This past May Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas, delivered the Commencement Address at Christendom College. Most commencement speeches tend to be the same vapid fluff of “the future is yours…you can do anything you set your mind on.” They’re rarely notable and seldom remembered. Justice Thomas though took a refreshingly different approach. He candidly and genuinely spoke of his own personal regrets:
“In 1971, when I was where you are, I was approaching my 23rd birthday. I was in the process of accumulating—while I sat as you sit—many, many regrets. Such as, failing to return home to visit my grandparents often enough. Too often being influenced by my contemporaries, who knew no more about life than I did! … Even as I’ve had bad judgment, the bad judgment of youth, something kept me from going too far and helped me to learn from those experiences. I spent 25 years of my life in the wilderness, away from the church, and yet the clarion call of Sunday church bells never went away. Something restrained me…In fact, it was a conscience…Even when I had turned my heart against it and turned back on it. I have no doubt that this faith will do the same for each of you if you let it. Perhaps even if you don’t. It is not a tether, but rather is a guide. The way, the truth, and the life.
That reminds me of my encounters with my grandfather, as the bitter young man. Seemingly I was certain about everything. You know, it’s funny now just how certain we think we are about so much when we have two decades of life under our belts. At the end of our confrontations—that had to be exasperating to my wonderful grandfather—he would often simply say before walking away, ‘You just live long enough, you’ll see’.”
Since all of us have a sin nature, regrets are universal. I know I have many. Wonderfully for Christians, we know that all of our regrets were nailed to the cross and can be forgiven. Yet, the other side of forgiveness is repentance. By God’s grace, we can change for the future and limit regrets.
Bronnie Ware, a nurse specializing in care of the terminally ill, recorded her patients' most common regrets. Some of the top ones include:
I wish that I’d let myself be happier. People admit that they feared change, so they pretended that they were content. They wished that they’d laughed more and allowed themselves to be sillier. I wish I’d stayed in touch with friends. Most people feel badly that they were so caught up in their own lives, they let important friendships slip away. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. This regret was expressed by every male patient…every single one of them. I wish I’d been more loving to the people who matter the most. Many expressed sorrow for not having been more understanding, caring, and present for the people who were important to them. They wished they had the courage to say “I love you” more often. I wish I’d been a better spouse, parent, or child. Once someone became terminally ill, it was their families who stuck by them to hold their hand, provide love and companionship, and care for them around the clock. Even if your family isn’t perfect, they’re usually the ones who are there for you when you need them. I wish I’d have done more for others. Many patients made the decision, oftentimes right from their hospice beds, to donate their money to charities and service organizations so they could positively affect the lives of others after they were gone.
Memory is a funny thing. If someone were to ask you what the happiest moment of your life was, odds are it might take a few seconds for you to respond. On the other hand, when someone asks about your biggest mistake, a memory which brings you the most shame, the mind is instantly flooded with countless, painful instances of regret. Remorse is a cruel teacher, but you never forget a lesson.
Yesterday is gone. Too often we focus on yesterday and miss out on opportunities to wisely use now. So, what should believers do with regret?
Confess it and move forward. The Apostle Paul wrote, “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14). Paul could have had many regrets. He’d persecuted the Church, thrown believers into prison. He’d watched and approved when the Jews stoned Stephen. But Paul didn’t dwell on his past sins. He “forgot” the past. It doesn’t mean he didn’t remember his sins. It means he intentionally didn’t focus on them, but focused on the prize, putting his energies into pursuing Christ. We must set aside the past and focus on the present and future of honoring Christ, making our lives count from this day forward.
Thank God that He causes all things, even our worst failures, to work together for good! It’s beyond our comprehension, yet our Sovereign God causes all things, even our sins, to work for good. That doesn’t mean we should sin intentionally. It does mean when we’re tempted to fall into the pit of regret, turn it to praise, “Father I praise you that by Your infinite power and wisdom, You cause even my failures to work for good.”
Let your failures keep you humble. Our regrets help us be humble. We can’t look down on someone because we ourselves have sinned in countless ways. Past failures remind us that we’re all capable of the most vile debauchery apart from God’s grace. Because we know we’re susceptible to temptation, we must pray regularly for God to deliver us.
Our Heavenly Father wants to build on our regrets, turning them into trophies for His glory. We must determine to focus and press forward for the goal of the prize of the upward call of God. Tomorrow is gone. Learn from it and invest in today and tomorrow. So, will you do that?
Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.
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