Guardrails keep a marriage safe!

“Discernment is not a matter of simply telling the difference between right and wrong; rather it is telling the difference between right and almost right.”   Charles Spurgeon

  When I’m driving on a trip, I typically look for the shortest route. Sometimes though the shortest route isn’t the best one, at least as far as the condition of the roads are concerned. For example, when I’m headed to the Chicago suburbs, rather than taking I-94, I’ll snake down Wilmot Road to pick up Highway 12. But there’s a curve on that road that if you’re not paying attention or going too fast, you can be in real trouble. Fortunately, there’s a guardrail. I’d imagine that it was installed after a few mishaps. Someone finally realized that putting in a guardrail might save lives.

  That’s the purpose of a guardrail. They’re designed to keep us from straying into dangerous territory. Thousands of miles of guardrails line our roads and interstates. They have a very simple purpose – to keep a small accident from becoming a larger one. We don’t pay attention to guardrails until we need them, but when you need them, they can save your life.

  Applied to our lives, our spirituality and relationships, guardrails protect us. Often our biggest mistakes can be avoided if we have guardrails steering us in the right direction. The goal is never to see “how close I can get to a guardrail without crashing.” That’s dumb. Ideally, we never get near the guardrail. Yet, we need guardrails to keep us from going “too far” or from moving in a dangerous direction that could end up in tragedy.

  All of us need guardrails in our lives. That struck me when I read recently about Supermodel, Chrissy Teigen, taking lots of heat in the court of public opinion for an offhanded remark she made. Chrissy is married to musician, John Legend. In a recent interview during New York Fashion Week, she said, “I do want to have kids one day, so it's something that I have to think about. But the rule is no hot nannies. I trust John, but you never know with these men.” Her remark made her a cultural leper. She was treated as if she was Amish, totally out of touch with modern times…even (gasp) sexist. Personally, I think she has a lot of wisdom and discernment.

  Yet, it’s not just men, it’s all of us. God created us as sexual beings. Part of the Creative Mandate, Pre-Fall was to “be fruitful and multiply” within the fulfilling boundaries of marriage. Yet, too many of us underestimate our ability to resist sexual temptation. Over the years many individuals that I’ve counseled who sinned sexually weren’t hunting for an opportunity to commit adultery, yet, they unwisely put themselves in a place that essentially made them a sitting duck.

  There are constant reports of some famous person committing adultery, often with the individual hired to care for their children. The individual doesn’t have to be attractive, they just have to be available. We erroneously reason that just because someone isn’t a “10” according to this world’s standards, there’s little danger. Often adultery is committed with someone who’s far less attractive than a spouse, yet other needs for intimacy were being met that are not sexual in nature.

  It’s a myth that only those who are living in an unhappy marriage commit adultery. Often, even someone in a very happy marriage finds themselves tempted to become involved with another person outside of the marriage. Age is also not a factor. We foolishly think that someday we’ll outgrow our sex drives. We won’t. A godly man that I dearly loved and admired, in his later years, made some serious sexual blunders. It’s far easier to prevent an accident than to clean up all of the wreckage afterwards. So let me suggest some wise guardrails to install in your life.

  Never be alone with someone of the opposite sex, other than your spouse. Don’t meet them for coffee or lunch. Don’t be in a car alone with them. If you hire a babysitter, let the parent of the same sex take them home. If you’re in a situation where it’s unavoidable to be with someone of the opposite sex (like work), make sure your spouse knows when, where and how long. That not only protects you from temptation, it helps protect your reputation. You don’t want to create a scenario where whispers of improper conduct could be entertained.

  If you’re single and dating, never be in a bedroom alone together. While your bedroom may be your little domain, particularly if you’re living with your parents, you’re putting yourself in a place of vulnerability and lowering walls of protection. Don’t stay out on a date into the wee hours of the morning. Fatigue lowers our resistance to sexual temptation.

  Be very wary of emotional intimacy. There are those of the opposite sex that we’re naturally attracted to. Oftentimes they have strengths our spouse lacks. For example, if your spouse is an extrovert, you may find yourself attracted to someone who’s more of an introvert. So if you find yourself sharing deep thoughts and feelings with a member of the opposite sex, warning lights should go off. Be very careful about discussing problems or inside information about your marriage with someone of the opposite sex. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself, “Would I want my spouse to hear what I am saying about them or our marriage?”

  Online relationships can be disastrous for a marriage. Many marriages are damaged by emotional affairs via e-mail, Facebook, or other Web-based forums. A close friendship with a member of the opposite sex can result in emotional intimacy. Indications of an emotional affair include sharing intimate thoughts or personal information, talking in detail about your marriage in a negative way, and keeping the relationship secret from your spouse. An “emotional affair” can almost be as devastating to a marriage as a physical one.  

  Make time for doing fun things in the marriage. The “couple that plays together, stays together” is true. Having fun and laughing together helps keep your relationship strong. It’s easy to become bogged down with the business of life. Too many couples fail to make time for fun alone together.

  Having a good sex life and enjoying a sense of romance is a vital part of a good marriage. Learn what each other’s idea of romance is and discuss what feels romantic to you. Be imaginative and creative. Let your partner know how attractive they are to you.

  Take time for meaningful conversation. Know what’s important to your partner. Make time to simply talk and share your lives with one another. Remind yourselves of the unique history you already have together.  

  Adultery and immoral relationships don’t “just happen.” There are small decisions that lead to an affair. Set up some guardrails today to protect your marriage and purity before you crash and have a moral disaster.  

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