“Compassion
is the deep feeling of sharing in the suffering of another and the desire to
relieve that suffering.” Jerry Bridges
I have some friends in the Chicago area.
They’re more like acquaintances and they’re two of the classiest individuals
I’ve ever met. Sometimes we meet at events…and while I’m often dressed very
casually (which means I’m attired just a step above a homeless person). But it
doesn’t matter if the occasion is going to be sweaty and include work, they
always look like they just posed for a department store catalog. They’re two of
the friendliest and most gracious individuals I know.
While we don’t know each other well, we run
into each fairly regularly at social occasions. A few months back I ran into
them and for the first time, they had their son with them. He stood out just a
little bit – he’s a special needs child. For the briefest moment, I saw a questioning
look in his Dad’s eyes on how I’d respond. I tried to immediately set his mind
at ease – you see, as most of you know, I, too, am the parent of a special
needs child.
Our son, Ben, was diagnosed with epilepsy
when he was a baby. As Ben, grew older we discovered Ben looked at the world
differently – particularly for me. We knew there was some type of learning
issue, we just didn’t know what it was. It’s one of the primary reasons we
decided to home school. As Jane had a degree in elementary education and had
taught second grade, we wanted Ben to receive the extra time he might need to
process educational information. So we pulled all three of our children out of
traditional schools (we didn’t want Ben to stick out). As they approached high
school, we enrolled them as freshmen. While we wanted to lay a strong
foundation for them, we knew they’d need to learn to function in the real
world. With Ben, because we knew there were special needs, though we didn’t
know what they were, we requested an IEP. It was then Ben was diagnosed with
Asperger Syndrome and a program was specifically designed by Burlington High
School to assist him.
And God wonderfully blessed! Ben was assigned
to Bob Patzwald, to help him with his educational hurdles. In our minds, Bob
was nearly an angel. He is one of the kindest and most patient individuals I’ve
ever met. Bob didn’t just do his job, he and Ben became friends and are still
friends to this day. He will always be a hero to us! Jane and I feel we owe an
unpayable debt to Bob because of the great investment he made in our son.
Ben is one of God’s special gifts to me. He is truly nearly everything I
am not. While God in His goodness has used all of our children in my life to
grow me and prune away dead branches in my soul, God particularly used Ben to
do that. Personally, I agree with Gary Thomas, as he unpacks in his phenomenal
book, Sacred Parenting: How Raising
Children Shapes Our Souls. As we raise our children, our Heavenly Father in
love uses them to grow us and transform us into being more Christlike.
For example, Ben is a processor. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I
make decisions rather quickly. In my home growing up, it kept you safe. Ben is
very outgoing. I tend to be reserved. Ben is very trusting (sometimes I’m not
sure he believes in depravity), I tend to be a bit suspicious. Ben loves sports
(that one I’m blaming on Jane and his grandfather, Ed Quick). I’m still
baby-stepping. Ben is kind to those who are unkind to him. It’s only by God’s
grace as I realize I am forgiven of so much, I must be a forgiver. God has
wonderfully used Ben in my life to help me be more like Jesus.
Do
you know another wonderful gift God gave us when Ben was growing up? YOU! God
blessed us with you – you are such a kind and patient church family. Some
pastors are verbally assaulted week after week because their children are
simply “children.” Some people foolishly, not to mention, unbiblically, believe
a pastor’s children are to be a bit more holy than other children. Not you,
instead, you just loved our children and let them be children, and later
teenagers. Many of Ben’s best friends are in this church. He’s blessed with
extra grandparents and Dads, Moms and brothers and sisters – and that’s the way
it’s supposed to be!
All
of this is on my heart right now because it’s National Autism Month.
Wouldn’t it be a tragedy if a family felt they couldn’t come to our church
because of their child’s special needs? Life is messy. The Christian life is
messy. The Church is messy. Jesus came because He knew we were messy and apart
from Him, we had no hope of ever getting past messy.
Oftentimes, I see parents with a sense of embarrassment in their eyes if
their child misbehaves in front of the “Pastor.” I frequently reassure them,
“If your child does something I’ve never seen before, I’ll give you money.”
Parents are parents. Children are children. None of us are perfect.
While it doesn’t mean we settle for mediocrity, it does mean we extend love,
grace and patience as it’s already been extended to us by the Lord Jesus. It
requires something wonderfully biblical and is rarely found in a pagan world – humility. It means we don’t know
everything, or have our act totally together, and we dare not be judgmental
because we all need God’s grace and help.
If
you haven’t noticed, a constant theme of the book of Luke, unique to his
Gospel, is Jesus’ compassion for the disenfranchised. Jesus has a special love
for the sick, blind, demon-possessed, leprous, poor, wicked, social outcasts
and countless others. You and I are to be Jesus in this world.
A
lost world values success, symbolism and perfection with little time for those
who don’t measure up. In the Church, we already know none of us measure up. And
we extend love, grace, patience and kindness just as Jesus has extended it to
us.
Most of us know someone with a special needs child. Maybe it’s autism or
Down Syndrome. Maybe it’s learning difficulties, behavioral or even emotional
issues. It could be a rebellious teen. How can you help?
Pray for them. Be an encouragement. You may not have a clue on what
they’re going through. Most of us don’t, but if you know Jesus, you know Someone
who does. As Hebrews 4:16 says, “For we
do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses,
but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”
Be Jesus in their lives and continually point them to Jesus!
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