Are we there yet?!?

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Lao Tzu

  I’m not a good traveler. When I was little, I hated it when our whole family would pile into the station wagon and head off for our annual vacation in Florida. I loved the destination but I despised the journey.

  I loved it when we arrived. My love for the sound of waves breaking on the beach, the smell of salt and sand, and the cries of seagulls hasn’t abated a bit in over fifty years. As we drew closer, I’d be peering out the window for that first glimpse of the ocean.

  I loved fishing in the surf, digging for sand crabs, bodysurfing the waves and building sandcastles. There’s nothing better than walking a warm, sandy beach late at night. You’d see the blinking lights of shrimp boats far off in the ocean. We’d scoop up crabs for a crab dinner who’d came floating in with high tide. We’d shine our flashlights out as far as we could see and the light would dissipate into the pitch black of the ocean.

  It really wasn’t that far of a trip, basically a day trip. We could leave Atlanta and be at our hotel in Ormond Beach in about seven hours. But for some reason, the trip just seemed to take forever. Probably, not more than thirty minutes into the drive. I’d be piping up from the very back of the station wagon, whining, “Are we there yet? When are we going to get there? How much farther?” and of course, “I have to go to the bathroom.” I loved the final destination but I hated the trip. Those seats seem to get so sticky so quickly and you felt so cramped. You could only look at comic books for so long. Remember, this was back in the Dark Ages of AM radio with few channel selections. CD’s, even cassette tapes, were unheard of. There were no monitors of laptops. I’m sure that the lack of distractions gave birth to the Alphabet Game, the Sign Game and I spy. Many a horrible yet unforgettable tune was birthed on those seemingly endless treks. My children will tell you that I tortured them on our own long family trips with ancient versions that I learned as a child of “Pine Trees” and “The Ants go marching one by one,” to name a few.

  The Bible talks a lot about being on a journey. It’s a constant them of Hebrews 11. Probably, the most noteworthy verse of travelling, and really wandering, is verse 38, “of whom the world was not worthy—wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.” Though leaving their homes, apparently because of persecution and their faithfulness to God, they wandered about with no final destination on this earth. It certainly was not a vacation, yet they also did not have a home they were ultimately headed towards.

  What’s amazing is that they did it with both joy and grace. Though in horrible circumstances, they seem to be free from the constant whining of “How much longer?” The only explanation is for their wonderful attitude is that their faith, they truly trusted God.

  What a contrast we find in the book of Numbers. It’s noteworthy that they are not called “Jews” or “Israel,” but the “children of Israel.” And they certainly live up to that allusion to childish behavior.

  Freshly released from four centuries of slavery in Egypt, just three days into the journey, the Bible tells us that they began to murmur and complain. Can’t you just hear them, whining to Moses and Aaron, over and over again, incessantly for forty years: Are we there yet? When are we gonna get there? Why is this taking so long? 

  Poor Moses. Don’t you wonder how many times he thought that leading sheep for forty years had been easier? Ultimately, Moses had no control over the situation. He couldn’t wave some magic wand and make the trip shorter. God was setting the pace. God was in the driver’s seat, not Moses.

  Like little children, though, they lacked patience and self-control. They whined and complained, despising the long wait and boredom of plodding along at what they felt was a snail’s pace.

  I’m a much better traveler than I was. I’ve learned that the journey is as important as the destination. I’ve gotten where even driving all the way through Illinois and Indiana, (seemingly, the most boring states to drive through), doesn’t bother me that much anymore. I’ve learned to pace myself and sightsee. There are some interesting and important sites along the way. I’ll listen to my favorite music or a book. I’ll read or just rest.

  In the Christian life, the journey is nearly as vital as the final destination. It’s on the journey that we learn to trust our Heavenly Father. It’s on the journey that we learn to wait and grow in patience. It’s on the journey that we learn to persevere and be steadfast, when we are tempted to bail. It’s on the journey that we learn that God is on our side even when are attacked, just as the Children of Israel were. It’s on the journey that we learn that prayer changes the outcome, not whining or pitching a temper tantrum.

  Someday our Heavenly Father will bring us Home. The very thought of heaven should fill out hearts with joy and inspire us onward in the journey with strength and true patience.

  Are we there yet? No, not yet, not quite, yet every day brings a little closer. When are we going to get there? Always in His time, at the best time. Perhaps even sooner than we would expect.

  I have to think that like any loving parent, our loving God must want us Home even more than we want to be Home. Yet, there is work to do, lost people to reach, and a Savior to follow down the winding road of days and years. When we finally turn into heaven’s driveway and see King Jesus waiting at the open door, the long drive won’t seem so long at all.

  By God’s grace, let’s choose to trust Him and not be like spoiled children. Let’s be like Abraham and the heroes and heroines in Hebrews 11, not like those whiners in the desert who brought distress to their leaders, and grief and anger to their God. We enjoy the journey “by faith,” when we trust Him. If the journey is frustrating you, that’s a good indication that you need to grow in faith.

"Conscious Uncoupling"? It's still the painful death of a marriage

“The real cause of failure, ultimately, in marriage is always self, and the various manifestations of self.” D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

  A couple of months back, Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, Chris Martin, announced that after ten years of marriage they were separating. But rather than a divorce, it was a “Conscious Uncoupling.” Personally, I’ve never seen a painless divorce, yet I want to be sensitive to the fact that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are, in fact, real people who are in distress and working hard to be loving parents. There are also recent signs that they may be resolving their marital difficulties. And whether you're a millionaire actress married to a rock star, or the neighbor down the block, none of us can begin to know what’s going on inside someone else’s marriage. So this isn’t about trash talking “gp,” as she refers to herself on her website. It’s about exploring what her now infamous “conscious uncoupling” message gets wrong about marriage.

  In her defense, Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t invent the term “conscious uncoupling.” Therapist, Katherine Woodward Thomas first came up with it. It’s not meant to be a synonym for “divorce.” Instead it’s supposed to be a process by which divorcing couples can attempt to be as peaceful and gentle with one another as possible in an impossibly tricky time. 

  Our culture is infamous for taking what is horrible and seeking to somehow sanitize and soften brutal realities. For example, it’s not the violent death of innocent victims; they’re collateral damage. It’s not an addiction, it’s a disease. It’s not murder, it’s abortion. And “conscious uncoupling” sounds so clinical, so clean cut, like somehow Gwyneth Paltrow is above all of the brutal bloodiness of splitting up. In other words, if you wear $20 Wal-mart tennis shoes, you get "divorced," but gp can slip on $500 sneakers and is "uncoupled."

  Personally, I’ve never been able to wrap my brain around “no fault divorce.” It communicates something like someone walking down a sidewalk, making a misstep, that results in a fall and a broken limb. Divorce is always intentional. It’s messy, painful and often brutal. It’s the death of a marriage that must be grieved, not only by the couple who once entered into marriage together, but also by all who love them: their children, friends, their extended families, communities and churches. Divorcees use words like shattered, broken, or devastated to describe what they feel in the wake of a separation. Divorce is often a savage act.

  Yet, a healthy marriage is messy, too. Not only is divorce very difficult, at times, so is a healthy marriage. Marriage takes lots and lots of hard work. Weddings are a cakewalk; a healthy marriage is one of the most difficult responsibilities you’ll ever volunteer for. Even childrearing is easier, in that it only lasts eighteen years. Marriage is for life. God never intended marriage to have an expiration date.

  Continually, I counsel young couples to invest more time (and money) into their marriage, rather than their wedding. Most of us love weddings. Brides dressed in white; Grooms in nice suits. A wedding is like a wonderful vacation. Eventually though, you must come home and go back to work, to the routine…mundane. You can choose to dread going to work, grit your teeth every day, or you can choose to enjoy the job God has given you, work hard as to Him and thank Him even for the irritants because you know that He’s using even those in your life for His glory and your good. Enjoyment and fulfillment in marriage always begins within our own attitude. It’s a personal choice each of us must make.

  Take for example another celebrity marriage. Perhaps you remember all of the attention Ben Affleck's Oscar speech received in 2013 when he took home the golden statue for Best Picture for his film Argo. The father of three, addressing his wife, Jennifer Garner, said, “I want to thank you for working on our marriage for ten Christmases. It's good, it is work, but it's the best kind of work, and there's no one I'd rather work with.” Yet, people were up in arms. How could a Hollywood icon acknowledge that he and his movie star wife have to work at their marriage? How dare he? Yet, to thinking people, to those realistic about marriage, it was a breath of authenticity that the Affleck-Garners were making a real go of it. We were glad for them – and for their children! May their tribe increase!

  Recently, I was talking to a couple who will have been married forty years this year. After I congratulated them, I asked how they were going to celebrate. They weren’t sure they would. They have an adult child currently going through a horrible divorce, and they didn’t want to increase their child’s pain with their celebration. I urged them to celebrate, not just for their adult child, but also for the many other young couples out there. I encouraged them to communicate by their celebration that marriage is a lifetime vow of commitment, and that if your marriage doesn’t quite fit or you’re not happy, you can’t just return it to exchange it for another one.  

  On our wedding days, we blithely promise to love our spouses "for better or worse, in sickness and in health…” It's easy to speak these words when your biggest concern is that you received three crock pots as wedding gifts. As the years wear on, real life and its challenges hit, all marriages weather what we politely call “dry spells” or “rough patches.” Jane and I have referred to it as “our tide being out or in.”

  If your marriage has chronic issues – DO SOMETHING! If you had a chronic cough for more than a few days, you’d see a doctor. I’m constantly amazed at the foolishness of those who have chronic marital issues in that they won’t go see someone or take proactive steps. Their naïve denial often results in a terminal relational cancer destroying their marriage.

  At the very least, without finger-pointing, pray together about the condition of your marriage. Discipline yourself to read Christian books together about marriage. Two that I’d suggest are: When Sinners Say "I Do" by Dave Harvey or Sacred Marriage by Gary L. Thomas. If your marriage doesn’t begin to improve, seek help. There are godly couples in our church who will gladly come alongside of you. For more serious situations, seek out a Christian counselor. Please don’t rationalize, “we can’t afford that” – you can’t afford not to. Not to mention for the relational cheapskates, the average divorce costs between $5,000 and $10,000. Marriage counseling is very inexpensive in comparison.

  No one can see into another couple's marriage. There’s no point and no grace in judging someone else’s marital commitment or choice to break it. The rich gifts though of doing the hard work that it takes for a healthy marriage are immeasurable. I don’t know about you, as for me, I plan to keep consciously coupling. Will you make that same commitment?

When God does the relocating

“It's easy to not feel misplaced if this tidal wave of appreciation is coming your way.” Christoph Waltz

  Okay, I didn’t see this one coming. Usually, I think that I tend to do fairly well at seeing around corners and what’s potentially coming down the pike. And I have to confess, I don’t always like it when God’s plans don’t matchup with my plans and agenda.

  Those of you who have sat under his teaching are well aware that God has greatly gifted, Robert Leafblad, as a teacher of biblical truth and just teaching in general. It’s one of Robert’s many strengths. Having had the privilege of being the pastor to Rob’s parents, Howard and Gail Leafbald, who were both teachers, this was not a big surprise to me.

  Many years ago, I encouraged Rob to pursue teaching. At the time, though, he just wasn’t interested. Over the course of the last few years though Rob has been pursuing a Master’s degree and doing substitute teaching at Gateway Community College. We all assumed he’d be offered a position to teach locally BUT he wasn’t. God had other plans and the Lord opened a teaching position for Rob in Wausau. (For non-Wisconsin natives, Wausau is not in Poland. That’s Warsaw, though for practical purposes, it’s nearly as far away.) And Rob working in Wausau is bad enough but he doesn’t want to commute the three and a half hours each day – one way. That means that Sarah, our church’s Administrative Assistant, is leaving, too. (I considered suggesting that Rob invest in a small plane and get his pilot’s license yet quickly realized that probably wasn’t going to fly).

  Yet, I’ve been a believer long enough to know that our loss is always another church family’s blessing. We’re going to miss the whole Leafblad family, particularly we’re going to miss having Sarah on staff at Grace. She’s a been a real asset to our team and a blessing to our church for the year and a half that she’s been on staff.

  Someone described a church Administrative Assistant as one who’s “able to photocopy, collate and staple 500 documents in a single bound, takes phone calls while proofreading the bulletin and fixing the copier machine! She swoops in to save any distressed parishioner, all while navigating past the pile of parcels that church members have left in the office doorway! Who is this woman? It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s…SUPER-SECRETARY!” And that describes Sarah Leafblad!

  While I will miss Sarah’s work abilities, what I’ll miss most of all is her godly, gracious spirit. Being a church Administrative Assistant means that you often have to do the job of 2 or 3 people. Every week there are corrections, tweaking and an incessant demand for creativity. Most of us pick up a church bulletin, never considering the many hours it took to put it together, to make sure it’s accurate, that both spelling and grammar are correct, that it’s compelling and people actually will take the time to read it. That same high standard must be applied to every communication that comes out of her office from the worship slides to church correspondence to the web page. At the same time, the phone often will not stop ringing. On top of that there are emails and text messages to respond to, not to mention the church’s Facebook page…and Sarah handled it. She’s consistently gracious and Christlike in the midst of a lot of pressure.

  That’s because Sarah loves the Lord and loves others. If Sarah has any fault, it’s that when she learns of a need, she wants to jump in with both feet with her entire being and help. Yet, sometimes the best choice is to wait. That’s hard for Sarah though. She’s a helper, a fixer and a doer.

  I have to laugh as I look back at how many times I’d give her a project, knowing her plate for the week was already full, and clearly instructing her to put it off until the following week and on next week’s agenda. Invariably, she’d have it done before she finished for the week. In fact, I remember her telling me one time that it was best that her printer at home was on the fritz because it prevented her from completing work there. Sarah is a hard worker and seemingly tireless.

  Anyone who knows Sarah know that God has blessed her with phenomenal creativity. We’re not a huge church and don’t have some gargantuan marketing budget. Yet, I’ve had pastors contact me, wondering where we purchased our logos and designs for our various ministries and sermon series. I’d share with them that we had a lady in our church who God had greatly gifted with creativity.

  John 13:4-5, 14 tells us that, “[Jesus]  rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around Him. ‘If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet’.” In Jesus’ ministry, we frequently hear Him talking about serving others. This is clearly illustrated by His act of washing His disciple's feet.

  When our Lord took on the task of the lowest slave of the household by washing the feet of those who were supposed to be His servants, He was making a powerful statement to them - especially because the issue they were fighting over that evening was who was the greatest among them. Christians are to have servant’s hearts and that’s one of Sarah’s greatest strengths. She loves to serve; she loves to minister to others.

  So Sarah, Rob, Bjorn and Aiden, we’re going to miss you! Thank you so much for your faithfulness and Christlikeness! Yet, we truly know and trust that God’s plan is always best, that our loss is just a blessing in another part of His Kingdom. It’s been a privilege working with you, Sarah, and having you on our staff! Thank you so much for being a blessing to us and faithfully serving King Jesus!

So I skipped church...so what!?!

“On the most elementary level, you do not have to go to church to be a Christian. You do not have to go home to be married either. But in both cases if you do not, you will have a very poor relationship.” Kent Hughes

  When you feel that you need a random day off of work, what do you do? Do you schedule a vacation day or do you call in with some overblown cover story? How long does it take to come up with that excuse?

  One-in-four workers consider sick days equivalent to vacation time. No wonder workers are so crafty at calling in sick. CareerBuilder.com took a look at employees who call in sick with bogus excuses. 32% of workers admitted they called in sick when they felt well at least once over the course of the year. The most popular motivator for missing work: good, old-fashioned R & R. Nearly half said they needed to relax, while 24% wanted to catch up on sleep. Other top reasons included personal errands (20%), doctor's appointments (17%), plans with family and friends (16%) and housework (16%).

  While some employers said they typically don't question excuses given, others were more skeptical. Almost half of employers have caught an employee calling in sick with a fake excuse; 27% said they’ve fired a worker for calling in sick without a legitimate reason. 41% said they’ve received unusual or suspicious sick-day alibis.

  When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, hiring managers revealed some of their favorite excuses/alibis: Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law. A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house. Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife. Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out. Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk. Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house. One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before. Employee's mother was in jail. A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.  Employee had a bad case of hiccups. Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out. Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway. Employee was hit by a bus while walking. Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass. Employee was sad.

  As I read that, it reminded me of some of the excuses Christians give for skipping church. Two traits are generally true of healthy Christians: they’re regularly in the Word and they faithfully attend church. It’s always saddened me when I see Christians who seem to feel that skipping church is a vacation day from “work.”

  Imagine that Jane and I had a weekly date. How would she feel if she knew I looked for excuses to skip it? Or, if when we were together, I was continually fidgeting, looking at my watch, and as soon as I could, bolting out the door to go do something I considered more important or more enjoyable? How would she feel if she knew I saw our time together as something to endure, not enjoy and loved periodically escaping?

  But Jane and I, like most spouses, though we try not to, primarily have conditional or reciprocal love. Our love for each other flows both ways. Yet, Jesus love for us is unconditional…no strings, no demands and no pressure. He chose to love us, suffered brutally – worse than anyone can ever imagine – and not just physically. Jesus suffered the most spiritually in that for the first time in all eternity, He was separated from His Father when all of our sin and guilt was placed upon Him. He gave everything for us. How do you think that He feels when He knows we look at spending time with Him or with His people as an obligation, and something to escape whenever possible?

  Think of some of the rationalizations that we use to skip, “I’ve heard it all before.” How would Jane feel if I told her, “Jane, we don’t need to spend so much time together. I know you love me. I’ve heard it all before.” None of us have even come close to hearing it all before or arriving spiritually. Our spiritual life is something that either moves forward or backwards, up or down, grows or shrinks and dies. The only way for faith to increase, according to Romans 10:17, is “by hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.” God has most frequently facilitated the planting, nourishing and strengthening of our faith through His Word being proclaimed when believers gather as a local church family.

  How about, “I’m really busy right now”? What would that say about my relationship with Jane if I was just too busy to spend time with her? If committing a couple of hours weekly to public worship and Bible Study on Sunday morning is too much that it just can’t be done, how does that reflect on my priorities as a Christian? Those things in our lives that take precedence in our schedules are the things we see as most important. Look at Christ’s life. Jesus was busier than any other person who’s ever lived, yet He made public worship a priority in His life.

  Probably, the one that is most dangerous is, “I know that I should but…” In other words, I don’t care enough. I think it would break Jane’s heart if she felt I didn’t care enough to spend time with her. It’s a frightening moment when a Christian stops caring about being with Jesus.   

  I have a friend who’s obsessed with a certain sport. He’ll take his family half way across the country to attend an event. Though a professing Christian, he rarely attends church. He makes certain though that his kids are always at these sporting events. (Please understand, it can be anything, a sport, hobby, work, sleep, music, entertaining friends, etc.) Sadly, I know how this usually ends. Someday it will break his heart when his then grown children have an even more casual attitude than he does toward the Lord, spiritual values and sin. There’s a strong possibility they’ll reject it all altogether. What seems so important now will be so valueless then.

  If Jesus loved the Church enough to die for her, then shouldn’t we love her enough to make the church a priority in our lives? The problem is really not our love for Christ’s Church. When being with the Church is unimportant, it’s most likely we’ve become like that group of believers in Ephesus – we’ve abandoned our first love (Revelation 2:4). Our lives will be in discord internally, externally and most of all spiritually, until we return to that first love for Jesus. When we do, we’ll love what He loves. Jesus loves His Church (Ephesians 5:25). If we love Jesus, we will love what He loves.

Feeling Fatherless on Father's Day?

“It is easier for a father to have children than for children

to have a real father.”

  Do you hate having to buy an obligatory gift? What about obligatory cards? For years, one of my most difficult tasks was buying the obligatory Father’s Day card. Most cards for most occasions, I can find with very little difficulty in just moments. Every year though I’d struggle to find an appropriate, (and honest), Father’s Day card. I couldn’t send one that said you’re the greatest Father in the world or that growing up was wonderful. It wasn’t true and my Dad knew that I didn’t believe that.

  My Dad and I never did connect. Sadly, we were never close. After I left home, I’d try to call him to see how he was doing. Five minutes was a long conversation. After I left home at fifteen, in that forty year period before he died, I don’t believe that he ever called me more than five times. I’d have to initiate the phone call if it was going to happen. He never saw the high school, college or seminary I graduated from. He didn’t attend my wedding and didn’t meet Jane until several months after we’d been married.

  There was just a gap that we never seemed to be able to overcome. I’m not sure why. When I was younger, he was everything that I didn’t want to be. But then, God began to work on my heart. Even though my Dad wasn’t all I wanted him to be. Even though we never really had a relationship, I began to see how God used him in my life and even his many admirable qualities.

  There’s an overlooked verse in Matthew, where Jesus acknowledges the limitations of fathers (really all parents), “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:11).

  You and I have no choice in our Dad or Mom. God not only chose where we were going to be born, He chose who we were going to be born to. We may not understand what God’s plan is BUT we know He has one and will use even what’s difficult or seems unfair for our good and His glory. Perhaps your experience is like mine. It may have been far worse. God though has taught me some valuable lessons even from a difficult father/child relationship. They’ve helped me. I hope that the Lord uses them to help you.

  Look at where they’ve come from, not just how far they need to go. I loved my grandfather (my Dad’s Dad). He was a wonderful man…to me. But he wasn’t to my Dad. When my Dad was growing up during the Depression, his father, though a hard worker, was the local drunk. On one occasion when he was intoxicated at church (of all places), he pulled a pistol on the sheriff who came to arrest him. He ended up doing time on the chain gang. He was mean, brutal and violent.

  When I was just a child, I remember visiting my Grandmother at her sister’s home, not her home where we normally went. My Grandfather was committing adultery and had moved this woman into their home. He was in his seventies when that happened. I doubt it was the first or only time. It would explain too why my Dad was so close and so protective of his mother, yet looked down with disdain on his father.

  Kids are brutal. My Dad would often mention how he’d been ridiculed as a child because they were so poor and his father was a drunk. My heart went out to him. I can’t imagine the shame that he dealt with as a child.

  Look for the good intent even behind bad behavior. With that background, my Dad didn’t know anything about marriage or parenting. Back then, a biblical worldview of marriage and family wasn’t talked about or taught…even in the Church. Because of the shame of his formative years, my Dad was obsessed with success. He wanted my four siblings and I to have it better than he’d had it, though he didn’t know how to really give us what we really needed. We had some of the best education that money could buy at the time. I attended some of the best schools in the Atlanta area and never went to a public school. My Dad felt that their education level didn’t meet the standards.

  We lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Five bedrooms back then was a huge house. My Dad was a hard worker and a shrewd businessman. He saved enough money so that he could pay cash for it. He wanted to make sure we were taken care of and didn’t have to go without, as he had.

  Seek to use the traits that you inherited or learned for godliness. My Dad never met a stranger. When I was a youngster, he was so outgoing, he’d often embarrass me. He didn’t have a shy bone in his body. He was one of those individuals who could have sold icicles to Eskimos. I’m not naturally outgoing (that surprises many people), yet I learned from him how to build bridges with people I don’t know. He modeled how to have a conversation even with a complete stranger. By God’s grace, I hope and pray that I’ve used that for the Gospel.

  Thank God for the Dad and Mom that He gave you. One of my favorite passages is Genesis 50:19-20, where Joseph, after suffering horribly at the hands of his brothers, forgave them and said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” What freedom! To know that every detail, even who my parents are, was planned by my loving Heavenly Father! And if I trust Him and submit to Him, He can even use the worst parents or family situation for His glory and my good.

  I truly have no regrets that my Dad was who he was or that I lost my mother in a car accident when I was ten. Do I miss her? Do I wish that my relationship with my Dad could have been different? Absolutely! Knowing though that my Heavenly Father who loves me beyond whatever I can ever fathom planned all of this changes my whole perspective. Rather than it being a source of regret or bitterness, it’s a sense of rest in God’s loving care…even when I don’t understand.

  My three children are now adults. I’m sure they wish that I’d done many things differently, and so do I. On my part, I need to take responsibility where I’ve sinned or blown it. Yet, I hope too that they’ll allow God to use my innumerable blunders in their lives for their good and His glory.

A really, really short graduation speech...

“So what are you gonna do, When the world don't orbit around you…

Ain't it fun, Living in the real world…Don't go crying to your mama

'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world.”  Paramore

  This time of year podiums across our land often have famous graduation speakers who share little more than cultural drivel. Much of it’s the stuff of myth, some are outright lies. Graduates are told: You can be anything you want to be, just dream and work hard. Follow your heart, the people that don’t like you don’t matter anyway. These are the best years of your life. Your life begins now…”

  I’ve only been asked to give one graduation speech, yet, if I were giving one today, I think I could sum it up in five words: “It’s time to grow up!” That’s a message that not only this year’s graduates need; it’s a message American culture needs. Tragically and ironically, it’s a message we need in the Church of Jesus Christ.

  Thomas Bergler of Huntington University observes what’s been called “the juvenilization of American Christianity.” He writes, “Juvenilization is the process by which the religious beliefs, practices, and developmental characteristics of adolescents become accepted as appropriate for adults. It’s adults embracing immature versions of the faith.” It’s really not a new phenomena, just seemingly a much more predominant one.

  2,000 years ago, it was to the church which thought that it was the wisest, most mature and sophisticated that the Apostle Paul wrote, “I…could not address you as spiritual people, but as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready” (1 Cor. 3:1-2). It’s the malady of big, baby Christians. Are you one? How do we spot a Christian desperately needing to grow up? One that’s stuck in childish spiritual behavior? 

  Christians stuck in childish behavior are self-absorbed. What’s the predominant trait of a toddler. They’re focused on “me, myself and mine.” It’s what makes me happy. It’s my way, my toy, my seat by the window. It’s my Mommy (even if there are multiple siblings). Sadly, narcissism is epidemic in the Church today. We’re infected with self-absorption rather than self-sacrifice. Often we believe spiritual maturity is synonymous with Bible knowledge or even just being a Christian a long time. It’s not. Spiritual maturity is evidenced by a Christ-like heart and lifestyle.

  Jesus made Himself a servant, though He was the Sovereign. The typical American Christian either goes to church or goes looking for church with one criteria: What’s in it for me? That’s often accompanied by, What’s in it for my family? It’s guised under questions like: Do they have programs for my children? (Interestingly, the Bible never once mentions youth or children’s programs). Do they sing my music? Do I feel comfortable there? Are they meeting my needs? Are they like my ideal picture of church? (Not necessarily a biblical one).

  I can’t recall anyone ever coming to me, and I don’t know of any pastor who’s ever had this experience, where a believer came to church and said something like, “I believe God is leading me here so I can serve Jesus as part of this church family.” Instead, pastors and church leaders are to serve them and meet their perceived needs. It’s an immature Christianity that needs to grow up.

  Christians stuck in childish behavior whine. Toddlers whine. (It’s why naptime was invented J). They want a cookie. Don’t want to go to bed. If  they don’t get what they want, they whine. Immature Christians do the same. “Thank you” is missing from their heart and vocabulary. They’re spiritually flawed because praise and gratitude are absent in their soul.

  Yet, not only do they whine, often they up it with harsh criticism. Services are too long. The church is too cold…too hot…people aren’t friendly enough…they’re too friendly. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

  Mature Christians are overwhelmingly grateful. They’re filled with gratitude because they realize a holy God not only has given them underserved mercy in withholding His judgment, He’s given them undeserved grace in making them part of His forever family with its inheritance and blessings.

  Are you a thankful believer? When was the last time you thanked our custodian for keeping our church clean? Or, those who make coffee for having it ready? Do you thank the worship team for their hours of preparation? How about a Sunday Morning Live teacher or youth leader?

  Christians stuck in childish behavior throw tantrums. All of us have felt empathy for the parent who’s tyke screams or throws themselves on the floor, kicking and hitting it with their tiny fists. While most Christians don’t throw themselves on the floor, I’ve seen some who came pretty close to that. Some actually scream. Most just complain, criticize and sow discord behind the scenes. They often don’t realize little ears are listening and are later shocked when their now adult children want little to do with church. The church was ripped down in front of them though during their formative years, and they remember. The bill has come due.

  Mature Christians problem-solve. They realize they themselves probably need to grow and potentially so do their other family members in Christ. Yet, if there’s never a humble dialogue and attempt to problem-solve, spiritual growth is stunted.

  Christians stuck in childish behavior tend to be passive/aggressive. Usually, when they’re ticked off about something at church, they first stop giving. They miss that if they were giving to the “church,” they’re ignorant of biblical giving. We give as an act of worship to Christ, not a church. Then, they start pulling back on involvement and become sporadic in their attendance. Like a divorcee who fails to solve the core issue, they frequently will repeat the same cycle in their next church and the one after that and the one after that.

  Our Heavenly Father is looking for men and women of faith, not tykes. That’s because we have been given an adult mission, the greatest responsibility, sharing the Gospel. It’s the only hope our world has. It’s what Jesus the One who gave His life for us commands us to do (Matt. 28:19-20). And that’s the worst problem with a baby Christian, they don’t  share and don’t even care. “It’s time to grow up!”

  Friend, please look in the mirror of God’s Word (James 1:23-25). Let it spur you on to spiritual maturity, to grow up in your faith. Jesus needs adults, mature in the faith to fulfill the mission. Can He count on you?

Hello Type A's: It's enjoy, not endure!

“If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.”  Herodotus

During his induction ceremony into the Baseball Hall of Fame, Harmon Killebrew recounted how one day he and his brother were playing in the yard, and their mother got upset. “You’re tearing up the grass!” she complained. Harmon’s dad wisely replied, “We’re not raising grass; we’re raising boys.”

  If you’re a Type A, you may not want to read this. If you’re someone who tries to force 30 hours into 24 hours, this might even irritate you. But in case you didn’t notice, summer is finally here. Yes, I know it officially begins on June 21^st, but in Wisconsin, any day above 60 is summer as far as I’m concerned.

  Life can be a blur. For some reason, summer seems to move faster than the speed of light. Before you can catch your breath, they’re selling school supplies and kids are heading back to class.

  At the end of 1 Timothy 6:17, there’s a short yet powerful phrase, one that most of us need to memorize, meditate on and probably place in high visibility areas: “God Who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.”

  Did you catch that word? ENJOY! Enjoy means “to take pleasure in something; to have or experience something good or helpful; to have a good time; to have for one’s use, benefit, or lot.”  The sad and sinful fact is that most are more well versed in what we don’t enjoy, rather than what we do enjoy. We’re so busy complaining (or, just thinking) about what’s wrong, we fail to take the time to salivate on what’s right and all of God’s blessing that He “richly provides us with.” Our Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy life, not endure it. Some of you don’t have a clue how to do that. So let me share two key words: slow and stop.

  If you’re going to enjoy these next three months, you must slow down. Summer is like a prime cut of steak. You don’t wolf it down. You cut small pieces, chew it slowly and savor it. Summer is like a double-dip of ice cream on a waffle cone. You let it melt in your mouth, enjoying the sweet creamy taste until that very last lick.

  If you’re still in the child rearing years, lower your sights a little. You’re not Martha Stewart; Better Homes and Gardens is not plastering your yard on its next issue. Raising kids is messy, but some day you’ll miss that bicycle in the middle of the driveway. Someday the house will be silent. No screams of joy or laughter or running feet. Enjoy it today because it’s gone tomorrow. So be creative with the “mess.” Turn a sibling squabble into a water fight. Buy a few squirt guns and water balloons.

  Instead of sitting around the TV or hovering over your computer or phone, go for a walk. When was the last time you went on a picnic? Have each family member make their own sandwich, or pick up a bucket of chicken. Go walk on the beach and make a sandcastle. Throw a Frisbee or a ball until your arm nearly falls off. Share jokes or family stories. Catch lightning bugs in a jar. Sit around a bonfire and make smores.

  If you’re going on vacation, schedule it now. Not just the dates, but what you’re going to do. Where are you going to go? Have a family meeting to discuss it. That way you can enjoy the anticipation. Put a little in for everyone. And please don’t over schedule. It’s a vacation, not an expedition. Take your watch off and turn off your phone. Before you go, check out and then visit a good church. If you’re going to be in an urban area, check out a Bible-believing church from another ethnic group.

  This summer if you love yard work, do it. Plant something new so you can try out a new fruit or vegetable. But if you hate yard work, pay a neighborhood kid to do it. He could use the money and needs to learn how to work for someone else. Use it as a teaching moment. Just please get outside as much as you can. Remember last winter when you ran from the car to the house as fast as you could. It was a long winter. So now, if you can, walk to the store. If there ever was a summer when we need to enjoy the sun, this is that summer.

  Set aside a day off here and there to go to the zoo or ballpark…or just to explore a nearby town you’ve never visited before. Find a botanical garden and stop to literally smell the flowers. Spend the day at the beach. Catch a few Brewers games. If you can’t afford a major league game, go to a minor league one. But get your calendar out right now and plan it. Otherwise, remember how last summer slipped by?

  Start a new habit of either bike riding a couple of miles before or after work, running or walking. If you’ve never been an outdoors person, you’re missing out. Creation is a gift of our Creator God. Appreciate it and enjoy it. You’ll be amazed what it will do for your spirits. And don’t forget to enjoy the moonlit and starry nights.

  Then, go on a diet – a technology one. Put yourself on a computer, email, or smart phone diet. Limit how much you’re chained to the artificial world of technology. Unless you’re expecting a call from the President, leave your phone at home, or at least in the car.

  Schedule some cookouts. Grill something you’ve never grilled before. Summer is also about the only time some of us can spend much time with our neighbors. What a great opportunity to build for the Gospel. So invite a few neighbors over. Get together with church friends. It’s amazing the opportunities that present themselves at outdoor gatherings.

  Plan out some summer reading. Read aloud to the kids. They don’t have to be in bed at a certain time to be ready for school. Read a book you’ve always wanted to read. Pick a few to enjoy this summer. If you normally read fiction, read a biography. If you normally read nonfiction, read fiction. Make family dinner time a priority. Hang around the table and just talk.

  The bottom line is to savor this summer. Choose to make it a time of refreshment and rejuvenation for you and your family…because soon it’ll be gone.