You Only Have One Mom!

“Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.”

Dorothy Canfield Fisher

You only have one Mom! Through the years I’ve been reminded of that many times as I’ve walked a family through the death of their mother. This Pandemic has brought us face to face with the fragility of life. Normally, we work to push the reality of death out to the edges of our mind, but it won’t stay there. Death is inevitable and always comes too soon. Many of those bodies in faraway places like Italy, New York City, and China are someone’s mother.  Good-byes are often unexpected and unplanned.

  I’ve lost track of how many funerals I’ve done over the decades. One trait that nearly all have in common – the person who could most benefit from the love, kind words and gratitude being expressed is no longer there to experience it. That always makes me very sad.

  Our Creator is a God of love and designed us to be loved. An unloved individual is a miserable one.

  In Les Miserables, Victor Hugo tells the stirring story of an escaped convict who is transformed by the compassion of a French bishop who forgives him for stealing his silver candlesticks. The transformation leads this convict to lead a life of love and success, eventually causing him to forgive himself and save the life of the prison guard who stalks him down in an effort to return him to prison. In that literary classic Hugo writes that “the supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved.”

  On this Mother’s Day may we remember that our Mom’s greatest need is not a new dress, a remodeled kitchen, breakfast in bed, fresh flowers, or another card. What your Mom needs most of all is to know that she is loved! Everything else is meaningless without love. So how can you show your Mom that you love her?

  Just say it. Say it often, repeat it and say it again and again. One of the most foolish things that I periodically hear is, “Well, they know that I love them.” Do you really believe your mother is psychic? It’s a very rare Mom who feels that she measures up (most of them have very low self-esteem, particularly when it comes to being a Mom). She needs to hear that you love her again and again. You never know when it might be the last time that you’ll be able to say it.

  Sadly, I speak from experience. It’s hard for me to believe that at the end of this month, it will be fifty years since my Mom was taken Home. She was driving to a wedding, her car went over a seventy-five-foot embankment and my Mom was gone. What I wouldn’t give to tell her “I love you” one more time.

  Touch her. When’s the last time you gave your Mom a big hug without her asking for it first? Think about this – your mother is the very first person who ever touched you. She wrapped you up in her womb for months and then you arrived. Her first priority was to hold you. She cuddled you, stroked your head, rubbed your feet, held your little cheeks against her, gave you a finger to grasp. In love, she did all those things.

  She changed your diapers, potty trained you, and held a tissue for you to blow your nose. She wiped food off of your face years longer than she should have had to. Your Mom constantly touched you! 

  Our largest organ is our skin. God designed us for touch. There are much worse things than dying from a virus. One is dying without human touch. Please find a way. Bathe yourself in a sanitizer if you have to. Your Mom needs your touch. She should never have to give that up completely!

  Love her patiently. Too many times I’ve had to bite my tongue. As your mother ages, she’ll forget things. The roles often reverse where you become the parent and she becomes the child. It’s almost more than I can bear to watch an adult child scold an aged parent. To me, it’s just cruel. An elderly person is no longer able to improve, grow or change. The scolding has nothing do with behavioral growth or modification. It’s just venting.

  In spite of all your Mom does for you, too many become impatient with her. She’s taken for granted and what she gives is expected. Just because she’s tender to your needs that’s no reason to take advantage of her. No, it’s the reason instead to be patient, grateful and to love her all the more!

  Love her generously. You’ll never be able to repay her, but it wouldn’t hurt to die trying. Most mothers rarely spend on themselves first unless all their children’s needs are met first.

  This will shock you. Please understand, there is never an excuse for abuse. Yet, there is a rationale for why so many Moms take it. It’s not for them. A mother will rationalize that she can take a few pokes, a black-eye every now and then, as long as her children have food on the table and a roof over their head. No, it’s not right, but Moms are willing to lay it all on the line for their children, to even sacrifice themselves and bodily harm.

  Moms give generously for their children over and over again. Your mother wasn’t perfect, but she did the best that she could.

  Are you familiar with Mom Math? State your answer as a fraction:  If there’s 10 at the table and one apple pie, how much does each one get?  Here’s the answer, “One ninth!” “But don’t you know your fractions?” “Do you know my mother? If there’s that many at the table and only one pie, she’ll decide that she’s really not that hungry and doesn’t want a piece.”

  Love her with respect. Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” Maybe you’re thinking, “You don’t know my mother…she was an addict. She was abusive.” It may be true that I don’t know your mother, but I do know God. The Bible says nothing about being worthy of respect. It just gives us the command. Scripture only has one qualification, “Is she your mother?”

  The police officer who pulls you over may be a scoundrel but Scripture still command us to show that law enforcement officer respect (Romans 13:1-7). Notice too, this the only one of the Ten Commandments which includes a built-in promise of blessing.

  In the end it’s not about whether your Mom has done the right thing. It’s about you honoring the Lord and doing the right thing. Why? Because it’s always the right thing to do. Not only will it bless her, but it will also cause things to go well with you and result in a long and happy life for you. So, please never be too busy or preoccupied to let your Mom know you love her.

  Even as Jesus was dying on the cross, He made sure that His mother knew that He loved her and that she was provided for. Your mother doesn’t need all the extras associated with this holiday. Please give her what she needs the most – YOUR LOVE! Give it to her today because tomorrow might just be too late!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.