"Blessed are the peacemakers"

“One day I would love to turn on the news and hear,

‘There’s peace on earth’.”

  It’s an anniversary year. Not all anniversaries are good and this one isn’t. There are some anniversaries that most of us, particularly if you lived through these terrible events, would love to forget.

  This year is the 25^th anniversary of the Los Angeles riot that started on April 29, 1992. The riots lasted six days: 63 people died, more than 2,000 suffered injuries. It’s the 40^th anniversary of the Detroit riots. Detroit residents rioted for six days beginning on July 23, 1967. At least 43 died with another 2,000 injured. More than 2,000 buildings were burned down. Famed Detroit Tigers left fielder, Willie Horton, an African-American who’d grown up in the riot area, stood on a car in his uniform amidst the rioters and pleaded with them to go home. The rioters ignored him.

  On July 17, 1932, a riot in what is now Hamburg, Germany, involved 7,000 Nazis and perhaps that many Communists. It became known as “Bloody Sunday” and left 18 Germans dead. It also killed freedom, the Weimar Republic and its free elections. Three days later an emergency decree curtailed liberty in Prussia which opened the door for the beginning of Hitler’s dictatorship the following year.

  Over the last five years there have been race-based riots in Maryland, Minnesota, Missouri, and other states following the shootings of African-Americans by white policemen. The more recent April 15^th riot in Berkeley, California, received less attention, but involved 500 to 1,000 demonstrators, including alt-right and anti-fa (“anti-fascist”) brawlers. Six were hospitalized and there was one stabbing. A greater tragedy is perhaps when riots become so “normal,” they’re no longer newsworthy.

  One of the terrible aftershocks of the Fall is that human beings like to fight. Our bent is toward conflict. We especially like to fight and win. It’s part of how we deal with our consciences and guilt. If we can win, judge someone else wrong, then we feel better about ourselves. Like Adam and Eve, our own arrogance sets us up for continual conflicts.

  Recently, Pastor John Burke (Gateway Church, Austin, Texas), wrote very transparently about himself: “I watch the news and condemn those ‘idiotic people’ who do such things. Most reality TV shows are full of people I can judge as sinful, ignorant, stupid, arrogant, or childish. I get in my car and drive and find a host of inept drivers who should have flunked their driving test—and I throw in a little condemnation on our Department of Public Safety for good measure! At the store, I complain to myself about the lack of organization that makes it impossible to find what I’m looking for, all the while being tortured with Muzak—who picks that music anyway? I stand in the shortest line, which I judge is way too long because—‘LOOK PEOPLE—it says ‘10 items or less,’ and I count more than that in three of your baskets. What’s wrong with you people?’ And why can’t that teenage checker—what IS she wearing?—focus and work so we can get out of here? Judging is our favorite pastime. Judging makes us feel good because it puts us in a better light than others.”

  Our judgmental spirits and pettiness make us vulnerable for arguing and fighting. Too many of us live in a state of perpetual conflict. What makes that particularly sad is that we all want desperately to live in peace, to live a life free of conflict. Yet, we do many things wrong that cause even more conflict. While most of us don’t go looking for a fight, too many of us don’t put forth much effort to be a peacemaker or even a peace-keeper.

  Peace-making requires divine power. True peace and lasting peace is impossible apart from God’s intervention. No one can produce what they don’t already possess. You can’t spread peace if you’re at war inside.

  The only way to have inner peace is to first have personal peace with God through faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. God is the source of all genuine peace. Scripture repeatedly tell us that God is a peace-loving, peace-making God. One outcome of that means that believers should be the most peace-loving and the greatest peacemakers. But are we? The 3^rd fruit of the Spirit is peace. Is that fruit evident in your life? Would your family say that you’re a “peace lover?” How about your church family? What about your co-workers? Or, sadly, are you known as a pot-stirrer?

  You’ve no doubt heard of Alfred Nobel. Alfred Nobel was one of the world’s wealthiest men of his day. He invented dynamite. Yet, one morning in 1888, Alfred Nobel woke up to a terrible horror…he read his own obituary. A careless reporter had mistaken the inventor for his brother, who’d actually died. The shock for Alfred Nobel was overwhelming.

  For the first time in his life, he saw himself as the world saw him – the dynamite king, the distributor of death. It was only for destruction that he would be remembered. And at that point, Alfred Nobel changed the course of his life. He determined that he would not be remembered in future generations as the merchant of death. So in his Last Will and Testament, he left his vast fortune to be awarded to those seeking world peace. We know it today as the Nobel Peace Prize.

  Alfred Nobel wanted to be remembered as a peacemaker – not a peace breaker. How do you want to be remembered? More importantly, how will you be remembered? “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” Based on your commitment to being a peacemaker, based on your character – would those around you know that you are God’s child, that you have a personal relationship with the Prince of Peace? 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. "

Marriage: who are YOU listening to?

“Let the wife make her husband glad to come home 
and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”  Martin Luther

  What’s your resource for having a healthy marriage? What’s your source for marital wisdom? I’ll never understand why the crowd with the worst record when it comes to marital fulfillment is our most trusted resource.

  Most of what we believe about love, marriage and sex comes from Hollywood and romance movies. We forget that they’re acting. The actors and actresses rarely have the love in their own lives that they act out on the screen, yet we trust the ones who know so little about it. It’s like asking President Trump for advice on exercising self-control on social media.

  A healthy marriage requires trust. All the flowers, gifts, romantic escapes, or sexual intimacy can’t overcome a lack of trust. Honesty is essential for a healthy marriage. The very first person I must be brutally honest about is ME. Finger pointing and fault finding about my spouse is like a terrorist bomb for a marriage. Instead, I must look in the mirror of God’s Word, submit to the Spirit and seek godly counsel about the sinner in me that contaminates my marriage. Most couples, if they see a marriage counselor, hope the therapist will take their side and fix their spouse. They’re wasting their money. The only one I have control over is me.

  And my sins are not little. They’re big. My sin is horrific enough to require Jesus’ death to pay for it. God’s grace has power to overcome my sin and that same grace is available to fight sin that is poisoning my marriage. As God loves me in spite of my mess, I’ve been given the opportunity to love and forgive my spouse as I have been forgiven.

  Ephesians 4:15 commands us to “speak the truth in love.” Marital success begins with me being honest about me, then forgiving my spouse’s sins.

  A healthy marriage requires practicing problem-solving skills. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). Most people lack problem-solving skills. It’s why there’s rampant divorce or why though there may not be a divorce, the marriage is little more than a shell. It’s why people quit jobs, break friendships or leave churches. Much of it goes back to maturity. Immature children stomp out, slam doors, take their toys and go home. Adults calmly confront issues and seek to bring them to a resolution.

  Most of us fight like our parents did. Yet, when you became a Christian, you received a new Father. We’re going to disagree and fight. There is no rational for a Christian to become angry and fight in a sinful way…and we must clean it up. Often it’s left unresolved and merely buried. Like lava beneath the earth’s surface, the heat is still there and will eventually erupt.

  A healthy marriage requires encouragement and continual positive affirmation. “A wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain” (Proverbs 19:13). King Solomon wrote those words. As he had 1000 wives and concubines, his perspective would be that this is a feminine problem. It’s not. Some of the pettiest, most negative individuals you’ll meet are men. It’s more fun to have a root canal than to hang around them. Most of those who are negative don’t even realize it. They may rationalize that they’re realists or only trying to help. Sadly, some of the pettiest individuals are believers. But when they are negative, they’re disobeying Scripture. Philippians 4:8 commands us, “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Add to that, it’s impossible to build from weakness. You build from strength.

  If most couples were honest and you asked them to give a percentage of what really bothers them about their spouse, it’d be less than 10%. But what do they focus on, what do they talk to their mate about – that silly 10%. Do you want a fulfilling marriage, then focus and talk about that 90%, that same 90% that probably attracted you to them in the first place?

  I’ve observed this far too many times. A couple has had fairly minimal problems that they’ve allowed to become huge to them. Something tragic happens and those harsh thoughts and words can never be retrieved. There is great regret for them but it’s too late. So if your spouse died tomorrow, would all that petty stuff that’s got you all wound up today really matter? Are those the last words you want to say to them? Because you never know when your last day together will be.

  A healthy marriage requires kindness and thoughtfulness. The validity of our Christianity is best demonstrated in our relationships, particularly with our spouse and children. It’s also the greatest evidence of the fruit the Spirit is producing in our life. It’s where we show the authenticity of spiritual growth. No relationship reveals this more than the marriage relationship. Our tendency is to demonstrate kindness as we’d like to have it expressed to us. True kindness though is expressing it in the way that’s most meaningful to my spouse. For example, some people love affirmation while others want time. Study your spouse and give them the gift of kindness most meaningful to them, not what should be meaningful to them…or is meaningful to you. Giving your spouse the wrong kind of kindness is like giving a jazz lover a Phish album. It just doesn’t work. 

  Our world longs for authentic love. Marriage demands love, commitment and perseverance. We have something a lost world doesn’t have to enable us to have a healthy marriage, God’s Word and His grace. Is your marriage a testimony to a lost world that God’s Word, His love and grace are real? 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

A Grace Driven Approach to Incarceration

“Going to prison is like dying with your eyes open.”  Bernard Kerik

    There are two phrases from Jesus’ first public words of ministry that weigh heavily on me:

“He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives…        
to set at liberty those who are oppressed” (Luke 4:18).

  Twice we find the word “liberty” as part of our Lord’s purpose and ministry – liberty for captives and liberty for the oppressed. While the oppressed may be somewhat qualified, captives is not. It’s a broad term. What did Jesus mean by captives? To be a captive means you’re a prisoner of someone or something. You’ve been captured, taken hold of, put into chains and bondage – with or against your will. Obviously, Jesus was speaking first about freeing those in bondage to sin. Yet, I don’t think it excludes those who’ve been physically enslaved or judicially incarcerated.

  If there’s any area of ministry that the Church for the most part has failed, it’s for those imprisoned or incarcerated. For me it’s become a great burden, though I certainly have more questions than answers at this juncture of my life.

  Our church used to support The New Man Project. This ministry’s purpose was to provide employment for recently released prisoners, paying a family-supporting wage to enable them to become healthy citizens. The primary goal was to share the Gospel. True change occurs in a community one person at a time and only comes as we’re transformed by God’s grace, repent, accept by faith Christ’s sacrificial death for us, becoming a new person. Sadly, they had difficulty finding financial support to maintain this ministry and are currently in hiatus, seeking new funding for a re-start.

  The United States is the world’s leader in incarceration. While home to only 5% of the world’s population, we house 25% of the world’s prisoners. Criminologists have coined the term “mass incarceration” to describe the 500% increase in the prison population in the U.S. over the last 40 years.

  Our judicial and incarceration system is a failure. The philosophy of just building more prisons to lock up more people is ludicrous, even from a fiscal perspective. Keeping just one inmate incarcerated, on average, for a year costs over $30,000.00. Yes, we must lock up violent and sexual criminals, but what are we truly accomplishing when we incarcerate shoplifters, addicts, those convicted of fraud or drunk drivers? Wouldn’t it be better to have a system of restitution and rehabilitation without incarceration? Should a shoplifter really be locked up with a rapist? 

  Please understand, it doesn’t excuse it, yet many repeat offenders grew up in homes where they themselves experienced terrible trauma in the forms of neglect, abandonment, sexual or physical abuse. Punishment for them then is seen as something to endure, not a learning tool. Planning or thinking in life-skill categories isn’t part of their life. They live in survival mode. Think about it, who plans for the future when there probably isn’t one? Trauma during those early years increases the likelihood of criminal behavior, mental illness or substance abuse later on. Those of us from relatively stable homes just don’t think the way that they think.

  Jesus has called us to be incarnational. We must seek to understand and even enter their world, just as He entered ours. Those who have been incarcerated are often bruised, broken and wounded. If you take those who are physically broken and wounded to a hospital, shouldn’t you take those who are emotionally broken and wounded to a spiritual hospital, to the church? Shouldn’t our church be the place for healing and transformation?

  As Paul Tripp writes, “What is the church? A well-led successful organization or a hospital full of diseased people? Everywhere you look, you will find couples who are struggling to love, parents who are struggling to be patient, children who are attracted to temptation and friends who battle the disappointments of imperfect relationships. This is 100% of the church’s membership! The church is not a theological classroom. It is a conversion, confession, repentance, reconciliation, forgiveness and sanctification center.” The church is to be a wonderful, healing place! You don’t have to be perfect or good or even pretend. You can be a mess because Jesus loves to fix messes. That’s why Jesus died…for messes like you and me.

  I don’t have all the answers but I know the One who does. At Grace, we’re not about us, our wants or needs. God has called us to be a lighthouse of hope to our community through astonishing, sacrificial acts of compassion. As others see Christ’s love manifested in us, not just talked about, they’re more open to listening to our message. We must be a church known for deeds of love, mercy and compassion. Our world will never accept Jesus until they first see Jesus in us. It means loving those who humanly speaking we may be repulsed by, like the incarcerated. Our Savior reached out to us though our sin was an abomination to Him. Then He died so that we could be free! Surely by His grace, we can show love, sharing acts of compassion for the incarcerated and those who are sin’s prisoners.  

  God may have brought someone into your life who, humanly speaking, you wouldn’t walk across the street for. We’re motivated by a higher calling to walk across a bridge for them, the bridge of the Cross. We must share God’s love, that there’s forgiveness, hope and restoration. Will you walk across the bridge of the Gospel to set a captive free? Will our church be a place of hope for those society considers hopeless? Are you in? I am! 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

This Day in History

“History is a story written by the finger of God.”  C.S. Lewis

  Today is a huge milestone and the culmination of prayer, vision, sacrifice and commitment for our church. This first phase of our new facility is the first major building project that our church has undertaken in sixty years.

  I’m very thankful for the kindness of local media in reporting this milestone, yet, in the grand scheme of things, in light of what is taking place in the world, though this is huge for us, it’s hardly a blip on the world’s stage. No one will Google us to find our groundbreaking listed as a major event on “This Day in History” for June 25^th, so I decided to check what other key events are listed as taking place on this day. It was interesting what was deemed noteworthy. Some of the major events that took place on June 25^th can even apply to us. For example…

  In 1667, the very first blood transfusion was performed by a French physician, Jean-Baptiste Denys. Our church and every other Gospel believing one exists because of a blood “transfusion.” If the Lord Jesus hadn’t left heaven and come to earth, if He hadn’t given His lifeblood to pay for our sin, we wouldn’t be here. Jesus in love bled out for us. It’s because of God’s love and His sacrifice that we’re alive, spiritually and eternally alive. We can be forgiven and our holy God can be justified in forgiving us for all of our sin because of Christ’s atonement and His substitutionary sacrifice for sin.

  In 1678, Elena Cornaro Piscopia was the first woman to receive a university doctoral decree. A vital part of our mission is to “make disciples of all nations…teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” This isn’t merely education or some transfer of information, discipleship is so much more. It involves teaching, counseling, relationship building, role modeling. Through the power of the Spirit working in our lives, we want to be more and more like Jesus. Our mission isn’t numbers or a big crowd; our mission is to reproduce reproducers. It’s why we’re committed to the Ziebell Education Wing. Discipleship begins early and we want to do what we can to facilitate it. As one graduates to demonstrate that they’ve completed their education, believers who have graduated into spiritual maturity reproduce themselves by leading others to Christ and mentoring them to be a disciple who then reproduces new disciples.

  In 1876, a famous American tragedy took place – the battle of Little Big Horn, also known as Custer’s Last Stand. The U.S. 7^th Cavalry, including the Custer Battalion, a force of 700 men led by General George Armstrong Custer, suffered a major defeat. Five of the 7^th Cavalry’s twelve companies were annihilated; General Custer was killed, as were two of his brothers, a nephew, and a brother-in-law. The total U.S. casualty count included 268 dead and 55 severely wounded (six died later from their injuries). The battle was an overwhelming victory for the Lakota, Northern Cheyenne, and Arapaho Native American tribes. That battle and Custer's actions have been studied extensively by historians.

  The general consensus is that Custer lost that battle because of pride. While there were many other contributing factors, pride was the core problem. Sadly, pride has defeated more churches and Christians than probably any other sin. It’s one that we are tempted with today and will be tempted with until the Lord calls us Home. Yet, God gives His greatest blessings to those who are surrendered to Him. He doesn’t need our building, talents, skills, or even our money – but He wants to use us. He wants our lives to matter and have eternal significance. That only happens when we are humbly dependent upon Him. It’s His grace that we rely on!

  In 1950, North Korea invaded South Korea, beginning the Korean War. We have a vicious Enemy. Satan loves diversion and division. His first attack was to divide Adam and Eve from God and from each other. Human history is a long sad and deadly trail of division from Cain murdering his brother, Abel, to the early church and economic bigotry (Acts 6).

  Divisions that lead to church splits, whether physically or only emotionally are a sad and all-too-common occurrence in the Body of Christ. The effects of a church split, regardless of the cause, can be devastating. Church splits distress and discourage mature believers, worse they disillusion new believers. They cause havoc in the lives of pastors and their families. The greatest evil of all that can spring from a split is that it hinders the Gospel and brings reproach on the name of the Lord Jesus.

  God is omnipotent. His grace truly is sufficient. There is always hope! Even Christians that divide and churches that split can experience healing and restoration. This past week I experienced that as by God’s grace I was able to resolve a breakdown which occurred many years ago with a dear friend. My brother in Christ and I experienced God’s grace and healing.

  Christians aren’t perfect. The truth is that we’re a mess. Jesus is perfect but we’re the anti-thesis of that. As a result, churches are like hospitals, full of wounded and sick people. But in the church the sickness is sin and the wounds are usually those we inflict upon ourselves and each another because of sin. We are people who are brought together by God’s grace, yet grace is too frequently the one gift we deny each other. We are forgiven and God’s wants us to be forgivers!
  Today is a historic day for Grace Church! It probably won’t make This Day in History, yet may King Jesus look down on us and be pleased, not just for today but for all that He is also going to do through us in the coming days! Our future is as bright as the promises of God!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

Looking for a few godly men....

“Jesus…is the Lion of Judah and the Lamb of God (Rev. 5:5-6). He was lionhearted and lamblike, strong and meek, tough and tender, aggressive and responsive, bold and brokenhearted. He sets the pattern for manhood.”  John Piper

  What does it mean to be a man, particularly a godly man? The entertainment culture has two sets of males. One is a bumbling Homer Simpson type that’s generally kicked around by his wife and children. He’s harmless, cute but never taken seriously. Then, there’s the action hero type, think Rambo. He has difficulty putting two coherent sentences together, but is able to string together rounds of bullets without a problem. Bulging biceps, monosyllable foul language and an appetite for loose women are his ontology. He solves problems by blowing up and blowing things up.

  While most agree these male types shouldn’t reflect what it is to be a man, too many boys and men in the Church take their masculinity cues from a lost world. While one may be a hero in a lost world that same one can be a zero with God – and God’s evaluation is the one that ultimately matters.

  What is a godly man? We find many models in Scripture. Most of us like lists and the New Testament gives us one. It’s the job description of a deacon. The term deacon is a transliteration of the Greek word, diakonos, which means servant. Generally, it refers to domestic servants, as in John 2 at the wedding at Cana. Paul calls himself a diakonos in 1 Corinthians 3:5, a servant of Christ. Every godly man will first be a “servant of Christ.”

  In 1 Timothy 3:8-13 we find the qualifications of a deacon. They’re also guidelines for what it means to be a godly man. When God seeks leaders, He doesn't look for talent but godly virtues.

  Respectable, “dignified.” The word is the opposite of being a goof-off. A godly man has a seriousness of purpose about him. His wife, his family and others sense that he’s concerned for them, so that they trust and respect him. He’s not a cold, joyless person, yet he understands the seriousness of life and is a man whose character is worth imitating.

  Integrity in speech, “not double-tongued.” He’s sincere, not guilty of saying one thing and then turning around and saying another. He doesn't speak out of both sides of his mouth. It’s better for him to say nothing at all than to say one thing to one person and something else to another. A godly man interacts with different people at home and work and is consistent in what he says. When Fred Mitchell, chairman of the China Inland Mission, died, one of the speakers at his funeral said this about him: “You never caught Fred Mitchell off his guard because he never needed to be on it.” 

  Self-controlled, “not addicted to much wine.” Like today, offering someone a glass of wine was a gesture of hospitality. Godly men exercise control. They’re disciplined. They know where the lines are. When it comes to alcohol, they may drink but are not known as a “drinker.”

  Financially honest, “not greedy for dishonest gain." A godly man is ethical in his finances and business dealings. He’s a man of integrity. He’d rather lose money than gain it through a shady deal or cutting corners. He has the right attitude toward money, seeing himself as a manager of God’s money and knows that money is a tool not the means to an end.

  Scripturally sound, “must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.” His life and doctrine must match. They are men of orthodoxy and orthopraxy. The mystery of the faith is a New Testament term for Christian truth, especially the Gospel. It points to that which once was hidden, yet now has been revealed in Jesus Christ. A godly man knows God’s Word and has convictions regarding the central truths of the Christian faith. In addition to sound doctrine, he’s sound in obedience and has a clear conscience. He doesn’t just know His Bible, He lives it out.

  Proven, “And let them also be tested first…let them…prove themselves blameless.” Blameless is a general term referring to someone’s overall character. A godly man’s personal background, reputation, and theological positions must be above reproach. He should have a consistent track record of holiness. An untested leader is an unprepared leader.

  Morally pure, “husband of one wife.” A godly man is a one-woman man. His wife ought to occupy his full horizon. He must love her as he loves himself. He must be devoted to his wife both in mind and body. A godly man is not flirtatious and is pure in thought and life.

  Consistent family life, “managing their children and their own households well.” The home is the proving ground for godly leadership. If a man flunks out at home, he’s not fit for church leadership.

  The quest for true manhood ultimately drives us to the Cross of Jesus Christ. We run to Jesus not just as the ultimate example of what a man looks like, but more importantly as our Savior.

  As a man, I don’t just need to be rescued from the evil of the surrounding culture, I need to be rescued from the sin in my own heart. I need to be rescued from me. The greatest danger to any man exists inside of him, not outside of him. Sin makes me willing to be less than the man God designed me to be, and for that, I need His forgiveness and transforming grace. 

  It’s only through salvation and depending on God’s grace that any of us attains true manhood. A godly man has decided to let God control his life by applying God’s Word to his everyday activities. He loves God and serves the Lord by serving others showing the love of Christ to them through his words and actions. Are you a godly man?

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

Stop lying to your kids!

“Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.”

Robert Anthony

  A donkey named Oliver recently joined therapy dogs offering stress relief during finals week at Montana State University. The 8-year-old donkey stood inside the entrance of the university library. Students petted Oliver, hugged him and took selfies. In another part of the library, students sat on the floor and played with dogs provided by Intermountain Therapy Animals. The report failed to report whether it helped the students do better on their finals, but isn’t doing well on your finals the goal? 

  Unlike much of the world, particularly the 3^rd World, America’s youth is on the side of wimpy. For various reasons, helicopter parenting, a warm and fuzzy mentality, the strict regulation of what children can or can’t say/do – we often have an unprepared generation for adulthood. Life, marriage or the workplace aren’t going to provide therapy donkeys.

  A new report from the Educational Testing Service (ETS), America’s Skills Challenge: Millennials and the Future, dares to asks how much longer we can thrive as a nation when a vast segment of our society (Americans between 16 and 34), “lack the skills required for higher-level employment and meaningful engagement in our democracy. Despite having the highest levels of educational attainment of any previous American generation.”

  Even the Church and Christian parents often succumb to a secular worldview, failing to prepare our children with a biblical worldview, yet accepting several societal lies. Sometimes it’s because we so want our youth to believe something, to feel better, overcome challenges, or work through pain that we’ll say nearly anything in an attempt to help. Sometimes it’s because we’re foolish, naïve about the high cost to their future. Here are some of the more common lies we’ve been telling our kids.

  You can do and be anything. Except for all the things you aren’t good at or aren’t wired for. Everyone can do something well, usually lots of things, but no one can do everything, much less master it. We do the next generation a disservice when we encourage them to pursue things they’ll never succeed at. Failure is a vital part of maturity and we must be willing to let our kids fail.

  It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Yes, it does. The intent is to give children a sense of confidence. But it does matter…it matters what parents, teachers, employers, law enforcement and a host of others think. What people think does matter…ultimately, it matters what God thinks. It doesn’t change their value or worth. But it matters because it hurts or helps.    

  All you need to do is make good grades. We all know educated idiots. Faith and character matter much more than academic success. Yet our attitude toward grades reveals our true values. We communicate that a report card is their validation by rewarding grades but neglecting the effort, overlooking the sweat and tears that can go into a C-minus. We fail to prepare them for college or a first job where they’re going to totally bomb sometimes. We devalue non-academic talents or soft skills (skills which serve them far better than algebra) in pursuing honor-roll parent status.

  It just matters that you tried. That’s not true. Results matter a lot. They matter in life and that’s what we’re preparing them for. No one wants a heart surgeon who just tried hard. Yes, there are times to comfort a crestfallen child with encouragement about how hard they tried, but they also need to be encouraged with successes. We need to praise improvement and results – learning an instrument, giving a speech, shooting a basket, driving a car, and getting a B-minus. Effort absolutely counts and generally it leads to good results. It’s usually not enough to just try hard.

  Everyone gets a trophy. Young people need affirmation, but over-affirming basic standards of behavior or worse, poor behavior, pushes them toward an insatiable need for praise for stuff that deserves none. You don’t get pats on the back for showing up. Even when you do a good job, it may go unnoticed…because that’s what you’re supposed to do. When we praise the mundane, our praise is cheapened. You do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, not because anyone notices. It’s called character. 
  It will be okay. Not always. Life is painful. It’s not always going to be okay. It’s a sin contaminated world filled with suffering, death and dying. Some things will never be fixed on this side of heaven. Tomorrow is not just another day. It might be worse. We can’t promise it’s going to be ok.

  From a biblical worldview, we have hope and know it will be ok because God promised it will be. He didn’t promise we’d feel better or stop hurting. Job never understood why he suffered. Oftentimes we just have to trust God…and that’s enough. Sometimes life is terrible. It hurts beyond words but God is still good. We need to help turn their eyes to something bigger, to something beyond this world, to Someone who will never fail them.

  I will always be here for you. No, we won’t. We’ll do our best but we’re sinners who needed dying for. One of the greatest pains our child will ever face we will be the source of – our own death. As much as we’d love to heal the pain and comfort them, we can’t. Life’s clock is ticking, as it did for our parents and grandparents. The best we can do is turn their focus to the God who will always be there, the God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3-5). 
  Life is tough. Death is worse. Praise God, Jesus has conquered death! There is hope! Our children need God’s grace, need to trust and depend on Him, need lots of perseverance to start, and more importantly, to end well.  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

Porn: Breaking Free!

“The narcotizing effects of pornography will not be surrendered without a fight, but there is no fight evident on this culture’s horizon.” Al Mohler

  Imagine for a moment that every time you turned on the TV, a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts popped out…free. Every time that you turned on your computer, a Big Mac, fries and a shake dropped out next to you. Then, when you turned on your smartphone, candy bars started pouring from the screen. When you turned on the radio, Chick-fila sandwiches landed on your lap, steaming and hot. But it didn’t just happen to you…it happened to everyone. Do you think we might have a bigger problem with obesity in America than we already have? You better believe it.

  Recently, our seemingly innocent community was shocked when a man was apprehended taking pictures at a department store of women changing clothes in dressing rooms. Another adult sent nude pictures to minors on Snapchat. A high school shut down student email after someone sent nude pictures over it. An area minister was arrested for having intercourse with a minor, who is now an adult, from when he taught in a public high school.

  We wouldn’t be surprised at epidemic obesity if junk food was everywhere, free and readily available. So why are we shocked with sex crimes, when porn is everywhere? What should really surprise us is that there are so few crimes. The reality is that far too many are never reported.

  While we have organizations focused on underage drinking and drug abuse, sexual activity among minors is considered “normal.” Most would be shocked at how many cases of teen pregnancy there are, not to mention the percentage of adolescents in local schools with STDs. You can’t have your sexual cake and eat it too without serious societal ramifications.

  The U.S. Justice Department shared this warning: “Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent and obscene material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions.” What makes the statement more sobering is that it was written in 1996—before wireless broadband, smartphones, iPads, selfies or sexting. It was before porn took over 12% of the Internet with more than 25 million sites raking in over $5 billion a year. The average age of first exposure to porn is 9 years old.

  Just in case you’re thinking this is a rant by a minister, Comedian Chris Rock, who’s never been afraid to say the unexpected, discusses his divorce from his wife of 16 years in his recent tour. He owns the blame for its collapse. Explaining what went wrong, he references his three affairs and his addiction to porn. In a review of his show, Inquisitr reported, “Rock joked about his porn addiction causing him to be 15 minutes late everywhere he went, and how the addiction caused him to not be able to look people in the eye.”

  Our culture is eroticized and too often innocent victims are paying the bill. Parents need to understand that it’s impossible to fully protect children from exposure to pornography, yet it’s possible to diminish the exposure.

  We must prepare our children to understand and talk about their exposure to pornography when it happens. So what can we do?

  Model healthy marital and sexual love. Children from their most formative years need to see that their Dad and Mom love each other. They need to see physical affection and have honest questions answered according to their maturity level. They need to be taught early on that sex is a wonderful gift from God. If the parents have love or intimacy issues, they need to address them – not just for their marriage but also for their children. If they have a porn issue themselves, they need to deal with it.

  Be the parent. We’re in a moral war zone. Parents need to have a backbone. God has not called you to be your child’s buddy. Keep the lines of communication open. Your child doesn’t need you to lecture as much as he or she needs you to listen. Without overreacting, encourage them to let you know if they’ve been or are currently engaging in pornography. If they have, remember it took courage for them to admit it. Handle it in an age appropriate manner. Let them know your home is a safeguard against condemnation. It’s a fortress of love, security, restoration and growth.

  Have reasonable house rules. You wouldn’t hand car keys to a 12-year old, why would you hand a smartphone to an immature minor? A phone is for communication. A simple one will accomplish what is truly needed.

  Would you drop a minor off in a bad neighborhood in Chicago and tell them to figure it out? If you’re paying the bill, why put a dangerous “world” in their hand? Then, set household rules such as all electronic devices turned off at a certain time and placed out in the open for the night. Keep all computers in family areas like the living room, so there are never any closed doors. A common culprit of bringing pornography into your home undetected is via mobile devices. While many families have filters on home computers, filtering software for tablets and phones is much less common. Install safety net programs on all Internet devices.

  It’s impossible to put our children in a sanitized bubble and protect them from all of the evil. It’s vital though that we teach them how to stand alone and to have a biblical worldview that they can use to make wise decisions. 

  The best filter for them is the personal filter of godly character that comes from a relationship with our Heavenly Father and a desire to please Him. It’s how seventeen year old Joseph stood alone when faced with sexual temptation in the eroticized culture of Egypt, “How can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.