Can we please talk?

“Conversation is food for the soul.”

  One of my favorite meals is prime rib but finding a restaurant that serves really good prime rib seems to be more difficult to find. It might be too that I don’t want to drop the equivalent of a house payment for a quality prime rib dinner. You don’t rush through prime rib. You take your time. You dine rather than eat, salivating and enjoying each and every bite.

  Good conversation is like that. Yet, quality conversation is becoming a lost art. Did you know that communicating is something that distinguishes us as image-bearers of God? In the Garden God came each day and conversed with our first parents. Conversation is a gift from God. Think about it, God could have sent an angel yet He came to converse with Adam and Eve. He modeled for them what they needed for a healthy relationship.

  A top complaint of a problematic marriage is “we don’t communicate.” But it’s not just in marriage, it’s in all our relationships. It’s why we have difficulty with friendships. Often we substitute activity for conversation, like a movie or athletic event, because we’re uncomfortable conversing. We rarely go much deeper than the weather, sports or politics and then we wonder why we feel so empty.

  God designed us for deep, meaningful conversation. God didn’t tweet as He walked with Adam and Eve. Social media is dissatisfying and often fraught with argument because it lacks true conversation. Because we’re so naïve of how to have a conversation, we substitute short texts for a long talk. Sometimes we do that out of fear of vulnerability and transparency. Yet, the best conversations take place face to face. You can look at folk and often tell if they’re having a healthy conversation. Unbeknownst to them, nearly subconsciously they mirror each other’s body language, because they are so engaged in the conversation with each other.

  Jesus was a great conversationalist. As His followers, He’s called us to be great conversationalists. The foundation for being a great conversationalist is to first have a selfless, servant’s heart. Being able to talk is not vital to being a great conversationalist; it’s having the ability to listen. If you’re a good listener, you’ll never lack for conversation opportunities.

  It helps to have some conversation starters. One cynic was correct, “It’s a good thing that the weather changes often, because if it didn’t 90% of people would have nothing to talk about.” God gifted us with intelligence. Part of stewardship is using and developing it. As we do, we’ll not lack for things to converse about which are varied, interesting, and worthwhile.

  Jesus could talk about anything to anyone. We should be able to do the same. It means moving out of our comfort zones and not sounding like a broken record where we continually revert to one or two key subjects that we’re comfortable talking about. It helps us be better conversationalists if we take the time to read books or magazines. As we learn about a wide range of subjects, it increases our vocabulary and general knowledge.

  Pay attention to local, national and world news. Experience something new or attempt a new activity. Go out of your way to talk with others from different generations, occupations, marital situations and economic systems. You’ll find the exposure to what for you is new opens up many interesting stories and valuable lessons. Those simple things will give you many interesting things to talk about—all of which are infinitely more interesting than talking about the weather! Having meaningful conversations is something which must be learned. God promises us the wisdom (James 1:5) that we need. Yet, we must focus and practice at conversing to become more skilled at it. Here are some suggestions…

  Make it about the person you are talking to. We’ve all had that experience with someone who talks endlessly about something you have no interest in. It feels like they’re having a conversation with themselves and you just happen to be there. Great conversations begin with showing an interest in the other person, their world and what they’re interested in. Most people love to talk about themselves. Ask them an open-ended question about something that you notice about them. If you can give a sincere compliment or positive feedback, you’ve made a great start. Great conversationalists have a sincere interest in others, notice things about them, and use those things to start and fuel conversations.

  Be an active listener. Too often we’re thinking about what we want to say next while someone else is speaking. As you find your mind going to a response, discipline yourself to listen. Practice by spending time with your spouse or a friend, and repeating back to them what they just said. It helps create awareness of the amount of time we truly spend listening to others.

  Take the conversation to a deeper level. Think of a friend you’re willing to open up to. What is it about them that makes you comfortable sharing things you might not normally share? Do they make eye contact? Do you feel like you’ve got their full attention? Do you hear the tone of their voice? Do their faces light up when you share something you’re excited about but become sober if you share bad news? Probably. You sense they truly care and are focused on what you’re telling them.

  Ask thoughtful questions. Others will share if we show real interest and ask open-ended questions to move deeper into the conversation. Good questions include asking someone how they think or feel about something that they’re talking about. If they brought up something on their own, it’s usually of interest and importance to them.

  Be willing to invest the time. Don’t begin a conversation unless you have the time to hear the other person out. Good conversations require a slow, relaxed pace. They need a pressure-free atmosphere free of distractions.

  Finally, read the Gospels. Look at Jesus’ conversations. He didn’t believe in accidents. Each one was a divine appointment. He has “appointments” waiting for us too to give to others the gift of conversation. 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. "