Children are God's Gift

 “Fathers and mothers do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear… Imitation is a far stronger principle with children than memory. What they see has a much stronger effect on their minds than what they are told.”  J.C. Ryle 

  A man shared with his pastor that for years he went to church at Christmas and watched as the advent candle was lit by these beautiful families, so well-dressed, well-mannered, and well-spoken. He thought to himself: “I wish I was living in a family like that. I wish my family was so put together.” What he didn't know is that beneath the surface of so many of those apparently perfect families were real-life problems and challenges. 

  Families aren’t just for perfect Facebook or Instagram posts. It’s not just for cheery-faced families or individuals with Hallmark-card lives. Our Heavenly Father is a God who loves and cares deeply for people with real struggles. There are no perfect families. Read the Bible and you’ll quickly discover some very messed up families. It's why we need the cross! Wonderfully, we have a perfect loving Heavenly Father.

  I laughed when I read one Mommy blogger who posted: “Do you know how many parenting experts there are out there? At least 3 billion. If you include random strangers in grocery stores offering free advice on how you should raise your kids, closer to 5 billion. Parenting gurus with research and thought-provoking philosophies. Books filled with creative ideas for cajoling babies to eat, poop, and sleep on command. For every child behavior issue, there are twenty experts with solutions.” The truth is there are a lot of opinions on parenting but only one true Authority. He created us and knows what’s best for us and our children.

  This morning we are having a child dedication for several Grace Church families. More accurately though it’s a Parent Dedication. These parents are committing to raise their children in a way that pleases the Lord and according to God’s Word. But because there is some confusion on what it means to dedicate a child to the Lord, let me explain what we believe that Scripture teaches about child dedication.

  First, a child dedication service is not biblically required. There are examples in Scripture where a parent dedicated their child to the Lord, but they’re not commanded nor are they the norm. For example, Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel dedicated him to God (1 Samuel 1)) and she left him at the Tabernacle so that his whole life would be dedicated to the Lord. Many others though did not. FYI: We do not want anyone to leave their child at church this morning, though I’m sure some parents wouldn’t mind if we took them for a few hours.

  Second, a child dedication service does not attain salvation for that child. Anything that we say and do this morning will not make this child spiritual, saved or destined for heaven. Salvation is an individual, personal decision and by grace alone (Eph. 2:8-9). A parent can’t trust the Lord for their child. God doesn’t have any grandchildren. What saves us is God’s grace. What saves us is trust and faith in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ. This dedication is a prayer and commitment, asking God to please one day bring our child into a saving knowledge of Christ. It’s a prayer by the parent/s committing to raise that child in obedience to Scripture.

  Third, a child dedication service is not related to baptism or circumcision. Jewish people to this day have a male child circumcised on the 8^th day. It’s a ceremony that indicates trust that this physical action identifies them with the physical nation of Israel that was given physical promises through their patriarch Abraham. Christians do not believe circumcision is necessary as any marker of true religious faith.

  A baby dedication also has nothing to do with baptism. Baptism is the outward symbol of saving faith in Jesus Christ. It’s the public act of being immersed in water to symbolize that we have immersed our lives into Christ. It’s much like a wedding ring. A wedding ring doesn’t make you married but symbolizes that you are married. Baptism is a symbol one has personally trusted in Jesus Christ. A child doesn’t have the intellectual capacity to make that commitment. Search the Bible for yourself and you will not find one case of a baby being baptized.

  Child Dedication is an acknowledgment that your child is a gift from God. “Children are a gift from God; they are His reward” (Psalms 127:3, Living Bible). Like everything else that we have, children a gift from a generous God (James 1:17). It’s because children are a special gift that we find instructions in Scripture about how parents are to raise their children. It’s because children are a special gift that those who cannot physically have children adopt or search for medical solutions. Because children are a special gift our hearts bleed when we see children mistreated or harmed.

  God expects parents to train their children in righteousness. Though Ephesians 6:4 says fathers, primarily because Dads are to be the spiritual leaders in the home, it’s for both Dads and Moms. “…Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Too many parents put all of their focus on the temporal and external. Your child’s education, appearance and abilities whether they are academic or athletic are minor compared to their inner spiritual life. Yet, it is very difficult to model what you are not. One of the greatest gifts that you can give your child is to love and obey the Lord yourself.

  God is using your child to make you more Christlike. All of us have spiritual character deficiencies. A child has a way of highlighting those chinks in our armor. God uses children to drive us to dependence on Him. If you think that you have all of the answers to parenting, you’re foolish (idiot seemed a little strong). Too many of us fail at parenting because we parent the way that we were parented and assume it’s good enough. God wants us to parent as He parents us. That means care, compassion and correction. It means dependence on His power and His truth.

  Children are a wonderful gift from God and He uses them to make us, to show us how much He loves us, to draw us closer, and to be more dependent on Him. They are His wonderful gift to us! And may we as the Grace Church family pray, encourage, and support these young families as they seek to raise their children to glorify the Lord!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Food, Family and Lighting a Candle

 “A family can be the bane of one's existence. A family can also be most of the meaning of one's existence. I don't know whether my family is bane or meaning, but they have surely gone away and left a large hole in my heart.”  Keri Hulme

   Prior to reading most books, I read the book reviews. Because I love to cook and experiment with new recipes, I was intrigued by a book review in the July 17, 2021 issue of “World Magazine” about Life From Scratch by Sasha Martin. Over the course of 195 weeks, food writer and blogger, Sasha Martin set out to cook—and eat—a meal from every country in the world. As cooking unlocked the memories of her rough-and-tumble childhood and the loss and heartbreak that came with it, she became determined to find peace and elevate her life through the prism of food and world cultures. Sasha had a very hard early life. She never met her father who’d abandoned the family. Her mother lost custody of her two children, and Sasha and her brother ended up in a foster family. Her brother committed suicide. Sasha lived with the foster family in Europe, acted out, and moved back to the United States. She graduated college and attended cooking school. An internship brought her to Tulsa, Oklahoma where she fell in love and embarked on a project: cooking a meal from every country in the world. The project led to this engaging memoir with recipes. In it, she depicts the joy and chaos of her early life, shows the power of food to break down barriers, arouse an appetite for adventure, cultivate community, and work to piece together a fractured family. 

  Though witty, warm, and poignant, Sasha Martin’s memoir about cooking her way to healing, it was sad to read of a child experiencing so much family pain. What’s most heartbreaking is that her family history is becoming more and more the present norm in American life. 

  Today some 16 million children live with their single mothers. Another three million live with their single fathers. 25% of children under 18 live with single moms; 4% were living with single dads. 1300 new stepfamilies are formed each day. 40% of families in the U.S. are blended with at least one partner having a child from a previous relationship before marriage. 

  Today 53% of U.S. adults ages 18 and older are married, down from 58% in 1995. Over the same period, the share of Americans cohabiting has risen from 3% to 7%. Taken together, six-in-ten Americans are either married or living with a partner. Frequently underage children are in those homes  

  About 1 in 8 children (8.7 million) aged 17 or younger live in a household with at least one parent with a substance use disorder, the recurrent use of alcohol or other drugs or both, that results in significant impairment. 

  The cost and deep pain of a lack of stable home and emotional stability on children is very high. The ramifications can last a lifetime.

  Birthdays are times of reflection for me (today is mine). When I was 10. my mother was killed in a car accident and I was raised by a single Dad, who though financially successful, was a prescription drug addict. The truths of Psalms 18:30, “As for God, His way is perfect” and Joseph’s words to his murderous yet now repentant brothers are still true, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…” (Gen. 50:20). But I carry my scars as many of you also do.

  One of my favorite quotes is, “It’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” Methodist pastor, William L. Watkinson in a sermon titled “The Invincible Strategy” made that powerful statement. His sermon was later reprinted in a periodical called “China’s Millions” to challenge Christians about the great need for missions in China.

  The “millions” today are all around us but they’re not just in China. They live next door, work beside you or even sit near you in church. The fragmentation of the family carries a high price. It’s why many see a therapist or are on medication for emotional issues. The lack of family stability often has long-lasting pain. What can we do?

  First, we need to be biblically honest about our own family history and the baggage that comes with it. Often what is our “normal,” isn’t. When I lived with Dad and Mom Cummins in my early twenties, I was shocked to learn that they didn’t fight all of the time (I only remember a handful of disagreements). They actually problem-solved and dearly loved each other.

  Christmas was one of my bigger shocks. Every Christmas growing up, my Dad lost his temper with my Mom and she’d end up in her bedroom crying. It was my “normal.” To actually have a “Merry Christmas” was a bit like being transported to Mars for me.

  Many of us carry harmful relational baggage and don’t know it. We need godly friends to come alongside us, be honest with us, and help us. We need the truth of God’s Word to come into our hearts and work its way inside out so we become more like Jesus, who is the standard of normal.

  Second, we must have more grace and patience with each other. We need to walk a mile in their shoes. That simply means trying to consider and understand the other person’s perspectives, experiences or even family history before making judgments about them. Often we’re so self-focused, we neglect to take the time to understand where others are coming from. We need believers that take seriously Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

  Third, we need more spiritually mature Christians to disciple and mentor younger ones. None of us are perfect, so please don’t wait until you’ve “arrived.” In our church family, we have young couples and parents who could use the prayer, encouragement, and support of those who’ve already traveled their road. They don’t need scolding over inconsequential concerns. Many of them just need to know that someone has their back, is praying for them and encouraging them.

  While we can’t change the world, we can make a difference in ours. It’s what God has called us to do! It’s time to light some candles. It’s an opportunity to make a generational difference by assisting younger believers to dine on the fruit of the Spirit in their marriages and families. 

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Family: Some Assembly Required

“You don’t choose family. They are God’s gift to you,

as you are to them.” Desmond Tutu

After the dedication of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy blubbered, “That pastor said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

  The vital importance of family is seen early on in Scripture within the provisions of the Mosaic covenant. Two of the Ten Commandments deal with maintaining the cohesiveness of the family. The 5^th commandment regarding honoring parents is meant to preserve the authority of parents in family matters. The 7^th commandment prohibiting adultery protects the sanctity of marriage. From these two commandments flow all of the various other stipulations within the Mosaic Law which seek to protect marriage and the family. The health of the family was so important to God that it was codified into the national covenant of His chosen people, Israel.

  It takes God’s grace, work and commitment to have a Christian home that is more than one merely in name. It won’t just happen. And there are countless sources of advice out there. Many define a successful family as one that communicates or where everyone gets along. Others define it as a place where the family lives comfortably. But God designed marriage and the family, we wisely then begin with His definition of success.

  It’s a privilege to welcome my good friend, James Hauser, to Grace Church today. James is the regional director for Youth for Christ in SE Wisconsin. He’s also one of the missionaries our church supports. For the next six Sundays James will be unpacking for us a biblical worldview on the family. So, what is a successful family?

  A successful home has faith as its foundation. Success begins in Scripture with both husband and wife having a personal relationship with Christ. It’s so vital that one of the few exceptions for the dissolution of a marriage is when an unbeliever abandons it. When both know the Lord, they work from the same blueprint. Can you imagine attempting to build a house with different sets of blueprints? That’s what it’s like if both don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This doesn’t always happen. Sometimes one partner comes to Christ later in life or violates Scripture and marries an unbeliever. The Bible makes provision for that. It’s best though to begin with a solid foundation. Having a husband and wife with a relationship to Christ is the place to begin.

  A successful home is built with commitment. It takes commitment to persevere together through inevitable trials to make a family successful. Both spouses being committed to the marriage must come first. The marriage must have priority even over the children and they must not allow them to be a place of division.

  Marriage is a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His Church. God made Adam and Eve in His own image. A successful family reflects God’s love because God is love (1 Jn 4:8). Though we’re not perfect or holy like Him, we’re to imitate Him in our relationships, especially the marital one.  

  Think of how that should change your relationship with your spouse if you behaved as if you are Jesus to your spouse? Think of how it changes your relationship with your children if you work through that you are Jesus to them? Ephesians 5:1 commands us, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.” In our marriages and families, we’re saying, “I will do all that is in my power to love you even when you fail me and to love you even if you don’t love me. I will seek to love you as God has loved me. I am committed to you.” It’s not easy. It takes God’s grace and power. Yet, this is how God loves us and it’s how we are commanded to love.

  A successful home takes time. You won’t have a successful family without spending time together. There’s no substitute for time. In our busy lives, family time must be a priority. It won’t happen without scheduling it and by carving out specific times for your spouse and family.

  God’s Word says that we must learn how to number our days (Ps. 90:12). This means that we need to understand that time is a precious commodity. All of us know how to number our years, God reminds us that every day is so precious that we should treasure it and number it as valuable for our lives. How valuable is an hour? Ask the businessperson whose flight was delayed for an hour and missed an appointment in another city. How valuable is a minute? Ask the man who had a heart attack and the person sitting next to him knew CPR. How valuable is a second? Ask the person who hesitated for 1 second before swerving to avoid an oncoming car in his lane. How valuable is a fraction of a second? Ask the L.A. Spurs who were beaten by the Lakers in a playoff game with 4/10 of just 1 second left on the clock.

  Husbands, do you love your wives? Wives, do you love your husbands? Give them your time! Parents, do you love your children? Give them your time. Love is not spelled T-H-I-N-G-S. It’s spelled T-I-M-E! There will always be something else to do or somewhere else to be. Learn to say no to some of the good things in life so you can have God’s best. It means saying ‘Yes’ to the Lord and ‘no’ to others, including our boss, friends, and others.

  Fifty years from now which is going to more important: Spending time with your family or watching a TV sitcom, scanning your phone or running around with your friends? Not one person on their deathbed has said, “I wish I’d spent more time at work making more money.”

  A successful home plan for tomorrow today. God has a multi-generational plan, yet most Christian families barely survive one generation of faith. Genesis 2:4 teaches that the Bible is summarized as a book of generations. We won’t understand God’s plan without understanding that His plan unfolds for generations. The gospel and a biblical worldview are to be passed on. It’s a biblical mandate and shames our one-generational approach of only blessing individuals.

  Christian parents need a long game. We’re not raising children, we’re raising our grandchildren’s parents. How do we want our grandchildren raised? Living in the perspective of tomorrow must alter how we parent today. Success always begins with God and His perspective.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

The Joy of Parenting a Teen!

“Myths which are believed in tend to become true.”

George Orwell

  It’s not surprising that non-Christians believe this myth. After all, the Bible isn’t the foundation for their worldview. Yet, it’s surprising and saddening that, at least by listening to what’s said, most Christians are contaminated by Ad Populum. What’s Ad Populum? It’s a logical fallacy that attempts to prove an argument as correct simply because many people believe it to be so. It’s that McDonald’s sign which says, “Billions and billions served.” The underlying assumption is that if so many people eat McDonald’s, McDonald’s must be really good. Another would be that since over 60% of Americans believe in aliens, obviously there are aliens.

  An Ad Populum that’s made its way into the Church is that raising teens is very hard and teenagers are very difficult. It’s simply not true. Some are and some aren’t. The thinking that bad teen years is inescapable is a myth and those who believe it are ignorant of Scripture.

  Some of the greatest heroes and heroines in Scripture were teens: David (1 Samuel 17); Joseph (Genesis 37); An unnamed slave girl (2 Kings 5); Daniel and his friends (Daniel 1); Mary the Mother of Jesus (Luke 1).

  Paul wrote to Timothy, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). While it’s true that raising teens can be challenging, yet aren’t most things that are worthwhile challenging if they are going to be rewarding? Some of my most fulfilling friendships today began when an individual was a teen. Yet, to be successful you must have the right tools. What do you need to parent a teen?

  A soft tongue. Teens are transitioning from childhood to adulthood. In spite of the bravado, they’re very insecure. Other teens can be very cruel. So, they need affirmation and lots of it. Praise though what you want to encourage. A godless world is enamored with ability and appearance. Our loving heavenly Father rewards character. Praise what God loves!

  Teens also need soft answers when they spout sharp words, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1).

  A thick skin. Because they lack maturity, wisdom and discernment – a teen often says the first thing that pops in their head. That’s not a sign of wisdom. Proverbs 19:11 reminds us that “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs” (NLT). Can you imagine driving through Chicago traffic and every time someone changed lanes without turning on their signal, you laid on your horn? (Hopefully, none of you do that). Have you ever had a boss who nit-picked your every misstep? Remember how frustrating it was? So, choose your battles.

  While in your face disrespect shouldn’t be tolerated, and not only because it’s a sin, it’s a pattern that will hurt a future with an employer. This is where parents, particularly a godly Dad, can make a difference. I once told one of our then teen children, “Do not talk to my wife like that.”

  A strong backbone. Anything worthwhile takes effort and the endurance of pain. Every Olympic Gold Medalist has learned to live with the pain. The way to endure with the sometimes painfulness of raising a teen is to keep the finish line in view. You’re raising the future parent of your grandchildren, someone’s spouse and employee.

  For example, if you wise off to the boss or don’t do your job, you’re terminated. You don’t get a paycheck for showing up. So, why should a parent supply a cell phone, new clothes, even wash them, give a ride or money to someone who mistreats them? Sadly, we’ve all seen the outcome of teens who weren’t “forced” to go to church or youth activities. They’re not allowed to skip school, so they get the message on which is more important. Which one though can make a difference in life and eternity? 

  A kind heart. Teens are often corrected for their attitudes. Yet, many parents have simmering bitterness toward a teen that’s made life difficult. They may find themselves comparing their children with their other children or with other people’s children who seem better behaved.

  Sometimes the comparing is used as a weapon in an attempt to motivate a teen to alter the behavior (it doesn’t work). Besides, the reason Ralph isn’t more like Matilda is because God didn’t make Ralph that way.

  Yet, how often is our own attitude sinful? We can be arrogant, angry, and apathetic (that’s just the “A’s). But our Heavenly Father is continually kind to us. I’m so thankful that He doesn’t give us what we deserve. Yes, He corrects us because He loves us (Hebrews 12:5-7). He’s not upset at us when we sin because we make His life difficult, make Him look bad or inconvenience Him. No, God knows how deadly sin is to us.

  Calloused knees. The One who can change our teen’s heart is the One who gave them life. One of the blessings of being a parent is that God uses those parenting years to grow your prayer life and dependence on Him.

  One of the first prayers that we must pray is not to change them – it’s, “Lord, please change me. What do you want me to learn from this?” God uses the heat of relationships to grow and sanctify us. If you have a heavy heart or feel anger bubbling inside, share it with the One who truly understands and loves both you and your teen. Scripture promises, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

  Things may not turn out well for your teen. Each one has an independent will. The most important question isn’t, “What about my teen?” but “Who does God want me to be? How can I glorify Him in my parenting?”

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.