Hello! My Name is "Lonely."

“Loneliness is the ultimate poverty.”  Pauline Phillips

I met a girl named, “Lonely.” No, I’m not attempting to write a song. I really did. Recently, I was at Panera grabbing a breakfast sandwich and a coffee. The young lady’s name tag who waited on me, had for her name, “Lonely.” I asked about it and pointed out, how could she be lonely when she was surrounded by people, BUT the truth is, she could be.

  This coming week is Valentine’s Day and many couples and married folk will be celebrating it. One underlying and often acknowledged reason that they celebrate is – they’re not lonely. They believe that they have someone.

  I’m always staggered by that first statement in the Garden, when our Creator made the first negative statement in the midst of all of the wonder of creation – “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 3:18). Then, our loving God created Eve as the marriage partner for Adam. Our kind Creator gave to us what the Godhead already possessed – community. It’s what we know theologically as the Trinity. In the Trinity, God exists in three persons: God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. It wasn’t just God that created us; the Godhead created us. In Genesis 1:26, there’s a conversation within the Godhead, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.” Do I understand the Trinity? Can I even adequately explain it, “No.” I’m a finite human being who will never fully comprehend an infinite God. There are many other things that I also don’t understand, like love or loneliness.

  It wasn’t a long conversation, so I don’t know if she was truly lonely, or if it was a joke. I do know that we are surrounded by lonely people. The Beatles hit a societal nerve with their mega-hit song, “All the lonely people.” Some lonely people are more obvious – a single person, divorcee, widow or widower can be lonely. So can a teen or college student, which is one reason that depression is epidemic among both.

  Yet, there are many other categories of loneliness we’re often oblivious to. For example, there’s the loneliness of suffering. Many around us carry great burdens that they carry alone. The suffering is painful and loneliness only adds to the weight of the burden. Perhaps it’s a disease or an emotional malady. My pastoral experience has been that it can often be the loneliness of a hurting marriage. From the outside (and posts on Facebook), they appear to be a Valentine couple, but they’re not.

  Or, sometimes it’s because of unresolved marital issues. One of the loneliest marriages to be in is where you know the Lord, yet your spouse is an unbeliever. You can’t share the greatest part of your life with them. You carry the heavy burden that the one you vowed to love “til death to us part,” is doomed, unless they come to Christ to a tragic eternal destination.

  As a church family, when we learn of someone in those circumstances, we need to partner with them, praying with them that their spouse comes to Christ. We must continually encourage the regenerate spouse, reminding them that they’re not alone and we’ve got their back. There are many on my prayer list from our church family that I continually pray for and that their spouse will accept God’s glorious gift of forgiveness and eternal life.

  The loneliness of suffering can be a wayward child. Many close friends,  many of my friends in ministry, have one. Sometimes it’s a child who has rejected Christ and the faith. It’s a heartache that’s nearly impossible to share. It can be a child who’s imprisoned or enslaved to addiction, or who despises Christianity. It’s the loneliness of suffering with a heavy heart.

  One that most never consider is the loneliness of leadership. Every pastor understands it. There are some burdens that you can only share with your Heavenly Father. Probably one of the loneliest individuals you know, yet probably don’t have a clue that they’re lonely is your manager or boss. I can assure you that the CEO of your company, in spite of all of the apparent trappings of success, struggles with loneliness. Because when you’re a “success,” you wonder who your true friends are. Are they your friends because you’re successful or truly your friends? Sometimes it’s only when life tumbles in that you learn who your real friends are.   

  What’s the cure to loneliness? I believe that it’s first a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. As a believer, I have promises that I’ve anchored my life to. The Lord promises every child of His, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5). Jesus’ last words were, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). Those are the promises that will carry you even when you walk through the valley of the shadow of the death after the loss of one dearest to you. It’s His promises that carried me when as a boy, I lost my mother in a tragic car accident. And if the Lord should take one of those dearest to me, they’ll carry me again.

  One of my favorite quotes about loneliness that’s encouraged me countless times over the decades is, “Loneliness becomes our friend when it forces us to enjoy the fellowship of God as much as we would the fellowship of others.” At periods of my life when I’ve felt so very alone. I am confident that I am not. The sweetness of my Heavenly Father’s love for me has so comforted me…and it will comfort you too.

  Personally, I have found that one of the best cures for loneliness is for me to care for and serve others. God designed us for relationships. When I care and reach out to someone else, my own soul is filled with joy.

  As believers, we must continually look outward to others. We’re commanded, “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). The most miserable people are those who think primarily about themselves. God designed us to be rivers through which His love flows, yet when we focus primarily on ourselves, we become cesspools.

  So choose to be God’s Valentine to those around you this week! Look for someone lonely that you can encourage. Let’s help downsize the number of all those lonely people so no one has to wear a name tag, “Lonely.”

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Let's stop treating Millennials like a generational menace

“The youth is the hope of our future.”   Jose Rizal

Over the course of my life I’ve observed what I would consider an unbiblical perspective toward young adults in general. Specifically, I’m talking about those who are out of high school and usually in that category known as a twenty-something. My experience has been that in the Church, for the most part, this group is treated akin to an overgrown teenager.

  Our current economy has only encouraged this disdain. Many in this age group find they either had to move back home after college because of a lack of available jobs in their field or because of economic necessity. Those who did not go off to college often have never left home.

  Please understand, my intent is not to justify either immaturity or irresponsibility. Accompanying the transition into adulthood, there are normal adult responsibilities, i.e., holding down a full time job, handling one’s personal finances, domestic responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, washing one’s own clothes, etc.), or pursuing a post-high school education. There needs to be a transition into a healthy adulthood after high school.

  Yet, personally, I believe that there are some assumptions of what are “adult” responsibilities which I don’t find are biblically justified. My experience has been that these are more common in the Church than the secular world. For example, there is frequently an unspoken assumption that you’re not really an adult until you’re married. Another one that I find illogical is that you are not really an adult until you live on your own. While I believe in adult independence, I’m not sure how it reputedly demonstrates adult independence if one has to live with a room mate to be considered to be out on “one’s own” or can barely afford groceries. To be sure, if a twenty-something is living with their parents there should be some home responsibilities, much as they’d have if they were living independently. A cooperative living situation should not be a blank check for irresponsibility.

  For some reason, too, this generation of twenty-somethings, seem to be a little more immature than previous ones. Personally, I think some of that is the result of their parents’ rampant divorce rate, cohabitation, absentee parenting, unrestrained materialism and a valueless culture. Because of this immaturity, I’ve met older adults who want to wash their hands of them.

  Some time back I had an extended conversation with someone in their fifties that was exasperated with twenty-somethings and their immaturity. He was washing his hands of them and had determined he’d no longer be involved in a ministry to them. After listening to his venting, I suggested that if all of us as older, hopefully more mature Christians washed our hands of investing in this generation and were unwilling to seek to help them or mentor them…who will?

  My own experience when I was their age was that I was frequently treated with disdain in the Church, yet treated as an equal outside of the Church. At work, I was expected to perform as an adult. But at church, because of my age, my input was given very little credibility or value. Often I was treated poorly, sometimes made the butt of jokes…just because of my age. Not a situation, I must confess, I always I responded to in a Christlike manner, unfortunately. The Bible college I attended was very legalistic and epitomized this problem. It was assumed that college students weren’t responsible enough to even know when to go to bed or get up, just because of their youth. It’s noteworthy when someone turns eighteen, even our secular government recognizes that they’re old enough to vote or die in a war. If they commit a crime, the courts treat them as an adult who is fully responsible for their choices. Where they live, their grasp of life skills, their marital status or even their mental/emotional maturity are not factors that are considered for those rights or responsibilities.

  The Apostle Paul wrote to his young protégé in the faith, Timothy, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). At Grace, we’re committed to respecting adults of all ages, no matter what their living situation or marital status. We’re committed to planning generationally. Some day, in the not too distant future, twenty-somethings will be the leaders of our church and many of them are already.

  At this phase of their lives, most of them don’t have financial resources to make huge investments in our Building Changed Lives Together Campaign. We determined though, even if they’re living with their parents, that they’d receive the same materials as every other adult in our church. Why? We want to make a strong, philosophical statement! This new tool is a generational one. And one day all of its responsibilities as well as the direction of our church will fall on their shoulders. We want their input both in the design of this building and financial commitment for our new building. As we’ve stated from day one of this Campaign, it’s going to take both wide and deep financial commitments. It’s is just as important for those still saddled with college debt and commencing their adult lives to be part of this, as it is for those of us on the other side of those financial obligations. It’s about being a church family that’s multi-generational. It’s about ownership and stewardship.

  So to all of our wonderful twenty-something adults who call Grace their church home, please partner with us. Do what you can financially and please share your input and observations so that we construct a new tool you will use to serve the Lord when the baton of leadership is passed off to you.