until it becomes a memory.”
It seems that nearly every snowstorm, my
friend, Tim Mocarski, posts on his Facebook wall, “Pitchers and catchers
report in __ of days.” As we’re having a bit of “November-mas,” let me share
a story happening next summer. On August 13th of 2020, the Chicago
White Sox and New York Yankees will play in Dyersville, Iowa,—that field made
famous by the movie, Field of Dreams. It’s being dubbed “MLB at
Field of Dreams.”
It’s one of my favorite movies. If you’re
like me, it brings tears to my eyes every time. Though
called “a baseball flick,” the real story is father-son relationships. At the
end, Kevin Costner’s character asks his dad, “Have a catch?” World Magazine
editor, Marvin Olasky writing on this:
“My lifetime catches with my father: zero.
He had no interest in baseball. I never played until I was 11. At that point I
was a fat kid with a lazy left eye, so my batting average during one year of
Little League was .182, if I generously count as hits what were probably
errors. Still, I wanted to get better. Become a better fielder. So I nagged my
father to come out on the street and throw me some ground balls. I said ‘street’
because we lived in urban Massachusetts and had no back yard or nearby green
space. That meant a missed ball would go rolling and rolling. One day, finally,
my father agreed. We stood in front of the house in which we had an apartment.
I walked 20 yards away. He threw me a ball that bounced twice before it should
have hit my glove—and I missed it. Embarrassed, and blaming my father rather
than myself, I ran after it, yelling something like, ‘Why didn’t you throw it
straight?’ By the time I reached the ball and turned around, he was walking up
the steps to our front door. He went inside. That was it. We never again even
started a catch. Nor did we talk much—and once I became a teenager, we spoke
hardly at all.
Cut to
October, 1984. I was 34. He was 67—and dying of bladder cancer. I lived 2,000
miles away and flew to Boston with the public goal of providing some comfort
and help, but my private motive was selfish: To learn how he’d transformed from
a brilliant student to a person who had spent the last 30 years disengaged and
defeated. One evening we sat on a Danish Modern couch in their apartment. After
some perfunctory remarks I threw him a question about his dropping out of
graduate school. The question was harder and curvier than a polite inquiry
should have been. He got up and walked away, saying over his shoulder something
like, ‘Why don’t you mind your own business?’ I put away the conversational
ball and went to sleep. The next day I asked no more questions. My father and
mother drove me to Boston’s Logan Airport. He wore a baseball cap because
chemotherapy had left him bald. I pulled my suitcase out of the trunk, shook
his hand, leaned over, and whispered in his ear, ‘I love you,’ because that
seemed the right thing to say to a dying parent. I never saw him again.
This October is the 35th anniversary of
our non-conversation. It still haunts me. In the magic of Field of Dreams,
the son and the dad finally have a catch. That catches my tears, every time.”
That touched me. One
of the great regrets of my own life is the fractured relationship with my Dad.
During my formative years he was a great business success, yet a prescription
drug addict. Later he cleaned up his life and even became very active in his
church. But he and I seemed unable to ever resolve our unresolved issues.
Though I’d love to point a finger at him, like Marvin Olasky, I’m sure there
are many fingers pointing back at me. And now that my Dad is gone, it truly is
unresolvable. There’s not anything specific that I know of, yet I’ve prayed to
my Heavenly Father, “to the extent that I sinned in my relationship with my Dad,
please forgive me.” Based on Scripture’s promise in 1 John 1:9, I know that God
has.
Some situations, as Romans 12:19 reminds us (“If possible, so far as
it depends on you, live peaceably with all”), are unresolvable. Yet,
many others are. And if you can, please do solve them. Still, many others should
just be buried and forever forgotten.
Looking
back I truly believe my Dad did the best he could and he really did a lot for
me. His own father was a drunk, horribly abusive and even ended up for a time on
a Georgia chain gang. Yet, my Dad paid for his children to attend private
schools and also paid for me to attend high school in Wisconsin. He didn’t have
to. Yes, he was difficult to live with and left scars on our lives. Yet, I
truly believe it was out of ignorance, not malice.
Sadly,
I know that I too have left wounds on my own children’s souls. All parents do. None
of us are perfect. We’re all sinners. With my own children, I’ve sought to own
my sinful failures and asked their forgiveness. I don’t want unfinished
business between us.
As
we come into the Holiday Season old wounds tend to resurface. Many of us need
to forgive and move on. As believers, we ourselves have already been forgiven an
unpayable debt, so, we too must forgive, “forgiving one another, as God in
Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:32). Most of our parents did the best that they
could or knew how to do.
As
parents, though we determined to parent better than we were parented, we too
have our own failures. It’s why we all need grace and grace is not something to
horde, it’s given to be given away.
During
this Holiday Season when you’re tempted to let loose, remember again how much
grace you’ve received. Not only that, you and I would not be who God has shaped
us into if we’d not first been wounded. Years ago I determined to have the
spirit the Patriarch Joseph had toward all of the evil his brothers had done to
Him, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…”
(Gen. 50:20). That’s so freeing!
Whether
it's a parent or a sibling – choose to be a person of grace! While we can’t
change yesterday’s memories, we can make new ones. If we build it, maybe they
will come. Make new memories while you still can and thank God that His grace
is enough for yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Can we help you
spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources
on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If
you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail
you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at
Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing
address.
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