“One cannot always choose his vocation or surroundings in the world but one can choose his friends.” Clarence Macartney
Scientists tell us that our sun is not a large star, as stars go. It’s bigger than some, but there are many stars far bigger than it is—some of them more than 100 times larger. But those super-massive balls of burning light only look like tiny pinpricks in the sky to us. They’re easily drowned out by our average local fireball whenever it comes around.
It’s not the size of the star that matters most, from our perspective: It’s the proximity. Those huge suns truly are huge, but they’re too far away to keep us warm. They’re too distant to pull us in and shape our calendars and seasons. They’re too far removed to fill the face of our moon with reflected light at night. It turns out that what we need down here is not a good view of the biggest star in the universe. What we need is just an average sun to be near enough to us to give us warmth and light and life.
Isn’t this true of our relationships as well? The most popular “star” to see in concert this year is Taylor Swift. Her concerts sold 2.4 million tickets on the first day that they went on sale, breaking the single-day record. The average cost for a ticket is $1600.00. Taylor Swift’s concert tour has its own subculture, with fans dressing up as very specific moments in her music career and trading friendship bracelets featuring insider acronyms and jokes only true Swifties can decode.
We tend to be mesmerized by human stars and look up in wonder at the shimmering brightness of music stars, film stars, sports stars, and so on (there are a lot of stars). Yet no matter how brightly these human stars shine for us, there will always be important things that their far away light can’t do for us. It’s not really their fault. They’re just too far away.
This is why an average, ordinary friend who is next to you can bring warmth and light to your life in ways that no star influencer ever could. This close proximity is how a brother or sister in Christ can light up our darkest nights like a moon, reflecting back to us the light of God’s goodness and promises even when we’ve lost sight of them. A far away human star, no matter how bright they may be, simply can’t do the simple, vital, life-giving things that are easy for the ordinary people around us—the people who love us and share life with us. The people who are close.
Proximity then is more important than size. It’s more important than magnificence. You don’t have to be the biggest and brightest in the universe to bring warmth and light to those around you. You can be merely average, like our sun, and do the job quite well.
Most of us though are more concerned about having friends than being one. It’s amazing though that when you work at being a friend, God also blesses you with friends.
So how can you and I bring warmth into someone’s life? We must first understand that true friends are built. You don’t make them overnight. Friendships are not toadstools; they’re oak trees. Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12). That’s how friendships begin – you begin by loving with God’s love. Let me share though some key principles that will help make you a great friend.
Accept. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times.” We discover that the best friendships are those who know and accept our weaknesses and imperfections. If we’re easily offended or hold on to wounds or bitterness, we’ll have difficulty keeping friends. Friends don’t keep score. No one is perfect. We all sin. If we take an honest look at ourselves, we’ll admit that we bear some of the blame when things go wrong in a friendship. A good friend is quick to ask forgiveness and ready to be forgiving.
Acknowledge. Recognize people. Give them your full heart and attention. When you talk to people, listen to them. Ask follow-up questions. Put away your phone. Look them in the eye. The impact of time spent with people can’t be overestimated. Understand that people are important. They’re a soul for whom Christ died. As we acknowledge others, we’re saying, “You're important to me. I acknowledge your importance.”
Appreciate. Think about a time when a friend appreciated you and how good it felt to hear that they were grateful for your presence in their life. Often, we wait too late to appreciate our friends. Scottish writer, Thomas Carlyle, lived on a farm in Dumfriesshire, which he called “the loneliest nook in Britain.” Each day he climbed a ladder to his attic, where he worked until dark. His devoted wife Jane was left alone. One evening at dinner, Jane asked why he’d never expressed appreciation for the food she lovingly prepared for him. “Woman,” Carlyle barked, “must you be paid for everything you do?” With that, he stamped off to his attic workshop.
Years later after his wife died, Carlyle found her diary. On tear-stained pages, he read this recurring refrain, “Oh, I wish you would say a kind word or give me a compliment now and then about the things I try to do to make you happy.”
Assure. Assure your friend that you understand. All of us want empathy. Find ways to let your friend know that you’re aware of what they feel and what they're going through. Assure them that you're there, and to your limited ability, are seeking to understand what they're going through.
Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.
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