Church Family: Dancing in the Minefields

 “And we went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed

But I believe that's what the promise is for.” 

                                                                               Andrew Peterson

 As a married couple do you have a song? Did you play it on Valentine’s Day? For Jane and me, it’s always been Could I have this dance for the rest of my life? by Anne Murray.
  When I conduct a wedding, it’s interesting to learn what song the couple feels is a picture of their love for their special day. Often, it’s a recent popular love song about the positive, romantic side of love. Yet, there’s another side of marriage, the dark side. During pre-marital counseling, I include sessions on how to fight a clean fight or working through differences over sex or finances. Frequently, I get starry eyed looks of, “we don’t need this, we won’t have those conflicts” staring back at me.  

  Maybe that’s why I appreciate Andrew Peterson’s song Dancing in the Minefields. It’s a poignant ode to the complexities and challenges of marriage. With a combination of vulnerability, depth, and hope, Peterson explores the realities of navigating the treacherous landscape of marriage. It’s a metaphor for the challenges and risks couples face when committing to a lifelong journey together. Marriage is not always smooth sailing but can often feel like treading through dangerous territory. Yet rather than fearing the obstacles, Peterson encourages embracing the dance amidst the minefields, finding beauty, love, and joy in the midst of the struggles.

  Church relationships are like that too. A church isn’t a religious social club, it’s a family. Yet, as a family of brothers and sisters in Christ, there’s some Dancing in the Minefields. Too often we forget that a church is made up of redeemed sinners. The ideal won’t happen until we get Home.   

  Today we’re celebrating our 6^th Anniversary in this building. God has been so good to us! You’re sitting in a “miracle.” God’s hand was here and so evident providing all along the way from purchasing the land to our first service in this facility. We never want to forget His goodness to us! We want to unite together in praising God for all that He has done for us and how He has so wonderfully blessed us on this 6^th Anniversary!

  Yet, in a church family we must also remember that as in a marriage, we’re all sinners saved by grace. Sometimes we’re so focused on the “grace,” we forget the “sinners” side. A local church is made up of redeemed sinners, yet the completeness of our redemption won’t happen until heaven. Until then we all struggle with our sinful minefields. Family is messy, even the family of God. We say the wrong thing. We get on each other’s nerves. We disagree, get offended and even become angry, but if we will submit to King Jesus, we’ll grow in grace through it, grow closer to Him and each other. 

  God uses conflict to open our eyes to our blind spots to help us grow to be more like Jesus. Yet, too often conflicts (even small ones) instead of encouraging Christlike growth result in some believers exiting rather than problem-solving. The church isn’t seen as a family but as a “spiritual retail outlet.” So, if you’re not getting the service that you feel you deserve, you go shopping for another one. Yet, the next church has redeemed sinners too and we often carry the same unresolved baggage from our last church into our new one. It’s so much better to biblically problem-solve, grow in grace and persevere. Our goal is not to be “nice Christians” who fake love. Our goal is to be authentic and like Jesus. That will take us the rest of our lives.

  God will never give us a beautiful, flaw free dance. He has something so much better. He wants our love for each other to deepen through conflict and even pain. As we grow closer to Him, we’ll grow closer to each other.

  As in a healthy marriage, to grow more like Jesus requires two attitudes – selflessness and sacrifice. Most conflict arises because those are missing. Can you imagine a couple having a fight because they’re too selfless and sacrificial? As you’ll never be happy in a marriage, if you approach it with, What’s in it for me? The same is true of a church. And if you don’t get this, you’ll soon be heading down the road looking for that next church that will fulfill your desire for – What’s in it for me?

  As a healthy marriage takes two hosts, the same is true of a healthy church, multiple ones. To be fulfilled in Christ’s Church, you must come as a servant. We are saved to serve (Ephesians 2:10). Isn’t that the example that Jesus gave us as He washed His disciples’ feet? Unhappy Christians don’t serve but sit and complain. So, I have a few challenges for us before our next Anniversary. 

  Let’s stop playing it safe. This past week I had the privilege of talking with our J.O.Y. ministry. I challenged them to break out of their safe circles of befriending and hanging with those like them and in the same age bracket. Seniors need friendships with young people, not just other seniors.

  The same is true for all of us. Are your friends all pretty much like you? Same age, family and social status? That’s not a biblical model. A church family is diverse, not just in its make-up, it’s diverse in its friendships. The Christian life isn’t about being safe. You won’t grow in grace if you only stay in the same “safe” friendships.

  Lower your expectations of others. When we walk in a church, we know that we’re sinners. We know that we recently had a fight with our spouse or complained about something. Yet, we don’t want others to be sinners…but they are. That doesn’t mean we settle for mediocrity. It does mean that we show God’s grace to others just as we want them to show it to us.  

  Spend daily time with God. If you don’t regularly spend time with the Father, you’re not going to like His family. It’s difficult to worship together if we’re not on the same page spiritually. It’s amazing how daily time with the Lord in His Word and in prayer changes your outlook.

  Continually grow in gratitude. A believer should be the most grateful person. We know what we deserve. Yet not only have we been rescued from Hell, we also have Heaven waiting for us and innumerable blessings from the Father in our journey through this life. So, develop the habit of counting your blessings. Be thankful for your brothers and sisters in Christ, even the ones who annoy you a little. Grow in grace and gratitude.

  Healthy church relationships are like dancing in the minefield, yet as we learn to dance, we grow more in His likeness and know more of His joy! 

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.