Kindness is rarely random

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”   Mark Twain

  One of my favorite musicians is John Denver. I grew up on his music. Several decades later I still love to hear: Take me home, Country roads, Sunshine on my shoulders and Annie’s song, to name a few. Besides being a musician, John Denver collected vintage biplanes and experimental aircraft, and was an avid pilot. His love of flying was secondary only to his love for music. Tragically, he was killed at the age of fifty-three, when an experimental aircraft he’d recently purchased, crashed into the Pacific.  

  Yet, I not only loved his music. I liked what I saw in him as a person. While some musicians come off as arrogant or meaner than a junk yard dog, there was a seeming gentleness about him…one that was often reflected in his music.

  Recently, I finished Mitchell Fink’s book, The Last Days of Dead Celebrities. One chapter was about John Denver. His first marriage was to Annie Martell. She was the love of his life. In fact, he wrote his hit song, Annie, about her. Though the break-up of their marriage and ensuing divorce was acrimonious, every year, even long after their divorce, and even after John had remarried, he’d still send Annie flowers on her birthday. She said, “Sometimes we were friendly. Sometimes we were distant. But John always remembered my birthday.” When I read that, I thought, “How incredibly kind!”

  Kindness! There just seems to be a shortage of it these days, even in the Church. Yet, if anyone or group of people should be known for their kindness, shouldn’t it be us, as Christians? We who have been treated so kindly by a just and holy God, isn’t it almost…“How could we dare not show kindness to others, we who have been shown so much kindness?” Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit and one of the indicators that you are a Christian (Galatians 5:22).

  Often we think that being kind is being polite or just being nice. Yet, you can be polite and nice, and still be unkind. Nice is often just being agreeable. Kindness, though, is acting for the good of someone else regardless of what they do. In other words, kindness is goodness in action. It’s the ability to proactively act for the welfare of those who may be taxing your patience, for those who on a human level, you may desire to be unkind too. It’s the opposite of being harsh.

  Yet, kindness is far too rare of a gem, even among the family of God. I’m ashamed to admit that I find that it’s often too rare in my life. And when you meet someone who is kind, they’re like an oasis in a dry, hot desert. Others are drawn to them. They’re so refreshing.

  As I was working through this, it struck me that most of our relational issues and problems would be solved, if we were just kind. For most of us, kindness probably would begin by NOT saying certain things. If it’s not kind, does it really need to be said? Most parents wish their children were kinder to one another. Yet, can we really expect our children to be kind to each other, if we, as parents, are not modeling it? Many times parents get into a habit of speaking harshly, sharply and roughly with their children. Just because they’re children, shouldn’t we still use common polite words with them like please, thank you or even, you’re welcome?

  I find that I cringe sometimes when I hear couples talking to each other in every day conversation. So here’s someone that you stood before witnesses and vowed before God, “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part.” Does your normal conversation with that person you committed to for life sound very “cherishing?” Isn’t that part of kindness? Are our tones, the volume of our words, even the speed in which we talk communicating that we are “cherishing?”

  Then, we often focus on being kind to the wrong people. Most of us are kind to those we’re attempting to impress or want something from. For example, if a cop pulls you over and you’re attempting to get out of the ticket, you’ll probably speak very respectfully and kindly. If there is someone that we think will help us better ourselves, even if it’s just socially, we’ll go out of our way to be kind to them. But is that really kindness? Or, is it just selfishness? Even narcissism? If we have a hidden agenda or something to gain for ourselves, it’s not true kindness.

  So what is kindness? It’s listening to an older person tell the same story for the 10^th time and acting like it’s the very first time you’ve ever heard it. Kindness is hearing your spouse tell a story and they missed some small detail, like it was Tuesday instead of Wednesday, and never letting them know. Kindness is something as simple as saying “thank you” to the clerk at the gas station. It’s asking how they’re day is going and then actually waiting for an answer. Kindness is listening to a child talk and not just saying, “Uh-huh” while your mind is a million miles away. Kindness is taking a meal to a sick friend or offering to run errands for them. Kindness is praying for someone when you said you would, and then later checking on them to see how things are going and if they still need you to pray for them. Kindness is noticing that person who’s sitting alone or standing by themselves, and going over to talk to them, and even introducing them to others. Kindness is asking someone who’s sitting by themselves to sit with you in church. Kindness is going out of your way to talk to or help the new person at work or at school or in the neighborhood. It’s trying to help them feel comfortable and accepted. Kindness is not pointing out other’s weaknesses or mistakes. Kindness is sometimes helping them cover it up so they don’t feel stupid. Kindness is looking for opportunities to encourage, affirm, thank and be a blessing. Kindness is being Jesus in an unkind world. Jesus went about “doing good” (Acts 10:38). He was kind. Are we?