The Turkey of Comparison

 “Comparison is the death of joy.” Mark Twain

   Each year I struggle with a bit of buyer’s remorse. Usually, I’m the one at our house who shops for the turkey for Thanksgiving. I compare prices and brands (Is Butterball better than Honeysuckle? What about the less expensive store brand?) I’ll visit a few stores checking prices to get the best deal. Over the years I’ve found that you have to wait until about a week before for stores to lower their prices but don’t want to wait too long in case they run out. But this year with rumors of shortages of everything for your Thanksgiving feast, I was telling Jane that I thought we needed to buy early, so I purchased the turkey nearly a month before I normally do. It was higher per pound than I normally pay but I wasn’t sure if the prices would go up or down…or if they might even run out. And when I bought our turkey, there were only two others left. But it put a warm spot in my heart to walk down a store aisle the other day and see that the turkeys they had on sale were a full 40 cents more per pound than I paid! I won…maybe. 

  We’re entering into the full-blown comparison season. We’re going to be spending time with family and friends, and the turkey of comparison will attempt to gobble his way into our hearts to steal our joy. Don’t let him!

  It’s noteworthy that the first records of comparison in the Bible were between siblings. It’s often our soft spot. Cain compared how God responded with acceptance to Abel’s sacrifice and it so angered him that he took Abel out. The “baby wars” between Leah and Rachel are the stuff of legend. Rachel seethed with jealously that her less attractive sister was “Fertile Myrtle.”

  The Apostle Paul warns us of the danger of comparison in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” Did you catch that? “they are without understanding.” That’s a polite way of saying that they’re stupid.

  I can’t help but think that Paul wrote those words from the winner’s circle of defeating the comparison temptation. He knew as every preacher knows the subtle temptation of comparing your ministry with someone else’s.

  Later this week when you roll in for Thanksgiving and throughout the holidays, the turkey of comparison will be strutting to compare things like cars, houses, landscaping…even decorating. But he’s not done. He wants you to compare your spouse, your kids, and even your parents. You’ll look at your clothes compared to others. They bought a new outfit to dribble their giblet gravy on but you’re wearing what you wore last year and the year before. Your kids will whine and act like kids but your cousins’ kids will be angelic. Then, someone will talk about their 401K or their promotion or their work benefits and you find yourself shrinking in your seat. Their pumpkin pie looks better than yours. Even your stories and jokes aren’t as good. If you lost weight last year, they lost more. If you got Covid, they got it worse…and the comparison goes on and on. At the end of the day the turkey isn’t the only thing being cooked, so is your heart.

  Contentment is something we can and need to learn. Our Heavenly Father gives us exactly what we need. All that we have and are, is from Him. Our Father truly knows best. So you have to fight the temptation of comparison. You may need to go full-blown Pilgrim with an ax looking for Tom Turkey in your own soul. Here are some “comparison hunting” strategies.

  Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalms 139:14 reminds us of this biblical fact. That means that each of us is God’s unique creation. As we surrender our heart and will to Him, He can mold us and transform us into exactly what He wants us to be. When you feel inadequate or feel the temptation to compare, quietly whisper a prayer of thanks to God for making you exactly the way you are. 

  Realize we all have different strengths and weaknesses. No matter how hard you try, someone will always be better at something than you are. When you are tempted to compare, recognize instead that it’s an opportunity to practice humility and appreciate the gifts of others.

  Choose praise over pettiness. When you notice your host could give Martha Stewart a run for her money, praise her for her talent. If your brother has a newer car, compliment him on it (it’s okay if it’s a sports car to ask for a ride). That joy and sincere smile eradicate self-pity that wants to take root in your heart. Genuinely complimenting others outwardly keeps us from complaining inwardly and cultivating a jealous spirit. 

  Rely on God’s opinion rather than the opinion of others. We must remind ourselves to live for an audience of One. We have to take control of our thoughts and direct our thinking in order to keep our minds from going down a sinful dead end. Not only are you fearfully and wonderfully made, but in Christ, God sees us as perfect. That means we have God’s measuring stick, not our own or that of others to live by.

  Truly thank the Lord for what you do have. Practice being grateful for your blessings instead of fixating on someone else’s. You can even be thankful for things you don’t have that you don’t want! This will probably shock you but while you’re fighting the temptation of comparison with someone who has more than you, someone is fighting that same temptation about you because you seem to have so much that they don’t have.

  Comparison is selfishness disguised. It has us looking at others and thinking about ourselves. We must train our minds to want to please God instead of attempting to impress others. When we stop thinking of how others view us, we can be free from the burden of selfishness.

  Comparison steals our joy and contentment. When we compare ourselves with others, we’re not using an accurate measure. Dragging around the world’s expectations hinders us from the journey that God has in store for us. We cheat ourselves out of God’s blessings when we try to live the life we see others living. When you live your own life, and stop envying someone else’s, you can see your blessings more clearly. Each of us must learn to rejoice and be thankful for what God has given us because the truth is that it’s so much more than we will ever deserve!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

The GIFT no one wants: Pettiness

“Pettiness is the tendency of people without large purposes.” 

George Will

  Charlie Pender was the Mayor of Corner Brook, a quiet little town in Canada. It’s the kind of place where nothing much happens. Recently, Charlie was up for re-election but for some reason someone thought it’d be funny to vandalize his political signs. It wasn’t major, just a bit of odd humor. They cut a flap in his signs and placed hotdogs in them so it appeared that the hot dogs were coming out of Mayor Pender’s mouth. His political foe, of course, distanced himself from the Corner Brook Wiener Bandit. But the cold hot dogs made Mayor Pender very hot over what was a silly prank…and it cost him. Voters decided they didn’t need a Mayor who lacked perspective and made such a big deal over something so trivial.

  Did you know that October is Pastor Appreciation Month? We’ve all met those people who want a gift and leave subtle hints. I decided to not be so subtle. I want a GIFT! But you can’t buy it in a store. And it’s really not for me, it’s for our whole church. In the end, it’s also for you. Every pastor would love it if their church would give them this same gift. Here it is: Please don’t be petty. Please don’t complain about the insignificant.

  It’s true that it’s probably not insignificant to you, but it really is. The mission of the church is not about making you or me happy. It’s not about making you or me comfortable. The mission of the Church is about glorifying God. It’s about believers growing in grace and becoming more like Jesus. It’s about reaching with the Gospel those who don’t know Jesus.

  It’s very noteworthy that the most infamous petty complainers in the Bible were always referred to as the “children” of Israel. Obviously, God was making a point. When believers whine about the petty, they reveal their spiritual immaturity. They divulge that they don’t understand the Gospel, or what it means to be like Jesus, or even what discipleship is all about. That’s both sad and anything but insignificant.  

  The Bible commands us to not complain, “Do all things without grumbling” (Phil. 2:14). Sadly, that doesn’t stop most of us. God’s Word commands us instead to speak words that are edifying and encouraging (Ephesians 4:29) “only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”

  Many of the trivial complaints and arguments people have in churches are shocking and even funny. Here’s a small sampling compiled by ministry blogger, Thom Ranier: One church had a 45-minute heated argument over the type of filing cabinet to purchase: black or brown; 2, 3, or 4 drawers. Another had folk upset over what type of green beans the church should serve. Someone made an issue over whether the church should allow people to wear black t-shirts, since black is the color of the devil. Someone got upset when they discovered that the church budget was off $0.10. There have been church wars over the type of coffee served. In one, they simply moved to a stronger blend and members left the church over it.

  We may chuckle yet some of our “big issues” are just as silly. This has been on my heart lately. Because as we make decisions for our new building, there will be strong opinions. The reality is that the vast majority of them simply don’t matter. They’re just opinions and subjective. For example, there is no right or wrong color for the walls or the carpeting (though most of us would prefer that they not be hot pink.) So how should we handle it when something bothers us at church?  

  First, we need to ask, “Is this something that takes away from God’s glory?” If it’s something that’s truly biblical, then that’s obviously the case. Most things aren’t. If they were, because leaders are usually biblically focused, they would have already known it was a problem.

  Second, “Have I prayed about it and examined my own heart?” Problem-solving must always begin with suspecting the person I know best – ME. Satan loves to use our ego against us. It’s not necessarily important or big just because WE think it is. Yet, little can make us angrier than feeling that we aren’t important BUT we’re not. Only God is important.

  Third, “Is this a problem that hinders us in accomplishing our mission?” In nearly four decades of ministry, rarely has anyone ever come to me about a concern that needed addressing because it was a barrier to lost folk accepting the Gospel or it was hindering Christians from growing. 

  Fourth, “Do I want to problem-solve or only gripe?” Some are just gripers. They’re never happy. It’s poor stewardship to even listen to them.

  Fifth, “If I honestly want to problem-solve, have I brought the issue to the attention of a leader in the church?” Some will seek to develop a coalition of supporters by sowing discord and causing disunity in the Body. When they finally go to a leader, they package it with something like, “other people are saying…” If the leader asks, “Who?” It’s “I don’t want to say.” They’re the self-appointed ambassador for the disgruntled. 

  Sixth, “Am I willing to invest (time, money, effort) to be part of the solution?” If I’m not willing to put skin in the game, it’s unlikely that it’s important. It’s very easy to complain or be part of the problem. God wants us to grow in our faith and learn to practice biblical problem solving.

  Seventh, “Am I willing to humbly and graciously accept things if my wishes are not followed?” That’s a Christlike heart, a servant’s heart. A church family like a biological one is to be a place of giving and taking for the greater purpose. Our common goal must be to always please King Jesus, even if it isn’t our preference. Godly Christians are committed to Jesus first, the local church family second, and our own personal wishes last.  

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.