Giving Away Kindness

 

“Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind. 

The second is to be kind, and the third is to be kind.”  Henry James

 
With the recent Olympics a wonderful story from 2019 has been resurfacing. At a match in August of that year, Israel’s women’s lacrosse team showed true sports (wo)manship during their match against Kenya. Israel defeated Kenya, 13-4, at a match during the 2019 Women’s Lacrosse Under 19 World Championship in Peterborough, Ontario. Though they won, the Israeli players realized something was unfair. The teams weren’t on equal footing, literally. None of the Kenyan players had cleats, which put them at a great disadvantage. The Israeli team decided to do something about it, surprising their opponents with brand-new footwear.
  Rain from the night before the match resulted in the Kenyan women slipping all over the field. Their tennis shoes couldn’t provide the proper traction. Many of the Kenyan athletes lived in poverty in two-bedroom mud shacks housing families of eight and had to overcome numerous obstacles to even get to the tournament. They’d ordered new running shoes, but upon arriving in Canada, discovered they were in U.S. sizes and not in the U.K. sizes they’d ordered.
  After the game, Michael Duvdevani, whose daughter, Ella, is on the Israeli team, discovered that the Kenya team did not have any cleats, and he wanted to do something about it. In a group message with all of the Israeli team parents, Duvdevani explained the situation and asked: “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” They were. That evening Duvdevani contacted the Kenyan team’s assistant coach to gather his team’s shoe sizes. Then, he found a store in Peterborough that luckily had the 18 pairs of shoes in the sizes the Kenyan teens needed. Duvdevani paid for all the shoes upfront (he was later reimbursed by the rest of his team’s parents). With the help of his two younger children, he packed the shoes labeling each box with the players’ name and corresponding jersey numbers.
  The next day, the Kenyan coach brought his team to the Israeli-Belgium game under the ruse that they were scoping out the Belgium team, who the Kenyans were scheduled to play the following day. In reality the Israeli teens wanted to present them with their brand-new cleats and surprised their new friends with the brand-new shoes after the MVP ceremony.
  Hugs went all around. Neither team fared particularly well in the tournament, but the Israeli and Kenyan teams continued to support each other. A couple days after the cleats were gifted, the Kenyan team ventured over to the Israelis’ match against Ireland. Still dressed in their jerseys from a game earlier that day, the Kenyan girls waved Israeli flags, and danced and cheered for their newfound friends. I love these words from the Israeli goalie, Lielle Assayag, “This is what I’ll remember in twenty years. My friends, my old ones, and my new ones.” 
  In an angry world where it seems nearly everyone is irate about something, Christ-followers must be known for being kind and gracious. What does it take to be consistently kind?
  It takes resilience. Those who are genuinely kind without expecting reciprocation have a unique ability to bounce back from setbacks. They experience the same hurdles we all do – losses, failures, and disappointments – but respond to them differently. Rather than dwelling on negative outcomes, they choose to respond with kindness. Their resilience stems from this kindness – a unique strength as admirable as it is powerful.
  It takes empathy. It’s not just about understanding someone’s feelings, it’s actually sharing in them. When someone is going through deep waters and shares their troubles, an empathetic person listens and seeks to understand. Empathy isn’t about solving problems or giving advice. It’s about understanding another person’s situation and feelings so deeply that you can almost feel them yourself. A kind person connects with others on a deeper level. They’re able to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and truly understand their emotions.
  It takes authenticity. Genuinely kind people don’t wear masks, don’t put on a show, and don’t try to be someone they’re not. They’re comfortable in their own skin and aren’t afraid to be transparent. Because they’re authentic, they create a safe space for others to be themselves too, fostering deeper and more meaningful connections in the process.
  It takes patience. Patience is a significant strength that kind people possess. It’s not just about waiting without complaint. It’s a deeper form of patience that shows up in their interactions with others. They don’t rush others, impose their timelines, or expect immediate change.
  Have you ever had a teacher who worked with you when you had difficulty understanding something? They don’t rush you and take extra time to explain things until you grasp them. In a world that’s always in a hurry, this kind of patience is a unique strength.
  It takes optimism. Another word for it is – hope! If anyone should have hope, it’s a Christ-follower. We know no one is beyond God’s love, no situation is impossible, and we’re all going to get Home before dark. This optimism stems from a deep-seated belief in the goodness of God. Genuinely kind people see the best in others, even when it’s not apparent. Like Jesus, they believe in second chances and the potential for true transformation. Their optimism isn’t just infectious, it’s inspiring.
  It takes generosity. Think about the last time you gave something without expecting anything in return. How did it make you feel? Kind individuals have an innate sense of generosity. It’s not just monetary or some grand gesture. The greatest acts of generosity are often the simplest ones – like giving time, attention, or words of encouragement when someone needs it.
  It takes gratitude. This may be the most important trait. Kind individuals have a deep sense of gratitude for all that God has given them. They appreciate the people and experiences in their lives, both good and bad. They understand that every encounter, every moment, every trial is an opportunity for spiritual growth and to glorify God. Their deep gratitude is reflected in their attitudes and actions…in the way they treat others. This spirit of gratitude is the root from which their kindness grows.
  As Jesus walked this earth, He was known for being kind. As His followers, we must be known for our Christlike kindness. Are you a Christ-follower? Are you known for being kind? Is that your reputation?

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

Are you listening?

 “An appreciative listener is always stimulating.” Agatha Christie

 

Punch, a British weekly magazine of humor and satire published a spurious conversation between British author, Oscar Wilde and American artist, James McNeill Whistler. Not to be outdone by a satirical magazine the article prompted this barrage of telegrams between the two famous men.

  Wilde: “Punch too ridiculous. When you and I are together we talk about anything except ourselves.”

  Whister: “No, no, Oscar, you forget. When you and I are together, we never talk about anything except me.”

  Wilde: “It is true, Jimmy, we were talking about you, but I was thinking about myself.”

  No wonder James 1:19 insightfully commands us, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak…” Listening, not talking, is the most vital part of communicating. If you truly listen, you’ll begin to deeply understand what the other person is saying. You build the foundation for an intelligent, meaningful conversation and a true relationship. Yet, when you listen superficially, it opens the door for miscommunications and shallow discussions, one very likely to frustrate both the one speaking and the one hearing. You leave the one speaking feeling misunderstood and alone. No wonder the Bible continually encourages us to listen more and talk less. “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Proverbs 9:10).

  Though the Lord Jesus had more to say and far wiser words than any other person who has ever walked this earth, He was also an avid listener. Often we’re so focused on the words of Jesus, we overlook how attune He was and that He was actively listening. Take a moment and read chapters 3 and 4 of John’s Gospel. In John 3 Jesus converses with a wealthy and well-educated theologian, Nicodemus. In John 4 He converses with a poor, immoral woman, the woman at the well. Though what Jesus says is so striking. His intent, gentle and kind listening must not be overlooked.

  If we want others to listen to us, we must first learn to listen to them. Others tend to listen when they feel valued and listened to. They try to understand when they feel understood. Our Savior was a master in making people feel listened to, understood, cared for, and affirmed. Jesus was a great communicator because He was a great listener. And if you and I are going to be Jesus in this world, we must learn to be good listeners. As we page through the four Gospels we find some key traits of Jesus’ listening skills that as His followers we must emulate.

  Jesus asked questions. Throughout His ministry, Jesus asked questions, often very tough questions, as a means of opening the door to communicating truth. When our children were young when meeting someone new, we taught them to ask vital questions: Who, What, Where, How, and Why? Most people want to share their stories and are eager for someone to listen.

  Who? Who are you? What’s your name? What do you prefer to be called? How do you pronounce your name? Are you named after anyone?

  What? What do you do for a living? What are your interests/hobbies? What do you do in your spare time? What’s your background and history?

  Where? Where do you live? Where are you from? Where have you been? Where is the most exciting, interesting place you have been?

  Why? Why do you work where you work? What got you interested in that? Why did you attend that school? Why do you like that sport/hobby?

  Everyone we meet has a story. Knowing their story helps us better communicate the most important Story to them. A friend truly listens. If we’re going to befriend people, we must first learn to truly listen.

  Jesus was never rushed. Jesus models for us many things in growing in our listening skills. This one hones in on our core problem on why we’re often such poor listeners – Jesus was never in a hurry. There was never a bad time to talk to Him. No matter what was going on, He made time to listen. He was never too busy. He never rushed a conversation to score favorite points, or to get to what He really wanted to talk about. He was patient and communicated that He cared while building rapport.

  Jesus listened with respect. A good listener recognizes how important it is to communicate that what the one speaking has to share is valuable. When you show respect for the ideas and thoughts of others, they’re much more likely to respond respectfully to yours. They’re also more likely to continue to communicate honestly with you. Being a respectful listener involves drawing out important key thoughts and information. This can help to uncover feelings and needs that are unclear. By using statements such as, “Tell me more,” or, “That sounds important,” you let the other person know that you’re fully engaged in the listening process. Jesus didn’t arrogantly shame people or make them feel ignorant or stupid.

  Jesus listened with empathy. Empathy is the capacity to share and understand the experiences and feelings of someone else. Empathetic listening involves listening and responding to another person in such a way that you grow and improve mutual understanding and trust. It’s the ability to fully understand another person with all their feelings, thoughts, and opinions. When someone needs empathy and understanding, it’s very frustrating to talk to someone who doesn’t engage with them or who only offers fix-it advice. As you seek to listen with empathy, learn to listen for what’s not being said, for what’s missing, for what’s needed right now, and what’s important to the speaker?

  The need to listen well and communicate touches every area of our lives. All that we do requires communication with others. In our early years of life, we learn to speak. It’s an essential developmental and a sign that a child is developing normally. Active listening is a vital skill that our Lord modeled and that His followers must learn. Failing to listen can result in a communication disaster. Disagreements, frustration, and discouragement are frequently an outcome of being self-oriented and failing to really listen.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.