You can't have your wedding cake and eat it, too

“Christians are supposed to be conspicuously holy, not for our own reputation but for God’s. We are to be the light of the world, so that when people see our good deeds they will glorify God.”   Mark Dever

  Have you used the Buy/Sell/Trade Sites on Facebook? You can find some real deals. Last Tuesday, June 28^th, was Jane’s birthday and yesterday, July 2^nd, was our 33^rd Anniversary. All that partying and gift-giving gets expensive. So I’m scanning these sites and stumbled on an elderly couple celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary. They’d planned a big celebration, purchased a huge cake BUT way overbought. Only a few friends were able to make it. So they’re stuck with all this cake with just a few slices missing. They’re on a fixed income and need money, so they listed this “used anniversary cake” for a song. I got a deal! They assured me, too, no one licked the knife and none of their friends have any communicable diseases…that they know of. So celebrate with us. It’s our anniversary weekend and we got a deal on this barely used cake. Join us in the coffee café for a piece of hardly used anniversary cake. You can barely see their names, Earline & Ralph, with the extra frosting covering them.

  If we announced there was “used” cake today, other than a few junior high boys who will eat anything, there wouldn’t be a long line for cake. Why is it we’re so concerned with purity when it comes to food, yet so casual about it when it comes to sexual intimacy?

  Before you read further, concluding I just stepped out of the Dark Ages, this particular column is only for those who know Jesus as their Lord and Savior, for those who have a personal relationship with Him, want to be obedient and please Him. They’re concerned about holiness. If you don’t know Jesus, while having sex outside of marriage has serious sociological and emotional ramifications, those concerns are minor compared to your greatest need of salvation. Those in God’s family are very concerned about pleasing Him and desire His blessing on their life and marriage.

  Because our culture is so oversexualized, our identity is no longer found in that we’re human beings made in God’s image. Instead, we’re primarily identified by our sex organs. Sexual behavior is our most talked about, joked about and considered our most valuable trait. Some 90% of sexual relations in the media are between unmarried individuals. Sex outside of marriage is promoted as healthy, natural and normal. That’s not what the Bible teaches. It’s instead a naturalistic worldview, not God’s viewpoint.

  God designed sex. Sexual intimacy is to be pleasurable and practiced often within marriage. During pre-marital counseling, I’ll ask couples: How do you spell sex? F-U-N! Sadly, too many have embraced a godless world’s viewpoint when it comes to sexuality. They’ll say things like “the Bible never says it’s wrong, I’ve studied it.” Or, the ultimate spiritual one upmanship, “We prayed about it.” Often, there’s little or no shame, even if they move in together. The greater tragedy is when Christian parents or grandparents give them their blessing. One colleague in ministry, prior to marriage, was encouraged by his future wife’s parents to move in with each other. It was the unmarried Christian couple who said, “No.” Rarely does anyone stop to consider that this is disobedience to God or the long term cost to the couple. Frankly, I think most parents would be more upset if their kids stole a candy bar, than they are with their children’s immoral behavior. No one seems to put together our epidemic emotional and mental health issues, exorbitant divorce rate, or rising violent and sexual crime rate with contemporary society’s laissez-faire attitude toward sexual intimacy.

  Please don’t take my word for it, examine for yourself what God’s Word says. Here are several passages which make it unequivocally clear any sexual relationship outside of marriage is wrong: Acts 15:20, 1 Corinthians 5:1, 6:13, Galatians 5:19, Ephesians 5:3 and Hebrews 13:4 to name a few.

  Sex is a gift from God to be pursued and enjoyed within the proper parameters of marriage. Playing in the sandbox may feel good, but it can’t compare to a day at the beach. In the same way, sex outside of marriage feels good, but that doesn’t mean it is good. Please pursue a greater pleasure. So why should anyone wait until marriage?

   Your relationship will be built on love that’s real, substantial, and stable. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. Many mistake feelings of pleasure for love. When you differentiate between love and sex, you love a person, not because of how you feel or what they do for you. You become spiritually, mentally and emotionally connected first. Sex within marriage is much more fulfilling and secure. It’s not about self or performance but love for your partner, meeting their needs and having yours met.  

  Waiting for sex helps control lust.  It greatly strengthens your trust in each other. The foundation of a healthy marriage is trust. When you resist sexual temptation with someone you love today, it helps build fences to not become sexually involved with someone who attracts you later. All of us find ourselves attracted to someone else from time to time.

  You become better communicators. What’s a continual problem in most marriages? Communication. When you wait, you build a communication foundation first. A married couple should be best friends, know each other better than anyone else, trust each other with inside information, trust even when flaws in our lives are exposed. It’s an intimacy sex alone can never achieve. Better communication even means more productive “fighting.” Issues are easier to resolve. We’re safe, comfortable and open with each other, and can express our emotions and needs better.

  You’re fighting for (and earning) that 1^st piece of wedding cake and amazing sex for your future marriage. Imagine your first night together after waiting, fighting temptation, growing in faith, knowing the deep emotional and spiritual love you have, and finally getting to have guilt-free and blessed by God sexual intimacy! It’s powerful and incomparable! It lowers feelings of self-consciousness, knowing how deeply you are loved!

  God designed sex for marriage and is the Designer we’re accountable to for all of our behavior, including sexuality. Marriage is the only covenant relationship where sexual expression is supposed to flourish. Scripture limits sex to within marriage only because sex is an expression of the lifetime covenantal union between husband and wife. When a relationship is merely a “test drive” both parties ask themselves stuff like, “Am I good enough?” or “Am I settling when I should be looking for someone better?” 

  Perhaps though you’ve already blown it. With our gracious God, it’s never too late to make the decision to pursue purity. Christ died for our sins. His grace is sufficient. All you must do is repent and commit, leaving old ways behind and following Jesus’ plan for your life (Ephesians 4:22-24). Then, you’ll find lasting and enduring joy. God Himself promises this!


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