Love for a Lifetime

“When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.”   C.S. Lewis

Last weekend Ben and I were in Charlotte and had the opportunity to visit the Billy Graham Museum. Billy and Ruth Graham are buried on the grounds, as is the soloist who regularly sang the crusades, George Beverly Shea, and crusade song leader, Cliff Barrows and his wife, Billie. It was very moving and tastefully done.

  Yet, I felt disappointed. I had thought that it was Billy Graham’s recent home, but instead, it was his childhood home. The home where he spent most of his married life and eventually died is in the small mountain town of Montreat about a hundred miles from Charlotte.  

  The Grahams initially lived in a house across the street from Ruth’s parents. That changed when tourists began peeking through their windows. Ruth told of seeing young daughter Ruth, known as Bunny, once running up to tourists with a cup to collect fees. That was when Ruth decided that the family had to move to a place more private.

  Billy Graham died in 2018. But Ruth, the love of his life, died ten years earlier in 2007. In that decade before they were reunited in heaven, every day as Billy made his way down the hallway from their bedroom, he’d stop at her picture, plant a kiss on the tip of his finger and touch it to her picture. 

  The day before her Homegoing, he released a statement through the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association stating: “Ruth is my soul mate and best friend, and I cannot imagine living a single day without her by my side. I am more and more in love with her today than when we first met over 65 years ago as students at Wheaton College.”

  Marriage has fallen out of style in our culture. A couple that’s been married for more than ten years is increasingly rare. Yet, what is tragically, very, very rare – even among believers – is a healthy, fulfilling marriage.

  This morning we’re finishing our series on Hosea, Relentless Love. We’re not sure how long Hosea and Gomer were married after Hosea bought her back out of prostitution and slavery. It’s believed that his prophetic ministry lasted nearly forty years. From the timeline, it appears that their marriage, after its rebirth, was long and healthy.

  Sexual sin does not have to be the death blow for a future healthy marriage. The genealogy of Jesus found in Matthew 1 with its taint of shame demonstrates that. The more deadly disease for a healthy marriage is the preaching target of most of the book of Hosea – spiritual adultery.

  If like the nation of Israel, Jesus Christ is not the Lord of your life and your greatest love and priority, it’s impossible to have a truly healthy marriage. It is only when our relationship with God is in sync that our other relationships will be in sync.

  Jane and I will have been married 37 years this coming July. It’s shocking to me how frustrating and annoying she can be to me…if I’m not walking with the Lord. Yet, it’s even more amazing to me how beautiful my bride is to me when my life is in sync with my Savior. And though Jane is a much more naturally gracious and kind person than I will ever be, I have no doubt that this is true for her as well.

  Yet, too many couples who say that they believe the Bible settle for status quo. They’re not lovers as God intended, they’re little more than roommates. God’s design is for us to be soulmates. That comes from first being greatly forgiven and then being a great forgiver.

  Most marriages don’t explode. They erode slowly over time until it all of it either comes crashing down or decays into some comatose existence. It’s not right and it’s not God’s plan. There are many sources of marital decay. Here though are three of the more common ones.

  Ingratitude. When something is new, it’s fresh and special. Over time we become familiar and take it for granted. Think of your marriage as a brand new car. When you first drive it off the lot, you’re nearly intoxicated with that new car smell. But after the last payment has been made and it has dents and scratches, you’re just glad that it still starts.

  Can I get in your personal space for a moment? It’s heartbreaking how most couples talk to and about each other. Some have a kinder and more gracious tone with the cashier at the drive-through at the local fast food joint than they do with the one they share their bed with. No one owes us anything. Our spouse is not our personal servant. Anything they do for us is a gift. When we are grateful for every little thing, it changes everything.

  Busyness. Someone pointed out that human beings are the only species who run faster when we’ve lost our way. It’s idiocy that we find our worth in how busy we are. Think about it. The common answer when asked, “How are you?” Busy! We’re not machines. God created us to be human beings, not human doings. When we sprint past our spouse as we watch TV or our brains are locked into social media, it’s an intimacy killer.

  This may sound crazy but you must fight to be unbusy. Most of us could and need to eradicate chunks of busyness from our lives. We must make room for margin and white space. A masterpiece can’t be mass-produced on a production line and neither can a beautiful marriage.

  Stubbornness. Too often couples will say something like, “If they’d change, I’d change.” It makes you want to scream, “Are you three?”
  If you want to begin to solve the core problems in your marriage, suspect the sinner that you know the best. Something shocking and wonderful happens when we repent of sin and choose a new life direction – our spouse must change too. For example, if you refuse to return fire, they run out of ammunition. It’s living out Romans 12:17, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.”

  While I can’t control you, I can always control ME. God doesn’t want to be our co-pilot. He must be in the driver’s seat. After nearly five decades of walking with Jesus, it still amazes me that when I let Him be the Lord of my life, His love, joy, and peace that flood my soul. Having an amazing marriage always begins with first embracing God’s amazing grace!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.