Choosing a Better Gift

“Christmas means ‘giving,’ and the gift without the giver is bare. 

Give of yourselves; give of your substance; give of your heart and mind.”  Gordon B. Hinckley

 Recently, I was surprised to learn that not only does Elon Musk own Tesla and now Twitter but he even sells perfume…and not just any perfume. Elon Musk sells “Burnt Hair Perfume"; it’s advertised as the “essence of repugnant desire.” No, this is not a gag gift or a White Elephant Gift. The perfume is meant to smell like your head is on fire. But if you want to buy a bottle for your one true love, you’ll have to wait until next Christmas. 30,000 bottles, which sold at $100 a pop, were completely sold out. 

  Are you like me? Do you struggle each Christmas to find just the right gifts for those you love? Did you venture out on Black Friday to find this year’s hot gift, hoping that it was still in stock?

  There are some Christmas gifts that everyone needs and you don’t have to shop for them. They’re so basic and so longed for, yet too often overlooked. Here are some “hot gifts” that are always needed.

  Give grace. Christmas tends to bring out our inner Hallmark, yet it’s a sin-filled world where lots of bad stuff happens. To add to that many of us come from broken families or there’s fragmentation in our current one. For many, it’s “The Nightmare before Christmas.” Our parents may be divorced or not getting along. Our children, even adult ones, are divided. Perhaps a loved one died this past year leaving an empty space at the table. Many have been invited to a dysfunctional family situation to “celebrate.” All the gifts in the world won’t put a nice bow on that trainwreck.  

  Yet, the real Christmas is not about what is happening but because of what has happened. That first Christmas was far from perfect. Humanly speaking, it was a disaster. Mary and Joseph are away from home because the government wanted more tax money. Then, Bethlehem was more crowded than a mall on Christmas Eve. The only place where Mary could give birth to her baby was a dirty stable.

  But that happening changed everything. It’s why the angels announced to some poor shepherds that there was “peace on earth” because the Prince of Peace had come. Life on this messed up world would never be the same.

  This year instead of being disappointed because your family looks more like the McCallisters’ from Home Alone fame than Tiny Tim’s, or because of irreconcilable differences the family won’t be together, or because of the economy there are fewer gifts and a smaller meal, remember that’s not what Christmas is about. It’s not about what’s happening. Christmas is about what happened 2,000 years ago when the promised Messiah came.

  Give love. We, humans, tend to give what we’re given. If we don’t receive love, we often don’t give it. We treat others the way we’re treated.

  Yet, if you’ve experienced God’s love, if you’ve trusted Christ as your Savior, then you’ve personally experienced undeserved love. As the hymn goes: “I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene and wonder how He could love me, a sinner condemned, unclean.” Every believer who looks in the mirror has that same question – How could Jesus love me? We know ourselves. We know how unworthy we are. We know how unworthy we are of His sacrifice on the cross for us. But still He came and still He went to the cross. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” As God has given love to us, we are to give love to others…no strings attached.

  We are to love our families. It doesn’t matter if you had the worst father and mother of all time – you’re still to love them. Even if your spouse mistreats you, you’re still to love them. That sibling who’s been cruel and mean to you as long as you can remember…yes, you’re to love them, too.  

  We are to love our spiritual family. It doesn’t matter if someone is Lutheran, Presbyterian, Baptist, Non-Denominational, or Catholic – if they’ve committed their lives to Christ and are trusting Him as the only way to heaven (John 14:6), they’re brothers and sisters in Christ. We are to love them. There is no place for a “holy war” in God’s family. It doesn’t matter if they’re from a different ethnic group or of a different political persuasion. Economically, we may have nothing in common. None of that matters because it’s level ground at the foot of the cross.

  In what was known as the “love feast” in the church at Corinth, there were those from every tribe and nation. Slaves and masters, Jews and Gentiles ate side by side. The Bible says that if we say we love God and don’t love our brother or sister, then we’re liars (1 John 4:20-21). You simply can’t love God and not love your brothers and sisters in Christ.

  We are to love our enemies. We are only asked to do what our Lord did when He prayed, “Father forgive them” from the cross. Over a dozen times the Bible commands us to love our enemies.

  The first fruit of the Spirit is love. God intends for us to be channels of His love even to those who hate us. He never promised it would be easy. He did though promise us grace to obey His command and love them.

  In his book How Small a Whisper, Roger Carswell relates an amazing story of a Christian family's response to tragedy. In May 1987, 39 American seamen were killed in the Persian Gulf when an Iraqi pilot hit their ship, the USS Stark, with a missile. Newspapers carried a picture of the son of one of these seamen, a shy five-year-old boy, John Kiser. He was standing with his hand on his heart as his father's coffin was loaded onto a plane to take him back to the U.S.A.

  His mother said, “I don't have to mourn or wear black, because I know my husband is in heaven. I am happy, because I know he is better off."

  Later on, she and young John sent a letter and an Arabic New Testament to the pilot of the Iraqi plane, addressed to: “The man who attacked the Stark, Dad's ship, in the hope that it will show that even the son and the wife do not hold any grudge and are at the same time praying for the one who took the life of our father.” How is such love possible? It’s from the God of love, the One who sent His Son as the first Christmas gift.

  I wouldn’t buy Burnt Hair perfume, yet we can give gifts that everyone wants and needs. Let’s give grace and let’s give love! It’s because of what has happened that God has called us to do for others what He did for us. 

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

There are no orphans of God

 

“There are no strangers
There are no outcasts

There are no orphans of God

So many fallen, but hallelujah

There are no orphans of God.”  Avalon

 

In twelve months between 2007 and 2008, Christopher Buckley coped with the passing of his father, William F. Buckley, father of the modern conservative movement, and his mother, Patricia Taylor Buckley, one of New York's most glamorous and colorful socialites. Christopher was their only child and their relationship was close and complicated. As he tells the story of their final year together in his book, Losing Mum and Pup, one thought particularly struck me after the loss of both. He shares the heartbreaking and disorienting feeling of becoming a 55-year-old orphan.  By Buckley’s definition, many of us are also “orphans.”
  The holidays bring back the hurt and memory of those losses. Personally, I shake my head at those who flippantly say, “you’ll get over it.” The pain may grow dull, yet it’s still there and always will be. Yet, one of the great soul medicines for the child of God is the simple biblical reality – I am a child of God. If you have been born-again, you have a Heavenly Father that you can never lose and you will never be an orphan in the family of God.
  Old Testament Jews didn’t know God as Father. God as our Father is a wonderful New Testament reality that’s only made possible because God’s Son, Jesus paid our sin debt and we’re now “adopted” into God’s forever family. As we move into the holidays, let’s walk through the rich blessings that believers have now that God is our Father. They’re some of the most encouraging truths in God’s Word.

  He’s not just my Father, He’s Daddy. The word Abba is an Aramaic word that means “Father.” It was a common term that expressed affection, confidence, and trust. Abba signifies the close, intimate relationship of a father and child, as well as the childlike trust that a young child puts in his or her “daddy.” Being an adopted child of God is the source of great hope and security. Our holy and righteous God, who created and sustains all things, who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and ever-present, gives us the privilege of calling Him “Daddy” or Papa.” What an awesome privilege! What amazing grace that God would love us so much!
  In a world of fragmented families, it brings healing. God has designed us so that a child needs a father. Yet in our broken world, many either don’t have one, or their biological one is abusive or absent. Knowing that we have God as our Father and that He will always be there and never mistreat us or walk out on us, brings healing. We are secure in the love of our Abba Father for all of eternity.
  Our Heavenly Father is always available. God never has a packed calendar. He is always there and always available at any and every moment! He’s never too busy or preoccupied. He never gets tired or sleeps. He never even takes a nap. He is constantly watching over us. Our Heavenly Father is accessible at any moment, 24/7, 365 days a year. Prayer is our direct line to God and He never puts us on hold.
  We never have to earn our Heavenly Father’s love. Perhaps you felt that you had to earn a parent’s love and respect by accomplishing great things to make them accept you or be proud of you. Our Heavenly Father is not like that. Romans 5:8 tells us that “God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” In other words, even when we were a mess, although we still blow it, though we will never measure up and are oblivious to Him and His love, God the Father sent His Son to die for us. It’s unconditional, sacrificial love. It’s unlike anything we will experience on this earth. God is a Father who chooses to love us and we didn’t do a thing to earn it, but mess up!
  Our Heavenly Father is always approachable. Our Heavenly Father is never in a bad mood. He is never too tired, too busy or too distracted for His children. When you’re in a relationship with His Son, Jesus, you have total access to your Father’s ear, His heart, and focused attention. Hebrews 4:16 says that we can “draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” 
  Our Heavenly Father will never write us off or walk out on us. If you are His child, there is not anything that you can do – nothing evil or bad enough – to make Him stop loving you. Since there was nothing you could ever do to earn your Father’s love, there is nothing you can ever do to lose it. As Romans 8:38-39 says, “Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” In other words, no circumstance, seen or unseen power, person, action, or inaction on your part can separate you from God’s love. That’s powerful. It's also a promise that only our Heavenly Father has the power to fulfill.
  Every person on this earth who claims to love you and never leave you will still be separated from you (at least temporarily) through their death or yours. God’s Word promises that even in death there will be no separation from our Father’s love – ever.
  Our Heavenly Father knows everything about us and still chose to love us. We will never surprise our Heavenly Father. He knows things about us that no one else knows. He knows us intimately. To be safe and known intimately is one of our deepest needs. Sometimes we hide who we really are because of fear of rejection or because someone may lose interest in us when they discover who we really are. Yet, the Bible says that our Heavenly Father already knows it all and still loves us and always will!
  In this world, we may be orphans but when we’re part of God’s family, we have a Heavenly Father we can never lose and He will never lose us! 

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address. 

I'm Offended!!

 

“People who wish to be offended 

will always find some occasion for taking offense.”  John Wesley

 It seems every day someone or some group is reported to be offended. Inadvertently someone says something or violates a new cultural faux pas and finds themselves engulfed by an inferno of micro-aggressions. 

  For example, recently I read that the color of park ranger uniforms is considered racist, at least by one group. This will probably be offensive to someone yet I find myself rolling my eyes at such absurdity. Yet, it’s not only the cultural elite who can be thin-skinned. Too often it’s us – Christians, who are needlessly offended. Recently, I found myself rolling my eyes at a well-meaning Christian who got their nose out of joint.

  The World and Everything in It podcast carried a story about poet, Ann Porter, who wasn’t published until very late in life when she was in her eighties. It was a great story of someone in their twilight years that persevered and used their talent and was published. BUT one listener was offended that the story focused on her age and not that Porter was also a wife and mother. They felt motherhood was dissed because the story failed to mention it. This listener e-mailed:

  “I am a stay-at-home mom homeschooling or doing distance ed with my children, I feel even more discouraged when I hear a philosophical statement that implies that this lady poet didn’t find or fulfill her calling until she got her poems published in her 80s. What does that say about what I’m investing my life in?”

  Executive producer, Paul Butler, graciously responded: “We did not intend in any way to suggest that Ann Porter had missed her calling until she was 80 years old. Or that being a poet was somehow more important than being a parent. What we intended to communicate was that even at 80 years old, when our society tends to push our seniors to the margins and silence them, God still had work for her to do.” Butler answered well. I’d have been tempted to not be so gracious. The bottom line is that those who want to be easily offended probably will be.

  My good friend and fellow pastor, Vic Koshir, like most leaders would find himself periodically caught in the crosshairs of offending someone. Vic cynically concluded: “If there is no possible way that anyone could possibly be offended, be assured that someone will be.” And while there are things that are offensive, too many of us in the Church are oversensitive and too easily offended. As believers who have been forgiven so much and shown so much grace, we should be those who are not easily offended.

  The core reason a believer is easily offended is that they don’t truly understand grace. Scripture is so lucid – those who know how much that they have been forgiven, forgive much. It’s difficult to say that you know Jesus as your Savior when you do not forgive and act graciously as He did.  

  The soft spot for most of us, like that offended Mom, is our pride. Most of us have a list of heinous sins. Pride should yet rarely makes our list.

  As we move into the holiday season, bygone family wounds have a way of resurfacing. Many of us will be in close proximity to those who know our often not-so-wonderful history. Tales of adolescent buffoonery often are reshared for the enjoyment of all, except the “victim.” Things will be said that if a coworker or friend said the same, would be overlooked. Yet, because it’s a family member and because there are often other unresolved issues, it becomes a conflict even the United Nations couldn’t fix.

  So how can work to not be easily offended?

  Start with not being offensive. If something doesn’t need to be said or pointed out, it shouldn’t be. The world won’t grind to a halt if the gravy is lumpy or the pumpkin pie is cracked. If things don’t start on time or someone is tardy, it’s not a crisis. And please don’t parent someone else’s child, even if it’s your grandchild. Unless something is going to be broken or someone will be injured, silence is golden. Politics are appetite-killer subjects, even if everyone agrees.

  Allow most of life to be indifferent to you. Someone’s bad mood isn’t about you. Someone’s off-color humor is better ignored. If you’re overlooked or neglected, it isn’t even about you. It’s about them. This way, less in life will offend you and your joy will be much less fleeting too. After all, others are entitled to their opinion. So let them have it cheerfully yet choose to not let them have your opinion.

  Be the grateful, affirming one. Be thankful you were invited. Even if it’s your parent's home, once you’re an adult they don’t owe you anything. Remember that someone took the time and money to make the preparations, so thank them. Notice the seemingly little things like decorations or how the table is set. Someone had to go out and purchase the turkey and make the menu items. It may have been very intimidating for them. They may not feel that they are a proficient cook.

  Determine to be a person of praise and encouragement. Ours is a negative culture that’s quick to point out fault, yet slow to affirm. As believers, we’re to be different. Be the one that everyone is glad is there!

  Be Jesus. A verse that I pray often that God will make true in my life is Philippians 1:21, “For to me to live is Christ…” Yet I must confess that too often, “For to me to live is Scott” is the outcome. Yet, when Jesus rescued me from my sin, He made me His ambassador (2 Corinthians 5:20). I want to represent Him well. I’m dependent on His power and grace to accomplish that. Thankfully it’s readily available to every believer.

  So this season (really all of the year) be Jesus! Be a person of generous grace! Overlook most of what’s not worth being noticed and certainly not worth being offended over. You and I have been forgiven so much and shown so much undeserved grace. Let’s share that grace we’ve been given!

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address

Does anyone really know what time it is?

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins…Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.”  Henry Cloud

 Years ago one of my favorite music groups, Chicago, had a hit song: Does anybody really know what time it is? Apparently not. Particularly if you’re part of the United States government. That’s because recently the Department of Transportation discovered that the U.S. has no official map marking out where one time zone begins and another ends. Officials are now at work creating a map of the nation’s time zone boundaries. 

  A clear map of time zones is important. Think of how much of our lives are oriented by time. As time zone boundaries are important, so are boundaries in life.

  Many of our problems in life and in our relationships are boundary problems. God knows that we need boundaries. It’s why so much of God’s Word sets clear ones. The most familiar set of commands in the Bible, the Ten Commandments, are God’s boundaries.

  A boundary is a “dividing line.” In geography, a boundary marks the end of one property and the beginning of another. In interpersonal relationships, a boundary is what divides one individual from another, so that each can have separate identities, responsibilities, and privileges. Boundaries create necessary “space” between individuals. Healthy boundaries define expectations and show respect for others.

  Personal boundaries help to limit our sinful and selfish inclination to control or manipulate others. They protect us from those who have little or no self-control and wish to control us. A person with clear, healthy boundaries communicates to others what is and is not permissible, saying, in effect, “This is my line. Please respect it and do not step over it.”

  Boundaries can be used in healthy ways or sinful ways. The way to know which boundaries are godly is to examine your motives. Are you protecting yourself or someone weaker from potential harm, either emotional or physical? If so, you’re setting healthy boundaries. Yet, if you’re maintaining distance because you desire to exclude someone, that’s sinful. Boundaries that maintain cliques or limit ministry opportunities are wrong.

  Boundaries keep us secure.  When we go outside of the boundaries God has established and pursue sinful things of this world, we run the risk of impairing our relationship with God and the consequences that come from doing so. There’s a price if we fail to maintain good boundaries.

  Boundaries keep us strong. Not overextending ourselves, making sure we have time and energy to care for ourselves, and needs like rest, exercise, and proper nutrition, help us maintain our health. It enables us to have the strength to serve the Lord in our own space when we aren’t overstepping and invading the spaces of others or allowing them to invade ours.  

  Boundaries keep us sane. When we overextend, say for example, financially, we will suffer from anxiety and stress. And that’s just one area. There’s a price if we don’t maintain healthy boundaries.

  Too often relationships are contaminated and fraught with frustration because of a lack of boundaries. While the Bible teaches that we’re to be loving and kind, God doesn’t want us to be a doormat. Giving yourself permission and having a sense of personal boundaries are vital for spiritual, mental, emotional and relational health. Healthy boundaries are needed in every area of life. Yet, as enter into the holiday season, let me touch on a few that all of us will need to work through during the next few months.

  We must find and maintain the needed boundaries of marriage. When God created marriage, He set up clear boundaries. Genesis 2:25 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” But what father and mother? Adam and Eve were the first couple and didn’t have parents. They were created by God. God though was laying out a boundary for future marriages and homes, one that’s so important it’s repeated three other times in Scripture (Matthew 19:3; Mark 10:7; Ephesians 5:31). Without clear boundaries for a marriage, a couple will suffer from outside contaminants.  

  For example, you can’t go to every party or event that you’re invited to or every family gathering. Sadly, some in-laws use “emotional blackmail” – “But we’ve always done Christmas Eve at our home.” You are now a new family and need to do what is best for your marriage and family, not what gives an overzealous in-law some warm Hallmark Christmas feeling.

  We must respect the needed boundaries of our children. Children need roots and wings. Boundaries are vital in parenting. Setting healthy limits for children protect them, yet unhealthy ones can be controlling and selfish. Boundaries should guide a child to become the individual God created him or her to be. They allow them to develop an identity separate from their parents within the safety of their family. Without a clear identity, people “vanish” into other people or expect them not to have any differences.

  And adult children must be treated as adults or they will continue to act childish. Adults make their own decisions.. work a job, and pay their bills. If they make a decision that has consequences, they need to face the consequences. Sometimes a parent can assist yet not rescue.

  If a parent continually rescues their adult child or enables poor choices, they’re not helping them mature into adulthood. Boundaries teach them to turn to their Heavenly Father who knows their true needs rather than rescuing, overzealous parents.

  These lines are not always clear. It’s why parents need God’s wisdom (James 1:5), yet that needs to be the goal as parents.

  As the U.S. needs clear time zones, each of us needs healthy boundaries. God holds us accountable for our lives. We must learn now to take responsibility for our own life and allow others to live theirs.

  Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. As we see our need for self-control, we’ll take responsibility for our own actions and not encroach on others. We’ll seek the Lord’s help for growth in this vital character trait. Boundaries are an outcome of submitting to God’s will and He will enable us to make godly choices. 

Can we help you spiritually? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.