The Plague of Mid-life Disillusionment

“One of the hardest things to do in life is to let go of what you thought was real.”

  Do you ever watch a movie and ask yourself: “What was the point?” Too many people live lives like that – “What’s the point?” While that type of thinking is understandable for an unbeliever without a biblical worldview of life, it should be foreign for a Christian. Sadly, it isn’t.

  Can we talk? This is not the typical conversation we have at the start of a new year. Since today is the first day of 2017, many see it as a brand new page…a chance to begin again with a clean slate. For too many though, it’s a reminder time is ticking by. Another year is gone; another one is here.

  Maybe in the past, you’d stay up late to welcome in the New Year. You used to be excited about the freshness, the potential opportunities…now not so much. Maybe you actually dread it.

  Too many Christians struggle with deep disillusionment. It’s nearly epidemic, particularly for middle aged believers. It’s also different in how this attacks the two genders. Basically, it’s disappointment with how life has turned out…and if we’re honest, it’s often disappointment with God. We just thought that things were going to be better, but they’re not, so we’re disappointed and disillusioned. Most probably won’t end up in the dark mental cave of a Jean-Paul Sartre who said “life is an empty bubble, floating on the sea of nothingness.” Yet, we may not be that far removed from such an outlook. Disillusionment is the mother of apathy, depression and despair. So let me share some generalizations and hope for you…

  Disillusionment for women. Often a middle-aged woman begins with a very different picture of how marriage and family were going to be than the one they’re living out. Even if it had not been their history, they still dreamed it would be their future. They pictured continual romance with a man who loved them. Not oceanic but warm and at times, still glowing. They dreamed of hand holding and romantic quiet escapes together. If they come from a Christian worldview, they may have pictured serving the Lord together, family devotions, sitting in church together worshipping as a family. Often the dream isn’t a nightmare, though that happens. But they find they’re more like roommates, business partners, rather than lovers.

  And they never, in their worst nightmare, dreamed their little bundle that they’d so longed for, that they went through so much pain to bring into this world, the one for whom they kissed every scraped knee and wiped so many tears away for…would one day barely mumble at them. Or, worse spit out horrible things with hate, anger and venom. Every day is a battle. They may feel imprisoned in their own home. They’re just so hurt and disillusioned. But sadly, most of the other wives and moms they know are living out lives similar to theirs, so there appears to be no hope.

  Disillusionment for men. It’s usually not on the home front where most middle-aged men become disillusioned. It’s in their career and work track. They may even be oblivious to how very unhappy their wife is.

  At one time they dreamed of finding fulfillment in their job. They were excited to go to work. At midlife, they thought they’d be much further along than they are. Now they realize their dreams will probably never be fulfilled. They’re just hoping to not be downsized, demoted, or terminated. They see others far less talented, being promoted ahead of them. They look toward retirement, not because they really want to. It’s a question of sanity. They need to have something to look forward to. Work is a grind. They drag through each day, week…year. They don’t really enjoy weekends or vacation because, in the end, they know they still have to go back to work.

  Unfortunately, this defeated army of the disillusioned men and women just settles. Rather than dealing with core issues, many settle by merely muddling through day after day. Some may jump into a new relationship or at least abandon the one they’re in. It’s why divorce rates spike in midlife. Others pour themselves into the weekend or some hobby, or attempt to live vicariously through their children. Some will self-medicate. Some attempt to anesthetize themselves with sports or entertainment. Anything, rather than their feelings of quiet desperation. Some even pour themselves into a pet or a grandchild. Tragically, a few give up all hope, ending it all.

  What’s the solution? Most of us don’t like the medicine. We want to be placated, not cured. But it begins with confession. It’s a pattern you see throughout Scripture. Disillusionment is the product of simmering anger and bitterness. Our resentment toward our family, job…or whatever, is ultimately resentment toward God. After all, He’s in control and He didn’t come through for us. We feel God owes us. But He doesn’t. He’s already given His Son so we can be forgiven and this world can be truly temporary.

  We need renewal. It’s time to discard immature, idealistic dreams, replacing them with getting to know the Father who loves us, is there for us, and can meet our needs. It means holy habits of Bible study, prayer, worship, serving, being part of a community of faith, sharing our faith.

  Live for an audience of One. We will never satisfy our spouse, children or employer…and they will never satisfy us. Too often we foolishly think, “if only _____ would change,” whether it’s our family or employer. Instead, we must change, seeking to please the One who truly knows what is best for us and loves us unconditionally. Proverbs 16:7, “When a man's ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.”

  Look for evidences of grace. We tend to rarely miss the negative or something to complain about. Yet in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he begins by observing evidences of God’s grace in them (1:4). It’s shocking because they’re the worst church in the New Testament. Most of us would have had difficulty getting past their glaring sins to commend the grace of God in their midst. Yet, Paul looks below the surface and praises God for the grace he sees in them. How did he do that? How can we do that? By enjoying common grace. Focus on small blessings. Enjoy a warm cup of coffee or a friendly smile or even the tail of a wagging dog. By enjoying special grace. Relish the fact you’re loved and accepted unconditionally because Jesus died for you. Meditate on God’s promises. Praise Him for His goodness. Pray others will know Him, too.   

  Live for the real world. “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” If you focus on this life, you’ll end up very disillusioned. As a believer, you must realize that you’re a pilgrim. Everything in this world is temporary, so pour yourself into eternity. Live for what truly matters and it will set you free! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.