Who's coming to your funeral?

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

Helen Keller

  Who’s coming to your funeral? Maybe you’re thinking, “That’s a morbid thought…” Yet, it’s a real one. As relatives are planning out a funeral, one of the big questions is: How many do we expect to attend?

  The answer – probably not as many as you’d think. It depends a lot on the age and circumstances of the loved one’s death. A young or tragic death will have a much larger funeral. An older, “normal” death usually means a smaller one. Add long age to that and the number drops more.

  Why? Because as we age, our circle of friends shrinks, but it doesn’t have to. Friendships, like a beautiful garden, demand constant cultivation.

  In our young adult years, friendships are relatively easy. We have many commonalities which open up doors for friendships: marriage, babies, children. We continually interact with the same people at school and sporting events. Often our children are in the same school or swim class. During those times of sitting on the sidelines for a game, we talk and make friends. At work, there are individuals that we have a closer affinity to.

  As we become empty nesters, those common events dwindle and friendships often wane. The same is true with work or neighborhood friendships. Switch jobs, retire, move – and those friendships begin to grow cold. Some try to compensate by joining a group of other empty nesters that have a common link; music, a sport or some other mutual interest. Yet, because there are less commonalities, the friendships are usually weaker.

  Most find that those with the same status: age, marital situation, economic level, geographical location, political values, religious affiliation, sports team, etc., are easiest to befriend. When one or more of those things change – for example, a divorce, loss of a spouse or the loss of a job – the friendship changes or even dies.

  A local church is to be unique when it comes to relationships. Our common bond is Christ and He never changes (Hebrews 13:8). Church friendships should be the opposite of our other friendships, in that they’re built on diversity, not sameness. And relationships are stronger in diversity.

  While we’re attracted to those like us, those relationships frequently result in spiritual atrophy. For most, the only ones in our social circle different from us are relatives. Family relationships are a place to learn overlook annoyances that come with those differences. Yet, often a conversation ensues when “they” are absent about, “Why are they so different?” 

  Mark it down! You limit your spiritual growth and moving forward in your sanctification as God desires for you, if you primarily surround yourself with those “just” like you. Spiritual growth comes through friction.

  Do you want to grow healthy friendships? Please look for those who are different from you in age, values, history or economic situation, spiritual walk. Look for what you can give, not what you can get; what you can learn, not what you can teach. Jim Rohn wisely observes that, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you primarily spend time with those like you, then you only become more like you. But that’s not God’s plan. He wants us to become more like Jesus Christ. 

  Foundational to Christian friendship is the fact that “only Jesus can bring satisfaction to your soul.” A friend can help carry your burdens or share your joy. They can never meet our need for soul satisfaction.

  Here are some friends that I believe that every Christian needs.

  You need a friend who is more spiritually mature than you. We all lack godliness and need growth in certain aspects of our lives. We have spiritual weaknesses or sins that easily throw us. Thus, we need to develop friendships with those who have a deeper walk with the Lord, who have strengths where we have weaknesses. As we surround ourselves with spiritually-minded friends, it encourages us to be more spiritually minded.

  You need a friend who is less spiritually mature than you. That’s what Jesus did. The disciples were a work in progress. The Apostles learned from Jesus and did the same. Peter poured his life into John Mark. Barnabus poured his life into Paul. Paul poured his life into Timothy and Titus. It’s unbiblical and selfish to only look for friends that we can “get” something from. No matter where you are spiritually, there is someone that you can help grow in their spiritual walk. 

  You need a friend who doesn’t know Jesus. Jesus was “the friend of sinners” (Matthew 11:19). Most Christians are hardly acquaintances with those outside the Church and who don’t know the Lord. There’s a fear of being overly influenced. While we need to be wise and cautious. Too often we forget the power of the Spirit and that “truth does not fear scrutiny.”

  We need those who challenge our beliefs and values. If what we believe is true, it will hold up like a rock. If it crumbles, it wasn’t true. As our world becomes more secular, the number of those who share our convictions, or are even open to listening and having a dialogue will continue to dwindle.

  While we do not need social acceptance, how can we win a lost world if we are not first their friends? God loves the world and we’re to love them, too. One qualification for a spiritual leader is that you “must be well thought of by outsiders” (1 Timothy 3:7). Our mission is that we want to be part of seeing outsiders becoming insiders. We represent Jesus to a lost world. We’re here to serve, not be pampered. To love, not be applauded.

  Jesus is our model of being a friend. He reached out to those that others ignored or even considered pariah. Though He was denied and forsaken by those closest to Him, He never wrote them off and ultimately restored them. He shows us that friendship first means being sacrificial. 

  Who’s coming to your funeral? How are your friendships? If you’re like most of us, your friendships and limited circles, are something you need to give attention to. Do you want friends? Be more and more like Jesus! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.