Sometimes my wife, Jane, can be so annoying...

“Is it not lamentable that men will never thank God for the countless blessings He confers upon them, and then remember Him only to complain of the evils which they have brought upon themselves, and which are never half so great as their misconduct deserves?” 

John Broadus

  Thanksgiving is that season of the year when my wife, Jane, can be a real source of irritation for me. Complaining about Jane is not something I typically do, yet most people have no idea of how much I suffer. The Thanksgiving Season highlights this obnoxious behavior of hers more than any other time of year. So let me share my “thorn in the marriage.”

  All of us have our standard approach to life…and that’s where we have an issue. Jane habitually approaches life with gratitude whereas I, sadly, too often approach life with grumbling. Since we first got married, I’ve grown and become much, more quiet about it. And I don’t mean to shock any of you, but when Jane and I were first married, there were times when we’d be out shopping and the ineptness and incompetence of some local store (at least in my professional opinion J) irritated me. So I’d become a little loud in letting those around me know that I thought that this was completely unacceptable. Rather than chiming in and supporting my whining, Jane would hurry her pace and walk quite a bit ahead of me…almost like she didn’t know me or want to be seen with me. It was completely gauche but I soon got the hint.

  Praise the Lord! I’ve come a long way since then…unfortunately, I still have a long ways to go. Yet, I’m very thankful that both the Lord and Jane are so patient. Maybe that’s why I’m so thankful that in heaven we’ll spend so much time being thankful and praising the Lord. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

  God’s Word commands us to be consistently thankful (Ouch!). In writing to the Thessalonian Christians who were suffering intense persecution, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I wonder how they received that. It sounds nice enough in church, until you find yourself in difficult, even painful circumstances. Then, God’s Word can feel a bit like an insensitive platitude.

  “How can I be thankful when _________?” Countless scenarios complete the sentence. “How can I be thankful when this is the first Thanksgiving since my Mom died? How can I be thankful when I’m so depressed? How can I be thankful when I’m in the middle of chemotherapy? How can I be thankful when I’m not even sure if I’ll have food for dinner tonight?”

  Those are honest questions, ones honest believers have asked throughout the ages. Add to that, some of us struggle more with gratitude than others. Yet, as believers, most would really like to feel grateful, yet their life circumstances seem to make genuine gratitude impossible. They feel stuck in discouragement and despair.

  If we take the book of Psalms as a model for prayer, then we should certainly feel free, even obligated, to share with the Lord our hurts, frustrations and disappointments. Genuine prayer is not putting a happy face on our true feelings. If you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, or feeling afraid because you’re facing a serious illness, you should certainly share those feelings with your Heavenly Father. Being thankful in all circumstances doesn’t mean pretending or denying.

  It does mean though that we must look beyond our circumstances. Gratitude comes when we look at the bigger picture, when we remember the multitude of ways in which we’re blessed, even if we’re also feeling sadness, fear or whatever else seems inconsistent with being thankful. It means realizing that everything we experience in this life is temporary!  

  As I was writing this, I received a phone call that my adopted Mom (Mary Cummins) had been rushed to the hospital. Last week she had a stroke. She was doing better and had been moved to rehab. Yet, now she has pneumonia, is having trouble breathing and has congestive heart failure. It’s very likely that she’ll be going Home soon. None of us who love her would for the briefest moment want to prolong her suffering. Ever since the Lord called Dad Cummins Home, she’s been lost without him. In recent years she’s suffered from dementia and confusion. I’ve wondered if possibly her heart was so broken with the loss of the love of her life, that it was God’s gift to her to help her cope with a broken heart.

  Yet, I praise God for Mom Cummins. At some of the lowest points of my life, she and Dad Cummins were there for me with grace and strength. So I’m able to offer genuine thanks without denying the sadness of loss.

  Yet, what about believers who are in the midst of suffering right now? Can they be truly grateful? My answer is “Yes.” How do I know this? Because I’ve seen it time and again in God’s Word, in my own life and in my pastoral ministry. I’ve watched people in the midst of a horrible crisis nevertheless be able to express authentic thanks to God.

  That ability to look beyond our immediate circumstances is itself a gift of God’s grace. If you’re struggling to be grateful, ask the Lord to give you a fresher and truer perspective on your life, to help you see life from His perspective. Allow yourself enough time to remember and reflect upon God’s innumerable gifts. Most of all, think about who God is – that He’s your Father. Meditate upon His mercy and love. The more you do, the more you’ll find true gratitude growing and flowing from your heart.

  So while we don’t thank God for all things, we can thank Him in all things. When we pray, we can pray with thanksgiving. The healthiest human emotion is not love, it’s gratitude. As we cultivate an attitude of gratitude, of being thankful in everything, God in turn gives us more grace. It reduces both the pain and stress in life.

  And it’s not enough to pray and give thanks. We must follow up with that by choosing to change our mental diet. Most of us “meditate” on the negative. It’s imperative that we change the way we think, because the way we think determines how we feel. The way we feel determines how we act. 

  Scripture teaches that if you want to change your life, you must change what you’re thinking about. It requires a deliberate, conscious choice where you choose to think about the right things. We must choose to think on God, hope, His grace and Word. We must choose to think of God’s blessings and what we have to be grateful for. It’s simply obeying Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

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