I've never regretted being too kind

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see”  Mark Twain

  Recently, my son, Ben, and I were out for breakfast together. It was a restaurant in the Milwaukee area that was new to us. Neither of us had been there before. Earlier that morning we’d been at a book sale. As we always do after a book sale, we went out afterwards. We’d gotten up early to be at the book sale on time so were a bit tired. It was also a chance to celebrate that Ben has been seizure free for eight years. Eight years ago Ben had brain surgery and has been seizure free since. As you can imagine, even eight years later, it’s still a big deal for Ben and our family.

  Because it was a new restaurant, the menu was unfamiliar and it was an unusual menu, so we both had some difficulty determining what to order. Ben, (I have his permission to share this), has Asperger’s Syndrome. As a result, often Ben doesn’t pick up on social cues and he has some difficulty processing or making decisions when something is unfamiliar to him.

  I’m not sure if our waitress was having a bad day but she bordered on being rude. Ben wanted both eggs and pancakes but pancakes weren’t listed on the menu, other than as a child’s menu item, so he was having some difficulty determining what he wanted. She became very impatient with our indecision. Then, Ben had trouble communicating what he wanted. When she asked how many eggs he wanted. His response, “Two or three eggs” was totally unacceptable and she was a bit curt. He was completely lost on how to place a side order of pancakes when it wasn’t listed on the menu – Ben’s world tends to be black and white.

  Because we want Ben to have a normal life, we rarely intervene. Most of us would have communicated to her either verbally or non-verbally that she was pushing the envelope or even, if needed, asked to see the manager. Social pressure tends to paralyze Ben. He concludes that he must be doing something wrong and becomes apologetic. As we were on our way home, Ben and I discussed what had happened. I pointed out that as the server, since he’s the customer, it’s a server’s responsibility to be polite and patient. If Ben had been rude or obnoxious, her curtness might have been justified. Instead, he was just a little confused and indecisive. Rather than feeling that he’d done something wrong, the server was in the wrong.

  Obviously, I don’t know this woman’s spiritual situation. What saddens me is though is that I’ve seen the same curtness and impatience among Christians – and I’m guilty too. When we’re guilty of being unkind, we’re disobeying God’s Word and sinning. Ephesians 4:32 commands us, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted…”

  One can’t judge motives yet I wonder if our unkindness is rooted in pride. Because we know the right information or have social skills, we arrogantly conclude we’re better than those who lack them. Though Jesus was omniscient, He was the humblest and kindest man who’s ever walked this earth. You and I are called to be like Jesus, and He was never unkind.

  Kindness is to be one of the distinguishing and unfortunately, unusual marks of a Christ-follower in a cold, cruel world. Because of sin, we’re all broken and lacking in some area. None of us have our act together. Most of us aren’t as skilled or as intelligent as we think we are. For example, Aaron Rogers is very skilled on the gridiron, yet hand him a scalpel, put him in a surgeon’s gown and in an operating room…well, let’s just say I hope I’m not the one he’s “practicing medicine” on. We all have limited knowledge.

  If anyone should be kind and patient with those who have disabilities, it should be those of us who personally know the One who healed disabilities when He walked this earth. In a broken world, we increasingly will encounter those who are “dysfunctional” and lack normal social skills. The more that the traditional family disintegrates, there will be a corresponding increase in a lack of social skills.

  Perhaps you have friends who are deficient in social boundaries. They lack an understanding of what’s appropriate or inappropriate to say. They don’t understand timing. For example, asking someone a very personal question in a public setting is inappropriate, yet they’re often oblivious to etiquette. And that’s where we can demonstrate kindness, either by overlooking the fault or if we’re their friend, privately and kindly sharing some insights on appropriateness.

  As an adult child of an addict, I struggle with “normal.” Because it was my family history, I thought it was “normal” to always have a big family fight at Christmas. When Jane and I were first married, I was very uncomfortable at Christmas because everyone was getting along and enjoying themselves. Then, the Lord opened my eyes to see that my “normal” wasn’t.

  Believers should be the kindest of people, after all we’ve experienced so much unlimited and undeserved kindness from our loving Heavenly Father. A lost world sees a weakness and it’s as if there’s blood in the water. Sometimes, tragically, we go along with the cruelty. More often, we just observe yet stay at a safe distance, never becoming involved. Not only do we not intervene for the victim and discourage the cruelty, we fail to minister to the one who’s been hurt. All of us can help bind up wounds and encourage the one who’s been emotionally bludgeoned. Our biblical model is the Good Samaritan found in Luke 10. Like him, we must be willing to give of ourselves, take a risk and make an investment in someone else’s battered life. It may be touching the life of someone who has disabilities, physical or social. Maybe it’s just going out of our way to be kind to an older person. It might be being patient with someone who lacks social skills. It may include discipling and mentoring an immature brother or sister in the faith. Think about this – everything that we know someone else taught us. Someone invested in us. Let’s be kind and invest generationally for His glory in the lives of others, especially those who have the greatest need for patience and kindness.  

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