Homesick for Mom

“We need to be homesick for heaven. Though we have never been there, we still have something God has built within us that gives us a certain homesickness, a desire to be there.” Greg Laurie

 
Every spring a I get a little homesick. Though Wisconsin is my home and has been for over forty years, I still miss Atlanta where I grew up. I find that I particularly miss the blooming of the dogwood trees in the spring. There are so many in Atlanta that they have a “Dogwood Festival” every year. My favorite has to be the pink dogwood.
  Mother’s Day also makes me homesick, yet not for my past home but for my future Home. It’s hard to believe that my Mom has been in Heaven for nearly 55 years. The last time I saw her, she and my two sisters were on their way to a wedding on a rainy Friday night of the Memorial Day weekend. The next time I saw her, it was just her body…really her arm from the open car door where rescue personnel had checked her pulse at the bottom of a steep embankment. From the top of the highway, I recognized the watch on her wrist and knew that it was my Mom.  
  Hebrews 12:1-2a says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.”
  That “cloud of witnesses” are believers, specifically ones from the Old Testament, who looked forward in faith. Every Christ-follower is surrounded by the saints of the past in a unique way. It’s not that the faithful who have gone before us are actual spectators of the race we run. Rather, it’s a figurative representation and means that we ought to act as if they were in sight and cheering us on to the same victory in the life of faith that they obtained. We’re to be inspired by the godly examples these saints set during their lives. These are those whose past lives of faith encourage others to live that way, too. That the cloud is referred to as “great” indicates that millions, hopefully billions, of believers have gone before us, each bearing witness to the life of faith we now live.
  Though I went through some deep waters and had times of running from God and even bitterness at Him, the Lord has used my Mom’s example to both encourage and inspire all of these years. My Mom came to Christ when I was about four years old and though I don’t remember much of her pre-conversion life, her conversion life is indelibly printed on my heart.  
  My Mom spent time with the Lord every morning. In can still see her sitting at the kitchen table, Bible open, lime green coffee cup on the table beside it. It was an example for me. It’s very rare for me to begin any day without time in the Word. It changes me and prepares me for the day.
  My Mom was consistently patient. It probably happened more yet I only remember my Mom becoming angry one time…and if anyone could make you angry, I could. I was a bit of a rascal as a kid (think Denis the Menace). Though my two older brothers were nearly adults and essentially out of the home, I had two older sisters and there are two years between us. Ina was nearly five years older, and Suellen is two years older than me. We fought and scrapped and fussed a lot as siblings often do.
  Though she didn’t have the support of my Dad, my Mom would seek to have devotions with the three of us. We weren’t overly cooperative, but she persevered. She tried and I still remember it.
  She wasn’t perfect, yet to my knowledge, she truly didn’t have any enemies. She had a friend who’d been struck with ALS that we’d go visit. Another was limited financially but my Mom would reach out to her. Though her own mother had died when she was in her twenties, she loved my Dad’s folks and tried to be a blessing and help his parents out.
  My Mom persevered even when she was consistently mistreated. My Dad was driven to succeed. His family when he was growing up had been one of the poorest in their county with his Dad a drunk and a moonshiner. My Dad was determined that was never going to happen to him, so he cut ethical corners. To cope with the pressure he became addicted to prescription drugs. Though he was a charmer outside our home, he would take out his stress and anger on my Mom. There’s no good way to say it…he was mean. It was common after my Mom had made dinner for our family for him to so pick at her during the meal that she’d leave the table in tears. There were a few times when he actually physically abused her.
  She wasn’t a doormat yet for his cruelty, she returned kindness. She didn’t gripe at church or with her Christian friends about what a horrible person he was or how bad their marriage was. She did have a close group of godly friends who she’d pray with and that she could ask for spiritual support. Looking back, I think it was only to keep her unsettled, but he’d often threaten to divorce her. For some reason, he was just cruel.
  The night she was killed in a car wreck, I remember her at the top of the stairs with my Dad downstairs watching TV. She lovingly said good-bye to him, but he retorted back with some angry reply. Her Christlike spirit in the face of hatefulness is a model that I seek to emulate yet so often fail.
  My Mom prayed for me. After she was gone, I learned that she continually prayed for me and my four siblings. I know that I am where I am today in answer to her prayers. Yet, like so many mothers, she never saw her prayers answered in this world, but she prayed in faith. 
  There’s a lot of pressure on moms today to be Super Moms. Many have had to exchange being homemakers for the workplace, which has increased fatigue and pressure. The truth is that there are no Super Moms. Yet, every Mom can be a saintly Mom. It means like Mary; you need to regularly sit at the feet of Jesus (Luke 10:38-42). You’ll never have the influence on your children without His influence on you. There’s pressure to help your children be successful in this world. Real success and what they’ll eternally thank you for is helping them be successful in the real world, God’s world.   
  Heaven is sweeter for me because it will be the first time since childhood that I’ll see my Mom again. It’s why I’m a little Homesick. So, Moms, this Mother’s Day, renew again your commitment to knowing Jesus and influencing your children for a life of worth that’s successful for eternity!

 

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

The Gift - God's Love for All

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” Anne Frank

 My nephew, Bryce Pegram, and his wife, Chelsea, recently had a daughter and named her after my Mom, Dorothy, (they’re calling her “Dottie”). I teased Chelsea that Dottie will need to learn shorthand someday. 

  My Mom was the best secret Santa. Maybe it was because she had five children but Mom knew how to keep Christmas under wraps. As a kid, it drove me crazy. Like most kids, I was brimming with curiosity, especially about what I was getting for Christmas. My Mom wrote all of her Christmas lists in shorthand. Your name would be at the top of a list and then there were these notes of what looked like chicken scratch. It was impossible to decipher. 

  When she would run errands, there would be a great search of the house for where she might have hidden my presents. I never did find them. Once a present was under the tree, I’d try to carefully pull back the tape and peek. She was great at wrapping gifts too and I never did succeed.

  So what’s the weirdest Christmas gift that you’ve ever received? I’ve had a few over the years. Jane won’t let me share any personal ones for fear that the guilty party might read my blog. But I’m so thankful that in my 40 years of ministry, no one has even given me praying hands.

  Pastors though do periodically receive some “interesting” Christmas gifts. One friend in the ministry received “Jesus Bandages.” Another was given a large bottle of Tequila. One received a Steak and Shake gift card with $7.33 left on it. But that was surpassed by the pastor who received a gift card to a local restaurant…and there was no money on the card! One received a heavy blanket and a pillow from the local hospital. Another one got a Jesus-head candle! The wick was in the top of his head! My favorite though was the pastor who was given a bobblehead of himself. (I think he probably re-gifted it to his mother-in-law).

  Have you ever stressed over finding the perfect present for someone? It’s sometimes difficult to make that decision. Do I get them something they need or want? Do I give them clothes or money? Will they like it? Will they ever wear it? Will they return it? Will they regift it to someone else? Will I see it in next year’s white elephant gift exchange?

  Today we’re starting a new series, Unwrapping the Gifts of Christmas. It’s about the gifts that God has given us.

  So what is it that you want for Christmas this year? Maybe a better question is, what is it you want from Christmas? Or maybe even better, what do you need from Christmas this year? It’s easy to want things that aren’t the best or even good for us.

  God’s focus isn’t on what we want, it’s on what we need. During this season, let’s prepare ourselves for what God has to offer us this Christmas. God has some wonderful gifts if we’ll open our lives to what He has for us.

  The greatest gift is a growing understanding that we can have of God because He came to us in the form of a baby named Jesus. The Incarnation changed everything about how so many thought of God in the Old Testament. Christmas still changes everything. And God’s Christmas gifts are so different from ours. Think about it…

  God’s Christmas gifts are just what we need. All of us from time to time long for things that our Heavenly Father knows isn’t good for us. Like a parent who limits a child’s candy intake, God sometimes doesn’t give us what we think we need.

  For example, most of us think that we need more money. Most of us, even those who never buy a ticket, have thought longingly about what we’d do with all of that money if we won the lottery. Google lottery winners and you’ll find that many of them wished that they’d never won because it ruined their lives. Some even tried to return the money. Yet, God’s gifts to us are always what we need, even if they’re not perhaps what we want.

  God’s Christmas gifts are just the right size. (Just a hint for any husbands, if you’re buying clothes for your wife, it’s better to err on the side of being a little small). God though always gets us the right size. Wise is the prayer of Agur in Proverbs 30:8-9: “Give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny You and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.” God’s gifts are always just right because He knows exactly what will fit our lives.  

  God’s Christmas gifts don’t need a warranty. Other than a car, I rarely ever purchase an extended warranty. God’s gifts never need one. They’re not just timeless, they’re everlasting with eternal benefits.

  One of the problems we all struggle with is that we are far too “this world” in our thinking. We’re like a child obsessed with a Happy Meal toy but missing out on what has true lasting value. One day all the material things that we cherish in this world will be gone…forever. The only thing that we can take with us to heaven is those we’ve led to the Lord. That’s why it’s critical that we share and live out the gospel with our families. All of those things this temporary world tells us are critical will one day be gone. A personal relationship with Jesus Christ lasts forever.

  God’s Christmas gifts never need to be returned. The day after Christmas there will be a long line of shoppers returning gifts that are either broken, the wrong size, or unwanted. Yet, once we’ve accepted God’s gifts to us, we never want to return them – they’re life-changing. They make a difference, not just in this world, but in eternity.

  God’s Christmas gifts are forever. Have you ever noticed when you’re up high, things appear smaller? One nervous airplane passenger finally got up enough courage to glance out the window. He said to the person next to him, “It’s true what they say, people do look like ants from up here.” His seatmate said, “Those are ants…we haven’t taken off yet!”

  Things look a lot different when you’re up high. When you look at our world from outer space, the earth’s surface appears completely smooth. We know there are deep valleys and high mountains, but when you’re back away a few thousand miles, it appears as smooth as a billiard ball. Seeing life from God’s perspective gives His gifts to us true value. Yet, we’ll miss it if we fail to look down at this world from a higher perspective!

  My friend, the best gifts you and I will ever receive are God’s Christmas gifts. They’re life-changing. They’re eternally transforming. As we work through this series, will you choose to let them change you?

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

 

 

When you love your child too much?

“Stay away from the ones who love too much.

Those are the ones who will kill you.” Donna Tartt

There’s a story from Greek mythology of a mother and son who love each other so much that they’re never apart. They live in the forest and rarely go out, except to the market. One day the son goes off alone and happens to meet a young lady. He falls in love with her but she’s a very jealous person, and demands that the young man love her unconditionally. The son is torn between his love for her and his love for his mother. His lover finally demands, “If you truly love me, you’ll murder your mother and bring me her heart.” The thought at first is abhorrent to the young man, but ultimately he succumbs. While his mother is asleep, he kills her and cuts out her heart and puts it in a sack to bring to his lover. On the way through the forest, he trips on a rock. His mother’s heart falls out of the sack, looks up at the young man and asks, “Did you hurt yourself, my son?”  

  That horrible story illustrates an all too common reality – sometimes parents love their children too much or love them immaturely. Sometimes that love becomes idolatry where it has precedent even over love for God. Apparently, that’s why Abraham was tested (Genesis 22), to see if he loved his son, Isaac, more than he loved God. He powerfully passed that test.

  Fifty years ago, on May 29, 1970 my Mom was taken Home in a tragic car accident. She was 47; I was only ten. My Mom loved the Lord and loved her five children (I’m the youngest). As I look back, while I believe her motives were pure, she loved me too much. While my Dad was a successful businessman, he was also an abuser and prescription drug addict.

  I’m not sure if it was because I was the “baby” or to protect me from my often out of control Dad, but I was spoiled. That changed overnight after she was killed. It was a bit like being taken from America and dropped in China. Love was replaced with what was close to hatred. I could never do anything right as far as my Dad was concerned, BUT my Heavenly Father was in control. While my Mom had great intentions, God had a greater plan. It was very painful for me, yet God used the crucible of pain to burn off my many rough edges. Psalm 27:10 became an anchor for me, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.”

  Over the years I’ve observed parents who by being too “loving,” potentially hurt the future of their child. One situation stands out in my mind where the children were kept in perpetual dependence. Failure to take responsibility was excused. The children, even in early adulthood, were coddled Today both parents are gone and those now-adult children are virtually functional and social invalids.

  Look through the pages of Scripture for yourself. You will not find any person that God greatly used that did not also go through tremendous trials. Joseph, Ruth, Daniel, Esther…to name a few would never have been powerfully used by God if they’d not also suffered. No one becomes a person of character and spiritual maturity without trials and pain.

  Parents want to do the very best for our children – best food, best schools, best sports program, etc. It’s hard for a parent to watch a child suffer or go through difficulty. Yet, continually intervening and taking their emotional temperature is not best for their future and character development. As parents, we must give our children two things: roots and wings.

  As the parents of three now-adult children, it was often very difficult for Jane and me not to swoop in to do a rescue operation. One situation sticks out particularly in my mind where we encouraged our child to persevere for their own growth and good. Words can’t fully express how difficult and even nerve-wracking it was, yet we were seeking to look at the bigger picture and their future. We surrendered our child to our Heavenly Father and trusted that He was in control. Looking back, we’re so glad we did.

  One of the most majestic trees of the Midwest is the oak. It’s the combination of winter’s cold and summer’s warmth, of falling leaves in autumn and budding leaves in spring which makes the mighty oak stand in a storm that takes down many other trees in the forest. But there’s no hurrying of the development of an oak tree. They don’t even start producing acorns until they’re ten years old. It takes time. It takes rugged weather to produce a mighty oak.

  The same is true with godly, mature adult children. It takes storms to produce character. Recently, I saw someone post that during these days they so wished that all of their now-adult children were home, safe with them where they could protect them. But we can’t. Our children must learn to stand alone. Some day they will be raising our grandchildren.

  One of the great tragedies and sources of many of our social problems is that we have parents who while adults chronologically, are stuck in adolescence emotionally. The children suffer because it takes an adult to raise a child.

  Every child will face difficulty. They will fail. They will have cruel individuals come into their lives. They will suffer loss and pain. Yet, instead of attempting to “fix” everything which is impossible, we’d be wiser to help them learn to turn their hearts heavenward in those formative years. Rather than asking how they feel, a better question that will serve them into their future is: What do you believe your Heavenly Father is seeking to teach you through this?

  Too many Christian parents settle for secular standards of success. Our goal must not be to raise good adults but something much more important, godly ones. Children can behave well out of obedience or fear. That doesn’t mean they’ll do what’s best when they venture out on their own. To raise children who become godly adults, we must teach them character and allow God to develop it in their hearts…sometimes through difficulty. As Bible-believers, one of the greatest love gifts that we can give them is to model trusting our Heavenly Father and to teach them to depend on Him today so that they are prepared for tomorrow.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Who is praying for the children?

“Prayer is the way we take our hands off

and place our children in the hands of God.”  Mark Batterson

  Aaron’s wedding in Taiwan was the answer to generations of prayer. Since each of our three children were born, Jane and I have prayed for two critical concerns; First, that they’d know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. Second, that if it was God’s will for them to marry, that each one would marry someone who loved Jesus. To me, those are the most important decisions anyone will ever make. Whether my children are rich, successful, college graduates, healthy or even happy are all minor matters. It’s also not enough to marry a Christian but it needs to be a committed Christian. Sadly, Christian often means very little. All of us have met someone who is a “Christian,” but acts like anything but a Christian.

  Yet, we are merely another step in a much larger circle. Jane’s grandmother, Bertha, though married to an unbeliever and who had a very difficult life prayed for Jane when she was a little girl. Jane’s parents, Ed and Mary Quick prayed for Jane, for me and for each of our children along with their other children and grandchildren. My grandmother, Cora Carson, when I knew her, could hardly walk. As a child, I remember her shuffling from room to room in her little house. Years earlier she’d broken her back. My grandparents were some of the poorest people I’ve ever known. I still remember what a huge deal it was when they finally got a phone...in the other room and it was a party line. But “Ma Ma” could pray and she faithfully prayed for me.

  Then, my own Mom (Dorothy Carson) lived with a wealthy, yet abusive husband. When my Mom was killed in a tragic car accident when I was 10, I immediately lost virtually every memory of her including the sound of her voice. But there’s one memory that’s indelibly tattooed on my soul. Every morning when I got up, I’d find my Mom drinking coffee out of her lime green cup and her open Bible. There is no question in my mind that I am where I am today in answer to her prayers.

  Our hearts break at the violence in our schools. But it’s not just the tragic shootings, many children go to school terrified. No one seems to talk about those who are frightened to walk home or to be in their own home, often government housing where they must literally fortify themselves.

  No one seems to ever ask: Who is praying for the children? While we often feel helpless, there’s something we can all do — we can pray! It shows the ignorance of our secularized world of the omnipotency of God and prayer, that when prayer is mentioned to face current cultural crises, it’s often scoffed at. It’s become trendy to do “prayer shaming.” While there is a time for action, all actions are impotent apart from God’s hand. For the Christian, prayer must be our first response and action.

  One fact sticks out to me. It’s a sad yet common thread even in the Church — those who are known as being faithful “pray-ers” today are typically women. That’s not the picture that we find in Scripture. Great men of the Bible were often great men of prayer; Abraham, Moses, Elijah, Daniel, Paul…to name a few. The Lord Jesus was so habitual in prayer that His disciples noticed and asked Him to teach them to pray. Men, the greatest thing we can do for our families generally and our children and grandchildren specifically is to pray for them. My mentor, Dad Cummins, was a man of prayer. Even today I can hear his deep voice interceding for me and so many others. As a Dad, I feel both humbled and privileged when my now adult children ask me to pray for them.

  What should we pray? A child’s greatest need is obvious. It’s salvation. Why would we pray for physical safety or health without spiritual safety? We’re talking about this vaporous life compared to eternity. Do you love your children? Grandchildren? The place to start is to pray for their regeneration. Too often we’re presumptuous about the spiritual condition of our children. If there’s no evidence of new life with an adult child, there should be no confidence based on a childhood prayer and decision. James 2 is clear that if there’s new life, there’s an accompanying lifestyle.

  Then, pray for that which ultimately matters. Our most common prayer is for the safety of our children. Yet, in the eternal scheme of things, it’s such a minimal need. In our own lives, it was “danger” that often drove us to the Lord. It’s danger and difficult times that often bring about spiritual growth. King David would never have been a “man after God’s own heart,” if he’d not faced great danger and trials. So, pray for their spiritual growth. Pray for them to resist temptation. Pray that they have a life of Christlikeness.

  As a church, we’re a family. Do you pray for the children of our church? Are their parents your friends? Then, pray for them specifically by name. Pray for their parents. Pray for spiritual blind spots you may see. Frequently, we are quick to share unsolicited advice. Let’s start by praying for them. It’s been so fulfilling many times over the years to pray for a spiritual blind spot in a friend’s life. Then, struggling, wondering if I should say something but then wonderfully see God’s divine hand resolve it. Yet, all I did was pray!

  Finally, what about our extended families? Cousins, nieces and nephews? And don’t forget the neighborhood children. Often, we may see needs their parents fail to see. Do we shake our heads or worse, gossip? I wonder what would happen in our world if at least the Christians were praying for the children? Then, I must wonder what would happen if I were praying? Who’s praying for the children? Will it be YOU?

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.