Suicide: When the Unthinkable Becomes Real

 

“Some people suffer in silence, 

pain in the hearts but smiles on their faces.” Isha Barlas

 

  On January 30, 2022, Cheslie Kryst, committed suicide by jumping to her death from The Orion, the 60-story high-rise apartment building in Manhattan, where she lived. Her mother, April Simpkins released a statement, stating that Cheslie suffered from “high functioning depression.” Cheslie was 30 years old. 

  From a human perspective, Cheslie had everything going for her, everything that many long for and believe will bring them happiness and satisfaction. She was a model and a beauty pageant titleholder who was crowned Miss USA in May of 2019. She went on to finish in the top 10 of the Miss Universe 2019 competition. That same year, she and three other women became the first group of Black women in pageant history to hold all four major titles in a single year. Cheslie was also an attorney and had served as a correspondent for Extra from October 2019 until her death. For her work on Extra, she was nominated for two Daytime Emmy Awards. At the time of her death her net worth was estimated to be $5 million dollars.

  Following her death, the Extra correspondent’s family remembered her for inspiring others “around the world with her beauty and strength…Cheslie embodied love and served others, whether through her work as an attorney fighting for social justice, as Miss USA and as a host on Extra. But most importantly, as a daughter, sister, friend, mentor and colleague – we know her impact will live on.”

  Suicide is the 10^th leading cause of death in the United States. In 2019, there were an estimated 3.5 million people who planned a suicide, 1.4 million suicide attempts, and 47,511 suicide deaths. There were more than twice as many deaths by suicide than by homicide. Mental health problems and substance use are the most significant risk factors for suicidal behaviors. Stressful life events increase the risk of suicide.

  Suicide is the apex of hopelessness. Even in the Bible, there are at least six individuals who chose to end their own lives. Abimelech in Judges 9 asked his armor-bearer to kill him with a sword so people could not say a woman killed him. King Saul threw himself on his sword and his armor-bearer followed him in death after his sons died and he lost a battle against the Philistines. King David’s advisor, Ahithophel, chose suicide after his counsel to rebelling Absalom, David’s oldest son was rejected. The last suicide in the Old Testament was that of Zimri, a King of Israel. He’d only reigned one week before a military coup, so Zimri set himself and his palace ablaze. The only suicide in the New Testament is that of Judas.

  Many others Bible characters, including Moses, Elijah, King David, and the Apostle Paul expressed a desire to die. Many heroes in Christian History have struggled with deep depression, including Richard Baxter, Charles Spurgeon, and Dr. D. Martyn Lloyd Jones, to name a few.

  Many believers, weary of struggling, depression or dealing with the trials of life long for a premature death. Spurgeon struggled with physical pain and depression. I love his transparency and hope: “I find myself frequently depressed - perhaps more so than any other person here. And I find no better cure for that depression than to trust in the Lord with all my heart, and seek to realize afresh the power of the peace-speaking blood of Jesus, and His infinite love in dying upon the cross to put away all my transgressions.” On another occasion, observing the struggle of other Christians, Spurgeon insightfully said, “I note that some whom I greatly love and esteem, who are, in my judgment, among the very choicest of God’s people, nevertheless, travel most of the way to heaven by night.” I know that I have had my own bouts of “travelling to heaven by night.”

  While I truly appreciate those who encourage or post on social media that anyone who is having suicidal thoughts should reach out to them or call the suicide hotline, many though never will. So what can we do to help?

  As much as possible, build bridges, touch lives, be a sharer of hope. Personally, I don’t believe in accidental meetings but look at encounters as divine appointments. Wise are the words of the great Scottish preacher, John Watson, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” If anyone should be kind and known for kindness, it should be the people of God. Kindness doesn’t live in a test tube. It’s best shared in day-to-day life.

  Pray and then pray some more. When you know of a friend or acquaintance struggling, when you don’t know what else to do, pray for them. Pray for hope and healing. Ask the Lord to comfort and give your friend guidance. Invite your friend to share their heart with you and sit back and listen, and let them reveal their truth to God. Encourage them to speak about the specific things that may be hurting them. Encourage them to share a list of reasons they’re grateful. Be quiet as they answer.

  Make sure that they’re safe. If someone confides in you that they’re feeling suicidal, take it seriously. The very first step is to make sure they’re safe. Do not take what they say lightly in hopes that they won’t go through with it. Are they alone at home? Go over and sit with them. Are they threatening to harm themselves or others? Don’t hesitate to call for help from law enforcement. Call their family, roommate, or someone else you trust so that you can have extra hands on deck. While they might be angry at first, you can’t help a friend who is struggling that has ended their life.

  Help them find help. When someone is at such a low point that they’re having thoughts of death, it’s important that they get help. Some people are apprehensive to ask for help because they’re scared, feel they can handle it themselves or think they’re unworthy of assistance. Your willingness to aid them may be the only thing that nudges them to move forward. Gently ask and encourage them to get some help and have options of how they can. You might even offer to help by finding good therapists in the area. To someone with depression, these first steps can seem insurmountable.

  For the Christian, there will come a time when depression and anxiety will be fully and finally gone. When Christ returns, tears will be dried, brokenness healed, and mental illness banished, never to return. Until that day, we can rest in the simple, wonderful truths that God has declared over us: we are loved, we are held, we will be sustained until the end…and we’re all going to get Home before dark!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Suicide: Shattered Hearts

 

“My experience with depressed people is that when they have suffered from long periods of depression and begin to talk about suicide, we had better pay attention.”  Curtis Thomas

In his newest album released earlier this year, Matthew West, shares a song about a boy in his daughter’s school who committed suicide. The young man, Sam, was just a sixth-grade student. As you can imagine, the whole school was just stunned. Sam sat in class with West’s daughter, Lulu. It’s a nice little Christian school in the Bible belt down South. This young boy was fighting a battle and couldn’t see his way out of it. The song is simple, powerful, and moving – Too Young, Too Soon.  

Loss by suicide is always too soon. September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Our country’s suicide rate reached historic highs prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, with rates at the highest levels since World War II. Recent economic and social pressures have heightened the risks, worrying experts, health officials and lawmakers. Suicide rates that were rising over the past two decades combined with the current pandemic are a “perfect storm,” found a study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association in April. Factors include financial stress, social isolation, reduced access to religious services, overall national anxiety, increased firearm sales and increases in health care provider suicides.

“We have people now who don't know how to feed their family who have not had that thought for a very long time. That's different than the last recession," said American Psychiatric Association President Jeffrey Geller. “There are masses of people who are quite worried today because they don't know what is going to happen to their benefits. That kind of anxiety exacerbates fragility.” The National Alliance on Mental Illness HelpLine has seen a 65% increase in calls and emails since March, according to the organization, though it is not a crisis hotline.

No one is immune from suicidal thoughts and anyone is capable of suicide: rich, poor, married, single, young, old, famous or unknown, atheists…even pastors. I still find my chest tightens when I think of Darrin Patrick, a megachurch pastor and author, who died from a self-inflicted gunshot this past May. Just a few years ago I heard him preach at John Piper’s Pastors’ Conference in Minneapolis. In 2013, Rick Warren’s 27-year-old son, Matthew, took his own life. All of us who loved his “out of this world” talent will never forget the tragic death of Robin Williams.

Though Scripture never says that the Apostle Paul had suicidal thoughts, we do know that he “despaired of life” (2 Cor. 1:8). In my own life, I have had to face what John Bunyan (The Pilgrim’s Progress) called “the Giant Despair” and “the slough of despond.” So, what can we do?

Let me share what has helped me through the years as I’ve walked through my own dark valleys. As a believer, I believe that even if I sinned by committing self-murder, I would immediately be Home with my Savior. The Bible promises that if one has committed their life to Christ and trusted His cross for their salvation, that person has eternal life (John 3:16). There is no fine print or exception to those promises.

For me, the thought of looking in the eyes of Missionaries John and Betty Stam, who were decapitated for their faith, or Jim Elliot who was murdered by the Aucas Indians in the jungles of Ecuador as he sought to reach that stone age people group with the gospel and telling them that my life was “too tough” is always an emotional wake-up call. Then, Foxes Book of Martyrs shares account after account of those from Church History who were persecuted, often martyred, yet persevered for the cause of Christ. Hebrews 11:35-38 lists out all that the people of God suffered for Him. For me to face that “great cloud of witnesses” (Heb. 12:1) and tell them that God’s grace wasn’t sufficient for me and I couldn’t handle my small problems in comparison, it’s more shame that I could face. If God’s grace was enough for them, then it is more than enough for me!

If you struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts, let me suggest some simple steps (it’s not earth-shattering): get out of bed, open the blinds and let God’s glorious sunshine in, take a shower, and get dressed. It’s amazing what these small steps can do for our outlook. And doing something kind for someone else will give you a bonus of upbeat vibes in your own heart.

How can we help those who are depressed or hopeless? Often we don’t know what others are going through. One thing is certain, everyone we meet is facing a battle. Matthew West shares some great advice in his song: 

Be kind, speak love

Go find someone

Who needs a friend

Reach out your hand

Don't point, don't laugh

Life’s too short for that

No cliques, start now

No one left out.

I’ve said over and over again throughout this Pandemic, #ThisisOURtime. It’s time for the Church to be the Church. It’s time for Christians to act like Christians. We must be people of love and kindness. My own burdens have been eased so many times by the many brothers and sisters in Christ that God has brought into my life, who cared enough to reach out to me and who have spoken into my life.

Personally, I don’t believe in accidents, I believe in “divine appointments.” God has brought that neighbor, co-worker, friend, family member or stranger into YOUR life. It is our time to be Jesus to them.

Sometimes we notice a struggle that something is off. The greatest and best thing that we can always do is – we can pray! Then, drop a short note or a make a phone call. You don’t have to probe. Just touch base. Let them know that you care. Texts are fine. Yet, a note that someone has to touch and can reflect on will often go further.

While I appreciate those who say (or post), “call me anytime,” someone greatly depressed is rarely going to initiate a call. We need to take the first step. Then, without lecturing and certainly without scolding, offer hope.

As believers, we have what Titus 2:13 calls “the blessed hope.” Everything in this world, even the worst it can throw at us is temporary…and we’re all going to get Home before dark! So, please reach out and touch someone’s life this week. Show Christ’s love! Your caring and being Jesus to them might be all that it takes to give them hope and keep them from making a tragic irreversible choice.  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

 

Suicide: A tragic reality we need to talk about

“My experience with depressed people is that when they have suffered from long periods of depression and begin to talk about suicide, we had better pay attention.”  Curtis Thomas

  Recently, I was talking with a friend who shared the heartbreaking news that a relative had committed suicide. Our world is one of death and pain, yet I don’t think that there is any greater heartbreak than to have a loved one or friend take their own life. There are so many unanswered questions, accompanied by a raging sea of emotions. 

  If you’re like me, you feel like you took a hit in the gut when you learn of a celebrity or someone famous who took their own life. That’s compounded many times over if it’s someone that you love and care about.

  Suicide in the U.S. has surged to the highest levels in nearly 30 years with increases in every age group except older adults. The rise is particularly steep for women. It’s also substantial among middle-aged Americans, a group whose suicide rates had been stable or falling since the 1950s.

  The overall suicide rate has risen some 25% since 1999. In 1999, nearly 30,000 people died from suicide but by 2014 that number rose to over 42, 000. Nearly half a million people each year are seen in the ER for self-injury. Suicide is the 3^rd leading cause of death for teenagers. It’s estimated that more than a million people die by suicide each year in the world, or more than 2,700 people per day. 7% of 18-39 year olds admit that they’ve seriously considered suicide during the last year. Depression is a major factor in two thirds of all suicides. Other major factors are childhood abuse, sexual molestation and confusion over sexuality.

  Suicide is not new but has become more widespread. Even in the Bible we find at least seven accounts of suicides, including King Saul, Samson, Ahithophel and Judas. Nearly everyone has wearied of life at some point or another. Most of us have had suicidal thoughts. There are godly believers in Scripture who wanted to die, like Elijah and Job. The Bible’s description of their despair and suicidal desires make it clear that they were wrong. Bailing out on life is always a wrong choice. Sometimes God brings us to a point of total desperation (Psalms 107), so we’ll give up trying to live life in our own strength and cast ourselves wholly upon Christ.

  If a Christian commits suicide, will they go to heaven? Apart from rejecting God's provision for salvation through the sacrificial death of Jesus, suicide is the worst thing an unbeliever can do. That’s because there is no second chance for salvation after one’s death. But for the Christian, it’s essential to understand several things regarding suicide.

  First, suicide is sin. God forbids murder (Exodus 20:13). Taking one's own life is murder. It rejects the sufficiency of God’s grace to face any difficulty. Suicide is also a sin because it causes terrible suffering and pain for those we leave behind. Yet, while suicide is a sin, it is not an unpardonable sin. The same God who forgave us all of our sin because of Christ’s sacrifice, knew that we were going to take our own life. When Jesus died for our sins, all of them were future. Once we accept Christ as our Savior, we are part of God’s forever family. If your Dad and Mom will always be your Dad and Mom, that’s even more true based on Scripture and with a Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally. You can’t sin enough, even by committing suicide, to get God to reject or disown you.

  What if someone struggles with suicidal thoughts? First, go see your doctor. Investigate on whether there might be a physiological reason you’re having these thoughts. If they’re persistent, see a good biblical counselor. Find one who’s been recommended by someone that you trust.

  Then, find a mature Christian friend to confide in. When you feel at low points, call them or meet with them. Have them pray with you and for you.

  Make certain that you’re getting adequate rest. The Prophet Elijah’s time of extreme despair came after a time of exhausting ministry. His spiritual and emotional resources were at a very low point.

  Spend time in the Word and in prayer. God knows what you’re going through. He loves you and completely understands. Perhaps read the Psalms. King David went through some very low points in his life.

  Though you want to isolate yourself, it’s the worst thing you can do. Faithfully attend worship services. Commit to being part of a small group. Seek out Christians that care about you, live in victory and tend to be spiritually optimistic.

  Exercise, limit your consumption of the media, and make yourself go outside into God’s wonderful creation. Most of what’s in the news is negative and depressing. It’s not what you need. Exercise has been proven to increase our energy and even help change our moods.

  Find someone that you can help and be a blessing to. Visit a shut-in or someone elderly with limited mobility. Serving and investing in others is phenomenal therapy. Write thank you notes to those who have been a blessing to you.

  There have been periods of my life when I have felt like I was drowning in what John Bunyan called “the Slough of Despond.” Something God has used in my heart over and over again are believers who faced horrible persecution like David, Joseph, the Apostle Paul and heroes from Christian History like Michael Sadler, Adoniram Judson or Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Knowing their story and seeing God’s faithfulness in their lives has encouraged me. Because the same God who loved them and got them through much worse than I am facing, loves me and will get me through as well. His grace truly is sufficient! 

  You and I are surrounded by hurting, often despairing people. Let’s ask God to make us that person that they can call for help and encouragement! Let’s commit to being their “suicide prevention hotline.”  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. "