken parts of this world and our lives. Romans 8:28 promises, “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” It’s the story of the Bible. God uses these painful situations so that we’ll be “conformed to the image of His Son.” How can grief conform us to the likeness of Christ?
  Compassion. It’s called redemptive pain. It’s the highest and best use of your pain. “[God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT).
  Maturity. It makes us very cognizant of the fragility and temporariness of this life. It opens our eyes to realize that this world is not our Home, people matter more than things, time is precious and that the truly good things in life are not found in money, or health, or entertainment, or fame.
  Mystery. The Bible never explains why God allows us loss in a particular instance. There are broader principles: free will, a sin-filled world, God’s glory, and our spiritual growth. But our specific pain may not be known until after the fact, maybe not until we’re finally Home and can see reality clearly. Yet we do know that if you trust Christ for your salvation, you’ll spend eternity in heaven with God. It’s that hope that sustains you even through the valley of the shadow of death and terrible loss.
  Community. Loss is one of the greatest opportunities for the church to be the church. Suffering enables us to more fully “bear another’s burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). As we pass on the comfort of God, we in turn are comforted. We gain an appreciation for the community of the broken, journeying together toward a resurrection. We recognize the importance of the moment. We take risks we might not have taken because we know life is a vapor. Some things must be done now or they might not be done at all. We reach out and look up more than ever.
  Heaven. God comforts us with His promise of a place with no more pain and no more tears. Heaven will be a reunion beyond anything experienced in this world. No wonder Paul writes, “Do not lose heart for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding glory that outweighs them all…” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
  Believers never say, “goodbye.” We say, “Good night…I’ll see you in the morning” and what a glorious morning that will be!

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

 

 

Christ's Resurrection Gives Us Hope

“Hope is called the anchor of the soul (Hebrews 6:19) because it gives stability to the Christian life. But hope is not simply a ‘wish’ (I wish that such-and-such would take place); rather, it is that which latches on to the certainty of the promises of the future that God has made.” R.C. Sproul

   Henri Nouwen told a story in his book, Turn My Mourning into Dancing: A solder was captured as a prisoner of war. His captors transported him by train far from his homeland. He felt isolated from country, family, and anything familiar. His loneliness grew as he continued not to hear anything from home. He could not even know if his family was even alive or how his country was faring. Thus, he lost a sense of anything to live for. But suddenly, unexpectedly, he got a letter. It was smudged, torn at the edges from months of travel. But it said, “We are waiting for you to come home. All is fine here. Don’t worry.” Everything instantly changed. He did the same difficult labor on the same meager rations, but now he knew someone waited for his release and homecoming. Hope changed his life. That’s what Easter is about – Hope! If the cross had ended it all. If Jesus had not risen bodily from the grave, we would have no hope. That’s the thesis of the great chapter on the resurrection, 1 Corinthians 15. 

  Christ’s resurrection gives us hope in the face of death. Read the Gospel accounts for yourself. Until His disciples met the risen Christ, they had no hope. The only explanation for their radical change from the terrified to the bold was meeting the risen Christ. It’s why one of our favorite Psalms is the 23rd where it says, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” (vs. 4). Because Jesus is alive we know that we will not be left in death. The moment that the born-again Christian closes their eyes on this life, they wake up in heaven with the Lord Jesus for all eternity. “Absent from the body…at home with the Lord” (2 Cor. 5:8).

  Christ’s resurrection gives us hope to see those who died in faith again. Heaven becomes sweeter for me each year. For over 50 years now, I’ve longed to see my Mom once again. In 1970 she was taken in a tragic car accident into the presence of her Savior.

  One of the burdens of long pastorates is that you have to bury your friends. But they’re not gone. They’re not dust and ashes. No, because of the resurrection I know that they are waiting for me and you. They are more alive today than they have ever been. The longer that I am a Christian, the more that I understand the Apostle Paul’s heart when he said, “For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21). Who but a Christian would believe that death is gain. Because of Christ’s resurrection, we know we leave a temporal world of pain and suffering for eternal bliss.

  Christ’s resurrection gives us hope that we are forgiven. Because Jesus died and paid for our sin, we know that we’re forgiven BUT if He had not risen from the grave, we would have wondered if it was enough. Because of His resurrection, Romans 8:1 is not an empty promise, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” When I look back at my life and my dark, evil heart. It’s hard for me to believe that a holy God loves me and forgives me. For years it haunted me that my last words to my Mom a few weeks before she died were: “I hate you!” Sure, they were uttered by a 10-year-old, but they were words that I never had a chance to apologize for. Even the night that she was killed, they came ringing back in my heart. But because of Jesus’ cross, because of His resurrection, I know that I’m forgiven for that and my innumerable other transgressions. It’s not because I’ve done anything to balance things out with God. It’s because Jesus paid my sin debt. He paid it all. It’s all of grace that I’m forgiven. If you’ve trusted Him as your Savior, so are you!

  Christ’s resurrection gives us hope that we have a new body. My earth suit is wearing out and so is yours. Every year there are more parts that creak and groan with aches and pains. It has an expiration date. But I’ve got a new one waiting for me. “For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality” (1 Cor. 15:54-55). Jesus’ resurrection and His glorified body gave us a peek into what God has for us in our new and eternal ones. 

  Christ’s resurrection gives us hope that there will be a new earth. The Creative Mandate requires that we not abuse this planet (Genesis 1:28). We’re managers of God’s creation and property. Because of sin, we know that mankind has miserably failed. We’re terrible managers of God’s property. We pollute. We abuse. We burn and pillage. We wreck and ruin. But someday there will be a new earth, better than Eden, better than the world contaminated by sin (Revelation 21:1).  

  Christ’s resurrection gives us hope that there will be a new government. Too many Christians have placed their hope in human political leaders. Even the best governmental leaders have hearts contaminated by sin. Too many believers wring their hands over what temporal leaders do. Should we be involved? Yes. Should we vote. Yes. And we must pray. Yet, we know that all government has a very short shelf life. 

  In the midst of sometimes shocking political upheavals, we know that  Jesus Christ is the ruler of all the kings and presidents and chiefs and premiers and governors and prime ministers. If President Biden says to Jesus, “How can you be the ruler over me? I have my office by the election of the people of the United States, a sovereign nation, and by virtue of a constitutional inauguration and installation.” The Lord Jesus will answer, “I have my office as ruler over you by God’s sovereignty and by virtue of my resurrection, my indestructible life, and my installation at God's right hand.” When Jesus rose again, God the Father exalted Him and gave Him a “name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee might bow” (Phil. 2:9-10). That includes all the rulers and kings of the earth. Jesus is alive today presiding from heaven over the rulers of the earth. It’s a breathtaking thought and something most today do not believe, but it’s at the heart of biblical truth. Jesus Christ is alive and reigns. It should revolutionize the way we watch the news and live out our lives. Because of His resurrection, we watch the events of this world through the eyes of faith. His resurrection turned the 1st-century world upside down. It must revolutionize our lives! Easter is God’s reminder of that.

  As John Donne wrote, “Death, be not proud.” God won’t let death win. Jesus is alive and we will live with Him forever and ever!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

When you love your child too much?

“Stay away from the ones who love too much.

Those are the ones who will kill you.” Donna Tartt

There’s a story from Greek mythology of a mother and son who love each other so much that they’re never apart. They live in the forest and rarely go out, except to the market. One day the son goes off alone and happens to meet a young lady. He falls in love with her but she’s a very jealous person, and demands that the young man love her unconditionally. The son is torn between his love for her and his love for his mother. His lover finally demands, “If you truly love me, you’ll murder your mother and bring me her heart.” The thought at first is abhorrent to the young man, but ultimately he succumbs. While his mother is asleep, he kills her and cuts out her heart and puts it in a sack to bring to his lover. On the way through the forest, he trips on a rock. His mother’s heart falls out of the sack, looks up at the young man and asks, “Did you hurt yourself, my son?”  

  That horrible story illustrates an all too common reality – sometimes parents love their children too much or love them immaturely. Sometimes that love becomes idolatry where it has precedent even over love for God. Apparently, that’s why Abraham was tested (Genesis 22), to see if he loved his son, Isaac, more than he loved God. He powerfully passed that test.

  Fifty years ago, on May 29, 1970 my Mom was taken Home in a tragic car accident. She was 47; I was only ten. My Mom loved the Lord and loved her five children (I’m the youngest). As I look back, while I believe her motives were pure, she loved me too much. While my Dad was a successful businessman, he was also an abuser and prescription drug addict.

  I’m not sure if it was because I was the “baby” or to protect me from my often out of control Dad, but I was spoiled. That changed overnight after she was killed. It was a bit like being taken from America and dropped in China. Love was replaced with what was close to hatred. I could never do anything right as far as my Dad was concerned, BUT my Heavenly Father was in control. While my Mom had great intentions, God had a greater plan. It was very painful for me, yet God used the crucible of pain to burn off my many rough edges. Psalm 27:10 became an anchor for me, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.”

  Over the years I’ve observed parents who by being too “loving,” potentially hurt the future of their child. One situation stands out in my mind where the children were kept in perpetual dependence. Failure to take responsibility was excused. The children, even in early adulthood, were coddled Today both parents are gone and those now-adult children are virtually functional and social invalids.

  Look through the pages of Scripture for yourself. You will not find any person that God greatly used that did not also go through tremendous trials. Joseph, Ruth, Daniel, Esther…to name a few would never have been powerfully used by God if they’d not also suffered. No one becomes a person of character and spiritual maturity without trials and pain.

  Parents want to do the very best for our children – best food, best schools, best sports program, etc. It’s hard for a parent to watch a child suffer or go through difficulty. Yet, continually intervening and taking their emotional temperature is not best for their future and character development. As parents, we must give our children two things: roots and wings.

  As the parents of three now-adult children, it was often very difficult for Jane and me not to swoop in to do a rescue operation. One situation sticks out particularly in my mind where we encouraged our child to persevere for their own growth and good. Words can’t fully express how difficult and even nerve-wracking it was, yet we were seeking to look at the bigger picture and their future. We surrendered our child to our Heavenly Father and trusted that He was in control. Looking back, we’re so glad we did.

  One of the most majestic trees of the Midwest is the oak. It’s the combination of winter’s cold and summer’s warmth, of falling leaves in autumn and budding leaves in spring which makes the mighty oak stand in a storm that takes down many other trees in the forest. But there’s no hurrying of the development of an oak tree. They don’t even start producing acorns until they’re ten years old. It takes time. It takes rugged weather to produce a mighty oak.

  The same is true with godly, mature adult children. It takes storms to produce character. Recently, I saw someone post that during these days they so wished that all of their now-adult children were home, safe with them where they could protect them. But we can’t. Our children must learn to stand alone. Some day they will be raising our grandchildren.

  One of the great tragedies and sources of many of our social problems is that we have parents who while adults chronologically, are stuck in adolescence emotionally. The children suffer because it takes an adult to raise a child.

  Every child will face difficulty. They will fail. They will have cruel individuals come into their lives. They will suffer loss and pain. Yet, instead of attempting to “fix” everything which is impossible, we’d be wiser to help them learn to turn their hearts heavenward in those formative years. Rather than asking how they feel, a better question that will serve them into their future is: What do you believe your Heavenly Father is seeking to teach you through this?

  Too many Christian parents settle for secular standards of success. Our goal must not be to raise good adults but something much more important, godly ones. Children can behave well out of obedience or fear. That doesn’t mean they’ll do what’s best when they venture out on their own. To raise children who become godly adults, we must teach them character and allow God to develop it in their hearts…sometimes through difficulty. As Bible-believers, one of the greatest love gifts that we can give them is to model trusting our Heavenly Father and to teach them to depend on Him today so that they are prepared for tomorrow.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

The Inevitable Cannot Be Denied

“We have a right to believe whatever we want,

but not everything we believe is right.” Ravi Zacharias

One of my heroes is dying. Internationally known speaker and Christian apologist, Ravi Zacharias, has been battling a rare form of bone cancer since March and was recently informed by doctors that his cancer has spread and there’s nothing more they can do medically. Medically speaking, they have done all that is doable.

  I love his books. On a few occasions, I’ve had the privilege of hearing Ravi speak personally. His Homegoing will be a great loss for the Church.

  One of my favorite of the many anecdotes that he shared was from his book, Can Man Live Without God? He writes:

  “There is a story told, whether factual or not I do not know, of the onetime heavyweight boxing champion of the world, Muhammad Ali, flying to one of his engagements. Ali’s name has never been synonymous with humility, and thus whether this story is fact or fiction, the notoriously yet affectionately branded ‘Louisville Lip’ at least made possible such an anecdote. During the flight the aircraft ran into foul weather, and mild to moderate turbulence began to toss it about. All fliers will know that when a pilot signals ‘moderate turbulence,’ he is implying, ‘if you have any religious beliefs, it is time to start expressing them.’ The passengers were accordingly instructed to fasten their seatbelts immediately. Everyone complied by Ali. Noticing this, the flight attendant approached him and requested that he observe the captain’s order, only to hear Ali audaciously respond, ‘Superman don’t need no seatbelt.’ The flight attendant did not miss a beat and replied, ‘Superman don’t need no airplane either’.”

  But Ravi Zacharias doesn’t need either a seatbelt or an airplane for his next journey. He has something much greater – he has the promises of God. Years ago he committed his life to Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior and he is ready for his ultimate and last journey. Are you?

  One of the current popular lies being batted about is “We can save Grandma.” Please understand, you can’t. I’m not suggesting that seeking to protect our elderly population from potential infection by Covid-19 virus is wrong so that they can live longer is a bad idea. I am though pointing out the inevitable – you can’t protect Grandma or Grandpa or their grandson or granddaughter from our final fate – Death. Death can sometimes be delayed, but it cannot be denied. As the writer of Hebrews penned, “And just as each person is destined to die…” (Hebrews 9:28, NLT).

  Walk through any cemetery and you’ll see this truth. Death is no respecter of persons. It comes for the very old and very young. In four decades of ministry I’ve officiated funerals of those who lived for a few hours to those who were nearly a century old, and everything in between. Death is inevitable. It cannot be escaped.

  Because death is certain for all of us, a wise person is prepared. It’s a journey that eventually all of us will take. If each of us are going to have to take this journey, then it’s essential that we have an accurate roadmap.

  I’m thankful that technology has improved so that we can now have GPS on our phones, though every now and then GPS is wrong. Some years ago Jane and I were looking for a Walmart in a small town. After circling back further and further into a subdivision, we realized that somehow our GPS was completely wrong.

  God’s Word, the Bible, is a certain map guiding us both on how to live and how to die. Sometimes you’ll hear someone question that with, “That’s just your interpretation.” This is why at Grace we do not attempt to interpret the Bible, instead, we seek to understand what God has already written there. We also encourage you that if what you learn in our church is not in the Bible, then hit the delete button and please factcheck us!

  Words have meaning and the Bible is a book full of words that God as the Author wants us to understand. Even the biggest skeptic and “that’s just your interpretation” fanatic looks both ways when crossing Lakeshore Drive in Chicago. Words have meaning.

  This is why we’re committed to working our way through the Bible systematically at Grace, as we’re currently doing with the book of Philippians in our Sunday series, Joy No Matter What. None of us needs one more subjective opinion. We need a certain roadmap. The Bible is that.

  God’s Word is the medicine that encourages and brings healing to our souls. It’s also a mirror that points out flaws that need to be remedied. Our loving God has given us all of the information that we need for this life and the next, because the fact is that none of us are going to get out this world alive. It’s why it’s critical that we have the right roadmap from the One who is already in heaven waiting for us.

  Oftentimes someone will say, “I don’t believe the Bible. It’s full of myths and contradictions.” If someone says that to you, please ask them one vital question, “Have you ever read it?” Sadly, everyone, I’ve ever asked that through the years has always responded, “No.” Usually, I don’t have to connect the dots for them. To reject something that makes such strong and powerful claims without ever checking the evidence for yourself is foolish.

  C. S. Lewis tells of three apprentice devils who were coming to earth to finish their apprenticeship. They were talking to Satan, the chief of the devils, about their plans to tempt people. The first devil said, “I will tell them that there is no God.” Satan responded, “That will not delude many, for they know that there is a God.” The second devil said, “I will tell them that there is no hell.” Satan answered, “You will deceive no one that way; they know that there is a hell.” The third devil said, “I will tell them that there is no hurry.” (Pause) “Go,” said Satan, “and you will ruin them by the thousands.”

  Before you read this, Ravi Zacharias, may be Home with Jesus. He’s ready. He didn’t wait because none of us is guaranteed tomorrow. Are you ready my friend?  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

Life is fragile

“Time is long but life is short.”  Stevie Wonder

  The human tendency is to be presumptuous when it comes to life and death. This past Wednesday my breath was taken away as a heartbroken friend shared that a student on his way to high school, just a few days before graduation, was in a tragic car accident and killed. His brother, also a passenger, survived but had to be flighted to Froedert Hospital.

  None of us…young or old…is guaranteed tomorrow. Scripture warns us of the fragility of life: “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes” (James 4:17). Life is short and uncertain. There are no guarantees about tomorrow, let alone next year or ten years from now. You may be young and healthy this morning but could be a corpse by sundown tonight.

  Perhaps you’re thinking, “That’s so morbid! I don’t want to think about that!” But if you ignore the fragility of life, you won’t live your life wisely, purposefully, in light of eternity. We must remember that…

  Life is frail. None of us know what’s going to happen ten minutes from now. We easily presume on an unknown future that we have no control of and no guarantees about! The healthiest young person among us could easily be dead by nightfall. There are so many easy and unexpected ways to die! Right after college I had a 13-year-old boy die in my arms while we were playing Capture the Flag on a winter retreat. No one knew that Marty Wright had a heart condition. Visit any cemetery. While most of the graves are for those who had full lives, there are many who were taken in youth.

  While you shouldn’t obsess on these things, if you never think about them, you’ll waste your life and won’t have a proper view of God and eternity. You’ll foolishly make plans and go on about life as if you’ll be forever young and healthy…but you won’t be.

  Life is very short. It was foggy this past week. A vapor is short-lived. The mist is there one moment, moments later it’s gone. Steam rises off your coffee and in just a second, it disappears. Life is like that. In Psalm 90, Moses laments the brevity of life, comparing it to the grass in the field that sprouts in the morning and by evening, it has faded under the hot sun.

  Even if you live to be a hundred, how quickly life flies by! One wise wag said life is like “the roll of toilet paper—the closer you get to the end, the quicker it goes!” It’s why Moses prays (90:12), “So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” Only God can give us the wisdom we need to spend our short life profitably in light of eternity.

  Death is certain. George Bernard Shaw astutely observed, “The statistics on death are quite impressive. One out of one people die.” You’d think that because death is not just probable, but absolutely certain, and that it can happen at any minute, and that each person must stand before God to give an account for his or her life, then every person would be desperate to know how to get right with God. Yet, strangely, people put it out of mind and go on about life as if they will live forever.

  They can watch the catastrophe of a volcano in Hawaii or a shooting at a high school in Texas, shake their heads in disbelief, and go out the door to their daily routines without getting on their faces before God and repenting of their sins! That’s truly amazing!

  When we hear about disasters, whether human-caused like that Texas shooting, or due to natural causes, such as hurricanes, make sure that you have a right relationship with Jesus Christ, that you’ve repented of your sins and know Him as your personal Lord and Savior. To be unprepared for something that’s 100% certain is beyond foolish.

  God is Sovereign. First, this means that we’re not in control. Wonderfully, a loving God is. While there is nothing wrong with making plans or planning for the future. In fact, planning is commended in Scripture (Luke 14:28-32). Financial planning is good stewardship if it’s done in dependence on God and with regard for biblical priorities. It’s wise to have a will or a living trust. It’s wise to have some savings to cover possible future expenses or an emergency. Scripture commends hard work and being rewarded financially for it. The problem is when we plan as if we are in control and not submitting and trusting in our Sovereign God.  

  The last days of the famed British statesman and colonial leader, Cecil Rhoades, were filled with terrible disappointment. Rhoades died from heart disease at a time when he was beset by personal scandals and discredited by unwise political decisions. As he neared death, those gathered around heard him murmur the words, “So little done, so much to do!”

  Rhoades had migrated to South Africa from Britain for health reasons. It was there that he’d made a vast fortune in gold and diamond mining. Though he’d made a fortune and had accomplished so much, he died feeling that there was much more to do.

  What is it that you have your hopes and dreams set on? What is it that you plan to do with the rest of your life? You and I must be wise and heed Scripture’s warning on the fragility of life. As Edgar Guest wrote:  

He was going to be all that a mortal could be: TOMORROW.

No one would be kinder or braver than he: TOMORROW.

A friend who was troubled and weary, he knew

Who'd be glad of a lift, and he needed it too,

On him he would call and see what he could do: TOMORROW!

But what if tomorrow never comes...

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Stop lying to your kids!

“Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.”

Robert Anthony

  A donkey named Oliver recently joined therapy dogs offering stress relief during finals week at Montana State University. The 8-year-old donkey stood inside the entrance of the university library. Students petted Oliver, hugged him and took selfies. In another part of the library, students sat on the floor and played with dogs provided by Intermountain Therapy Animals. The report failed to report whether it helped the students do better on their finals, but isn’t doing well on your finals the goal? 

  Unlike much of the world, particularly the 3^rd World, America’s youth is on the side of wimpy. For various reasons, helicopter parenting, a warm and fuzzy mentality, the strict regulation of what children can or can’t say/do – we often have an unprepared generation for adulthood. Life, marriage or the workplace aren’t going to provide therapy donkeys.

  A new report from the Educational Testing Service (ETS), America’s Skills Challenge: Millennials and the Future, dares to asks how much longer we can thrive as a nation when a vast segment of our society (Americans between 16 and 34), “lack the skills required for higher-level employment and meaningful engagement in our democracy. Despite having the highest levels of educational attainment of any previous American generation.”

  Even the Church and Christian parents often succumb to a secular worldview, failing to prepare our children with a biblical worldview, yet accepting several societal lies. Sometimes it’s because we so want our youth to believe something, to feel better, overcome challenges, or work through pain that we’ll say nearly anything in an attempt to help. Sometimes it’s because we’re foolish, naïve about the high cost to their future. Here are some of the more common lies we’ve been telling our kids.

  You can do and be anything. Except for all the things you aren’t good at or aren’t wired for. Everyone can do something well, usually lots of things, but no one can do everything, much less master it. We do the next generation a disservice when we encourage them to pursue things they’ll never succeed at. Failure is a vital part of maturity and we must be willing to let our kids fail.

  It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Yes, it does. The intent is to give children a sense of confidence. But it does matter…it matters what parents, teachers, employers, law enforcement and a host of others think. What people think does matter…ultimately, it matters what God thinks. It doesn’t change their value or worth. But it matters because it hurts or helps.    

  All you need to do is make good grades. We all know educated idiots. Faith and character matter much more than academic success. Yet our attitude toward grades reveals our true values. We communicate that a report card is their validation by rewarding grades but neglecting the effort, overlooking the sweat and tears that can go into a C-minus. We fail to prepare them for college or a first job where they’re going to totally bomb sometimes. We devalue non-academic talents or soft skills (skills which serve them far better than algebra) in pursuing honor-roll parent status.

  It just matters that you tried. That’s not true. Results matter a lot. They matter in life and that’s what we’re preparing them for. No one wants a heart surgeon who just tried hard. Yes, there are times to comfort a crestfallen child with encouragement about how hard they tried, but they also need to be encouraged with successes. We need to praise improvement and results – learning an instrument, giving a speech, shooting a basket, driving a car, and getting a B-minus. Effort absolutely counts and generally it leads to good results. It’s usually not enough to just try hard.

  Everyone gets a trophy. Young people need affirmation, but over-affirming basic standards of behavior or worse, poor behavior, pushes them toward an insatiable need for praise for stuff that deserves none. You don’t get pats on the back for showing up. Even when you do a good job, it may go unnoticed…because that’s what you’re supposed to do. When we praise the mundane, our praise is cheapened. You do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, not because anyone notices. It’s called character. 
  It will be okay. Not always. Life is painful. It’s not always going to be okay. It’s a sin contaminated world filled with suffering, death and dying. Some things will never be fixed on this side of heaven. Tomorrow is not just another day. It might be worse. We can’t promise it’s going to be ok.

  From a biblical worldview, we have hope and know it will be ok because God promised it will be. He didn’t promise we’d feel better or stop hurting. Job never understood why he suffered. Oftentimes we just have to trust God…and that’s enough. Sometimes life is terrible. It hurts beyond words but God is still good. We need to help turn their eyes to something bigger, to something beyond this world, to Someone who will never fail them.

  I will always be here for you. No, we won’t. We’ll do our best but we’re sinners who needed dying for. One of the greatest pains our child will ever face we will be the source of – our own death. As much as we’d love to heal the pain and comfort them, we can’t. Life’s clock is ticking, as it did for our parents and grandparents. The best we can do is turn their focus to the God who will always be there, the God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3-5). 
  Life is tough. Death is worse. Praise God, Jesus has conquered death! There is hope! Our children need God’s grace, need to trust and depend on Him, need lots of perseverance to start, and more importantly, to end well.  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

Your Famous Last Words

"The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life, but rather a legacy of character and faith."  Billy Graham

  Most people, when they know they’re going to have a baby begin making plans. They choose a doctor, learn about the hospital, birthing rooms, etc. They prepare the room for their new arrival, purchase a car seat, stroller and a myriad of items to prepare for their new baby.

  Most people do that for weddings. It’s a rare couple who goes to the Justice of the Peace. They plan and prepare for months from wedding attire to the location of the wedding to the reception. They plan for the minister (just a sidebar, please talk to the minister before you choose your date J), ceremony, flowers, invitations, the ever exasperating guest list, etc.

  It seems that the only major life event most fail to prepare for is our own death and funeral. Unfortunately, too many are plagued by the wrong critical question, whether we’re young or old. The question is not “if” we die, but “when” we die. There’s a macabre blitheness about the two certainties of life—death and taxes. Some manage to evade taxes. The only way anyone can possibly avoid death is to be a believer and remain alive until the return of Jesus Christ.

  Most ask the wrong question about death. We wonder where we will die, or when we will die. Our primary concern, from God’s perspective, should be how we will die. It’s the question that determines our eternal destiny and the Bible has a lot to say about how we die. From a biblical standpoint, there are only two possible ways of dying. Scripture skips over the various causes of death. It matters little how you die, whether from cancer, a heart attack, car accident, murder or from a host of other mortal causes. Though the cause of one’s biological death absorbs our attention, it’s not a concern in Scripture. When the Bible talks about the how of death, the focus is on the spiritual state of the person at the time of his or her death. The “how” of death is reduced to just two options: We either die in faith or die in our sins. Jesus warned, “I told you that you would die in your sins, for unless you believe that I am He you will die in your sins” (John 8:24).

  We foolishly think the worst thing that can happen to someone is to die. That’s wrong! It’s not the message of the Bible or Jesus. The worst thing that can happen to any of us is to die in our sins. God sent Jesus so that we could instead die in faith, forgiven because we have trusted in His sacrifice for us on the Cross. That’s the continual theme of Scripture and the message encapsulated in John 3:16.

  If we have the assurance based on God’s Word that we are dying “in faith,” we should want our death to be our last opportunity to share with those we love, how they too can die “in faith.” Like the birth of a baby or a wedding, it requires planning. Because we don’t have a “due date,” we tend to procrastinate. While I know this and I know that death can come unexpectedly, I realized that Jane and I needed to do this, too.

  So after answering the most important question, are you “in faith,” another vital question is what you will leave behind? What kind of legacy are you leaving? If you don’t plan and leave some instructions about your wishes, your last message may be very far from what you would have wanted. If you’re a believer, this is the last opportunity you’ll have to share your faith and speak “from the grave.” Too often, even those who know that they’re dying of a terminal disease, fail to plan and share their wishes. Their loved ones are left to guess, often with great amounts of angst and guilt. Let me share some suggestions of how to handle this in a better way.

  First, be careful that you’re not glib about your true desires. Because the cost of a funeral can be high, many will joke, “Just throw me in a hole” or “have me cremated.” Because they never took the time to spell out their true wishes, the family doesn’t want to dishonor them but is not sure on whether they were serious or not.

  Second, write out your own testimony and salvation experience. These are your last words. It’s your last time to share with your loved ones how you know that you’re forgiven by God and have eternal life. While it could be read at your funeral, I’d suggest having it printed in the funeral bulletin. Many friends will come for the visitation but because of work or other conflicts will be unable to attend your funeral.

  Third, if you have favorite songs or a passage of Scripture, write it out. Take some time and pre-plan your own memorial service. This will be a real blessing for your loved ones. If there’s friction and division, having your wishes spelled out helps your Homegoing not be a source of further division. Then, with I-pods and technology, while it may not be possible to have a live musician perform it, your favorite music can still be shared. Over the years, I’ve seen many families of believers struggling with what music would honor their loved one.

  Fourth, be wise. While you may be glib about your death, you’re loved ones will grieve. This is your last opportunity to share hope and comfort them even from the grave.

  Because most of us have never worked through this or even given it much thought, you’ll find a couple of forms on the back table today on funerals and eulogies that will hopefully give you some guidance.

  One last concern that’s related to remembering and honoring those we love. Last week the Burlington Rotary Club honored one of our hometown heroes, Jack Berry, with their annual Humanitarian Award. I was so pleased that they honored him and shared their appreciation!

  Over the years at funerals it’s greatly troubled me that too often the one who should be hearing all of those kind words is no longer there. If you have a loved one or friend who’s touched your life, please tell them now how much you appreciate them and how they’ve touched your life. Also, without going to great expense, particularly with those up in years, why not have a “memorial service” for them while they’re still here. A milestone birthday or anniversary is a great occasion for that. It doesn’t have to be big production, yet giving friends and family the opportunity to write out or publically share memories is a wonderful way to honor someone.

  In my opinion, we would all do well for our own hearts and for those we love if we would make it a point to share our gratitude and honor them this side of eternity. What an opportunity, too, for our children and grandchildren to learn of the legacy that has been entrusted to them. 

Walking with someone through the Valley of the Shadow of Death

 

“Man, when he does not grieve, hardly exists.”  Antonio Porchia

  The average American experiences a personal loss of someone in their immediate family only every 15 to 20 years. Think back on anything else that you experienced just once in a fifteen years period. Now add trauma, hurt, shock, pain, tears…a level of grief nearly beyond words. Anyone who thinks they’re ready for the pain of loss is deluded. The waves of various emotions that transpire in one's own heart are nearly impossible to voice.  

  Yet, for some reason, particularly when it comes to grief, Americans have often bought into a “just get over it” or “let the healing begin” mentality. Perhaps it's because we have a pill or program for nearly everything. When it comes to grief, there is no magic pill or transforming program. Grief is like major surgery. The best healer is time and it usually takes lots of it. With a healthy approach to grief, pain lessens over time but I don't think it's ever quite gone. And would we really want it to be? I lost my Mom over forty years ago and I still miss her. I'm not depressed about it, but I miss her and so look forward to seeing her again. Perhaps, that's one reason the Bible tells us that in heaven, God will wipe away all of our tears.

  Yet, it seems today that there are complications previous generations didn't typically have to deal with. Because of the fragmentation and frequently, the disintegration of the family, at least of a traditional family with a Dad and Mom married to the same partner for life. Add to that, there are often siblings or even half-siblings who the parents have sometimes sought and sometimes not, to cobble together into some sense of a "family." Prior to the loss, there’s often anger, hurt, bitterness and other unresolved issues. Add in substance abuse, cohabitation…a divorce or two and it's a potential recipe for an unmitigated disaster.

  So how is a Christian to be a Christian in the midst of the changing morass of complicated family relationships, yet also dealing with the tragedy of loss and grief? I don't believe that there are black and white answers, nor do I feel like I am an expert. Yet, I believe there are some valuable and general principles to help each of us be Jesus in a hurting world and act Christ-like as we navigate these unchartered waters.

  First, just go. Sometimes that's impossible. Yet, if at all possible, go to the visitation, go to the funeral. Just your presence will have a healing effect. It may be a fog for the ones most hurting, yet they will often remember you came. Our culture moves at a frenetic pace but you can’t touch someone who’s hurting in a hurry. There may be jagged feelings. Perhaps, you’re not only dealing with your own sense of loss, you find that you feel tense…even a pit in your stomach at the thought of interacting where has been personal pain or unresolved issues. Still go. There’s something about loss though that heals old wounds and draws us together.

  Fewer words are usually better. Just because you’re there, doesn’t mean that you have to say "just the right thing." Some of us can't handle silence. It makes us uncomfortable, yet, it's usually better to say less than more in times of grief. What the one most hurting needs is your presence. Just the fact you are there and that you care speaks volumes.

  Be proactive. Grief shocks us. We find we’re unable to think, concentrate, even function. Those who are normally competent and problem-solvers may feel paralyzed. This can be a time to offer to help with the basics, simple things like washing dishes, making a meal, or picking up groceries.

  I've found being a channel of communication is always appreciated. The one who’s feeling the greatest sense of loss often has difficulty making those dreaded yet necessary phone calls. They find they have little control over their emotions and each repetition of the loss can feel like they’re going through heart surgery again and again. It's better too if someone learns of the death of a friend or loved one more than once, rather than assuming they must surely know. It's amazing that with our countless means of communication there are so many glitches in our communication.

  If you know someone is close, personal communication is best, not e-mail or Facebook. Tragic news needs to shared tenderly, clearly and carefully. It's also unwise to conjecture or hypothesize. Stick with what you know are facts. If you’re on the receiving end, be careful about asking unnecessary questions. With the recent loss of my brother, someone who was at best a distant friend, asked very pointedly, "How did he die?" What did it matter?

  Add to that, there’s often a sense of false guilt. It may be with a loss like my brother's, something to the effect, "He said he wasn't feeling good, I should have insisted that he go to the doctor." But my brother was nearly seventy and was fully capable of either taking himself to the doctor or insisting that someone take him.

  Be a peace-maker. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peace-makers” (Matt. 5:9). If there are broken relationships you’re aware of, seek to be a bridge builder. Remember and help others to remember the good. Seek to carefully bring people together. The person is gone. Most hurts and unresolved issues need to go with them. It's a time to remember the good and best, not drag up the worst.

  Finally, be prepared yourself. Sudden, tragic death is a reality. Would your loved ones know your wishes? If unsaved family members will be making your final arrangements, be very clear. Your funeral will be your last opportunity to share the Gospel. Do they know where important papers are? Is your life insurance, will, etc. up to date? The recent loss of my brother was a warning for Jane and I that we need to take care of a few important items.

  If you have a terminal illness, don't wait until you’re too weak or medicated to have those important conversations and make important decisions. Solve potential issues of conflict while you’re alive, rather than leaving your loved ones to guess or worse, squabble when you’re gone. If there’s tension between your loved ones now, it will only devolve when you’re no longer around to umpire. So please make those important decisions now so there aren’t potential landmines later.  

  The Bible continually warns us to be prepared for inevitable death. Are you? Is there someone you can reach out to that is going through these stages of grief? Let's be Jesus to each other.