“If you have no
joy, there's a leak in your Christianity somewhere.”
Billy Sunday
The dust has settled. All of the confetti
has long been swept away from Super Bowl 50. Other than the Broncos win and
potentially Peyton Manning’s last game, it’s all settled into the dustbin of
history.
One
item though which will be remembered and no doubt resurrected at the beginning
of next year’s NFL season will be Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton’s
postgame interview. The only thing “Superman” was dabbing after the game were
his eyes. Sullen and subdued, he sat at his press conference for a limited
time, saying hardly anything before finally getting up and exiting the
press conference. As a result, many were quick to label Newton as a poor sport,
even unprofessional. I’m not so sure. For a passionate athlete who loves the
game, losing is always a very tough pill to swallow. To me, it’s a time for
some private moments of grief.
Somehow
we’ve devolved into a culture where public figures are expected to share every
second of their lives with an insatiable public and cynical media. The bottom
line is everyone knew Cam Newton was unhappy and there was only one thing which
would have made him happy – winning the Super Bowl. Everyone also knows on the
field of competition, there can only be one winner. For someone to win, someone
has to lose. If the Broncos won, the Panthers had to lose. With a few changes
that evening, it could easily have been Peyton Manning sitting in the hot seat
of loss, giving a postgame interview.
On
Super Bowl night, no one could say the right thing, there was no magic pill –
only one thing would have changed Cam Newton’s perspective – winning…or is
there? Please understand, I’m not suggesting we should become ecstatic about
losing or even apathetic. There is though one thing we can control – and it’s
not our circumstances, it’s our attitude.
It’s vital we learn this. It’s vital we teach this to our children and
grandchildren. A core fact is, because of sin, life is not fair…this world is
not just. Yet, well-meaning parents and spouses continually attempt to make
their children or spouses happy. It simply can’t be done. More importantly, it
probably shouldn’t be done.
We
tend to be fixers. Character and
maturity though are developed in the heat of adversity. So what are we teaching
our children? What if the source of the pain for the child is their sibling or a
parent? Are we going to sell the sibling on E-bay? Should we have the parent
who troubles them move out or limit their interaction with the child? That’s
just dumb.
In
today’s world of parenting, if a child doesn’t like a particular food, they
don’t have to eat it. If there’s a subject in school they don’t like, they
don’t have to take it. If they don’t like a particular teacher or coach, switch
classes or teams.
While it’s true, there are some things we tend to like more than others.
It’s part of our personality, how we’re wired. Yet, a child will never grow
into a mature, well-rounded adult, when anything and everything which is
distasteful or a source of unhappiness is eradicated from their lives. Parents
and spouses who hover, seeking to remove sources of unhappiness are not only
seeking to do the impossible, they’re ultimately doing a terrible disservice to
the very ones who in love they’re seeking to help.
Adults who have not learned to they can’t
always have it their way, to persevere, problem-solve and change their attitude
do one of two things. They move from job to job to job, relationship to
relationship, church to church to church. They’re stuck in perpetual emotional
and spiritual immaturity. They often sit and sulk, chronically complaining about
their lot in life to anyone who is still listening. (Sadly, after a while, no
one is).
It’s like the anecdote of the two
construction workers taking their lunch break. They opened their lunch boxes. One
looked inside his box and said, “Not baloney again! I can't believe
it. I hate baloney. This is the third time this week I've had
baloney. I can't stand baloney!” The other said, “Why don't you just ask
your wife to make you something different?” He replied, “What? I don't have a
wife. I made these myself.”
If your child is unhappy, (I’m not talking
about one too young to reason through things), work through a character study
of how God used adverse circumstances to develop character in the heroes and
heroines in the Bible. Because the fact is most of the “baloney” in our lives,
we put there ourselves with our own attitude. If we ever want life to be
any different from the same old baloney we keep serving ourselves, we must choose
to break out of doing the same routine. And it’s impossible to control the circumstances
in our lives, people in our lives or the things in our lives. But we can always
control our attitude. We can pray and trust God’s grace to bring joy into our
lives no matter what. That’s the power of the gospel!
As
Christians, we must learn and teach our children there is a world of difference
between happiness and joy. Happiness depends upon what happens, therefore, we
call it happiness. If you put your trust in happiness, you'll be a victim of
circumstances, people or things – because they will continually change.
Wonderfully,
God never changes! The Bible doesn't tell us to rejoice in circumstances. We’re
commanded instead to “rejoice in the Lord”
(Philippians 3:1). Happiness is like cosmetics but joy is part of character.
Happiness meets surface needs. Joy meets your deepest needs. Happiness is like
a thermometer—it registers conditions. Joy is like a thermostat—it regulates
conditions. Happiness always evaporates and disappears, particularly during
times of difficulty, when the heat is on – whether it’s a lost football game or
a strained friendship. Wonderfully, joy frequently intensifies, in times of
suffering. It’s almost cruel to tell someone, “smile, and be happy.” The Bible
says though of the Lord Jesus “He is
despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah
53:3). And, yet, the Bible continually speaks of the joy of the Lord.
Please,
stop trying to be happy. And please stop trying to fix everything problematic
in the world of your children or spouse, so that they will be happy. It won’t
work and you’re doing them a terrible disservice. Because joy and a joyful
attitude are always an inside job.
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