Common Courtesy can make an Uncommon Difference

"Courtesy is the one coin you can never have too much of or be stingy with." John Wanamaker

  There’s probably nothing that I enjoy more than a good coffee shop. Some years back Burlington had a fantastic coffee shop called the Daily Brew. It wasn’t the coffee really or even the ambiance – it wasn’t the what, it was really the who. The owner, Sue Unbehaun, was one of the friendliest, most conscientious individuals that I’ve ever met. Yes, the coffee and homemade baked goods were fantastic. But that’s not why I went there regularly – it was Sue. For me and many others, it was a very sad when she sold it and moved on to other ventures.

  When Jane and I vacation in Tennessee, there’s a little family restaurant, the Tennessee Barbeque in Livingston that we go back to every time we're in the area. The food is fantastic but that’s not the main reason that we go there. It’s the service! The first time that we found this little place, it was in the middle of a thunderstorm, a total deluge. They were so concerned that we were okay, that we weren’t sopping wet. They treated us like family…and we’ve never forgotten it.

  If you step back and observe, you’ll discover that most marriages and most families that are healthy pay attention to what are called “common courtesies.” It’s not the big things that make the big difference. It’s the little things. Too often we’ve been sold a bill of goods in this society that it’s the big stuff – it’s not.

  For example, we think that with our kids that it’s stuff like taking them to Disney World or Six Flags that makes for a wonderful and close family…some big, expensive adventure. That it’s attending every game or purchasing the newest toy or gadget for them. But it’s not. In our marriages, it’s not a periodic romantic getaway or night on the town that make a difference. It’s the day in and day out kindness, the little things.

  For example, it’s very rare for me to leave the house without Jane giving me a kiss first. I rarely head home for the night without calling and seeing if she needs me to pick up something. Recently, I found out that because one of our kids has a different work schedule, that the stairwell lights can wake them up when they have to go to bed early. I work really hard to not turn the lights on. Common courtesies make an uncommon difference.

  Yet, it’s easy in a marriage or family to let the little things slip. We become so familiar that we start taking those closest to us for granted. That happens in a church, too. So can we talk?

  An area of common courtesy that we’ve let slip at Grace is returning phone calls or e-mails. We’re all busy. Let me repeat that, we’re all busy. So how do you feel when you’ve called the doctor’s office and they forget to call you back and you have to call them again? What if you have to call them three or four times? Would you feel that maybe you weren’t important, that they didn’t care, that maybe they didn’t like you? When one of your brothers or sisters in Christ calls, e-mails you, or texts you, please show some common courtesy and respond. If nothing else, let them know that you’re currently swamped but you’ll get back to them when you can focus more on the conversation.

  If you did a survey, I think that you’d find that there’s nothing that our ministry leaders at Grace find more discouraging or that can take the wind out of our sails, than having to hunt someone down because they don’t reply. It communicates a message of disdain, even disrespect.

  Say “thank you!” a lot. I love this quote, “Volunteers are not paid, not because they are worthless, but because they are priceless.” Did you know that nearly everything at Grace is done by volunteers? From the coffee to the AV to the worship to the greeting to the ushering to the nursery to the teaching to our midweek ministries. It’s all done by volunteers who faithfully serve the Lord by serving at Grace week after week. So when was the last time that you said, “Thank you! I appreciate your service for the Lord!” Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Sometimes I fear our volunteers are starving for an encouraging word.

  Be thoughtful. Have you ever gone into a store and there’s trash in an aisle? It may have just happened, but you don’t know that. Years ago I was taught to leave a campsite in better shape than you found it. When you leave after a worship service, can you please make sure that papers are picked up and chairs are straight? If you see something out of place, make yourself a committee of one, and take care of it. If you see trash on the lawn or sidewalk outside, please pick it up. In the winter, if there’s a slick spot on the sidewalk, put some salt on it…or at least make sure it’s taken care of.

  Be “Yes” person. Most of us have full plates. Too many of us continually try to cram 10 lbs. of life into a 5 lb. bag. At Grace, we’re committed to not burning people out, to not overuse (or abuse) the same committed people. But sadly, sometimes we do – that’s because there are some things that have to be done yet there are others who won’t step up. Please know too that we believe that if no one is available to staff a ministry, then maybe the Lord is telling us to let that particular ministry die.   

  Volunteer. Perhaps you have a passion for a certain area or ministry. Maybe God has given you a particular gift. Yet, unless you tell someone and make yourself available, how would they ever know? Maybe you’re ministry won’t work right now. Perhaps it won’t work in our current situation. Yet, unless you share it, no one would ever know.

  All of us have different burdens and passions. To be very candid, we’d never have had a motorcycle, quilting or Tweens ministry, if it had been dependent on my vision or passion. Someone else had a burden and an interest, and the rest is history. Grace Church is a family. That’s a biblical model of ministry. We must be committed to treating each other like loving brothers and sisters. By His grace let’s make Colossians 3:12 real at our church, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.”

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Some times I just don't say thanks enough....

“The things we take for granted are dreams to many people.”

  Forgive me. I’m having a full blown senior moment…I truly hope that I’ve said this before. If I haven’t though, I apologize. Sadly, I know though I haven’t shared this in a long time. So please do not take that as ingratitude. It’s not. I am very, very thankful! In fact, Jane and I both are.

  Every year since I became your Pastor, our church has willingly underwritten the costs for me to attend a conference. Sadly, that is not the case for some of my colleagues (though today it is for most).

  One of my greatest fears in preaching is growing stale, or worse, irrelevant. Like you, I’ve sat under someone’s preaching and wondered at times, what I was doing there and how can I graciously extricate myself? I truly hope that you don’t do that here. Yet, when a pastor is isolated, it is easier for that to happen. Age adds to the isolation.

  The Bible reminds us that “iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17). Yet, just as nearly every field needs continuing education, the same is true of pastors. Yet, one of the handicaps of being a pastor is that you rarely are able to personally hear and experience preaching and Bible teaching…but every believer needs it. 

  One of the verses that staggers me is 1 Corinthians 1:21, “For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe.” In other words, God has chosen to use the “foolishness of preaching” to work in hearts and bring glory to His Name. That amazes me! There certainly seem to be more effective tools that God could use, like a miracle or two. Even a drama or well done animation would seem to be more effective. Yet, God has chosen what seems like, humanly speaking, to be a poor choice as a communication tool to share His Word and message. And I know that often feel very inadequate to the task and awed that God would use me.

  While I seek to feed my own soul by spending time in the Word and prayer, there’s something about being under Bible teaching that feeds your soul in a way that “self-feeding” will never do. And though I work at focusing on the worship music when we sing together as a family at Grace, there is something very freeing about sitting in a worship service where you have no responsibility for any parts of the worship service.

  Probably, all of you can relate. You know what it is to have the whole family, extended family with cousins by the dozens, over for a huge meal. Maybe something like Thanksgiving or Mother’s Day. You’re trying really hard to enjoy the meal, to focus on the conversations and interactions. Yet, in the back of your mind, you’re wondering if the gravy is burning, or if the pie tastes okay. Because you’re the host, when the toilet backs up or they run out of ice, you’re the one that they come looking for.

  As a pastor, I pray before I come on Sundays and then must work to stay focused on worship and the main thing every Sunday. But if it’s too warm in the auditorium, or if the slides aren’t working correctly, or if no one showed up to teach a class or work in the nursery, or even a child is crying in the midst of the service, my mind turns to what is taking place.

  Add to that, the burden of the burdens coming into the worship service each week. As a pastor, I often know what others may not know: someone struggling with a difficult marriage or child; an individual being defeated by sin or doubt; someone seeking and checking out this “Christian” thing to see if it’s real. It could be a brother or sister with a loved one in a crisis. Every pastor who is seeking to be faithful to God’s calling on his life feels that burden. Yes, he rejoices with those who rejoice, yet he weeps with those who weep. Joseph Parker used to say, “If you preach to hurting hearts, you will never want for a congregation; there is one in every pew.” 

  So there is something freeing about sitting in a worship service and being totally focused, and having the Spirit touch your heart through the music or preaching. Many a time, I’ve wept as I’ve been in those places, as the Spirit worked in my own heart. I’ll never forget sitting many years ago under the preaching of John Piper as he bared his soul. John, like me, grew up in the Deep South and was raised in bigotry. I remember him sharing his own journey and tears poured out of my eyes, as I realized that his journey was also my journey…and I had never quite seen it like that before.

  Last week as Jane and I sat under the preaching of J.D. Greear, Paul Tripp and Steve Brown to name a few, our hearts were stirred. Our souls were stretched. We grew! And you made it possible. We even heard a new version of the Doxology that I can’t wait for us to learn and sing at Grace!

  Conferences are filling and exhausting. Maybe it’s because preachers are cheap, they usually start early in the morning, go all day and then end late at night. You find yourself stuffed spiritually, a bit exhausted, but it’s a good tired.

  Let’s be honest, with a church budget, there are seemingly an infinite amount of items where we could direct our funds. (If you don’t believe me, ask our Church Treasurer). Thank you for making our soul care, spiritual growth and sanctification one of those focuses. Thank you so much for not begrudging us that time away. Thank you to so many for stepping up and taking on extra responsibility so that we could focus where we were at, knowing that things were in willing, capable hands here at Grace.

  And most of all, thank you for letting an aging, bald, “well-rounded,” geezer be your pastor for over a quarter of a century. God has so greatly blessed me with you and this local community. Please don’t tell, but I know that I’m the richest man in town and I have one of the biggest and best families! May our Father bless each one of you as you are a blessing to Jane and me!