Why Even Get Married?

“Why would I ever get married?

I’ve never met anyone with a happy marriage!”

A few days before I’d had a discussion about that oft-repeated comment when I ran into my friend, Charlie Vos, at Walmart. One of the great joys of living in a small town is that you often not only actually know your mail carrier, but you also become friends (many of our friends in this community we first met while they worked at the Post Office). Years ago, Charlie, was our mail carrier at the church and later became the mail carrier for our home on Dardis Drive. It was one of the huge highlights of the day for our then young children when Charlie delivered the mail. Always jovial, always friendly and always encouraging. Charlie was a walking ray of sunlight.

  I’m sure that he has them but I’ve never seen Charlie have a bad day. He lived out the USPS unofficial motto: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” There were two things that you learned very quickly when you talked to Charlie – he adored and loved his wife, Linda, and he loved his children.

  For years, even though later he was getting to an age when he probably shouldn’t still be doing it, Charlie was out installing docks in the spring and removing them in the fall as part of volunteering with the Browns Lake Aquaducks. Because his kids were involved, Charlie dove in. It was obviously a team effort with Linda. So, it wasn’t a big surprise when I ran into him and Charlie shared that he and Linda were celebrating 50 years of marital bliss in April. But I was surprised when he shared that his family went back five generations, all the way back into the 1800’s, of couples who hit their Golden Wedding Anniversary. Wow!

  Are you like me? I’m very turned off by negative advertising. For instance, if a car company shares how horrible the other guy’s cars are, yet fails to share the benefits of their own vehicle, I’m not interested. I bought my first Toyota because a very satisfied Toyota owner recommended them and now I’m a satisfied Toyota customer.

  I think that the Church has frequently done that when it comes to marriage. The latest un-marriages that have been in the news are the increase in polyamory and legal changes regarding polygamy in Utah. Many Christians are wringing their hands about another erosion in moral values and that it’s another sign of the end of the world.

  While it is true that the biblical model of marriage is one man and one woman committed for life, yet I think that we’d gain much more ground and win a much greater hearing if we modeled “satisfied customers” in our own marriages in the Church, rather than “negative advertising” about those who abandon a biblical worldview. Maybe we need to take an honest look in the mirror…maybe it’s not them, it’s “us.”

  If we believe that God is omnipotent and as He promised in 2 Corinthians 12:9, that His grace is sufficient for us, how can a Christian rationalize not seeking to biblically problem-solve marital issues? How does a Christian, one who has a new Lord in Jesus Christ, justify behaving sinfully in their marriage or by their feelings, rather than submitting to God’s instructions found in Scripture? Since the Bible commands me to look at my own heart first before I begin speck checking in my partner’s life (Mt. 7:3-5), how can I point fingers at my spouse before I first do some soul evaluation?

  Most people live in one of two extremes in their marriage: fight or flight. Frequently one spouse is given to one extreme and their spouse the other. Unhappiness in marriage is usually a result of long term erosion. Yet, in light of so many passages that tell us that we are to confront sin in each other (Matt. 18:15; James 5:19-20), can we rationalize sweeping ongoing issues under the rug like so many who don’t know the Lord do? Isn’t it the sin of gossip to complain about our spouse and issues if we haven’t gone to them first? Instead of swallowing our emotions, whether hurt or anger, aren’t we instead commanded to “speak the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15).

  Many marriages are troubled by discontent. Yet, we’re commanded to learn to be content (Phil. 4:11). Discontent is a product of comparison. Yet, Scripture tells us that it’s unwise to compare ourselves (2 Cor. 10:12).

  My point is that as Bible-believers, we have resources that those who don’t believe have. While we will never have perfect marriages, as Bible-believers we do have all of the resources and instructions that we need to have fulfilling ones. Going to heaven is dependent on my trusting God’s plan of salvation and the cross. God wants us to trust Him for this life, not just for the next. To have a “heavenly” marriage now, we don’t need more truth, rather we need to trust, apply and obey what we already know.

  Sometimes even in the most loving marriage, we will reach an impasse, yet we’re brothers and sisters. Thus, we need to reach out to more spiritually mature believers who can graciously help us, who will be objective counselors and share biblical insights and wisdom (Prov. 9:9).

  Some marriage issues sadly are unresolvable, yet Scripture even has an antidote for this. Romans 12:18 “ If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Frequently, you’ll hear someone rationalize their sinful actions with something like, “well, if they didn’t do _____, I wouldn’t react.” God’s Word never gives us an out for sinful behavior. We’re each responsible for our actions and reactions, and will give an account someday for them.

  Perfection is impossible for redeemed sinners in a sin contaminated world. We though who have a personal relationship with the God Who is love (1 Jn 4:7-8) should be the most loving and have the most loving relationships. Instead of pouring energy into culture wars, we’d be wiser (and more fulfilled) if we drew on God’s resources readily available to us to have marriages that advertise the transforming power of the Gospel.

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.